Nanghihinayang pa rin kay mudra

SAD pala ang isang dating bold actor na ngayo’y into character roles na lang dahil di na kasariwaan. Ang pantasya kasi niyang mama is slated to get married na with a guy who is young enough to be her son. Hahahahahaahaha!

Kung tutuusin, sila talaga ang magka-match dahil mature na rin namang tingnan ang bold actor na ‘to, ‘yun nga lang, he doesn’t have the fire and sophistication that the personality of the groom to be exudes.

On top of that, bataers siyempre ang bagong papa ng hataw pa rin ang libidong personalidad mereseng in her 50s na ang beauty niya. Hahahahahahaha!

Ang totoo nga niyan, dahil sa katatanggal niya ng mga tell-tale signs of aging sa kanyang fezlak, (fezlak daw, o! Hakhakhak!) kiratayzingly yours na siya ever (Hahahahahaha! how veritably amusing!) at di na gaanong nakatatawa sa sobrang pagkabanat ng kanyang mukha.

At least naman, her body is still okay, albeit enhancement galore rin ang drama niya rito.

Ang pagkakaiba nga lang niya sa mga kliyente niyang mga matrona, highly disciplined siya and seems to be obsessed with staying young and svelte.

Anyway, going back to her former paparu, his body is indeed divine but his face has considerably hardened with the passing of time.

On top of that, his muscular body has all the more highlighted what he basically lacks at the size department, if you know the salient point I’m hinting at.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Size is might, darling, and the guy who’s hugging the limelight right now with the super rich personality has decided to all the more enhance his dick by way of collagen injections. Hakhakhak!

Mas lalo nga namang naging katakam-takam siya in the process dahil nagkaroon ng bulk ang medyo payatola niyang equipment.

Equipment daw, o! Hakhakhak!

No wonder, lalong ginaganahan sa kanyang makipagkuyangyangan ang maedad na pero may K pa ring babaeng negosyante. Hahahahahaha!

Kung dati nga nama’y hindi sintigas ng bato ang erection ni papa, with the help of the superfab collagen injections, he’s now hard as steel. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Nagtilam-tilam ka raw! Hakhakhak!

Come to think of it, ‘yan din ang advantage ng siyensya. If your dick is not that impressive, something can still be done to make it tolerable or big if you want it that way. Hakhakhak!

Ang maganda pa sa collagen augmentation process na ‘to, your erection or hard on stays longer.

Stays longer raw, o! Hakhakhak!

Even when at rest, your notes is still kind of bulky and almost ready to fight.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Hindi ba tulad sa ordinary notes na parang sooo liit na once it has reached or achieved orgasm and will take quite sometime before it springs back into action again.

Hahahahahahahahahaha! How delectable and lickable indeed!

Hahahahahahaha!

***

Ferminata KSP talaga (puro hot actors ng ABS-CBN ang binibira hahahaha!)

PARANG hilong tulilong na ang lapad ang long-i na si Ferminata, the syoba-syobang matrona. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

In sheer desperation, wala na itong ginawa kundi i-blind item nang i-blind-item ang male talents ng ABS-CBN.

At ang kanyang flavor of the month ay si Coco Martin na paborito niyang bira-birahin at isulat in a most denigrating light sa column niyang paboritong basahin ng mga pantasyadorang tulad niya. Hahahahahahaha!

Kesyo madalas raw itong maglasing kung saan-saan at feel na feel daw nitong mag-trip lalo na’t kargado na ng alak.

Minsan nga raw, in one of his supposedly diabolical moods, hinamon daw nito nang suntukan ang isang waiter who was naturally purportedly appalled with his shocking demeanor. Hahahahahahaha!

Really, lola? Are you positive Coco really did it?

Hahahahahahaha!

Just because he is one of the current raves at ABS-CBN,  you’re trying to pull him down by way of writing cheap concoctions on him. Hahahahaha!

Anyway, kahit raw kadalasa’y butata naman at nakatatawa ang mga blind items niyang nilumot na nang panahon, write pa rin nang write si Lola Ferminata, da sooo laki ang tiyanetch na matrona. Hahahahahaha!

Anyway, no matter what you say in print or in your Juice-less showbiz-oriented show that’s being avoided like the plague by the televiewers, it’s Coco’s time and there is nothing that you can do to put him down.

Magnganga ka na lang kasi, noh? Or better still, do something about your pugnose and have it lifted. Hahahahahahhaha!

Basta si Coco, hataw ang showbiz career lalo na’t next year ay magi-start na ang kanyang bagong primetime teleserye (Walang Hanggan) with her new leading-lady Julia Montes.

