Insecure sa kakaibang dating ni Kuya hahahahaha!

POOR guy. Nanghihinayang pala ang hunk actor na ‘to ngayong talk of the town na ang forthcoming engagement ng kontrobersyal na male personality na ‘to sa kanyang dating dyowang celebrity na ang kayamanan ay talaga namang hindi uubrang isnabin nang kahit na sino. Hakhakhak!

Dati kasi, they used to be singing sweet music together but when this erotically appealing hunk of a man came into the scene, he was relegated to the background for he was definitely no match to his youth, appealing good looks, and spectacular know -how in bed. Hakhakhak!

Kung dati-rati’y napapa-ohh at napapa-ahh ang may edad na pero gandara pa ring personalidad, this time abot hanggang Bicol (abot hanggang Bicol daw, o! Hakhakhak!) ang moans of ecstacy ng nagkakaedad na pero gandara pa ring society matron (Hahahahahaha!) kapag kina-cunnilingus na siya in an unabating manner ng masahol pa sa callboy na ombre.

Hahahahaha!

Kaya naman wah kebs ang madiraka hitsurang imbudo at nakataas ang kilay ng kanyang mga anak. Hahahahahaha!

Datung nga naman begets happiness, di ba naman?

Besides, the guy is definitely a good catch since he’s not only a looker but but a stud in bed who’s capable of several orgasms in one sitting.

In one sitting daw, o! Hakhakhak!

Kaaliw naman.

On top of that, how could an ordinary guy compete with his silicone augmented penis that’s definitely as hard as stone when fully roused?

When fully roused daw, o! Hakhakhak!

Ang maganda pa sa hunk na ‘to, he’s got a gorgeous body that’s lean and hard and muscular and super flawless, too. Hakhakhak!

‘Yung hunk na dati-rati’y kachurvahan ni madir ay hindi na kasariwaan at heavily etched with lines na ang fezlak. Hahahahahaha!

On top of that, he’s regular dick is no match to the guy’s super-fab dingdong considering the fact that he’s also a veritable six-footer. Hakhakhak!

Poor guy. Ang namana niya sa kanyang American dad ay ang height lang, dehins ang kanotahan.

And for us, that’s a veritable tragedy. Hahahahahahaha!

***

JC Regino hangan sa staying power ni Idol

SA TUWING nagsu-show silang mag-ama, di mapigilan ni JC Regino ang humanga sa achievements ng kanyang amang si April “Boy” Regino na kahit seventeen years na sa show business ay may dating pa rin sa mga tao at marami pa rin ang humahanga.

Sa totoo, wala pa siyang dalawang taong gulang nang maging megahit ang signature single ng kanyang amang Sana’y Laging Magkapiling na dahil sa tindi ng arrive nito sa publiko ay ginawang theme song ng isang pelikula noon nina Dawn Zulueta at Gardo Verzosa.

From then on, tuluy-tuloy nang talaga ang kasikatan ni Idol na na-link at the height of his fame to Kris Aquino.

Carry n’yo ‘yan? The great Kris Aquino no less ang na-link noon kay Idol at the height of his popularity.

“Sana nga, kuya, ma-achieve ko naman kahit na kalahati man lang ng narating ni Daddy, happy na ako.”

Well, that is certainly not wishful thinking since JC has got a distinctive sing-  ing style that’s a lot different from his dad’s.

Siyempre naman, carry niyang gayahin ang style ng kanyang ama pero ang maganda siguro kay JC, meron din siyang singing style na kanyang-kanya lang.

Sa totoo, ang galing niyang bumanat ng mga mellow rock at kahit na hardcore rock ay carry niya pa rin.

Ibang-iba nga ang actual performances niya sa arrive niya sa recording nila ni April Boy.

Sana nga ay ma-capture naman ang kakaibang husay niyang ito sa kanyang solo album.

Kay JC pa rin, tuwang-tuwa ang Viva sa positive response sa kanyang latest single release na sariling compositon din niya, ang awiting Ang Buhay Ko’y Para Sa ‘Yo.

***

Gurang na aktres-aktresan isnabera kahit sa mga sales ladies, mal-edukada naman

HAHAHA! Nakatatawa naman ang ilusyunadang babaing ito na nagkapera lang ay mala-Rosanggita na ang arrive nu’ng time na milyones pa ang kadatungan nito. Hakhakhak!

Imagine, kapag nagsi-shopping pala ito ay palaging nakataas ang kilay at feeling niya’y istariray siya at hinahangaan ng sanlibutan. Hakhakhak!

At say mo, ayaw raw mag-sign ng autograph ang hitad at palaging nakataas ang kilay, di na rin naman kagandahan kapag walang pundasyon at nangagsisipaglabasan ang mga eyebag. Hakhakhak!

Ang nakatatawa pa, sooo laki ang butas ng ilong kaya natatakot ang mga sales ladies na baka masinghot sila ng ilusyunadang mal-edukadang aktres-aktresan. Hahahahahaha!

Anyway, the very reason why this tremendously insecure witch of a bitch is most insecure with her papa is the fact that they are allegedly living in already and she’s naturally indubitably scared that he would find a better mate. Hakhakhak!

