Ferminata inakusahang ‘esp’ writing daw ang style ng Remate gayung siya ang orig na esp writer!

HAHAHA! How amusing naman this aging entertainment columnist/teevee host named Ferminata, the lomodic lola tsaka. Hahahahaha!

Imagine, buong ningning daw itong nag-dialog in a highly caustic manner sa kanyang ratingless radio show na di raw siya nagbabasa ng Remate tabloid for the simple reason na mga esp writings raw ang karaniwang nababasa rito.

Ows? Really, Lola? Hahaha!

How dare you accuse us of something we have never done in our whole life. Hahaha!

Bakit ba ang gawain mo ay binabato mo sa amin, huh?

Looking back, and this was some 25 years ago, you were definitely the proponent of esp writing. Hahaha!

Deny it and you’re going to die a horrible death, grannie. Hahaha!

Hindi bat Bibsy Estrella ang isa sa mga pen names mo noon sa publication na iyong pinagrereynahan? Hakhakhak!

At kapag sinusulat mo na ang mga fantasy articles mo, tumitingala ka sa kisame at umuusok talaga ang makinilya mo sa pagtitipa-tipa galore ng mga articles na mga butiki sa kisame ang iyong subjects. Hahahaha! Did I hit the nail right on its head Nelia Santos? Hahahahahahaha!

Bago mo ako akusahang fantasy writer, manalamin ka muna and the aging plebeian face staring back at you is the undisputed esp queen of the writing industry itself. Hakhakhak! Ikaw ‘yun at wala nang iba pa.

How gross! Hahaha!

If you already forgot, you were the reason behind the parting of ways of the hottest tandem of showbizlandia during the mid and late 80s, Rey Abellana and Leni Santos respectively. Hakhakhak!

Poor people, they were veritable victims of your diabolically written articles that flagrantly qouted them saying some cavalier lines that came from the figment of your highly fertile imagination. Hakhakhak!

Ide-deny mo ba ito? Go ahead, do it, Nelia Santos. Hakhakhak!

Tapos ngayon, you have the brazenness to accuse me of writing esp entries in my reputable columns? Hahaha!

Shame on you dear. Huwag mo ngang binibintang sa akin ang mga cheapanggang gawain mo because I have always been truthful with myself since I started out in this crazy business more than two decades ago. Hahahaha!

Kaya nga ako nadedemanda because I tend to be most truthful in my writings.

Kuha mo? Hahahahahaha!

Sige nga, i-deny mo ngang di kayo nag-on ni Amben when you were still in the province. Hakhakhak! Ang kawawang tiburciang ginawa mong trabahadora sa nalugi mong publication…bow!

Hahaha! Also, refute the entries in my columns that you had a most intimate sexual relationship with Babes and Oliva. Hahahahahaha!

Ang dela-dela…bow! Cunnilingus vagah! Hahahaha!

Kumusta naman kaya ang vaklushi sa Pocketbelt na niregaluhan mo ng brass bed. Is it a figment of my fertile imagination also, lola? Hahahahahaha!

What about the fleshy bold actress that you performed cunnilingus on in your defunct publication? Did I ignominiously make it up also? Hahahahahaha!

I certainly did not because you did it out of intense lust. Hakhakhak!

Magpakaipokrita ba? Puhllleeeezzzeeee! Hahahahahaha!

Kumusta naman ang pangbebentang ginawa mo sa isang sikat na aktres na matiyagang nagpunta sa isa sa ‘yong birthday parties mereseng umuulan pero harap-harapang binenta mo siya sa amin nina Peter Ledesma at Abelardo Paulite. Hahahahaha!

Kaya tigilan mo ako sa kadadakdak at paninira mo sa radio program mong pipito lang yata ang nakikinig. Hahahahaha!

Ang sikapin mong bumenta ay ang tabloid ni Mr. Pangilinan na out of 20 million ay six million na lang daw ang pondong natitira dahil barely one thousand copies lang daw ang nabibili at the rest ay puro soli na.

Carry mo ‘yan, lola? Hahahahahahahaha!

Nakasulot ka man sa Juiceless, I’m absolutely vindicated because you are a complete abysmal failure.

I-deny mo ‘yan at baka tigbakin na kayo nang tuluyan. Di ba naman, Mr. Percy Intalan? Ang lalaking nangangatal na kunin si Ferminata dahil akala siguro’y hahataw sa rating at ad placements ang show once na ang Chuck Perez ng tulaera ang maging main anchor.

