Maghintay-hintay ka lang Ferminata at makukuha mo ang iyong pinapantasya!

HAHAHAHA! In full force na naman ang en masse text messages ng dulduling si Joey ‘Halimaw’ de Castro alias Vavalina, ang baklang ngetpa at ang baho nang hininga at walang pahinga. Hakhakhak! Hitsura sa kanya ni Curacha, ang baklang tomotoma ng mga dyuts na nota. Hahahahahaha!

Yuck! Kadiri talaga ang ngetpalites na gusgusing matandang baklang ito na reyna ng mga panat na nota. Reyna raw ng mga panat na nota, o! Hakhakhak! Anyway, since he’s basically jobless and has developed a manic obsession in assiduously monitoring our columns in his diabolical desire to put as down, he is posing in his text messages as a dyed-in-the-wool fan of Marianita L. Hahahahaha!

Kunsabagay, suited a T ang personalidad ng baklang ito sa idol niyang kunong si Marianita L. na aning-aning na dahil sa matinding obsession kay Double D. Hakhakhak! How gross!

Heto ang sample: “Regarding Marian and Karylle, di ba si Karylle gurang na rin at maas gurang kay Marian? Kaya nga siguro pinagpalit ni Dingdong kay Marian.

“Correction lang! kung inagaw ni Marian si Dingdong kay Karylle, di ba karma lang ‘yan dahil inagaw din lang naman ni Karylle si Dingdong kay Antoinette Taus.

“Remember?”

Hahahahahaha! Unang-una, di inagaw ni Karylle si Double D kay Antoinette dahil off-line na sila nang pumasok siya sa eksena.

Si Marianita Lapida ang nang-agaw talaga at may lakas pang loob na magsalitang mas maganda naman daw kasi siya kay Karylle. Hahahahahaha! Really?

This diabolical woman since then has been consumed with so much passion with her new love to the point that she would do some dastardly acts just to make sure that no one absolutely gets in the way of their relationship.

Pa’no, last trip na. Hakhakhak!

Wala na nga namang darating na ibang lalaki sa kanyang bornok na pananaw for the simple reason that most of the young men at GMA 7 now favor Sam Pinto, Bela Padilla, Rhian Ramos and other young actresses at the said network and no one seems to find her attractive enough for she’s too old for their taste. Hakhakhak!

Kaya tigilan mo na Ferminata ang kangangawngaw mo sa ‘yong cheaply written columns na kiyemeng you don’t believe in everything that Heart Evangelista has told the press about your new gatasan (new gatasan daw, o! CHEAP! Hahahahahaha!).

Ikaw kasi, lola, once na ‘nahatagan’ ka, you have the tendency to justify even the most hideous doings of your ward.

Alam mo na ngang the word ‘guilty’ is written all over the aging and slightly sagging face (all over the aging face raw, o! Hakhakhak!) of your alaga and yet you would blindly insist in your hackneyed lingo that she is beyond guilt. Hahahahaha! Ang power nga naman ng pera, it’s capable of making an evil human being appear like an angel.

Magkano ba kasi ang nahatag¬† sa ‘yo, granny at bigla mong kinain ang mga nasulat mo in the past. Hakhakhak!

Wala na talagang tatalo sa pagiging reyna mo ng anda. Hahahahaha!

No wonder, no one believe in your integrity as a teevee personality anymore.

Kung si Kuya Boy Abunda ay talaga namang untarnished ang credibility all these years, ikaw ay super butata! Hakhakhak!

Kapag wala ng bumibili sa mga obra mong pagkamamahal talaga (Mga Obra ni Tsaka raw, o! Hahahahahaha!) ginagamit mo ang power ng iyong panulat para bumili sila. Di ba naman Pokie, Janelle Jamer and company?

Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, all for the love of Marianita, tinira-tira na naman the other day ni Bubogita ang bago niyang pinagti-tripang si Ms. Claire dela Fuente.

Dahil fed-up na nga ang manager nina Bela Padilla at Sam Pinto sa katitira ng attack and collect na babaing ito, tinext niya ito nang pagkahaba-haba, bluntly stressing her sentiments and ill-feelings on what Ferminata was assiduously writing about her in her AC/DC columns.

The other day, Ferminata wrote in her column with the biased and false allusion that Ms. Claire was purportedly an inveterate user. Na tipong sumasagot lang ito sa mga tawag kapag may mapapala siya.

Otherwise, totally deadma raw ito. Hahahahaha!

Talaga lang ha?

