Show ni Ferminatex, nalipat na naman ng bagong timeslot (hahaha!)

HAHAHAHA! How uproariously funny!
From 4 in the afternoon, nalipat sa 3 p.m. ang show ni Ferminatex. Bigla tuloy naming naalala ang shocked expression daw ni Ruffa Gutierrez nang may mag-guest sa kanilang show at i-promote ang show nito na 4 p.m. raw ang airing. Hahaha!
The fabulously beautiful and talented daughter of Madam Annabelle Rama could not believe what she was hearing.
It was only when she learned of their show’s new timeslot that she was able to understand the veracity of what their guest was talking about.
Anyway, hindi pa nga nag-iinit ang show nila sa bagong timeslot nito, hayan at in-announce raw ni Pareng Willie Revillame the other day sa kanyang show (this one’saccording to Peter L.’s narrative) na may bago na namang timeslot ito (1:30 p.m.). Hahahaha!
Is that really true, Ferminatex?
May bago na naman bang timeslot ang Sunday show ninyo? Hahaha!
What’s happening out there? Is the show being affected by your exceedingly negative aura? Hahaha!
You really are a blight, Lola. A pestilence.
Kapag nasalihan mo ang isang show, daig pa ang dinapurak ito ng sanlaksang sumpa. Hahahaha!
The TV 5 people must have come to realize by now the extent of their folly when they took the very expensive Ferminatex in lieu of our barya baryang talent fees. Hahahaha!
Imagine, the three of us (Morly, Rey, and yours truly) were paid a pittance while Fermin is now being paid a ridiculously big sum amounting to half a million per show when she’s nothing but a big resounding flop. Hahahaha!
Is that sound business sense, Mr. Perci Intalan? Hahahahaha!
And to think that we had quite an impressive ad placements then. Hahahahaha!
E, si Ferminatex, meron ba? Hakhakhak!
Unfortunately, she’s already been anchoring the show with Shalalaletch for more than a year now and yet there is absolutely no ROI ( return of investment). Hahahahaha! Don’t you guys find it idiotically amusing? Hahahahahaha!
Nakahihiya! Reyna raw ng intrega, I mean, Intriga pala, pero wala namang nagkakamaling maglagay ni isang ad sa kanila. Hahahahaha!
How cheap! Hahaha!
‘Yan ba ang binabayaran n’yo ng half a million sa bawat programa niya gayong wala namang ginawa kundi ihambalang sa camera ang kanyang pagkalaki-laking tiyanetch, along with her pugnose and super urong na dentures na halos umaalog-alog na while she’s talking in her horrible and veritably despicable Tagalog?
Hahahaha!
Hindi kaya inuuntog na ni Mr. Perci Intalan ang kanyang ulo sa semento dahil siya ang promotor sa pagkuha sa inaamag na sa sementeryong hosting prowess ni Ferminata? Hahahahahaha!
Asikasuhin mo na lang kasi si Papa Willie at nakasisiguro akong mas malaki pa ang iyong kikitain. Hahahahahaha!
At least si Willie, may arrive sa mga otawzing. Ikaw, alaws na, lola.
Magnganga ka na lang kaya at baka gumanda pa ang career mo. Hahahahahaha!
Babushka! Hahahahahaha!
Pagawa mo na kasi ang dentures mo at urung na urong na ito. Hahaha!

SHOW NI VICE GANDA NILAMPASO ANG COMEDY SHOW NI MARIANITA

Hahahaha! Para na ring si Ferminata ang arrive nitong si Marianita Lukresya these days.
Imagine, kasama pa niya ang global personality na si Manny Pacquiao pero pinakakain sila ng alikabok ng show ni Vice-Ganda sa Abs Cbn. Hahahaha!
Nagpi-feeling sikat kasi itong si Lola Marianita L. kaya napahiya talaga nang todo nang lumabas ang latest rating sa Kantar Media kung saan 7% lang ang nakuhang  rating nila as compared to Magandang Gabi, Vice na nakagetlag ng perfectly impressive na 27%.
Pa’no na ‘yan, Marianita…di kaya 5% lang ang makuha ng iyong Mamaya Na the moment it premieres on national television? Hahahahaha!
No wonder, you seem to be on a perpetual diet for fear that Glaiza de Castro might exclipse you ignominiously. Hahahahaha!
Imagine, lola, 20 something palang ito gayung 35 years old ka na…Hahahahaha!
Baka maulit na naman ang nangyari sa inyo sa Darna ni Iwa Moto na kinakatakutan mo rin nang labis-labis dahil halatang freshness ang beauty niya on cam while you look a lot older. Hahahahaha!
I-employ man ng GMA-7 ang da best make-up artist in town, to no avail pa rin dahil even when heavily foundationed, your real age shines through.
Your real age shines through daw, o! Hahahahahaha!
Iba ang bata, lola, even without the benefit of too much make-up, they still look delectably  fresh and good. Hahahaha!
Kapag llebo tres na ang babae as in your case, you need lights, lola. Hahaha!
But then, not even all the lights in the world can hide your biological age because the camera is a most perceptive and sensitive medium. Hahahahahaha!
Kita mo nga’t minsan e halatang-halata na ang kagurangan mo dahil patung-patong na ang eyebags mo. Hahahahaha!
Magtanong ka nga pala kay Sam Pinto kung ano ang sekreto ng kanyang kagandahan at walang kapantay na kasariwaan. Hahahahahaha!
But then, she doesn’t have any secret because she is beautiful the natural way and youth is her advantage. One thing that you don’t have anymore. Hahahaha!
Kapag gurang ka na, mahahalata rin ‘yun sa camera kahit na pinaka-expensive make-up pa ang gamitin mo. Gets mo, Lola?
There is no substitute for the sweet bird of youth, my dear. Always bear that in mind.
Period. Ayoko ng lola. Hahahahaha!
Inumin mo nga pala ‘yung ini-endorso ni Sam na pangpa-slim para di ka na nangangarag sa kada-diet chuvanes. Hahahahahahaha!
Any moment, himatayin ka pa sa set ng Mamaya Na oras na mag-routine ka na ever. Hahahahaha!

DATING WHOLESOME-IMAGED ACTRESS PUMAPATOL NA SA CALLBOY?

Shakira naman ang kumakalat na chica tungkol sa isang dati-rati’y saksakan ng ganda at flawless na aktres na ngayo’y nagkaka-edad na.
Manatakin mo ba namang natsitsikang go galore raw sila ng amiga niyang aging actor na rin sa isang gay bar para mag-watch ng mga sariwang nota (sariwang nota raw, o! Hakhakhak!).
Jesus H. Christ! When she was younger, this shocking bit of news would certainly make her late mom have an epileptic attack. Hahahaha!
People indeed change with time and I feel nothing but pity and emphaty for this mature actress who, during her youth, was one of Tinsel Town’s prettiest.
Hindi kasi siya nakapag-ipon kaya nawalan ng direksiyon ang kanyang buhay.
Imagine, kung anu-ano ang pinapasok niya para magkapera pero ang ending ay lagi na lang siyang natitimbog.
How sad.
Send in those sizzling stories that you guys know about our fave movie people at my email ad pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com or at my cell numbers #09994269588 and #09276557791 and read them here at your fave tabloid.
And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.
Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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