Dating aktresa na-shock sa eskalerang SUV ng pamangkin

HAHAHAHAHA! Shakira ang isang dating aktresa na ngayo’y nakagarahe na dahil tiguwang na at pinanawan na ng ganda. Hakhakhak! Who would ever believe that this once fabulously beautiful leading-lady of some hunky action stars would become a faded and jaded matron at an age when Vilma Santos and Nora Aunor are still delineating lead roles? Hahahahahaha!

Hurting but it’s true. Up-close, wala ng remnants ng kanyang superfab beauty ang babaeng ito at ni lingon ay di siguro lilingunin ng action star na minsa’y nahaling (o, feel mo ba, Cristinelli Salazar Fermin, da chakang matrona who’s one of the main reasons why “Juicy” has become Juice-less in as far as most televiewers are concerned? Hakhakhak! imagine, nasa Starbucks kami nina Peter L. at Abe the other night at nagulat talaga kami nang di nakatagal ang isang sosyal na habitue roon at itinuro talaga kami sabay sabing dati raw ay lagi niya kaming napanonood sa telebisyon. Ang kaso, dahil sa kapangitan at baduyistic performance ng pumalit sa aming si Ferminata ay wah na sa pagka-weather ang edukada at sosyal na socialite para pagtiyagaan ang super boring presence nito…Hakhakhak!) sa kanyang sparkling beauty. Hahahahaha!

Anyway, nagulat daw talaga ang dating gandarang aktres nang dumating sa kanilang lugar ang isa niyang pamangkin driving a fabulous and sumptuous SUV (sport utility vehicle) no less.

Nagulat siyempre ang aktresa dahil super expensive ang make ng nasabing sasakyan at alam niyang di maa-afford ng kanyang pamangkin. Hakhakhak!

Well, the good-looking nephew is presently the paramour of this filthy rich gobernadora who is known for his fabled generousity with the men that he gets to be infatuated with. Hahahahahaha!

Hindi nga ba’t kamuntik nang matanggal sa work niya sa isang five-star network ang isang police reporter dahil nagulat as in nagkaroon talaga ng culture shock ang mga executives roon dahil lagi na’y meticulously outfitted in signature or branded outfits ang kanilang police reporter samantalang alam naman nila kung magkano lang ang income ng isang tulad niya. Hakhakhak!

Ang talagang ikina-shock ng mga superior nito sa nasabing network ay ang pagkakaroon nito ng bonggacious na caru knowing how inordinately limited his income was. Hakhakhak!

Anyway, after some thorough investigation, speechless na lang sila nang malaman nila ang main source of income ng di kagwapuhan pero super daks (super daks raw, o! Hakhakhak!) na police beat reporter. Hahahahahaha!

Iba talagang mag-alaga ng kanyang mga ombres si gobernadora. Hakhakhak!

No wonder, even the best looking men in the industry has got no hesitation to go to ded with him and become one of his lovers. Hakhakhak!

Da who ang lola natin? Well, that’s for you to know and for me to find out. Hahahahaha!

***

Iba ang arrive ni Alden Richards

GO IN full force ang mga kasamahan ni Sam Pinto sa Tween Academy: Class of 2012 ng GMA films at SMDC sa blow-out nito the other night sa resto ng kanyang manager na si Ms. Claire dela Fuente.

Pero ang lihim na pinagtilam-tilaman nina Cesar Pambid at George Vail Kabristante at iba pa naming ka-table that night ay walang iba kundi si Alden Richards who was admittedly stunning in simple pants and shirt.

Iba talaga ang charisma ng bagets na ‘to dahil makalaglag-panty ang arrive. Hahahahaha!

No wonder, Sam Pinto has changed her mind about him when they had a cruise together a couple of weeks ago.

“He’s not empty-headed, tito,” says the controversial actress who’s acting in the soon-to-be-shown movie Tween Academy as Teacher Maddie is being assiduously praised by the people who were able to watch it a couple of days ago when it had a premiere night at SM Megamall cinema 9 and 10. “I was kind of impressed with his mature line of thinking and confidence as a young man.”

Anyway, bonggacious rin ang kanyang PR and he has admittedly a firm handshake unlike most of the young actors of this generation who seem not to be aware of the positive vibes that a firm handshake generates.

Sa totoo, I have this positive feeling that he and Sam are going to hit it off wonderfully well if and when they will be paired off in another movie whose theme is a little bit more serious than the kid stuff that most movies of today are made of.

Looking at them that evening, may chemistry silang dalawa and it only takes a good movie material to bring it to the fore.

***

Head on collision nina Toni, Uge kapana-panabik

MAGKAKAIBA ang lebel ng pagka-aktres nina Toni Gonzaga at Eugene Domingo pero marami talaga ang excited na mapanood ang kanilang first movie together titled “Wedding Tayo, Wedding Hindi” na latest offering ng Star Cinema in cooperation with Octoarts Films International.

Sa totoo, riot ang eksena ng dalawa sa movie na ‘to kaya this early, a lot of people are of the belief that they have another box-office hit in the offing.

Ito kasing si Uge ay wala ring keber at pakialam sa magiging hitsura niya as long as mai-deliver niya ang performance na ini-expect sa kanya ng mga tao.