Ang tanong, magka naman kaya ang gibsona ng tanderaketch na si Marianita at ganon na lang ang panglalait mo ngayon kay Ms. Claire?

Magka, Lola? Hahahahahahaha!

Knowing your exceedingly mercenary nature, you go for the highest bidder, right?

Ikaw kasi ang taong di ka namamansin sa mga otawzing na di mo pakikinabangan, di ba naman, Papa Willy, na gibsona ng 2 million worth na van sa money-oriented na Bakekang na ‘to kaya ikaw ang dyinu-Diyos niya after Major Jude Estrada na just like you is also magnanimity personified?

Hakhakhakhakhak! Nga pala, lola, ketbalites wah mo na writing si Major Jude, stop na ba ang mannah from heaven na nag-peak during our Bandera days? Hahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Ang andalu, bow! Hakhakhak!

At any rate, instead of wasting your most precious time in exposing the supposedly wicked ways of Ms. Claire, why don’t you just pay attention to the young men you love to make love to? Di ba naman, Oliva, da UMD boy, na buyzung mo ng caru worth 175 thou during your Mariposa days in exchange of your endless churvahan?

Also, I strongly suggest that you just focus on your highly profligate sex life since time is running out, lola.

Kaysa makialam ka sa mga eksena ng iba riyan, ang mga babae at lalake mo na lang ang pagtoonan mo ng pansin. Hakhakhak!

Tigilan na rin ang mga pretensyon na mother figure ka kuno because you’re not. Hakhakhak!

Which reminds me, why don’t you just talk to Amben, your original lesbo lover who’s feeling so distraught and lonely because you’re no longer paying her any scant attention just because you’ve been able to successfully invade television during the early 80s. Di ba naman? Hahahahaha!

What about your gay lover whom you’ve given the brass bed of your son to? Do you still yet to see her? I mean, him pala? Hakhakhak!

Sige, laitin mo nang laitin si Ms. Claire para i-expose ko lalo ang mga yosi-kadiri mong eksena. Di ba naman, male starlet na na-involved before sa isang sexual exploitation chuva na later on ay naging ka-MU mo rin? Hahahahahahaha!

I can write an interesting novel about your sexual exploits and I’m positive it’s going to be a veritable hit. Hakhakhak!

Wanna bet, grandma?

***

Nakare-relate kami sa pinagdaraanan ni Kuya Boy

KAPAG binabasa namin ang mga write-ups lately ni Kuya Boy Abunda, ang frontliner ng “The Buzz,” ang credible na showbiz-oriented program ng ABS-CBN, nakari-relate kami nang husto sa pinagdaraanan niya sa mahal niyang inang si Nanay Lesing who’s now experiencing a mild case of Alzheimer’s that’s called dementia.

More than a month ago, Kuya Boy talked about this in passing. Pinarenovate na nga raw ang kanyang fabulous abode somewhere in Kyusi to fit into the needs of her mom since she could not afford to stay in their house in Samar alone anymore.

Aging is such a bitch really. Specially so when it’s your mom who’s experiencing it.

Pagkaganyan kasi, their thoughts seem to wonder from the present to the incidents in the past.

Tama ‘yang ginawa ni Kuya Boy na may 24-hour nurse ang nanay niya.

In my case, my mom had only Nong and I to look after her needs since we were not half as liquid as the great man from Borongan, Samar.

No wonder, walang balak si Kuya Boy na puntahan sa abroad ang superstar na si Nora Aunor for an interview.

Mas kailangan nga naman siya rito ni Nanay Lesing.

***

Patang-pata na si Kuya

HAHAHAHAHA! Kung ‘yung isang young actor na may rating soap sa isang sikat na network ay oozing with freshness kahit na batang ama na siya, napuna naming parang patang-pata na ang isang sexy actor at parang nawawalan na siyang wetpaks. Hakhakhak!

Ano ba, kuya, what’s the matter with you?

Nagkasama kasi sa isang show sa Araneta Coliseum ang dalawa in connection with a big networking company at nag-suffer talaga in comparison ang sexy actor sa wholesome imaged na ngayong dati ring hubadero.

Hukot na kasi ang tayo ng sexy actor at parang piping-pipi na ang kanyang crotch because of too much sexual activities. Hakhakhak!

Hinay-hinay lang kasi. What’s the big hurry all about when you’re pretty liquid and supremely moneyed?

Take some much-needed rest, man. Hayan at sokpalites na ang iyong wetpaks at piping-pipi na ang iyong notes unlike ru’n sa isa nating bida na freshness na freshness pa ang arrive. Hakhakhak!

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