Ano’ng nangyari? Di ba’t butata ka? Hahahahahah!

Osla ka na, lola. Natsi-cheapan na sa hosting style mo ang mga otawzing na hinahanap-hanap ang wacky hosting style namin nina Morly at Rey.

Panahon ka kasi ni Mahoma nauso, lolingling, whereas we belong to the now generation. Hahahahaha!

Besides, we look good on cam and we talk sense as well, whereas you’re blubbering in a highly doltish manner that most televiewers just ca’t stomach or relate to. Hahahahahaha!

Cheap! Hahahahahahaha!

Paayos mo nga pala ang dentures mong super lubog na, huh? Hahahahaha!

‘Yan lang muna. ‘Yan lang daw muna, o! Hakhakhak!

@@@

Syolbam mentality pala ang ombreng sumaksak sa TV direktor

HOW amusing, Bubonika. May callboy mentality pala ang gwaping sanang ombre na sumaksak sa dating actor-turned director sa isang sikat na network.

Naaliw talaga kami nang ma-sight namin for the very first time ang sexy photographs niya na buong ningning na naka-post sa isang website.

Sino nga naman ang hindi magkakainteres na di siya i-contact with all the sizzling and appetizing nude photos that were posted in there?

Hahahahaha! ano’ng binesa ng mga beefcakes ng mga male starlets riyan sa kabonggahan ng kanyang sizzling pictorials that almost showed everything that he had to offer? Hakhakhak!

Balbonic siya, in fairness, and he’s got a body to die for.

A body to die for raw, o! Hakhakhak!

The genitals was titillatingly covered with his bare hands in a most provocatively suggestive manner. Hahahahaha! But he was looking straight at the camera with his lascivious pair of mesmerizing eyes. Hahahahaha!

Kaya kayo riyan, beware of photos like these. Kayo rin, baka ang kasunod nu’n ay 29 stab wounds na pala. Hahahahahahaha!

@@@

Inggit sila sa kaprangkahan ni Toni Gonzaga

WOMAN of the hour sa ngayon si Toni Gonzaga. Di matanggap ng mga vaklung na entertainment writers ang pagpapakatotoo niya dahil nabubuhay sila sa mundo ng ilusyon at kaplastikan.

Sinabi lang nu’ng na for the longest time ay off-line na supposedly sina Rachel Ann Go at John Prats dahil feel yatang ligawan ng maliit pero gwaping na aktor si Bianca Manalo, lait to-the-max talaga ang mga vaklung na mga reyna ng kaplastikan. Hahaha!

Put a stop to your doltish criticism to Ms. Toni for she’s only trying to be honest in a world peopled and dominated by tupperware individuals like you.
Hahahahaha!

Pati ba naman ‘yung harmless commentary ni Toni sa “The Buzz” last week na ang kaibahan lang daw ng opinyon niya ay napanonood ito sa telebisyon at ang sa iba’y sa computer lang, binigyan na naman ito ng malice ng mga k-less na mga vaklungs na ‘to.

What’s wrong with that? She’s not belittling anyone in the process. She’s only trying to be truthful and honest.

Sa pronouncements raw kasing ‘yun ni Toni, parang minamaliit daw nito ang mga nagsusulat sa Internet site.

Hello? Okay lang kayo? Hahahahaha!

Kung lahat na lang ng sasabihin niya ay ii-impute ninyo ng malice, aba’y that’s your funeral, not hers.

Ang hirap kasi, sanay kayo sa kaplastikan kaya for once, you can’t accept someone who’s trying to maintain her honesty and individuality in a world dominated by hypocrites and plastic people.

Kuha n’yo?

Magsitigil nga kayo sa mga doltish ninyong points of view dahil napaghahahalata lang na wala kayong alam sa inyong trabaho.

Toni’s definitely different in the sense that she is admittedly fearless in voicing out her innovative points of view.

She is not a bought person like you ninnies and is only saying the truth from the way she percieves it.

Is that bad?

Hahaha! It’s you bought people who are bad because you tend to distort the truth in your pretentious columns that reeks with NAUSEATING press releases and bought opinions. Hahahahaha!

Inggit lang kayo dahil consistent sa number one position ang The Buzz at poor second lang mga shows n’yo. Hahahahahahahaha!

Period. Ayoko ng tsakaaaaaaaa!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz people at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com or at #09223870129, #09994269588.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, Ilove you very,very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios.Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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