Nagsu-shoot din siya lately ng movie nila ni Angeline Quinto (You Light Up My Life) and again, hopefully by next year, he intends to fulfill another dream of doing a movie with Ms. Judy Ann Santos no less.

Anyway, parang lamay na ang ambience ng Juiceless ni Ferminatext dahil sa kawalan ng interes ng mga co-hosts niyang makipag-trabos kwenta sa isang cheapanggang lolang tulad niya na reyna raw ng intrega (Hakhakhak!), ay mali! intriga pala, pero pinandidirihang pasukin ng mga sponsors at kaisi-isa na nga, kay Bossing Manny Pangilinan pa. Hakhakhak!

Syorak, di ba naman?

Anyway, ipanalangin niyang huwag mawala sa ere ang alaga niyang si Papa Willie dahil once na ma-lost na ang kanyang manok, she and her ugly beyond belief face (ugly beyond belief face raw, o! Harharhar!) is positively going to lose her leverage and would eventually be banished in the faraway island of Timbukto where she rightfully and truthfully belongs! Hahahahaha!

Anyway, the latest news we’ve gathered has it that Juice-less is going to get axed soon.

Well, not surprising really. Overdue na nga ang walang katorya-toryang show na ‘yan eh. Hahahahahahahaha!

***

‘The Road’ is spectacular

INTERNATIONALLY acclaimed Director Yam Laranas is set to deliver one of the scariest blockbuster movie event this year that will satisfy your cravings for a dose of veritable terror and unmatched suspense.

Set to detonate on theaters nationwide on November 30, it boosts of a powerhouse cast that includes Carmina Villaroel, Marvin Agustin, Rhian Ramos, Barbie Forteza and TJ Trinidad together Alden Richards, Louise delos Reyes, Derrick Monasterio, Lexi Fernandez, Ynna Assistio and Renz Valerio.

I’m happy to know that my favorite actor John Regala is a part of this movie, along with Gerald Madrid, Lloyd Samartino, Allan Paule, and Ms. Jacklyn Jose.

Anyway, “The Road” narrates about a twelve-year-old cold case that is reopened when three teens are missing in an abandoned road.

In the course of the investigation, more eplosive gruesome stories of abduction and murders are unearthed.

After more than two decades, the secrets of the road are finally revealed and the ghost lurking in the dark and desolate pathway is out to make sure nobody leaves alive.

The Road is set to deliver an unforgettable scare in cinemas on November 30.

***

The most enduring movie queen

BEFORE “100 Days To Heaven” had finally bid their besotted viewers adieu, the Queenstar for All Seasons Ms. Vilma Santos was given the chance to be a part of it.

Hindi man kahabaan ang kanyang exposure, but it was more than enough to add luster to the soap and make the rabid Vilmanians all over the country deliriously happy.

In a way, it was not much of a role but her mere presence had made her avid Vilmanians ecstatic and so happy to see their idol acting once again before the cameras and in a top-rating soap yet.

Anyway, seeing Ms. Vilma emote once again before the camera seems to signal her looming comeback that will reach full fruition the moment her movie with Kim Chiu, “The Healing,” gets shown sometime next year.

Iba talaga si Ate Vi, her mere presence makes an otherwise simple scene electrifying and breathtaking to boot.

Kay Ate Vi pa rin, na-meet namin nina Jimi Escala at Abe Paulite some two weeks ago ang mga avid Vilmanians niya and they even treated us to a sumptuous dinner at Cabalen resto, Trinoma branch.

Sa totoo, maganda ang samahan nila at touching talaga ang sweetness ni Master Joey Cruz who footed the bill for all of us. I’m particularly touched with Cesar Santiago who was good-natured enough to invite us to their little party.

***

Nakahihiya ang diskarte mo Kuya!

NAKAHIHIYA naman ang diskarte nitong broadcaster na to na ang packaging pa nama’y makatao raw siya at very humane. Hakhakhak!

Ang image niya sa publiko’y napakabait daw niya at public service ang ruling passion sa buhay.

Napakabait daw, o! Hakhakhak!

But how true na off-cam, maraming ginagawang karumal-dumal ang lalakeng ito na karamiha’y pangungutong ang eksena?

At isa nga sa dinidiskartehan daw nito sa ngayon ay si Ms. Claire dela Fuente na kung paniniwalaan natin ang mga tsikang nakararating sa ati’y gusto raw madekwatan ng lalakeng ito nang malaking halaga.

Over naman, brod. Ms. Claire is no longer that solid and she has truckloads of problems kaya huwag mo ng dagdagan pa.

Kilabutan ka sa mga pinaggagagawa mo.

Nakahihiya kayo. Public servant kuno pero attack and collect palang tulad ni Ferminata, the nganga queen tsaka. Hahahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you Nong.

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