Tiboski na ang sikat, gandarang personalidad

MORE than a week ago ay nasulat dito sa Remate ang explosive story tungkol sa pagkakaroon ng relasyon ng isang sikat na personalidad sa isang magandang out-of-showbiz chick.

Namimili raw ang sikat na personalidad ng mga mamahaling furniture sa isang sikat na furniture house at nagulat nga raw ang may-ari nang mag-smuck sa lips ang dalawa considering that both of them look pretty feminine and attractive.

Obviously, the situation is now reversed.

Whereas before, the controversial personality used to be the target of many lesbos’ affection, now she has indeed come full circle. Hakhakhak!

Meaning, she is now the pursuer instead of the one being hotly pursued.

Kunsabagay, mas safe nga naman ang woman-to-woman relationship as compared to this man to-woman thing, especially so when you’re not that young anymore. Hahahahaha!

For finding an ideal mate is quite hard when you’re way past your prime.

Another thing, the person involved must have come to the decision of finding a mate that she could share her life with since her sons would soon settle down and she would be left alone destitute with all the nostalgic memories to haunt her and give her some sleepless nights.

Anyway, prior to this, may tiboski pa rin pala siyang naging betcha by golly wow. Hahahahaha!

“What you wrote about that woman is true,” so says our avid reader we maintain some columns for and regular listener of our radio show at DWIZ (882 khz in your radio dial, 2 to 3 in the afternoon, Monday thru Friday).

“Kilala ko naging ka-on niya before.

“She’s none other than EO  (her initials only…Hahaha!) She’s the sister of my boss, an upscale interior designer.

“Siya mismo nagsabi,” he asseverates.

Anyway, one look at her and you would never have the vaguest idea that she’s the local version of the legendary Hollywood actress Greta Garbo. Hakhakhak!

If you know the salient point I’m hinting at. Hakhakhak!

For this woman happens to be the paradigm of glamor and fragile femininity. Kunsabagay, kahit sa Hollywood ay di na stereotype ang mga lengua. Karamihan ay mga dainty ang hitsura at tipong di makabasag-pinggan.

Hakhakhak!

***

Challenging ang role ni RR sa ‘Reputasyon’

SUPER excited si RR Enriquez sa bago niyang soap na “Reputasyon” that gets aired after “Happy, Yipee, Yehey.”

“Ang sabi sa akin ng aming director,” gushingly states the winsome character actress, “baka two months raw ako sa soap na ‘to kung saan ang makai-eksena ko most of the time ay si AA (Cristine Reyes).

“Excited na nga ako tito dahil na-miss ko rin ang mga ganitong on-location ang taping.”

Nitong medyo nabakante siya sa pagtatrabaho, aminado siyang medyo nagkaroon siya ng depression. But she’s fully recovered and raring to work now that she’s been given another reprise in her acting career.

“Lagi nga po akong ganadong magtrabaho dahil magagaling lahat ang mga kasamahan namin dito, dapat lang na I should give it my best shot!.”

Oo nga naman.

Dapat lang!

***

Ayaw matulog ang gabi ng halimaw na si Vavalina

ANG tindi talaga ng insecurity nitong si Joey ‘Vavalina’ de Castro dahil wala na siyang career at malafang. Hahahahahaha!

Kung dati’y pinandidirihan na siya ng mga lalaki dahil sa kanyang yosi-kadiring halitosis at duldulic na skin tone (you should see how dirty his skin is that’s basically discolored and nauseatingly sagging as well…Hakhakhak!), how much more now that she is thin as a stick, therefore accentuating all the more his repugnant half moon face? Hakhakhak!

How deplorably ugly this aging fag who looks like a bitch of a witch. Hakhakhak!

Anyway, I’d rather die if I have a face like that, that’s shaped like a weasel. Hahahaha! Anyway, this fag just can’t accept the fact that I’m still very much around while he’s languishing somewhere in San Mateo Rizal barely letting both ends meet and practically eating boiled camote tops for dinner. Hakhakhak!

At any rate, when I woke up this morning, the menopausal fag was still sending in those cheap and untakably vulgar messages of his at my cell. Hahahahahaha!

Imagine at 4 a.m., Vavalina was still very much at it – consumed with venom and diabolical hatred as he spewed further vetriol.

“Sayang,” he hissed malevolently in one of his messages that emanated from his sick, distorted mind, “kung di kayo nabraso at NAPATALSIK ni Nay Cristy, kayo sana ni Peter ang may dalawang TV programs at FM radio show.

Hakhakhak!

“Ikaw, saan ka ba nakasandal, kay Celso delos Angeles na isang convicted raketer? Hakhakhak!”

Obvious na ang bitter pig na si Vavaling nga ito dahil consistent sa kanyang mali-maling facts. Hahahahahaha!

Mr. delos Angeles has long ceased to own Remate. It’s now the sole property of my very handsome boss Sir Benny Antiporda who’s got a glowing, unblemished skin tone that’s the envy of duldulic pigs like you.

KADIRI! Hahahahahaha!

Pagamot mo nga mga kurikong mo balahurang bakla at nakasusulasok ang arrive mo. Hakhakhak!

