Habang tahimik, organized ang career ni Ate Vi: Nagkakagulo naman ang mga tauhan ni Ate Guy!

WITHOUT a modicum of sarcasm, ang layo talaga ni Nora Aunor kay Vilma Santos kung career management at professionalism ang pag-uusapan.

Hayan at habang lahat kay Ate Vi ay organized and in order talaga, ang career naman ni Ate Guy ay parang magulo at nakapapraning ang mga eksena. Hakhakhak!

Ang siyete, gusto na raw mag-resign ng isang tauhan ng superstar dahil sa kawalan ng sistema ng mga taong nakapaligid sa aktres.

‘Yung isang parang tibo nga raw ang arrive na super lakas sa aktres ay kinaiinisan ng marami dahil numero unong ilusyunda at mas mataray pa sa morenang aktres.

Bago? Hakhakhakhakhak!

Imagine, alam naman daw nitong si Kuya Germs ang nagplantsa ng lahat ng deals sa pagbabalik ng aktres pero wala raw itong pakundangan kung magtaray behind the back of the good-natured host of Master Showman. Hahahahaha!

Again, bago? Hakhakhak!

Phenomenal actress as she might have been, Nora’s been always wanting of professionalism and is not that committed to her career the way Ate Vi has always been.

Tama?

Ang komontra, magiging kamukha ni Cristinelli Salazar Fermin na parang lomod sa buraot na dagat. Hakhakhak!

Ayooookooooooo! Hahahahahaha!

Sa Bicol na lang na lugar na kanyang sinilangan, bakit natalo siya nang kumandidato bilang gobernador?

Pa’no naman kasi, wala ni katiting na propesyunalismo at laging pinananaig ang kanyang pagiging Superstar. Hahahahaha!

Ang ending, kulelat at nilampaso sa number of votes ng kanyang di naman kasikatang kalaban.

For who, in heaven’s name, is going to win if your temperament as a Superstar is always evident and campaigning is only your second priority and something you want want to shun away from?

Dios mio perdon! kahit naman supersikat ka at isang legendary superstar, Jolo Revilla ka kung tamadera ka namang kumampanya. Hakhakhak!

Ang lagi kasing nasa isipan ni La Aunor ay mahal na mahal siya ng kanyang mga devo- ted followers to the extent na ginagawa nila siyang parang isang santa. Hakhakhak!

That was way back during the 70s, inay, when your kind of popularity was indeed scalding and unmatched.

But times have inordinately altered but in your befuddled mind, you’re still the unbeatable Superstar whose mere presence would generate stampede of the most chaotic order.

Of course I’ve witnessed and seen it.

Talaga namang naiiba ang iyong popularidad nu’ng panahong ‘yun.

Ang kaso, naging complacent ka at pabaya, ang nangyari tuloy ay natulad ka nga sa rabbit na tinulugan lang ang pagong nang mag-compete sila sa takbuhan dahil no match naman daw ito sa kanya.

‘Yan ang nangyari sa inyo ni Ate Vi.

Masyado kang naging kampante na nakalalamang ka sa kanya, ang di mo alam, milya-milya na ang agwat niya sa ‘yo samantalalang ika’y naiwan na sa katihan. Hakhakhak!

What a pity!

As you might have seen it, she’s now financially stable and wallowing in superfab luxury while you’re still exerting tremendous amount of efforts just to survive.

Ang investments ni Ate Vi ay talaga namang pagkataray-taray samantalang ni bahay ay wala ka.

Liquidity-wise, she can retire from the business any time now and she can afford to live like a veritable queen.

Ikaw, ‘asan ang gigantic investments mo nu’ng time na ikaw ang highest paid actress ng pelikulang lokal?

Wasang na, Madir. Tigbakers na dahil sa walang habas mong pagka-casino.

Sana man lang, matuto ka nang mag-impok ng iyong kinikita dahil last card mo na ito madir.

After these rainfall of offers, where would you go?

Don’t tell me na magtitinda na naman tayo ng tubig sa riles ng tren dahil di na uso ‘yun, inay. Hahahahahaha!

Nakababaliw naman yatang matulad ka kay Carmen Rosales na nakatira rati sa isang dilapidated house somewhere in San Juan with nothing but her showbiz memorabilia to keep her warm during the long bouts of rainy season.

Gayahin mo si Ate Vi, likas na wais kaya di na kailanman maghihirap pa.

With all the money that are coming your way lately, why don’t you avail of a tummy tuck?

Maganda ka pa naman e, in fairness sa ‘yo.

All you need to avail of is a discreet tummy tuck and you’ll be as good as new once again.

