Walang kapantay ang husay sa churvahan

KAHIT pala sandamukal na ang chicks ng sikat na personalidad na ‘to, for him this not-so-young sexy star is still the best of them all when you speak of her unmatched sexual prowess. Hahaha! Tumitirik daw talaga ang kanyang mga mata kapag naghi-helicopter na ang malamang girlalu at ginagawa na ang kanyang expertise which is fellatio. Hahaha!

Sa totoo, no woman supposedly compares with her fabulous sexual technique that’s been honed through the years. No wonder, the beautiful but catty-eyed wife of this global personality is allegedly perennially on her toes and is neverending in her pursuit for that highly elusive fountain of youth. Hahaha!

Ang siyete, pinatikim na naman daw ng girlalu ang isang gurang na produ ng kanyang fabled sexual expertise kaya binigyan na naman siya nito ng break sa kanyang movie outfit. Hahaha!

Carry n’yo ‘yan?

Ikaw na ang maging singhusay niya sa kama, di ba naman?

Small wonder why she gets paid a cool one million by this global personality for an hour or two of supposedly mind-blowing sex. Hahaha!

Bagama’t nagkaroon na rin ng involvement sa ibang chicks ang sikat na personalidad, dito siya bumabalik-balik sa tabain pero flawless na babaing ito for some reasons that you now already know. Hahahahaha!

She may not be a young dish anymore as compared to the other women who are all dying to get under the pants of this global personality, but her sexual expertise is something for the books. Hahaha!

Tumitirik daw talaga ang mga mata ng gurangis at may halitosis na produ the very moment the Xavierra Hollander of the Philippines starts to weave her incomparable magic in bed. Hahahahaha!

Sadly though, her fabled expertise in bed is not enough for her to find an ideal mate. Lagi na lang siyang lumuluha dahil di siya siniseryoso ng mga lalake.

A sex object is what she’s perennially going to be.

Kawawa naman.

Well, ganyan talaga. You win some, you lose some.

***

Bunonika, nagtilam-tilam sa isang mahusay na aktres

SO pathetic naman itong si Bubonika, the AC/DC matrona who, I thought, had already changed and is now a celibate tsaka. A celibate tsaka raw, o! Hahahahaha!

All the while pala, she was still very much into her womanizing ways and had recently courted a prim and proper character actress who had a baby with her husband prior to their celebrated parting of ways. Hahaha!

Ang kaso, nang bumirada na raw si Bubog, nilagarto kaagad siya ng sweet-imaged young woman na she was not purportedly into this woman-to-woman thing or lesbianism in the straightforward lingo of the women of today. Hahaha!

Timbog si Bubogski. Hahaha!

With a face like that, who would have the temerity to indulge in a freaking kind of relationship with her? Hahaha!

Butata si Lola. Wawa naman. Huhuhu!

Balikan mo na lang kasi si Amben, Inay. Siya ang tunay na nagmamahal sa’yo. Hahaha!

Period. Ayoko ng tsaka. Hahaha!

***

Marianita, lola na lang ni Sam Pinto

HAHAHAHA! Nagmaganda raw sa presscon ng soap niyang Mamaya Na (Mamaya Na raw, o! Hahaha!) ang trenta y singko ng si Marianita. Oo nga’t poor third na lang daw siya sa FHM popularity contest pero mas maganda naman daw siya sa iba roon, particularly kay Sam Pinto.

Really? Are you out of your mind, Lola Marianita? Mas maganda kang di hamak kay Fermin, da sarat ang ilong na lola, but with Sam, honey, tita ka na lang niya kahit na mag-diet ka pa to-the-max on a day-to-day basis. Hahahahaha!

Look at your face without make-up? Di ba’t duling-duling ka? Bwahahahaha!

‘Nga pala, put a stop to your senseless dieting ‘coz you’re already losing the much needed nutrients that your body hankers for. Hahahaha!

Hayan at humpak-humpakan na ang pisngi mo at wala ka ng katas kaya napapabalita tuloy na nawawalan na raw ng gana sa ‘yo si Dingdong

Could it be true, maleducated, lola? Hahaha!

Anyway, Sam is not going to stoop to your cheap level because she is inordinately educated and her mom happens to be a much sought-after lawyer. Hahaha!

Did you hear me, grannie? A much sought-after lawyer, hindi pinabili lang ng suka ha? De kampanilyang abugado kaya talagang edukada at may breeding at pinag-aralan.

Ikaw, where did you study? Punuin mo man ng naglalakihang brilyante (brilyante ha? di diamante…baka umandar na naman ang kawalan mo ng edukasyon at tawagin mong diamante ang brilyante…Hahahaha!) ang buong katawan mo, it’s not going to change the fact that you’re uncouth and cavalier.

Now, would you know what I’m alluding at? Hahahaha!

Hayaan mo kasing ibang tao ang pumuri sa ‘yo at di ganyang ikaw mismo ang nagbubuhat ng bangko mo.

‘Nga pala, magbati man kayo ni Ferminata, da tsakang lola, it’s not going to change a thing.

Not a thing, honey, you hear me? Hindi ka niya kayang ipagtanggol dahil……fill in the blanks na lang, lola Maldita.

Hahahaha!

Going back to Sam, sariwa siya at totoong sosyal at di tulad mong sosyal-sosyalan lang pero wah breeding talaga.

Hahahahahahaha! In the final analysis, the young men of today with good breeding and education would choose her over you.

Matanda ka na nga, wala ka pang pinagkatandaan. Hahahahaha!

Go to Ferminata, lola, and tell her what I told you.

Magtulung-tulong man kayong dalawa, sisiw kayo sa akin dahil I speak of the truth at di ako plastic na tulad n’yong dalawa. Hahahahaha!

Nagbabait-baitan, o, impakta namang talaga o aswang in real life. Di ba naman, Bela Padilla?

Come on, speak up young lady. Tell the whole fuc..ng world what this diabolical woman did to you some two or three months ago on the set of the soap you did together.

Tell them please how she managed to scare the hell out of you by way of her uncouth language and fiendish actuations.

Sa totoo, paganahin man ng GMA ang buo nilang task force, they could never change the fact that you’re a wicked bitch who thrives on making life miserable for the little people in the industry.

And that’s for a fact!

Kumain ka na nga pala dahil baka mahimatay ka sa soap mong Mamaya Na dahil nangangalirang ka na sa kapayatan.  Hahahahaha!

Iba ang ang katawan ng mga batang tulad nina Sam Pinto at Bela Padilla, lola.

Go and ask Ferminata and she’ll tell the same thing. Hahahahaha!

Ngayon palang, nakikiramay na ako sa pag-flop ng fantasy soap mo na ang mga nota ang binibenta at hindi na ikaw for fear na baka hindi ito kumita. Hahahahaha!

How grossly insulting!

Mamaya Na raw kasi dahil baka maging nega ang soap opera. Hahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you guys know about our fave movie people at my email ad pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com or at my cell numbers #09994269588 and #09276557791.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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