Butata ang nag-over-da-bakod na pangong aktres!

SWERTE-SWERTE lang talaga ang paglipat sa isang network.

Perfect example ang nangyari sa flawless na not-so-young actress na may attitude problem.

Dati naman kasi, papaangat na sana ang kanyang career pero di nga kagandahan ang pag-uugali (that must be one of the major reasons why she’s quite close with the aging and caustic Marianita…. Hahahahaha!), hayan at parang floating casino ang nangyari rito. Hakhakhak!

Floating in the sense na neither here nor there ang status ng kanyang showbiz career. Hakhakhak!

Pa’no kasi, mali ang kanyang diskarte.

Many years ago, a lot of people in the business had the positive impression that she really would go places.

Maganda naman kasi siya, milky ang complexion at may talent din sa acting.

The only problem lies in her cavalier attitude when it comes to money, along with her not-so-impressively contoured nose. Hakhakhak!

In short, may pagkapango ang kanyang ilong specially on cam.

Anyway, nang mag-expire ang kanyang contract, lumipat kaagad siya sa isang filhy rich na network. Happy and fulfilled talaga ang pangong aktres na nakapagtatakang nagkaganon ang shape ng ilong considering the fact that her dad was supposedly European. Hakhakhak!

Kunsabagay, Bakekangic naman kasi si Madir kaya siguro nagkaganon. Hakhakhak!

Kumbaga, tinalo niya ang usually ay domineering blood ng mga foreigner at sa kanya nagmana ang anak when it comes to the not-so-appealing contour of her nose. Hakhakhak!

Buti na lang si Bea Alonzo di nagkaganon.

Di raw nagkaganon, o! Hakhakhak!

Teka, bakit sa “Guns & Roses” tayo napunta gayung our topic is this not-so-young actress who used to have an exceedingly promising showbiz career? Hahahahaha!

At any rate, at first ay ecstatic ang beauty ng babaing pango ang ilong dahil pabolosa ang payzung, naturalmente, ng datungerang network.

Buy agad siya ng bagong caru at kung anik-anik pa.

Ang kaso, karmatic talaga ang girlalung badly in need of a good nose job. Hakhakhak! Pagkatapos na i-drumbeat na siya na raw ang bagong prinsesa ng nasabing network, hayan at sumemplang ang ratings nito. Hakhakhak!

Is that something surprisingly eyebrow-raising knowing pretty well how most of the shows in there are being clobbered up at the ratings by ABS-CBN and GMA-7?

Hahahahahaha!

Que pobrecita, baka isaksak na lang siya sa telenovela ng isang comebacking actress na mainit pa rin ang dating sa publiko. Hahahahaha! Hindi kaya?

Que barbaridad! After she was hailed as the new princess on the block (new princess on the block daw, o! Hakhakhak!), back to her ignominious super-starlet stature ang mahilig rumaket pero ayaw maggibzung sa mother network niya ng koming aktres. Hahahahahahaha!

How gross!

Kung bakit kasi hindi pa ipagawa ang ilong nang muling bomongga ang career, ano? Hahahahahaha!

Maniwala ka, that’s what you’re basically wanting of. Have it fixed and see how your career would skyrocket once again.

Hirap ka kasing angguluhan, ate. Di ba tulad sa iba riyan na kapag profile shots ang kuha ay effect na effect talaga ang arrive. Hahaha!

KUHA MO? HAKHAKHAK!

***

Sam Pinto pantasya ng mga bagets sa Siyete (Si Lola marian kaya?)

KUNG dati’y oozing with confidence si Marianita Awayera (Awayera raw, o!Hahahaha!), these days she seems to have lost her self-esteem and has become a certified war-freak when it comes to matters pertaining to her Papa Dingdong is concerned. Hahahahahaha!

And one of the personalities that she’s ostensibly insecure about is none other than the intrinsically lovely Sam Pinto. Hahahahaha!

Hurting nga namang she’s raw the hottest prime time queen of GMA-7 and yet she was ignominiously relegated to the background by Sam Pinto’s adoring yuppies following at the FHM popularity contest Hahahahaha!

Would you know what that connotes, Lola?

Of course you don’t since you’re basically very much wanting of intelligence. Hakhakhak!

Don’t you notice, dear, your Papa Dong is infinitely fascinated with young (take note of the word young, Lola! HAHAHAHAHA!) intelligent belles like Sam and Bela Padilla, the very reason why you made the veritably drastic move of holding Bela up at the john and started abusing her with your malevolent tongue? Hahahahaha!

Deep inside, my dear, your Papa Dong is hankering too for someone intelligent and cultured since Atenean siya di ba? Unlike you na kung saang third rate school sa Cavite yata nag-aral. Hahaha!

Sa mga interview mo nga, palihim na nangagsisipagtawanan ang working press dahil ang dami-rami mong boo-boos or blunders. Nakahihiya ka naman, lola. Hahahahaha!

