Abortion queen ang plastikadang personalidad

GRABE naman ang balitang nakalap namin tungkol sa gurang at plastikadang personalidad na ito sa larangan ng show business.

Imagine, talk of the town daw sa Hong Kong (where Remate is supposedly selling like the proverbial hotcake… Hakhakhak!) ang kabulastugan ng di kagandahang personalidad na ‘to na kung bumanat sa kanyang column ay para bang virginal at beyond reproach ang kanyang character gayong ito pala ang itinuturing na abortion queen ng mga tao somewhere in the Camarin Caloocan area. Hahahahahaha!

Sa fezlak niyang ‘yun na very homely talaga, tatlong beses na palang nagpa-abort ang lalakerong tanderaketch na ‘to. Harharhar!

Carry n’yo ‘yan?

Ang nakababaliw pa, afterwards, ginawa na raw negosyo ng tsakang lola ang pagdadala ng mga kliyente sa abortionist sa lugar na ‘yun. Hahahahahaha!

Matindi talaga ang kapal ng pagmumukha ng matronang tabachingching na ‘to. Imagine, she is making abortion one of her regular well-paying jobs. Hakhakhak!

Kapalistik, di ba naman?

The mere fact that she had mindless abortions was diabolical enough, he tends to complicate matters all the more by encouraging other women (mostly from show business so we’ve been told… how rotten can you get!) to do the same hideously abominable thing.

Grabeeeeeee!

“Camarin Caloocan Area D ang madalas puntahan ng lolang abortion queen,” informs our mole, “malapit sa chapel ng Iglesia ni Cristo ang watering hole rati ng babaeng ito.”

Hay, naku! napaka-rotten talaga ng pagkatao ng ngangaerang ito. Anything na pagkakaperahan ay pinapasok niya.

Dati nga’y naging super B (B as in bugalingling or pimp… Hakhakhak!) ito sa isa niyang alagang mahilig sa mga ombres kapag may buwan.

Kapag may buwan daw, o! Hakhakhak! How demeaningly cheap!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Reynang-reyna si Eugene Domingo sa ‘Shake, Rattle & Roll 13’

FOR the very first time, na-invite kami sa presscon ng Regal films. Salamat kay Jhun Nardo who invited us to be a part of the exclusive coterie of press people that he gets to invite for the presscons of Mother Lily Monteverde’s produced movies under Regal.

Since I came early for I didn’t want to be late for our radio show at DWIZ (882 khz in your radio dial, 2 to 3 p.m., Monday thru Friday), I came just in time to see the Regal people just preparing the presscon venue.

Hakhakhak!

Nakatatawa talaga ang mga Pinoy. Kahit ilang dekada na ang nakalilipas, hindi pa rin nawawala ang innate penchant natin for being late.

Di ba tulad sa mga Americans na kapag sinabing 2 p.m. ang appointed time, a little before that time ay naroroon na sila at naghihintay sa ‘yo.

Not the Pinoys puhleeezzzeee! Hakhakhak!

For some reasons, this predilection for tardiness has somehow been ingrained in our system.

How gross!

Anyway, Shake, Rattle & Roll ang movie at si Mother lang yata ang nakagagawang napagsasama niya in a highly successful manner ang mga artista ng Dos at GMA in one movie.

Ma-imagine mong naroroon ang gandarang Mara Clara star na si Dimples Romana (who seem to have come straight from her tapings at ABS-CBN, she looks exceedingly famished and had to eat with relish before the other members of the cast.. Hahahahaha!) along with Zanjoe Marudo, Maricar Reyes, Kathryn Bernardo, Sam Concepcion, Hiro Magalona, Louise delos Reyes (the Alakdana girl who’s a lot slimmer and dazzlingly beautiful these days, you can’t take your eyes off her ample curves and endowments), Ara Mina, Julia Clarete, Edgar Allan Guzman, Jay Manalo (who looks heavy and no longer svelte the way he was during the mid and late 90s), and the star of them all and ostensibly Mother Lily’s current fave, Ms. Eugene Domingo whose set of expensive earrings and ring are dazzlingly brilliant, eyes are revited to it… Hakhakhak!).

Anyway, from the looks of it, another winner na naman ang Shake, Rattle & Roll sa darating na Metro Manila Film Fest if only because of the spell-binding assemblage of stars that only the magic spell of Mother Lily Monteverde can accomplish.

***

Daig pa ang vaklung sa kamalditahan

SHAKIRA naman ang kamalditahan ng isang supposedly ay machong personalidad na sumali sa isang reality show kamakailan.

Imagine, tahimik na nga ‘yung mga babaeng nakabangga niya sa isla pero katsang to the max pa rin ang ombre na ‘to na para bang babae rin siyang nireregla at nagmamahadera. Hahahahahahaha!

Kaloka ka, hijo. Put a stop to your katarayan because it doesn’t become you one bit.

Granting na sila (the women) ang at fault and you’re the aggrieved party, that doesn’t give you the right to badmouth them in your twitter account.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Huwag ipakita ang pagkababae, utoy. Napaghahahalata tuloy ang iyong maricona streaks.