Lastly, save your money in preparation for the long months of drought that’s surely coming your way.

‘Yun lang!

***

Himala, sosi na si Jollens!

IT’S been years since I last saw Jolina Magdangal in person.

Bagets na bagets pa siya noon at, aminin na natin, di talaga kagandahan.

But the years have been kind to the petite actress whom we used to call as babaing ibon by virtue of her heavily streaked hair na parang palong ng loro ang arrive. Hakhakhak!

Pero nag-mature na nga si Jolens at iba na kung pomorma.

Clap! Clap! Clap!

In all honesty, I had the surprise of my life when she was called onstage to stand side by side with the beautiful but kinda fleshy Claudine Barretto.

Dalagang-dalaga na nga pala ang paboritong ka-loveteam ni Marvin Agustin na molang-mola na rin ang arrive, in fairness.

In fairness raw, o! Hakhakhak!

Going back to Jolina, mature na rin pati ang kanyang pag-arte dahil katrayanggulo na siya rito nina Marvin at Claudine at may pagka-Nora Aunor ang kanyang papel.

O, devah? Hakhakhak!

Anyway, it’s nice to see how she has evolved from the pa-tweetum young actress of yore to the more sensible actress that she has metamorphosed into.

Sa totoo, madudurog ang inyong puso sa mala-Nora Aunor na pagganap niya bilang si Ramona.

Pakaabangan ang “Iglot” sa GMA telebabad beginning August 29, right after “24 Oras.”

It’s directed and conceptualized by Gil Tejada, Jr.

***

Maraming na-impress sa kagwapuhan ni Diego Loyzaga

GWAPO si Cesar Montano during his youth pero kakaiba ang arrive ng anak niyang si Diego Loyzaga nang humarap ito sa working press last Tuesday eve.

Kumbaga, boy next door talaga ang kanyang arrive with his sparkling good looks that’s veritably sizzles when you see him in person.

No wonder, ginawa kaagad siyang Kapamilya dahil talaga namang may dating siya bagama’t konsyusero kung nagsayaw.

One thing good about him, too, is the fact that he articulates his thoughts very well. Ostensibly, a legacy of his mom Teresa, who speaks in eloquent English even before she went abroad and settled there.

Isa pang lamang ni Diego sa ibang contemporaries niya ay ang kanyang impressive height that he’s been able to inherit, again, from his mom’s side.

Sa totoo, perfect matched silang dalawa ni Julia Montes na matangkad at malaking bulas ring tulad niya.

Growing Up is being directed by the handsome-enough-to-put-some-actors-to-shame (Hahahahahaha!) Lino Cayetano, and will premiere on national television on September 4.

***

Regal Films na inabutan at di pa pinanganganak nung time na mauso ang LVN Pictures Hakhakhakahak!

AMUSED si Ms. Claire dela Fuente sa mga sinusulat ng isang mukhang nagngangang reporter tungkol sa kanya sa cheap pralalaic columns nito. Hakhakhak!

“Ewan kung sino ang nag-feed doon sa reporter na nagsusulat sa isang, in fairness, ay mabentang tabloid, na nakita raw niya ako sa Megamall at hirap na hirap daw akong maglakad,” says Ms. Claire.

“Ano’ng palagay niya sa akin, 60 plus na? Hahahahaha!

“My God! Gaga ang sumulat nun,” she adds in a mildly irritated tone. “Syempre pag mataas takong mo, dahan-dahan ang lakad mo para di ka madapa.

“Kung si Sam nga,” she goes on more amused than hurt, “21 lang, ingat ding maglakad pag mataas ang takong.

“Baka madupilas ka kasi at mabalian ka ng buto.

“Porke’t binabagalan ko ang paglakad ko doesn’t mean that I’m tottering na because of old age.

“Dios me naman, baka walang pangbili ng sapatos ‘yun kaya nainggit sa shoes ko na Aldo na binili ko sa Singapore.

“Pakisabi, ayusin nila ang kanilang mathematics,” she stresses with vehemence. “16 lang ako when I started with my singing career.

“Sira ‘yang mga ‘yan,” she avers. “Feeling ko tingin nila sa akin sa LVN pictures ako nagsimula. Hahahahaha!

“Pakisabi lang, Regal films na ‘kamo inabutan ko.

“Baliw!”

Hahahahahahaha!

Magpaapekto ba tayo, Ms. Claire.

Don’t pay them any scant attention. Inggit lang ‘yang mga ‘yan dahil eskalera pa rin ang arrive mo through the years at cool na cool pa rin ang iyong Karen Carpenter-inspired voice. Hakhakhak!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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