Dating sikat na male singer parang Arabo ang amoy

HAHAHAHA! Kwela naman ang kwento sa amin ng kaibigan naming komedyana tungkol sa isang dating sikat na male singer na ngayo’y pasabit-sabit na lang sa mga bookings nang kung sinu-sino dahil wala ng kumukuha sa kanya solely on his own merits.

“Alam mo, oo nga’t sikat talaga ang singer na ‘to nu’ng araw at limpak talaga ang kadatungang kanyang kinita pero nu’ng malaos siya ay nakasama ko siya sa mga road- shows sa iba’t-ibang lugar ng Pilipinas,” so says our comedienne friend.

“One time,” she goes on in an amused manner,” pinakilala ko siya sa kasama naming artista.

“Siyempre, beso-beso.

“Diyos ko, ‘day!” she trills, “sumuka talaga itong kaibigan ko sabay sabing, ‘Shit! ang baho ng lalaking ito!’

“‘Taga-Saudi ba ‘yan?

“‘Parang contract worker ang amoy!’

“At totoo nga, super kyoho ang taong ito.

“Sana nu’ng araw na sikat na sikat siya, nag-ipon siya ng maraming deodorant at mouth wash.

“Kaya pala ang daling nalaos at ang nagtiyaga na lang ay itong madam na mahilig sumakay sa mga sikat, na lahat naman ng hula ay puro palpak!

“Maligo ka nga, kuya! Hakhakhak!”

In fairness, at the height of his prodigious popularity many decades ago, she was not in the least bit malodorous.

Ganyan siguro talaga kung nagkakaedad ka na and you just don’t have the means to support your superfab lifestyle anymore just the way when your popularity was peaking.

Ang nakalulungkot, even his son who used to be a fashion plate when he was just starting to penetrate musicville is now almost a slob.

Kawawa naman. He must have been disillusioned, too, with with his uneventful singing career, he seems not to care anymore about the way he looks.

How so very sad.

Sana man lang ay may magbigay naman sa anak niya ng break dahil may talent naman ito and gifted, too, just like his dad when he was at his prime.

***

Bihira na ang mga artistang tulad ni Ate Vi

SA tinagal-tagal ko sa industriyang ito, I have yet to meet someone as nice as Ms. Vilma Santos.

Considering her lofty stature in the business, along with her gigantic accomplishments, her feet are still firmly rooted to the ground and she’s not in the least bit delusory like most people in the business are.

Saying thank you is a long forgotten virtue in as far as most showbiz denizens are concerned.

Itong si Ate Vi, nasulat ko lang ang memorable encounters ko sa kanya for the past two decades or so, I was unexpectedly deluged with truckloads of thank you’s coming from her avid followers all over the land and from her personal secretary Ate Aida, to the point that her most avid Vilmanian Jimi Escala had called me up personally to tell me how Ate Vi had supposedly appreciated the write up on her some two days ago in which we extolled her good virtues unabashedly.

Kung ganyan ba ang lahat ng mga artista, di ang ganda-ganda siguro ng mundo ng showbiz.

Kunsabagay, kaya ganyan ang kanyang mga tagahanga ay dahil sa aral lang sila sa kanilang well-bred na idolo na lady-like talaga all these years.

***

Gawin bang alibi ang mini-series ng isang aktres para mapagtakpan ang flopsinang teleserye

NAKATATAWA naman ang ginawang alibi ng isang teevee network na kesyo kaya raw iniksian ang teleserye ng isa nilang bagong ‘harbat’ na talent ay dahil daw sa gusto nilang i-fullblast ang mini-series ng bago nilang ‘acquisition.’ Hakhakhak!

Pwede bra pantyline make it brief? Hakhakhak!

Aminin na kasing ang ginawa nilang pag-pirata sa bago nilang talent was a big fuc..ing mistake! Hakhakhak!

Sa totoo, sayang lang ang malaking talent fee na binibigay nila rito.

To be very blunt about it, her career has long seen better days, their decision to take her in as supposedly one of their bankable talents was a doltish mistake. Hakhakhak!

On top of that, this pugnosed woman badly needs a good nose job, they could have availed of the services of a good cosmetic surgeon before they signed her up to a most expensive contract.

When are they going to learn?

If availing of the services of the bloated Cristy Fermin was a most expensive mistake, how would you call the idea of pirating this woman from her former network when it was glaringly obvious that she’s already a has-been in big bold letters? Hakhakhak!

Que pobrecita. Hahahahahahaha!

Sa totoo, mas okay pa ang mag-build-up ng isang baguhan kaysa i-resurrect ang career ng isang taartits na matagal ng pinaglipasan nang panahon. Huhuhuhuhuhu!

Going back to Ferminata, I guess it’s more than about time that she accepts the glaring fact that her hosting style needs a major overhauling.

Major overthhauling daw, o! Hakhakhak!

Matagal ng passe’ ang mga kita at kata mo, grannie, be more in tuned with the pre- sent times and see how your following would tremendously improve.

Period. Ayoko ng lola! Hakhakhak!

***

Mukhang bampira na kahit walang prosthetics!

HAKHAKHAK! Nagbibisyo ba ang young actress na ‘to na ang tindi-tindi ng libido?

Aba’y humpakeric na ang kanyang fezlak and she seems to be perpetually in need of a good sleep.

What seems to be the matter with her?

Dati-rati naman, she was healthy-looking.

But lately, she seems to look too vampy for comfort and she projects the wasted look naturally.

Ang nakatatawa pa, she is delineating the role of a vampire in her next movie and according to some well-meaning people, she very much look the part even without using any prosthetics at all! Hahahahahaha!

Up-close, she can never be considered a beauty the way her mom was when she was in her prime.

What’s the mattah?

Hahahahahahaha!

Honestly, without her fabulously applied make-up on, she looks very ordinary unlike her mom who was exquisitely lovely when she was her age.

Oh, well, kaya siguro siya rumaratrat dahil hurting siya kapag nakaririnig siya ng mga catty remarks to the effect that she’s nothing but a parody of her mom’s great beauty.

Hahahahahaha!

***

Bela Padilla’s being groomed as a beauty queen!

SAY mo, Marianita L.? The young lady whom you accused of not being a beauty like you a couple of months ago is now being groomed by Viva as a beauty queen perhaps along the lofty mold of a Venus Raj. Hahahahaha!

Inggit ka, noh?

Anyway, Bela P. has indeed the makings of a eauty queen just like Ms. Ruffa Gutierrez.

Di ba naman, darling?

Beauty and brain naman kasi ang baby ni Ms. Claire. For if not, she wouldn’t qualify as a broadsheet columnist. Hahaha!

Kaya naman pala medya-medya lang ang pagkakontrabida niya sa soap nila ni Jackie Rice. May plano naman pala kasi sa kanya ang Viva kaya ganon.

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!


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