Hahahahahaha!

Okay lang para sa isang lalake ang maglabas ng kanyang saloobin in a most objective light but for you to harp about it repeatedly already reeks of kabaklaan. Hahahaha!

Bakla ka ba, kuya? Hahahahahaha!

Sayang ka raw, daks ka pa naman sana.

Daks pa raw naman sana, o! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

How cheap!

Awat na utoy, di ka dapat pumapatol sa kapwa mo babae.

Kapwa mo raw babae, o! Hakhakhakhakhak!

Cheap!

***

Natatawa na lang si Ms. Claire sa pagiging mercenary ng makatao kunong broadcaster

MUM is the word na lang si Ms. Claire dela Fuente everytime she’s been told about the exceedingly rotten ways of this broadcaster with the ube-colored gums (ube-colored gums raw, o! Hakhakhak!).

Aba’y grabe raw ang pagtitilam-tilam sa anda ng may appeal naman sanang lalakeng ito.

Day in, day out ay ginagawa raw siyang putulan nito sa radio program niyang pinagkakakitaan daw talaga nito. Hahahahahahaha!

Public service raw kuno ang beat niya pero ang pinaka-ending ay harbat to-the-max ang nagtitilam-tilam pala-palagi sa andang ombre. Hahahahahahahaha!

Tigilan mo na kasi si Ms. Claire, kuya, dahil hindi naman siya reyna ng anda tulad ng iyong iniilusyon.

Hardworking lang siyang tulad natin kaya magtigil ka na.

Nota mo na lang ang asikasuhin mo at baka nawawala na ang erection dahil patang-pata na sa taas ng iyong elevator shoes na may karga sa loob. Hahahahahahaha!

May karga raw sa loob, o! Hahahahahahaha!

***

GMA-7 brings ‘Knock Out’ back to TV beginning December 5

BECAUSE boxing is one of the favorite sports in the country these days, GMA-7 brings back to TV the animated series that shows the life of boxers. Beginning December 5, Knock Out airs every morning, Mondays thru Saturdays.

Knock Out is about a shy high school student named Ippo, who is always being bullied by mean boys. One day, he almost gets badly injured when the bullies beat him up to a pulp until a professional boxer called Takamura saves him from them.

When Ippo gains consciousness, he finds himself in the boxing gym where Takamura trains. The latter then encourages him to express his anger toward his offenders by punching a sandbag. To the surprise of those who witnessed his punch, Ippo has a great potential to be a  professional boxer.

From that point on, Ippo’s life begins to change; he is no longer the timid teenager who gets beaten up. He works hard to learn the sport, not to take vengeance on the boys who are bad to him, but to show that he can succeed with sheer determination and persistence.

As the story depicts how Ippo learns about discipline, friendship and self-confidence, it also informs viewers of various terms and techniques related to the famous sport.

Join Ippo as he trains to be a world-class boxer! Knock Out airs on weekday mornings after “Bleach” and every Saturday morning after “Master Hamsters” on GMA-7.

***

Sherwin Ordoñez marami ang nagtilam-tilam

HAKHAKHAK! How so very amusing talaga ang mga vaklushi. Nu’ng time na aktibo pa sa show business ang gwaping na si Sherwin Ordoñez, deadma lang sila. Pero nitong i-feature namin ang kanyang sizzling beefcake kung saan he was photograph in all his succulent nudity, madaling araw palang ay umuusok na ang aming cell numbers sa rami ng nagre-react sa kanyang sexy pic. Hakhakhakhakhak!

So, para sa mga tagasubaybay niyang di pala masyadong naging aware sa ginawa niyang indie movie some two years ago, here he is in a more revealing shot.

***

Wala ng mahihiling pa si Ate Vi

FOR the first time in her life the Queenstar for all season can reportedly say that her life has come full circle and she’s definitely sated and happy for what she has become and accomplished.

“Okay na talaga ang buhay ko sa ngayon,” she dreamily states in a recent interview.

“If I want to unwind and take some rest when I feel that I’m saddled with too much work na, nagagawa ko naman.

“When I’m abroad,” she avers, “parang ordinaryo akong taong nakapaglalakad.

“On top of that, nanay rin ako. Nariyan ang asawa ko.

“My friends are also here,” she adds beaming. “Isang pasabi ko lang kay Jimi (Escala, her good-natured publicist), you’re all here.

“Sabi nga ni Raymond (Isaac), ‘Wala ka bang pahinga?

“But I love what I’m doing and being tired has never entered my mind.”

Oo nga naman.

Besides, iba nga ang consistency ng isang Vilma Santos.

When the late megman Ishmael Bernal was still alive, he truly marvelled on her ability to cope up with non-stop shooting scheds without necessarily becoming tired or experiencing fatigue.

Naiiba nga si Ate Vi. She’s not only highly disciplined but goal-oriented as well.

Matatagalan siguro bago dumating ang isa pang tulad niya.

‘Yan ay kung may darating pang tulad niya.

****

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

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