Ang tagal nang tetano sa career namin si Cristy Fermin

NGAYONG medyo nakapapasok na kami sa mga presscons ng ABS-CBN, saka lang namin nakumpirma ang hunch naming matagal na pala kaming hinaharangan ng matandang lomodic na si Cristinelli Salazar Fermin.

Kiyeme-kiyemeng anak kuno ang tawag sa amin ng dabianitang tanderaketch pero saan ka, she was doing some obnoxiously evil schemes behind our back all along.

Honestly, matagal na naman pala kaming gustong i-invite sa mga presscons roon pero lagi na’y dinadaan sa diplomasya ng plastikadang Nganga Queen.

Nganga Queen daw, o! Hakhakhak!

As a matter of fact, when she was still hosting “Crispy Per Minute” (Crispy Per Minute raw, o! Hakhakhak!), she wanted to take our good friend Peter Ledesma as one of the shows field reporters but typical of Peter who’s got innate delicadeza, he declined the offer.

Telling the undisputed Nganga Queen that I would feel slighted in the event that she took him in and ignored my presence. Hakhakhak!

Bakit nga ba ayaw na ayaw ni Lola Crispy na makasama kami sa isang show?

Hakhakhak!

Do I have to shout it out? Hindi ba’t obvious at given na given naman?

Unang-una, Tagalista ang lola at bilingual ako.

Siyempre, maiilawan ang kakulangan niya. Hakhakhak!

Puro tayutay at mga Lola Basyang chuva nga naman ang pakakawalan niya samantalang we are more on the dynamic side. Hakhakhak!

In short, bluntly stated, matatalbugan siya kaya gusto niyang makasama ay ‘yung maggi-glitter siya at di masasapawan.

Di ba naman? Hakhakhak!

Kaya hayan, ang latest fave niya ay si Shalaletch for some reasons too obvious for us to expound on. Hakhakhak!

Di nga naman siya matatalbugan nito Mr. Perci Intalan dahil close fight ang kanilang fezlak.
Hahahahahahahahaha!

Eh, kung ako ang kaeksena niya, (Hakhakhak!) syolbogers nga naman siya lalo na’t telegenic ako.
Hakhakhak!

Keber ko ba kung wala akong teevee show as long as maookray naman kita to the max and people would know how inept and passe’ as a teevee host you are. Hakhakhak!

Come to think of it, palagi namang ganon ang nangyayari sa teevee hosting careers namin ni Peter Ledesma.

Doon na nga lang sa isang maliit na teevee network ay naintriga pa rin kami kung kailan magbubunga na sana ang mga paghihirap namin dahil papasukin na ng ads ang aming show.

Anyway, sa “Juicy” naman, we had an auspicious start pero dahil sa mga taong insecure at diabolical, nagbabu na naman kami dahil ginapang ng isang tao roong gustong mabawasan ang exposures at highlight namin nina Morly at Rey.

Bago?

Is that something eyebrowraisingly new?

Ganyan talaga when you have talent, maraming satanista ang haharang sa ‘yo out of intense and immense insecurity.

It’s sad, but that’s how things are. Di ba naman, Bubonika, da ogrilyang tsaka? Hahahahahahaha!

Pero okay lang. We still would go on dreaming that our real big break would come along when we least expected it.

Harangan man kami ng sibat ng mga insecure at panget (are you there, Bubogski? Hakhakhak!), I strongly believe that our time would eventually come.

It surely would, Bubonic, da tsakang titanic. Hahahahahahaha!

Honestly, if I get to see her ogrilya physiognomy on national television, I  never fail to utter a simple prayer of thanks to the Lord for He’s given me a father like my late dad Pete Licayan Ampoloquio, Sr. of Sierrabollones, Bohol, and a mother like my late mom Caridad Garcia Ampoloquio, where I have inhirited my good genes. Hakhakhak!

My dad was way ahead of his time Bubonic, the ugly titanic. And was a man of unquestioned intelligence.

Hindi pa nauuso ang mga antioxidants na ‘yan, he was already very much into it.

No wonder, he had a long fufilling life in spite of his rheumatic heart ailment.

Eh, ikaw, Fermin? Saan ba nanggaling ang genes mong number one sa harbatan at reyna ng kaplastikan? Hakhakhak!

Kahit na ano pa ang gawin ng mataba mong katawan at pangit mong mukha, you won’t be able to put me down completely.

Mapa-noselift kasi, noh? Sandamakmak naman ang nagigetlag mo sa very generous na si Papa Willie, why don’t you avail of one para hindi na hirap na hirap ang mga cameramen ng Juicy tuwing aangguluhan ka? Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Ayoookooooooooooooooooh! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Babutsh, tsaka! Manigas ka!

***

Lamunan ng eksena sina Cristine Reyes, Anne Curits

BREATHTAKING ang mga confrontation scenes nina Cristine Reyes at Anne Curtis sa latest offering ng Star Cinema at Viva films entitled “No Other Woman.”

Wala ka talagang masabi sa galing nilang mag-emote pareho.

Parang masi-shock kang tunay sa husay nilang umarte at lamunan to-the-max talaga from beginning up to the end.

Alam nating maganda si Cristine Reyes pero in character ang kakaibang make-up dito ni Anne Curtis na agaw-eksena namang tunay.

