Nakaiinsulto nga namang macho ang ipinagpalit sa’yo

NANAHIMIK pero down deep inside, hurting daw talaga ang young actress na ‘to dahil ang ipinagpalit sa kanya ng paparu niyang yummy at rapsa-rapsa’t super dakota ay isang character actor na may foreign blood. Hahahahahahaha!

Yes, my dear, it’s not a she, it’s a he. Hakhakhak!

Ano ba ‘yan?

Pa’no naman kasi, tigasera ang ulo niya. She was told a thousand times before that the man she was falling for was definitely a closet queen but she never did listen to them.

Akala niya kasi ay i-epekto ang kanyang sex appeal at beauty sa pa-ombaw na aktor na oo nga’t nagmumura ang nota at sex appeal pero supsupera rin off-cam. Hahahaha!

Anyway, it’s time to move on and look for the man who’s capable of making you veritably happy.

Marami naman kasing interesado sa young actress na ‘to. ‘Yun nga lang, ang gusto niya siguro’y lalakeng may arrive, stature at namezung para hindi alangan sa kanya.

Ang kaso, apart from the fact that guys like that are so hard to find in a business peopled with the eccentric and the lunatic, so hard to deal with daw ang ombre na nagetlag ng edukada at sosyal na girlalung ito dahil mala-Tom Cruise ang drama nito nu’ng time na silang dalawa pa ni Nicole Kidman during the mid and late 80s.

That time raw kasi when the famed actress was still married to her very good-looking mate, she still had to ask permission before she would be given the chance to see her husband in the flesh. Hakhakhak!

Ang mga vaklushi talaga, iba-iba ang drama. Hakhakhak!

Anyway, it’s nice to know that the young actress has finally reached the end of her tether and has come to accept the truth that she is better off without the closet queen actor by her side.

‘Yun na!

***

Ferminata lalong dumarami ang trauma

NAKAHAHABAG naman itong si Ferminata, da lola tsaka of TV5. Hakhakhak!

Imagine, talk of the town ang latest embarrassment na nangyari sa kanya nang pumunta siya sa wake ng dati niyang ka-live-in na si Boss Loren at palayasin siya in full regalia ng mga anak nito.

It’s no laughing matter for she must have experienced the biggest letdown in her life but that is the real essence of comeuppance or retribution.

Nakiapid kasi siya at nang-argabyado ng kanyang kapwa, dapat lang na maranasan niya ang bwelta ng bad karma or retribution.

Career-wise, ang tindi rin ng kanyang paglagapak. Hayan at doing well ang tinarakan niya nang patalikod na si Nora Aunor at patuloy sa pagdagsa ang mga commercials nito sa soap niya sa TV5 pero siya’y unti-unti nang natitigbak ang mga showbiz-oriented shows na pinagtatrabahuhan na ang pinaka-latest casualty raw ay ang ratingless niyang Starlet Confession. Hakhakhakhakhak!

Ang siyete, baka next-in-line na raw ang Juiceless. Hahahahahaha!

Buti nga. Kala siguro nila mas may appeal sa viewers si Lola Nganga. What they are not aware of is the salient fact that she’s being avoided like the plague. Hakhakhak!

Ipagpalit ba naman kasi ang Mercedes Benz sa isang taxi na kakarag-karag, what would you expect but terrible fiasco?
Hahahahahahaha!

It’s not good business, darling. Dati barya-barya lang ang payzung n’yo sa amin nina Rey Pumaloy at Morly Alinio but the ROI was infinitely better.

Ngayon, you’re paying this old woman a hefty sum but there never is a modicum of income on the part of the network.

Hahahahaha! Kabaliwed!

Pero ang nakatatawang balita kay Lola Nganga ay ang tsikang she’s supposedly falling for an actor young enough to be her grandson. Hakhakhak!

Ano ba ‘yan? Mahimasmasan ka naman, lola. Balikan mo na lang kaya si Oliva or anyone of your old flames kaysa naman magpaka-cheap ka sa batang ‘yan.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Ayusin n’yo na lang ni Shalaletch ang hosting chore n’yo para alisin na kayo sa graveyard shift. Hahahahahahaha!

Ang cheap!

***

Cristine Reyes, Alma Moreno na talaga ng milenyo

PROPHETIC nang gawin ni Cristine Reyes ang millennium version ng “Eva Fonda,” “16” sa ABS CBN. Hayan kasi at parang siya na nga ang rightful successor ni Ms. Moreno dahil sa unkabogable ang box-office receipts ng kanilang “No Other Woman” ni Ms. Anne Curtis.