Come to think of it, that is what real acting is all about.

‘Yun bang wala kang paki kung di glamor shots ang mga kuha mo as long as you will deliver what the moviegoing public expects of you.

In a way, ganon din ang attitude ni Toni. Bilang si Belay, ang dating simple, soft-spoken and innocent girl friend of the character delineated by Zanjoe Marudo, who’s been able to metamorphose into the loud, boisterous and perpetually skimpily outfitted Japayuki.

Riot talaga ang mga eksena kung saan makahaharap ni Belay ang kanyang conservative at straitlaced would be mother-in-law. Hahahahahaha!

Pero ang main event talaga ay ang face-off nina Toni at Eugene na poles apart ang pagkakaiba ng personalidad sa kabuuhan ng pelikula.

Toni versus Eugene Domingo? Well, that’s pretty interesting. Don’t you think so?

Hahahahahahaha!

Kita-kits tayo when it opens at 100 cinemas all over the country on August 31.

***

Dalawang bekeng milyonaryo hanep kung mag-dribble ng mga ombres

SINO naman daw itong dalawang bekeng milonaryo na ang fave pastime ay chumurva ng mga lalaki at kung minsan ay parang mga bolang dini-dribble ang kanilang mga nota? Hakhakhak! Kaaning, di ba naman?

‘Yung isang milyonaryo ay napakadaling hulaan dahil siya lang naman ang balon ng kayamanan sa industriya.

Ang maganda pa sa desenteng bading na ‘to ay di siya nang-aargabyado ng mga ombres.

‘Yun ngang isa niyang paparu ay namumunini pa rin sa kanya at never niyang tinalikuran in the event that he needs some financial assistance.

Say mo, spoiled sa kanya ang papa niyang ito at wala siyang hindi tuwing may iri-request ito sa kanya. Hakhakhak!

Carry n’yo ‘yan? Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun ngang bagong papa nito ay saganang sagana talaga sa materyal na bagay kaya oks lang kung um-umin siya buong magdamag ni mama. Hakhakhak!

After all, in exchange of the sexual favors that he gives, the remuneration is super-fabulous. Hakhakhak!

Ang maganda pa sa rica-ricang badelyang ito ay hindi siya size queen. Ang totoo niyan, the mature papa is not at all well-endowed and is more on the Reggie Regalado side.

Ito namang bagets na kung gibsungan niya nang biyaya ay ganon na lang ay matitinga ka rin daw kung size ng notrisyus ang pag-uusapan. Hakhakhakhakhak!

But then, some gays’ fettish are really like that. Men with gigantic dicks are not their cup of tea and they prefer their boyfriends to possess small dicks basically. Kumbaga, roon sila nati-turn-on. Hakhakhak!

What about you? What turns you on? Hakhakhak!

‘Yun na!

***

April Boy dream ang magkaroon ng isang Christian album

SENSATIONAL sa ngayon si April ‘Boy’ Regino. People from all walks of life are talking about his cancer affliction that seems to have miraculously disappeared.

Kung dati-rati’y parang nawalan na siya ng ganang mabuhay dahil sa katakut-takot na treatments na kanyang naranasan sa Merika, this time the deppressing symptoms with regard to his affliction seem to have miraculously disappeared and he says he owes it first and foremost to his faith in our Divine Creator, and secondly, to pure organic Barley from New Zealand that he’s been able to discover when he went home to our country sometime last year.

Kung dati raw ay parang wala na siyang kalakas-lakas at wala ng kagana-ganang kumain, the moment he started taking this wonderful organic young Barley grass powder, unti-unti ay nagbalik ang kanyang lakas at gana sa pagkain.

At any rate, he still believes that Someone Up There is helping him out with his ailment that’s why in the near future, he really would want to record an album that would be composed of some songs that would exalt the goodness of the Lord.

Oo nga naman. When things go hopelessly wrong, there is only one Supreme Being that we can lean on, the One who’s always there to lend a helping hand when everything else failed.

***

Insomnia ni Ate Vi nawala dahil sa pulitika

HAHAHAHAHA! Maniniwala ba kayong carry na ngayong gumising ni Ate Vi ng 5 a.m. para six in the morning ay rush galore na siya sa Batangas City para sa flag ceremony na a must na dapat niyang attend-an?

Dati-rati, at the peak of her acting career, she would be having a veritable hard time in concatinating the right mood or ambience so she could go to sleep comforta- bly.

May mga instances pa ngang she had to wipe some chandelier clean for wanting of better things to do or do some readings on the side before the elusive sleep would come. Hahahahahaha!

Those were indeed the days when perennial insomnia would haunt her like the plague.

But these are a thing of the past now.

Sa rami ba naman ng mga pinaggagagawa niya bilang gobernador ng Batangas, at the end of the day her body would be totally exhausted, it would crave and infinitely clamor for the comfort of her bed, along with a liesurely hot bad and sleep would come naturally.

No wonder, she looks fresh and refreshed when she wakes up the following day fully charged to attend to the various and standing obligation that she has to face and cope up with being the governor elect of Batangas City.

In a way, being in politics has its downside as well but the positive side is the good news that her insomnia has now become a thing of the past.

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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