Ferminata hanep sa kapal ang mukha!

JESUS H. Christ! Ang tindi talaga ng kapal ng mukha ni Ferminata, the oldies chaka who started writing some very nasty things about Nora Aunor way back during the mid-80s when the superstar had allegedly made her ignominiously wait for a couple of hours when she went to her Valencia mansion for an interview. Hahahahaha!

If I remember it right, she used to be an avid Noranian but when she started creating a name for herself by way of those shows produced and anchored by the late “Inday Badiday,” her being a fan had been relegated to the background specially so when her magazines had become veritably salable.

Anyway, she really got mad when Nora made her wait for hours on end, he staged a dramatic walkout when the superstar had finally emerged from her protective cocoon.

In fairness, Nora tried to assuage her anger, she even wrote her a personal hand- written letter but Ferminata was beyond caring.

She was a star and rich, how dare Nora made her wait when a lot of movie people where dying to be featured in her rating shows? Hakhakhak!

After that, lait to the max ang ginawa niya kay Guy. Ilang dekada talaga ang lumipas nang hindi nagsusubside ang kanyang antipathy and kind of unreasonable anger for the actress.

Sa totoo, nilalait din siya ng mga loyal fans ng morenang aktres but she stood her ground with great vehemence.

After all, she was the invincible Ferminata who was one of the hottest teevee hosts of that era when kabaduyan was still admittedly in vogue and her hackneyed kata and kita were music to the ears of her considerable following.

But that was more than two decades ago and the taste of most people have evolved into something cosmopolitan and kind of upbeat. Hahahahahaha!

All of a sudden, Ferminata has become obsolete and a thing of the past.

The advent of more articulate and more in tuned with the times Tag-lish speaking hosts like Kris Aquino and Kuya Boy Abunda had made Ferminata passe’ and a relic of an almost forgotten past. Hakhakhak!

Ikaw ba naman ang sumabay sa eloquence at intelligence ng isang Boy Abunda, wouldn’t you appear like a dud? Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, going back to Ate Guy, nakaririmarim ang pagiging feeling concerned kuno rito ng doble-karang radio and teevee host sa ngayon.

Predictably so, kung dati-rati’y lait-to-the-max ang natitikman ng aktres, this time hosanna to the highest ang mababasa sa mga cheapanggang columns ng two-timing and money-oriented matrona.





Cheap! Over sa  pagka-cheeeaaaapppp!

Waray ka kulvaa, lola. Hakhakhak!

Pa-tummy tuck ka na kasi. Hakhakhak!

A good nose-job would help, along with having your sagging facial skin firmed.

Also, put a stop to your non-stop food-tripping episodes so that you’d have a trimmer figure and not the bloated body that you have right now. Hahahahahaha!

Listen to me so that your abysmal ratings would at least improve.

Kawawa ka naman. Huhuhuhuhu!

Luging-lugi na si Mr. Manny Pangilinan sa ‘yo. Hakhakhak!

O, siya. You better stop munching that finger food you’re devouring right this very minute. Hahahahahahahaha!

Stop na, lola. It’s time to enroll at the nearest slimming salon and look a lot better on cam. Hakhakhak!


Tween Academy: Class of 2012, feel good movie ang dating

MUKHANG nagli-level up na ang GMA Films these days. Imagine, they’re coming up with a movie about the intricacies and complications of growing up that’s to be starred in by some of their hottest young talents like Joshua Dionisio, Barbie Fortesa, Bea Binene and Jake Vargas, among many others.

In a way, these young actors are indubitably fortunate for they are being given the full backing and all-out support of their mother network.

Barbie delineates the role of Kara, a cosplayer and online retailer of collectible toys. As she comes to wholeheartedly accept the death of her father, she makes use of her techie skills to help her mom face up to the challenge of acting as the family’s breadwinner.

The presence of her new-found buddy (one of her regular customers actually) Robin (Joshua Dionisio) gives her the strength to meet, and concomitantly cope up, with life’s challenges.

Bea Binene, on the other hand, essays the character of Georgina or George who’s caught up with the best friend syndrome as she develops deep feelings for her best friend Jeremy (Jake Vargas).

In her deep-seated fear of rejection, she tolerates Jeremy’s closeness with other girls.

Joining the young stars are some of our idols of the 80s and 90s like Angelu de leon, Bobby Andrews, Yayo Aguila, Pinky Amador, Nadia Montenegro, Jojo Alejar and  Chuckie Dreyfuss who make the movie more interesting and more colorful as they essay equally important roles.

Also in the movie are Lexi Fernandez, Louise delos Reyes, Alden Richards, Kristoffer Martin, Joyce Ching, Derrick Monasterio, Yassi Pressman, and Elmo Magalona.

Sam Pinto is featured in a special role as teacher Maddy who’s most supportive and caring of her students.