Anyway, to further confirm her supremacy of late, soaring to high heavens ang ratings ng “Reputasyon” na pinagsasamahan nila ng kanyang real life paparu na si Rayver Cruz, along with Aiko Melendez, Jaclyn Jose, Jayson Abalos among many others.

Suffice to say, malaki na ang ipinagbago ni Cristine in the sense na aware na siya ngayon sa importance ng good education.

And since she’s not capable of going back to school anymore by virtue of her hectic working sched, she’s now into reading paperbacks.

Sosi, di ba naman?

Anyway, marami pa raw siyang dream na gustong matupad but she’s indubitably happy that her dreams are fast becoming stark realities.

Well, the future looks bright and you don’t have to be a gypsy to know that Cristine’s future in the biz is veritably bright.

***

Sad ang isang loyal followers ng isang sikat na artista dahil sa nagyayari sa idol niya

NAKAUSAP namin the other day ang isang loyal follower ng isang phenomenal na aktres and he’s really sad with the unexpected developments in his idol’s career and showbiz life as a whole.

Bagama’t umaatikabo ang press releases na matutuloy naman daw ang kontrata nito sa
isang network, afraid ang kaibigan namin sa maaaring mangyari.

“Kapatid, I have this feeling of deja vu,” he tells us with a foreboding of things to come. “Kawawa naman ang ating mama.

“Pa’no na lang ang mangyayari kung hindi naman i-renew ng network ang kontratang inaasahan niya?

“What’s going to happen to her?

“Ang feeling ko talaga,” he musingly states, “she’s banking on that for the kind of treatment that she’s going to have in the States.

“What if hindi naman i-renew ang kanyang contract, what’s going to happen to our mama?

“Alam mo bang ilang araw pala siyang nag-comatose sa Japan right after that surgery she had undergone?

“What’s going to happen to her now? Hindi naman siya sing liquid ni Ate Vi.

“I really feel nothing but sadness for our mama. Kawawa naman siya,” he surmises.

Oh, well, sana nama’y irenew ang kanyang contract dahil she needs it badly for her kind of subsistence.

Hindi naman siya masamang tao tulad ng isang matronang tsaka riyan na humahataw ang bulok na pag-uugali.

‘Yun na!

***

Mas effect at enjoyable ang ‘The Bottom Line’ pag si Kuya Boy ang ‘guest!’

BAGAMA’T puyat na puyat kami sa aming deadlines, tinutukan talaga namin last Saturday ang special presentation ng The Bottom Line kung saan si Kuya Boy Abunda naman ang bale ‘guest’ sa show niyang esekola talaga ang arrive.

Honestly speaking, we enjoyed it more when he’s the one being roasted and not the other way around.

I’m not saying that his guests are dumb or not half as witty and articulate as he is, but they just don’t have the spontaneity and eloquence of a Boy Abunda, along with his seldom exploited wackiness and sense of humor.

Sa totoo, mas kwela ang show kung si kuya Boy na ang nagpapakawala ng kanyang mga zany ideas and unrivalled sense of humor.

Para sa amin, kwelang-kwela ‘yung sagot niya sa katanungang if and when he’s given the chance to become an animal, what would he choose to be?

Hagalpakan talaga ang mga edukadong guests niya when he said matter of factly that he’d like to become a dog so he and his mate for so many years Mr. Bong Quintana could petform the dog style he’d always been wondering about.

Hakhakhak!

‘Yan si kuya Boy, mas effect at entertaining when he’s not following any script and is being given the chance to be his intrinsically witty and wacky self. Hahahahaha!

Happy birthday, Kuya Boy. I could not think of any special gift to give you for I’m poor and you practically have everything in life.

Some people are indeed born lucky. Nang magsabog yata ng swerte ang Diyos, nakopo mo ng lahat, Kuya Boy.

‘Yun na!

Many happy returns of the day once again!

***

Star talaga si Ate Vi

IBA talaga ang arrive ng Queenstar for all Seasons na si Ms. Vilma Santos. Hayan at sinabi lang niyang balak nila sa Batangas na lagyan ng Batangas ang dalisdis ng Taal Volcano para makatulong sa kanilang turismo, may violent reactions agad ang mga kontrabida riyan. Hahahahahaha!

Magsitigil nga kayo, plano palang nagngangangawa na kayo.

Anyway, the mere fact that even pher smallest lans are being talked-about by the multitude only imply or connote the fact that her kind of popularity is still veritably hot. That’s one thing nice if you’ve been extra-careful with regard to your career’s maintenance is concerned.

Si Ate  Vi kasi, she’s always been most particular when you speak of her career’s upkeep.

No wonder, she’s still much sought-after, the presence of younger and fresher talents notwithstanding.

Ikaw na ang maging Queenstar for all Seasons. Hahahahahahaha!

Mamatay kayo sa inggit!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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