Fermin, inggit na inggit sa mala-diyosang kagandahan ni Greta

HAHAHAHA! The aging entertainment columnist/teevee host named Cristinelli Salazar Fermin is once again consumed by hideous envy. She is once again writing some very snide commentaries about the glamorous Ms. Gretchen Barreto in her cheap columns. Hahahaha!

Ang mga tayutay at talata…bow! Hahaha!

Puwede bra pantyline make it brief, matagal nang nawala sa uso ang mga bukeke mo just like your face. Hahaha!

Anyway, ang topic na naman ni Fermin sa kanyang column ay ang mga pagbabagong nakatakdang gawin daw sa mukha ni La Greta the very moment she gets to hug the limelight once again.

Makilala pa raw kaya ito ng kanyang mga tagasubaybay? Hahaha!

Knowing La Greta raw to be exceedingly meticulously particular and vain about her looks, she’s positive that she’ll be beyond recognition. Hahahaha!

Hay, naku! it’s her life, Lola. She can do anything and everything she wants with it and these are beyond you already.

Your main problem is not what she can do with her face and body but what you must do to enhance your too plebeian face and inordinately prominent stomach. Hakhakhak!

Ang laki-laki ng tiyanetch mo, Lola, you need a thorough liposuction. Hahaha!

Dapat, nararapat at karapat-dapat lang! Hahaha!

On top of that, you too should avail of a good nose job so that you would look cinematically takable on cam.

Cinematically takable on cam daw, o! Hahahahaha!

How gross!

Also, I strongly suggest that you put a stop on your hackneyed and antiquated tagalog and keep abreast with the times at least.

You don’t need to speak English if that’s anathema to you, just let go of those hackneyed Tagalog phrases and you’ll be fine. 1983 nang ma-meet kita, lola, and yet you never seemed to have updated your writing skills and vocabulary.

The very reason why your show is being inordinately avoided like a plague by ad men and televiewers alike is the fact that your Tagalog hasn’t improved one bit.

Do something about your spoken Tagalog, along with your dentures (dentures raw, o! Hakhakhak!), not to mention the good nose job that I’ve been meaning you to have, and you’ll be fine.

Put a stop also to your very hideous appetite and let go of those unattractive bulges in your roly-poly figure and you’ll see, life will become a lot better. Lola. Hahahaha!

Ayaw ni Gerry Oliva nang ganyan! Hindi rin feel ni Amben na mas seksi pa siya sa ‘yo at deplorable para kay Babes ang makitang parang lomod ka na sa katabaan. Hakhakhak!

***

Babaeng komedyante, ginagawang palabigasan si Mayor

HAHAHAHA! Kalukring naman ang drama ng di kagandahang lalakeng comedian na ‘to na minsan’y naging sensational figure rin sa laranagan ng comedy flicks.

Imagine, okay naman ang kanyang earnings sa isang datungerong network na karamiha’y mga resounding flops ang ratings ng mga shows (Hahaha!) but for some highly baffling reasons, he seems to be perennially in need of dough.

Why is that so?

Ang totoo nga niyan, freakout na raw sa kanya ang isang town mayor sa Nueva Ecija dahil nililinggo-linggo niya sa kahihingi ng bigas. Hahaha!

Ano ba ‘yan, pare? (Pare raw, o! Hahaha!) Bigas lang, you need to travel all the way to Nueva Ecija just to get some? Hahaha!

Ang cheap naman.

Ang nakatatawa pa, dahil feeling gwaping at daks ang parang si Pongang comedian na ‘to, may pinag-aral na nursing student na buong akala niya’y head over heels in love sa kanya.

Ang kaso, right after graduation, tinuwaran siya nito ensegueda.

Ensegueda raw, o! Hahahaha!

With a face like that, Bubonika, you should not be expecting miracles. Hahahaha!

***

Pa-tweetums on cam, super maldita off cam

VERYamusing naman ang chikang nakarating sa atin in connection with the supposedly real identity of this wholesome imaged young lady who’s related to a famous and veritably affluent politician who is said to be uncouth and catty off cam.

Anyway, in case you guys are not aware, ang mga bodyguards na usually ay assigned sa mga politicians ay karaniwang mga military men.

To make a long story short, the one who was designated to our young lady was a newly grad PMA.

Dahil sa ma-appeal, niligawan (yes, you read it right, siya ang nanligaw sa ombre and not the other way around) talaga siya ng spoiled brat na girlalu at dahil sa gandara rin ito at fresh, okay agad ang ombre.

Ang kaso, he was forewarned by some well-meaning friends that he was supposedly committing the biggest blunder in his life in having a relationship with the young miss.

The realization that he was treading on dangerous grounds had made him wary and scared.

Kapag nalaman daw kasi ng fadir ay tiyak na lagot siya. Hahaha!

Anyway, doble kara raw talaga ang girlalu dahil on cam ay the paradigm of sweetness and always talking in Tagalog but off-cam, she hurls invectives using vulgar words in English. Hahaha!

Carry n’yo ‘yan?

‘Yun na!

Send in those sizzling stories that you guys know about our fave movie people at my email ad pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com or at my cell numbers (#09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129) and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

loading...

About Thor

You must be logged in to post a comment Login

Leave a Reply