Anyway, Sam Pinto is veritably the toast of the good-looking young men at the GMA-7 -SMDC produced movie “Tween Academy: Class of 2012.”

Why is that so?

It’s simple. She is smart, naturally beautiful and intelligent and not in the least half as diabolically abrasive as you are. Hakhakhak!

Kita mo naman, Marianita L., the boys (Alden Richards, Jake Vargas, Derrick Monasterio, and Elmo Magalona) find her irresistibly beautiful and have this crush on her.

Sa ‘yo, sino bang nagkaka-crush? Is Mikael Daez infatuated with you? Hakhakhak!

Mukhang ikaw ang may crush sa kanya. Hakhakhak!

Ang sabi nga ng  best friend kong si Peter Ledesma, bagay naman daw sana sa ‘yo ang role ni Sam bilang teacher sa Tween Academy: Class of 2012. Kaya lang, may mga Tag-lish dialogues ang character kaya mahihirapan kang tiyak. Hakhakhak!

Poor Marianita, it seems as if her world is getting smaller everyday.

Going back to the movie, it’s directed by Mark Reyes and is slated to detonate in some giant cinemas on August 24.

***

Vavalina may dementia na sa tindi ng inggit sa katawan

SO GRABE talaga ang kababuyan nitong smelly old faggot of a goat na si Joanna ‘Vavalina’ de Castro. Hahaha! Imagine, kung anu-ano ang mga kababuyang pino-post sa internet at pinalalabas na gawain ko raw ang mga karumal-dumal na mga bagay na ina-attribute niya sa akin when I’m completely innocent about them and is the kind who works hard to survive in a business where money is not that easy to come by.

Anyway, this reeking with halitosis vaklung (Hahahahaha!) is indeed very much envious of us. Wah kaon na kasi at hilahod na sa hirap kaya di na halos natutulog at ang kakarampot na pinadadala ng utol niya ay ginagastos pa sa kabibili ng load. Hahahaha!

Imagine, this mukhang tuyong bakla hardly sleepless and is veritably obsessed in texting us with some deplorable things that his demented brain cheaply concocts. Hahahahahaha!

At four a.m. when most people are already in deep slumber, Vavalina Mabahonga is whiling away the time sending some cheap diabolical messages to us using different sims no less.

Hindi na nga matino ang kabalang na ‘to kaya kung anu-ano na lang ang iniimbento.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Manigas ka sa inggit mabahogang matandang nanggigitatang bakla for all I care.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Ms. Aiko nasabit sa awayang IC Mendoza, Candy Pangilinan

SHAKIRA ang homebody na si Ms. Aiko Melendez nang masabit siya sa awayang IC Mendoza at Candy Pangilinan.

Between the devil and the deep blue sea raw ang most hated villainess ng ABS-CBN’s “Reputasyon” dahil di niya alam kung saan lulugar lalo na’t pareho naman niyang kaibigan ang dalawa.

At any rate, Aiko need not worry about anything since her friend has already issued a public apology to IC at The Buzz last Sunday.

Totoo ka, pag may mga isyung gustong i-clear out ang mga celebrity, sina Kuya Boy Abunda, Toni Gonzaga, KC Concepcion at Charlene Gonzales ang kanilang hinahanap.

Alam naman kasi nilang matindi ang following nito not only in the Philippines but abroad as well.

Going back to Ms. Aiko, bonggadera ang feedbacks sa kanyang tour de force performance bilang Catherine Villamayor na tinik sa mundo ni Agnes delos Santos (Cristine Reyes) sa afternoon soap na Reputasyon, right after “Happy, Yipee, Yeheey.”

Riveting talaga itong maituturing at lubhang makatotohanan ang mga naglalagablab na eksena sa pagitan nilang dalawa ni Cristine, parang totoong-totoo talaga, particu larly ang mga reaksyon ng utol ni Ara Mina.

***

Prinsesa ng mga pagkaing pagpag nagmamataray na

PALIHIM na naloloka ang mga entertainment writer sa delusory ways ng isang di katangkaran at di kagandahang young actress. Hakhakhak!

Dati-rati nga naman, reyna ng mga pagkaing pagpag sa set ng isang top-rating teevee soap ang madir ng girlalung ito.

“Hay, naku, pag taping day na,” so says an aging character actress, “kasa-kasama pala-palagi mga tatay at nanay sa taping.

“Pag kainan na,” she asseverates, “hindi ka pa tapos kumain, ask na sa ‘yo kung mauubos mo ba food mo kasi ibabalot na ng nanay niya.

“Walang palya ‘yan, parang pagkaing pagpag.

“Kesehodang may sabaw, iuuwi ng magulang niya.”

O, di ba? Hahahahaha!

Pero kumikita na rin naman ang young actress, gagawin pa kaya ng ermats niya ‘yan sa mga taping ng anak? Hahahahahaha!

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