And make it a point to sleep. Hakhakhak!

Going back to your idol Bubonika, the lomodic matrona, I don’t give a hoot if she now owns the world. Hahahahahaha! What good would having truckload of money is when you have a face that’s comparable with the aborigines in the mountains?

I don’t know why she doesn’t use her money to at least make her look dignified and presentable. Hakhakhak!

Para naman hindi siya nagbabayad ng malaki sa mga mhin na gusto niyang um-umin. Hakhakhak!

Kunsabagay, with a face like that, you really have to face the fact that no man would take you without having to shell out truckloads of cash. Hahahahahaha!

At least, di naman sa pagmamalaki, maraming nagti-trip sa akin and that’s for a fuck. I mean, for a fact! Hahahahahaha!

Sa laki ba naman ng tiyanetch ni Bubog, uurong talaga ang mga notes ng mga ombres and they need to embibe wine just to have the guts to take her. Hakhakhak!

I’m sure na dim light ang kanyang ini-insist dahil di niya carry na magpaka-daring with lights on. Hakhakhak!

Kahit sa kanyang mga dela-dela episodes (Cunnilingus vagah! Hakhakhak!) with women, di rin niya trip ang may ilaw for reasons too obvious for us to expound on. Hakhakhak!

Kaya Vavalinang duldolic at mabahonga (mabaho hininga… Hakhakhak!), go to hell where you rightfully and truthfully deserve to live with your colleagues.

Mga kapwa mo satanistas, who else? Hakhakhak!

And for Bubog naman, don’t delude yourself with the false belief that I envy you ‘coz you’re liquid. Hahahahaha!

No fucking way!

Mas gusto ko pa rin ang sitwasyon ko ngayong very much at peace with the world kahit I don’t have so much money. The mere fact that God has given me the intelligence and the good fortune of meeting good people who believe in me, that would more than suffice.

At least I don’t have to give men second hand cars so I could entice them to make love with me. Hakhakhak!

Ikaw, lola, pay kang talaga dahil hindi ka nila carry na churvahin without your money being provocatively dangled on their faces. Hakhakhak!

Di na baleng nangungupahan lang kami ni Nong, at least I have someone who’s loyal and sincere like him to make me happy and satisfied come hell or high water.

Ikaw, pera mo ang pagaganahin mo because without it, you’re a goner. Hahahahahaha!

Ayoko ng PANGET! Kuha mo? Hakhakhak!

***

Kean Cipriano parang may tama Eugene

HAKHAKHAK! Parang iba ang mga tingin ni Kean Cipriano kay Eugene Domingo the other day sa presscon ng “Ang Babae Sa Septic Tank.” Samantalang cool na cool ang isa pang leading man sa movie na si JM de Guzman, parang very solicitous ang rumored boyfriend (kachurvahan daw is the exact word..Hahahahaha!) ni Vice Ganda. Hakhakhak!

At any rate, Star Cinema has a veritable winner in this movie na binubuo rin ng winning team ng “Kimmy-Dora.”

At any rate, positive ang Star Cinema people, along with its producers Martinez-Rivera Productions and Quantum films, with producers Chris Martinez, Marlon Rivera, John Victor Tence and Atty. Joji Alonzo, that the movie is going to pack them up at the cinemas when it opens on August 3.

Dapat lang!

A movie within a movie, Septic tank is a gritty, no frills and neo-realistic film, a glossy musical, an over-the-top melodrama, and a docu-drama using non-actors that romanticizes poverty.

Quite so very apt a description. That is just the kind of entertainment that we need at a time when life has become exceedingly turbulent and chaotic.

Anyway, feel na raw mag-asawa ni Uge. Well, bakit di na lang niya gawing sperm donor si Kean? After all, parang naiintriga ito sa kanya. Hahahahaha!

***

Hataw ang sex appeal ng tatlong ‘dalaga’ sa isang network

HAHAHAHA! Ang titindi ng arrive ng tatlong “dalaga” sa isang sikat na network. Hakhakhak!

Imagine, tatlo na pala ang mga klosetang nagrereyna roon. Hahahahaha!

‘Yung nauna ay di pa rin magpapatalo dahil tall, fair and handsome and well-endowed ang dating niya.

Hahahahaha!

‘Yung ikalawa ay marami ang nagogoyo dahil soo-taba-and-oh-so haba ang kanyang note. As a matter of fact, na-insecure nga ang gwaping na hunk na ka-churvahan niya during his starlet days dahil halos kalahati lang daw ng kanyang tarugs ang notes receivable nito. Hakhakhak!

At any rate, ang latest na kinaaliwan ng mga utaw sa sikat na network na ‘yun ay ang baguhang young actor na divang-diva ang arrive kapag nagsasayaw at kumakanta, hitsurang promoter sa boxing ang erpats nito.

Hakhakhak!

Medyo behaved lang daw ang bagets once na gumigiling na ang camera. Hakhakhak!

Ang nakatatawa, lovers ang role nilang dalawa sa isang indie movie na nagawa nila kamakailan. Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

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