Tigilan na sana ng GMA ang mga paeklay na rating ng ‘Mamaya Na’ ni Mairanita L.

POOR GMA-7. They seem to be exerting tremendous amount of efforts just to make the public believe that Marianita L.’s horrible fantaserye (or whatever it’s called…Hakhakhak!) is purportedly doing well at the ratings. Hakhakhak!

Is that sooooo?

Then how come your exerting truckloads of efforts doing this caravan shows in the provinces just to have it promoted? Hakhakhak!

If what you’re telling the public happens to be true, then you would have become complacent about it and just let Marianita do her tapings and rest her short legs in the process. Hakhakhak!

Rest her short legs in the process daw, o! Hakhakhak!

How amusing! Hahahaha!

Ang kaso, you’re asking her to do this veritably tiring roadshow thing in the provinces, ostensibly with great hope of improving the palpably lackluster ratings of her historical chuva that’s nothing but sheer fabrications and nauseating fantasy. Hakhakhak!

Wawa naman! Huhuhu!

Anyway, when I was forced (forced daw, o! Hakhakhak!) to watch Party Pilipinas last Sunday, I noticed that Marianita’s no longer cadaveric and has added some becoming poundage.

O, baka naman nagmukha na siyang may laman dahil katabi niya ang Payatola Comeni ng si Lovi Poe na parang nasa ibang dimension na at hindi maka-relate (hindi raw maka-relate, o! Hakhakhak!) sa mga kaganapan sa kanyang kapaligiran. Hakhakhak!

Kung anuman ang tini-take ni Lovi, tigilan na niya ito dahil nagmumukha na siyang bangkay at wala nang ka-appeal-appeal in the process. Hakhakhak!

Humpak-humpakan nang tunay ang kanyang mukha at parang wala ng buhay ang kanyang mga mata.

Wake-up girl and be your vivacious self once again.

Sayang, ining, paborito ka pa naman ni Mother Lily lately, why not make the most out of it?

Kung true naman ‘yung tsika ng mga kabig mo na masyado ka na raw over-worked kaya ka nagkakaganyan, then let go of some workload and be healthy once again in the process at di ganyang para bang bangag ka or something. (Or something daw, o! Hakhakhak!) Learn how to relax once in a while, darling. Remember, all work and no play makes Pilar a dull girl. Hakhakhak!

‘Yun na!

***

Magulo ang pregnancy ni Andi

SINO bang talaga ang nakatesbun kay Andi Eigenmann?

Hayan kasi at sala-salabat na ang mga istorya tungkol sa pagbubuntis nito at lahat nama’y nagde-deny na hindi sila ang first boyfriend nito. Hakhakhak!

Sino bang talaga, ate?

Pero ang pinaka-suspect number one ay ang maangas na si Albie Casino na handa raw magpa-DNA test para mapatunayan lang na di siya ang ama ng dinadala ng anak ni Jacklyn Jose.

Overrrr! Hakhakhak!

Ang ending, di kaya mapahiya ka, kuya?

Bakit naman kasi masyadong pamartir sa kanya itong si Andi kung wala silang lihim na dalawa?

Also, why would ABS-CBN suspend him indefinitely if he is not in any way responsible for the kind of mess that Andi has gotten into?

Oh, well, abangan ang susunod na kabanata.

***

PBB sweethearts set to rock the tills

TRAILER palang, hagalpakan na ang mga otawzing sa katatawa sa funny antics nitong si Melai Cantiveros at parang this early, nangangamoy monster hit na naman ang Star Cinema. Hakhakhak!

Dapat, nararapat at karapat-dapat lang. After all, the peole in it are basically good-natured and they know to appreciate the little things that you do for them unlike some people I know.

Unlike some people I know raw, o! Hakhakhak!

Anyway, mabentang-mabenta ang mga paeklay ni Melai sa trailer ng movie lalo na’t kinakanta niya ang isa sa mga theme songs ng aming radio program sa DWIZ (882 khz in your radio dial, from two to three p.m. Monday thru Friday), ang I’m Feeling Sexy Tonight.

Anyway, Melai has assumed the identity of Pureza Mayriles when the Brazilian model she’s ushering for makes a disappearing act and she was forced to disguise herself as a model to replace her.