Oo nga’t mahusay na aktor si Derek Ramsey and he’s certainly oozing with sex appeal, pero the fight is really between the two women as they tried with all their might to hold on to Derek at all cost.

Agaw-eksena rin si Ms. Carmi Martin sa mga napapanahong dialogues niya rito na lihim n’yong ikatatawa.

I particularly am amused with her dialog comparing Gretchen Barretto and Lucy Torres. I’m sure that line alone would bring the house down.

It’s soon to detonate in some 100 cinemas nationwide so do watch for it.

***

Sino ba talaga Rosanna?

PABORITONG pag-usapan ngayon ang mga lalaking dinawit ni Rosanna Roces sa kanyang pagpapakontrobersyal. Hakhakhak!

Nu’ng una, da best daw si Ted Failon. Pero lately, may bagong deveplopments, biglang napasali na naman ang tahimik na ang pamumuhay na action star na nag-venture na into the equally intriguing world of politics lately. Hakhakhak!

Sabi nga kasi ni Rosanggita sa isang lengguang  entertainment writer, si papang action daw ang da best sa churvahan, not to mention the fact that the guy’s also well-endowed. Hakhakhak!

Here’s the final question, sino nga ba sa dalawa ang da best sa kama?

Hakhakhakhakhak!

Well, Ted Failon might be a good lay but the action star is certainly a more appetizing partner not only because he comes from a family of men who are terrific in bed but basically because, and I believe so, he has an edge when it comes to size. Hahahahahaha!

Melanie Marquez should know. Hakhakhak!

But this is not to say that Papa Ted is not well-endowed. Hakhakhak!

He might be but the other one is muy simpatico. Hakhakhak!

***

Sila na nga ba?

NAKATUTUWA naman ang tsika sa dalawang ombre na ‘to.

Dati-rati, hindi talaga binibigyan ng pansin ang intimacy o closeness nila. After all, both of them are Fil-Am boys who grew up in the States, not together, maybe, but they become intriguingly close when they started living together in our country and have been inseparable since then.

There is no doubt that the rapper happens to be a real guy. Macho talaga siya at papang-papa talaga ang arrive.

‘Yun nga lang, the other one’s sexuality seems to be a little bit questionable. Hakhakhak!

Habang nagtatagal kasi, parang napaghahalatang ‘malambot’ siya, if you know the salient point I’m hinting at. Hakhakhak!

To further complicate matters, may mga kwento-kwento na ngayong talaga raw ‘mama’ niya ang di katangkarang R&B singer. Hakhakhak!

How intriguing naman. Hakhakhak!

Ang nakaiintriga talaga, ‘yung relasyon daw ng R&B singer sa isang kontrobersyal na sexy actress is not naman daw what most people believed it to be.

Parang shoulder to cry on lang daw ng catty-eyed sexy actress ang hunk ang arrive na male singer dahil in reality, mag-amiga intima lang daw silang talaga.

Carry n’yo ‘yun?

Kaya for once, parang credible ang mga misleading headlines sa mga tabloids dahil bisexual daw ang galingerong kumanta (falsetto ang style mga friends…Hakhakhakhakhak!)

How infinitely intriguing! Hahahahahahahahaha!

***

Tumitira nga ba ng droga si Ate?

MARAMI ang naiintriga sa actuations lately ng isang mahusay umarteng sexy actress na versatile namang tunay. For some reasons too baffling for most people to explain, kung anik-anik daw ang may-I-put ni Ate sa kanyang Twitter account.

Mga commentaries na kinda weird at hindi masakyan ng nakararami.

Is she really sane or sober nang i-tweet niya ang mga messages na ‘yun o baka naman bangagers siya or under the influence of ‘something.’

Somorething daw, o! Hakhakhak!

Whatever, depressed daw kasi si Ate lately dahil unti-unti na niyang nararamdaman ang panghihinawa ng kanyang hunk na paparu.

Bagama’t living together pa rin naman sila, tipong ramdam daw ni Ate na the end is near.

How sad naman.

Nag-ilusyon pa naman ang ate nating for keeps na ang relasyon nilang dalawa ng hunky and rich niyang papa, tapos sa wala rin pala ito magtatapos.

Well, that’s life.

You just can’t have it all, my dear. At one point, you have to let go for in the first place, he was never yours.

***

Pagmamahal sa fans, sikreto ng staying power ni Ate Vi

STARS are dime a dozen but only a handful have what you call as staying power or longevity in the business.

Queenstar for all seasons Ms. Vilma Santos happens to be one of the few who has it,
staying power, I mean.

I won’t compare her with other actresses for it would be grossly unfair to do so, but Ate Vi is one of the very few who’s been able to maintain her awesome status all these years.

More than four decades na siya sa industriya pero nanatili siyang walang kakupas-kupas at maningning pa rin ang pagkabituin.

Why is that so?

Simple lang, ibang klase siya kung magmahal sa kanyang mga Vilmanians kaya super loyal sila sa kanya.

Without being told, she goes out of her way to send a little succor to a beleaguered fan.

Kumbaga, hindi fans ang turing nila sa kanya kundi extended family na niya.

No wonder, they are still very much around after all these years.

Ang nakatutuwa, nadaragdagan sila as time goes by dahil ang mga kamag-anak at mga kaibigan ng kanyang mga tagahanga ay napabibilib na rin sa ganda ng pag-uugali ni Ate Vi.

Need I say more?

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang Kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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