Libagerang sexy actress addicted sa shabu!

HAHAHAHA! How amusing naman is the deplorable antics of this sexy actress who’s got the image of a femme fatale but in reality, she is wanting of cleanliness and not fond of taking a bath. Hahahahahahaha!

How outrageously cheap!

No wonder, her leading man in that cheap horror movie she has recently been able to finish doing is not in any way attracted to her.

Marumi raw kasi ang kakutisan ng babaeng mahusay sanang umarte pero kulang naman sa physical hygiene chuva. Hahahahaha!

Pa’no nga naman maliligo ang dugyuterang babae, shabu user ito ever. Hahahahaha!

Kunsabagay, with the kind of cheap kangkangan movies that she gets to do, expected lang na magbibisyo siya para lumakas ang kanyang loob at maging matapang ang kanyang apog. Hahahahaha!

At least nga naman, with her too plebeian physiognomy, she’s been able to upstage most of the other actresses in this genre for the simple reason that she happens to be the daughter of his once very popular and iconic father.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Ang ikli-ikli kaya ng kanyang ilong and without her thickly applied make-up on, she’s definitely a sorry sight to behold. Hakhakhak!

***

Maswerte si Ms. Claire at gandara ang kanyang protege

INASMUCH as I would have wanted to watch GMA7’s Protege, I just can’t do it for it gets aired at a time when I’m still out the house inordinately busy with my other showbiz commitments.

But the program has tremendous promise in the sense that it’s innovative and the kind of program that’s in vogue these days all over the world.

Anyway, we’ve been getting some negative feedbacks lately to the effect that most of the proteges are not in any way qalified to be in the business.

“Patawarin ako, Pete,” so says a visibly disenchanted televiewer, “but the proteges that they have been able to choose, save for the one being handled by Ms. Claire dela Fuente, are all tsakas.

“I hope I’m not being too cruel or judgmental, but the other talents are all hopelessly devoid of pleasant good looks and positive aura, maliban nga roon kay Jensen Kyra Tenoso na may personality at may height pa.

“‘Yun ngang talent ni Jaya ay chakikay talaga at walang ganda mereseng may husay namang kumanta.

“Sa mga ganitong talent search, dapat ay kinu-consider rin nila ang physical make-up ng isang talent bago kunin at iharap sa camera.”

Oo nga naman.

Hindi lang naman lahat ay ganda ng boses lang, personality is also important.

Oh, well, iba naman kasi ang point of view ni Ms. Claire. Nitong huli ko siyang makausap, ang sabi niya’y sumunod lang naman siya sa guidelines na binigay ng GMA na bukod sa may talent sa singing, kailangang may personalidad din ang pipiliing protege.

‘Yun lang!

***

Sensational talaga ang baklung hunk!

ILANG araw ng walang tigil sa kari-ring ang aming cell. Ironically, iisa lang ang gusto nilang malaman. Sino raw ba ang morenong hunk na nai-feature namin dito sa ating tabloid na vaklita pala off-cam? Hahahahahahahaha!

Well, nasa isang sikat na network ang klosetang ito at off-cam, hindi ka talaga mag-iisip na siya pala’y baklita dahil sa veritable hunk na packaging ng kanyang network. Hahahahahaha!

Ako nga’y walang kaidi-idea na clavecilla (clavecilla raw, o! Hahahahaha!) pala ito kundi ko lang nakita sa isang presscon na pahinda-hindara (pahinda-hindara raw, o! Hahahaha!) at nang makipag-talkies sa ibang guests ay obvious na may bahid talaga.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Like I said, afraid lang daw ang klosetang hunk (klosetang hunk daw, o! Hahahahahahaha!) na baka mabukesh ang mga intimate photos niya roon kung saan he was photographed with some equally hunky succulent men in some highly incriminating poses. Hakhakhak!

Sino ba naman kasi ang mag-aakalang sisikat siya at magiging artista?

Ang ending, he’s NOW being haunted by the ghost of his own indiscretions. Hakhakhak!

Kaya pala may mga litrato siyang nakahubad sa internet. Ibinabandera pala niyang talaga ang kanyang succulent dick so as to be able to entice other dicks also. Hahahahaha!

Kabaliwed! Hahahahaha!

***

Recharge muna ng battery Ate Vi!

THE secret of Queenstar Vilma Santos’ perennial freshness and positive outlook in life is her penchant for long, fulfilling vacation when work is getting to be too stiffling and suffocating.

Kung dati-rati’y sa US of A siya rumarampa, this time sa asian countries naman sila mamamasyal ni Senator Ralph Recto at Ryan Christian para pagdating nga naman niya’y fully recharged na naman siya and ready to face new challenges in her life and her showbiz and political careers as well.

Siyempre, the moment she’s back, puspusan ang kanilang gagawing pagsu-shoot sa movie nila ni Kim Chiu na slated for release na yata on the first quarter of 2012.

Also, she’s slated to tender or host an intimate party na birthday treat niya bale sa ilang kaibigan na gaganapin sa Kapitolyo ng Batangas.

Alam n’yo naman si Ate Vi, she knows how to please people closest to her heart.

At any rate, it’s nice to know that she and Joebert Sucaldito have finally smoked the peace pipe and are in good terms once again.

Sang-ayon nga pala sa update ng kanyang personal secretary na si Ate Aida Fandialan, they’re presently having a grand time in Phuket Island, Thailand and are billeted in Radisson Blu. Group of 13 and will be there up to the 5th of November.

***

Walang katapusang intriga

FINALLY, the cat is now out in the bag. Off-line na palang talaga ang mag-asawang ito na matagal nag-deny sa state of things in as far as their marriage is concerned.

Cry me a river talaga ang girlalu nang mag-disapir ang kanyang ‘hard-earned money in a wink of an eye. Hahahahahaha!

Hard-earned in the sense na it supposedly came from the numerous hard-on of so many men she was able to have some private dealings with. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Anyway, it is best that they part ways because the woman is no longer the kind of woman that he got married to.

Nalason na raw ito ng kanyang obsession with money and the fabulous things that go with it as well.

Magpagamot man siya sa sandamakmak na pyschiatrists, to no avail pa rin dahil deep-seated ang kanyang need for money na parang security blanket niya ngayong para ng on the brink of collapse na ang kanyang marriage.

Oh, well, ganyan talaga when you become obsessed with money.

Disaster usualy follows.

Period!

***

May project naman pala

MATATAHIMIK na siguro ang mga fanatics ni Alfred Vargas dahil hindi naman pala totoong nabagoong na siya right after the highly successful “Mutya” wherein he co-starred with Precious Lara Quigaman and the new child wonder Mutya.

Para sa mga endless tanungeros (tanungeros raw, o! Hahahahaha!) sa aming cell, nakalimutan ko lang ang working title nito but it appears to be a good replacement.

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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