“The role fits Melai to a T,” raves Direk Soxy Topacio who is famous for megging this kind of comic genre that is riotous and belly-aching. On top of that, there is no other actress he believes can do justice to such kind of characterization than Melai herself.

Jason Franciso is cast as Ruben, Melai’s best friend and eventually, her lover, who stands by her through thick and thin.

“The Adventures of Pureza: Queen of the Riles” is expected to double the fun that Melai and Jason had generated while they were inside Big Brother’s abode more than  a year ago.

Incidentally, also in the cast is Pokwang who delineates the role of Sister Purisima, Pura’s long lost mother whom she inadvertently finds while she and Ruben are on the run, their racket (Pura pretending to be a Brazilian model) having been discovered by the authorities.

***

Sobra ang sex appeal ng di katangkarang aktor

HAHAHAHA! How so very amusing naman. Could it be true that this not so tall comedic actor and this gorgeously muscled guy had an affair in the past?

Ang sabi, pinagsabay raw ng gwaping na aktor ang eksena nito sa isang brown-skinned actress at sa di katangkarang aktor. Hakhakhak!

Ang lagay na ‘yun, unbeknown to most showbiz denizens, nagkachurvahan daw pala ang di katangkarang aktor at ang papang-papa ang arrive na sexy actor in the not-so-distant past? Hakhakhak!

Ang tanong, sino ang sumupsup kanino? Hakhakhak!

How so veritably intriguing.

Anyway, mahiwaga talaga ang love at sex life ng flawless na sexy actor na ‘to.

True kaya na isa siyang bisexual? Meaning, puede sa boy, puede sa chick. Hakhakhak!

No further clues! Hakhakhak!

***

Remate publisher iniintriga ng mga walang magawa

HOW amusing naman that some people are trying to bismirch or discredit the good untarnished reputation that our publisher for Remate Mr. Benny Antiporda has been able to establish all of these years that he’s been an integral part of the National Press Club.

Hayan at pinalalabas raw ng isang intrigerang member (who dreams of becoming president of the said organization…Hahahaha! kunsabagay, libre ang mangarap) na supposedly ay na-embezzle raw ni Sir Benny ang more than six million pesos na funds ng National Press Club na allocated sa housing project ng members ng nasabing organisasyon.

Well, the truth of the matter is the said sum is very much intact and is with the National Press Club up to this very moment.

Almost 7 million daw ‘yun dapat pero nabawasan dahil sa piyansa ng babaing nagmamagandang intrigahin si Sir Benny minsang magkaroon ito ng malakihang kaso sa GSIS.

Hahahahahahaha! How amusing ever!

Anyway, lola, heto raw ang tabulated expenses nu’ng administration ni Sir Benny na ang ilan daw ay nanggaling mismo sa sarili nitong bulsa.

For the record Madam, gumastos raw ang NPC ng P600,000.00 sa mga salamin sa NPC building nang ma-Undoy ito sometime last year.

Dahil sa nasira ang mga aircon sa Bulwagang Plaridel, pinalitan ito at umabot ng P85,000.00 ang expenses.

Namigay rin si Sir Benny (coming from his own pocket, huh, Lola?) that time ng 100 sacks of rice and 100 boxes of sardines para sa mga taong nasalanta ng nasabing bagyo.

‘Yung nagastos rin daw sa renovation ng restaurant sa NPC building ay umabot ng milyon at 70% noon, Lola, ay galing sa bulsa ni Sir Benny.

‘Yung mesa nga raw at mga silya na galing pa sa Sacramento US of A ay umabot ng kalahating milyon, including the shipping expenses.

Are you aware of that? grannie goose? Hahahahahaha!

‘Yung mobile na multi-cab ng NPC ay P120,000.00 ang nagastos.

Ikaw raw, Lola, may naitulong ka raw ba sa mga expenses ng NPC coming from your own pocket?

Pati nga raw ‘yung pag-aaral ng anak mong nursing student ay sinagot ng nasabing organisayon.

Kaya bago ka raw magngangawa at magpa-press release nang kung anu-anong mga pantasya, be sure that you know the salient facts for it would boomerang on you if you’re not.

‘Yang kasing inggit sa ating kapwa ay talagang nakamamatay.

So do be careful. Baka naman hindi ka na makapagluto ng especialty mong arros caldo sa darating na eleksiyon. Hakhakhak!

Mag-aning-aningan ba? Puhleeezzzeeeeee! Hahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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