In all probability, that’s indeed bound to happen since the guy has this somewhat negative image of being a womanizer.

Kumbaga, kapag taon na ang binibilang ng kanyang karelasyon, doon na dumarating ang sawa factor on his part kaya naghahanap na siya nang iba.

Di ba naman Karylle and Antoinette? Hakhakhak!

Come to think of it, that is what this old woman is fast getting to get scared about.

May mga overt signs na kasing tumitingin-tingin na ang papa niya sa mga new appetizing dish and that is what makes this aging woman pretty scared. Hakhakhak!

Ang totoo niyan, she’s doing everything to please her man to the point of giving him fabulously expensive gifts.

Ang kaso, for how long?

‘Yan ang 64-dollar question na nararapat na sagutin ng protegee mo Cristy Fermin na ang show sa TV5 ay pinandidirihan ng mga televiewer dahil sa umaatikabong kabaduyan. Hahahahaha!

Paayos mo kasi ang mga taba-taba mo sa mukha para maging maayos ang arrive mo on cam.

Also, a liposuction treatment would do you a lot of good so that you could manage to wear some stylish and fashionable outfits which you could not afford to wear these days basically because of your protruding tummy. Hakhakhak!

Tama nga pala ang desisyon mong si Pilar Mateo ang i-front sa press na parao ni Nora Aunor.

At least siya, may kredibilidad dahil panahon pa ni Boy C. de Guia ay madalas na silang nagpupunta sa bahay ng Superstar.

Ikaw, nang makumpirma mong kukunin siya ng TV5, doon ka nag-trying hard.

Hakhakhakhakhak!

Where art thou is your credibility, Lola? Dati-rati, wala nang laman ang mga pralalaic columns mo kundi si Ate Vi (Vilma Santos).

Pero alang-alang sa andalu, nasikmura mo talagang dilaan ang mga sinuka mo na at ang nakatatawa, ikaw pa ang head pralaling niya sa ngayon!

How gross! HAKHAKHAK! Yuck!

Dapat ay si Marianita na lang ang sinusulat mo, lola dahil siya ang latest fave mo, di ba? Hahahahahaha!

At least ‘yun, parang mati-take pa ng mga utawzing.

Pero ang puri-purihin mo si Guy this time after lambasting her for almost three decades is unpardonably gross.

Nakasusulasok, sa true lang.

Tunay na karima-rimarim at unfit for human consumption. Hahahahahaha!

***

Ate Vi tinuwaran ni Fermin alang-alang sa career at anda

TYPICAL of Ms. Vilma Santos, she didn’t say anything uncalled for or uncouth about her arch-rival for many a good year now Ms. Nora Aunor in our latest encounter.

Obvious namang naiintindihan ng aktres ang pananabik ng mga tagahanga ni La Aunor dahil walong taon nga namang nawala sa sirkulasyon ang kanyang kumare kaya understandable lang na ma-miss siya ng publiko.

Nitong pasyalan namin siya sa kanyang gubernatorial office sa Batangas, she had nothing but the most encouraging words about the star of Scenema Concepts’s “El Presidente: The Gen. Emilio Aguinaldo Story.”

Dahil sa edukada at may breeding, ni hindi siya nag-comment sa biglaang pagkambiyo ni Fermin ng loyalty.

Kung dati-rati’y puro si Ate Vi na lang kasi ang laman ng columns ni Fermin, this time she has drastically changed allegiance overnight. Hakhakhak!

So kapal! Over sa kapallllllll! Hakhakhak!

Bago? Hahahahah!

Akam naman ng sanlibutan na si Fermin ang dakilang hunyango. Hakhakhak!

Ang bilis-bilis niyang magpalit ng loyalty as long as the price is exceedingly right. Hakhakhak!

Ang tindi mo, Lola. Overnight, nilamon mo ang iyong prinsipyo’t paninindigan at hitsurang Noranian ka na kuno ngayon.

Magkanooooooooo! Hakhakhak!

Nakahihiya ka, Lola. Nakasusulasok ang pagiging doble-kara mo!

***

Xian Lim stars in the first kotse-serye at Studio 23

SUPERFAB ang kagwapuhan ni Xian Lim. Siya lang naman ang napiling lead actor ng kauna-unahang kotse-serye sa sosyal na Studio 23.

Totoo ka, last August 9, a well-attended press conference was held at Chevrolet Greenhills Edsa showroom to present the first kotse-serye ever that’s headlined no less than the handsome and articulate Xian Lim who’s all of six-feet-two inches (if you know what I mean…Hakhakhak!) in height and an adventurous guy by heart, to boot.

The story starts on the day of Alex’s birthday. He was expecting truckloads of fun but naturally, only to realize that his girlfriend Nora (essayed by the well-bred cosmopolitan lady Helga Krapf) is missing.

Alex calls on his Sparkada friends to help him find Nora.

The  group then goes on a roller coaster adventure in search of Alex’s girlfriend using the highly functional Chevrolet Spark as their means of transportation.

As they come close to solving the mystery of Nora’s disappearance, they also get to discover the many amazing features of Chevy Spark.

Incidentally, the kotse-serye shows an entertaining depiction of friendships, young romance, along with the misadventures of the Sparkada starting tomorrow, August 14.

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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