Directing the movie is Mark Reyes who tries his best to give an honest portrayal of issues being faced by teens today.

Teens Academy: Class of 2012 detonates in cinemas nationwide starting August 24.


Walang katapusan ang kababuyan nitong si Joey ‘Vavalina’ de castro

GRABE ang kapraningan at kababuyan ng halitosis queen na si Joey ‘Vavalina’ de Castro. Dati, nilagay ng mukhang tukmol na baboy na ‘to ang aming contact numbers sa internet at pinalabas na we are supposedly into the flesh trade and pimping for very young kids. How untakably repugnant. Hakhakhak!

Baboy talaga sa dilang baboy ang matandang ito na nilalayuan ng mga lalaki dahil bukod sa mukhang sandok (Hakhakhak! ayokoooooo! Hahahahahaha!), balbon sa peklat ang galis-infested na matandang baklang ito at may putok sa kili-kili dahil feeling baby kaya ayaw gumamit ng deodorant o kahit alcohol man lang kaya.

Cheap! Hakhakhak!

Anyway, may mga bagong kababuyan na naman lately ang mukhang tisikang tanders na ‘to at kung anu-anong mga fabricated demonic doings ang in-attribute sa amin after we tried to help him out to survive for more than two decades.

Sa totoo, this pedophile who eats like a famished anaconda (like a famished anaconda raw, o! Hakhakhak!) is really the devil’s incarnate.

Gawan mo man siya ng magagandang bagay, para siyang ahas na tutuklaw sa ‘yo.

Imagine, when we had an ailment more than a year ago, he was gloating and was wishing that we would not recover so he could usurp our position at DWIZ and in the tabloids that we maintained some columns for.

Ang kapal di ba? Over sa kapallllll!

Good riddance oldies. I wish you would rot in hell ‘coz you deserve to be there.

Baboy! Hakhakhak!


Nagkakaedad na’y balahura pa rin!

SHOCKING asia naman ang nai-feed na info sa atin ng isa nating kakosa. Imagine, hindi pa rin pala tumitigil sa kararatrat ng droga ang may edad ng character actress.

Read on.

“Madalas siya nakikitulog sa bahay ng best-friend niya,” intimates our source. “Minsan, natutulog siya sa kwarto nang nakabukas ang room. Napadaan si mister ni best-friend at pinagsabihan niya ang wife niya.

“‘Pwede ba pagsabihan mo ang bisita mo na magsuot ng panty? Ang sagwang tingnang nakabuyangyang ang kabuhayan niya!'”

Tindi talaga ng babaing ito na during her youth ay talaga namang masasabing isang very attractive and classy lady.

“Yun nga lang, na-disenchant yata sa buhay n’ya kaya nalulong sa droga.

“Kawawa naman.”

At any rate, it was a good thing that she has a son who takes care of her when the  goings get too rough for her to handle.

If it’s any consolation, hindi man siya naging isang ideal mom in its most genuine meaning, her blessing comes in having a son like him who’s not only caring but inordinately ideal as well.


Tahimik lang si Ms. Claire sa pananahimik na rin ni Bubogita

A FEW weeks ago, Ms. Claire dela Fuente was heated to the max basically because Bubonika kept on hitting her mercilessly and unabatedly in her cheaply written, press release-oriented, AC/DC columns.

Yuck! No substance at all at parang pinaa-paa lang just like her gremlins-inspired face. Hakhakhak!

Very, very true! Hahahahaha!

At any rate, when we wrote about her plans of supposedly slapping her with a p50-million libel suit, Bubonika got scared, she stopped writing about Ms. Claire in a highly repugnant light. Hakhakhak!

Afraid ang nagngangangang matanda dahil desidido na talaga ang maprinsipyong singer na pagbayarin siya, da tsakang titanic, sa kanyang mga pantasya’t pangbababoy.

At any rate, knowing Bubonic to be exceedingly perceptive when it comes to things like this, she chose to write about other subjects this time that she will benefit from.


Ilang taon nga namang sa Quezon City Regional Trial Court na siya nakatira sa rami ng bouncing checks na nai-issue niya, she knew that Ms. Claire has reached the end of her tether and she truly hankered for retribution. Hakhakhak!

“I’m not saying this to scare anyone,” the feisty ainger-turned talent manager asseverates, “but I won’t allow anyone to bismirch the kind of reputation that I’ve labored to have all these years.

“Kung di pa siya tumigil, I already conferred with my lawyers so we could slap her with a 50 million libel suit.

“I don’t care kung magastusan man ako. Some people should know how to toe the line.”

O, devah, Bubonic? Tigbakers ka sana kung di ka tumigil sa panulat mong mukhang hada, este, pera pala. Hahahahahahaha!


Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong! Pete G. Ampoloquio, Jr./Dapat Lang!


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