Supalpal si Ferminata dahil nanonood si Sarah G. ng ‘Juicy’ nu’ng time namin nina Morly at Rey

HAHAHAHAHA! Cheapanggetch talaga itong si Ferminata, da lolang sobrang baduy at tsaka. Hakhakhak!

Imagine, watch galore pala si Sarah Geronimo ng Juicy nu’ng time na kami pa ang naroroon at hindi silang dalawa ni Shalaletch. Hakhakhak!

Lately, the golden girl of Viva is no longer aware of what’s happening with the show for obvious reasons.
Hahahahahahaha!

Who would have the slightest of interest to watch a show that’s being anchored by an old woman who’s so baduy and not in the least bit interesting to watch with her deplorable Tagalog that was in vogue during Atang dela Rama’s era?

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

How gross!

Sipsepera kasi at dinadaan lahat-lahat sa pagsisipsep at hindi sa talent.

Look, the show has been going on for more than a year with her anchoring it and what happened to it?

Hindi ba’t pinagwewelgahan ng mga sponsor?

Kundi lang magaling sa sipsipan ang bungalyang ito, do you think she would be able to hold on to a show that’s being avoided like the plague by the multitude? Hahahahahahaha!

Yosi-kadiri!

Dinadaan lahat sa paninipsep at pagnananay-nanayan niya kuning-kuning gayung isa siyang plastikadang bruha na numero unong mangga. Hahahahahahahaha!

With an anchor like that, who’s going to watch?

An anchor needs to have credibility. Hindi ba ganyang ngayon ay nilalait ang isang personalidad, para purihin lang some two or three days after dahil naharbatan na. Hahahahahaha!

Kilalang-kilala ka na sa industriya, lola. Most of the showbiz denizens are already aware of your obnoxious modus operandi.

Ikaw ang original na attack and collect.

One day, babanat-banatan mo ang isang personalidad para puri-purihin kapag mission accomplished na.

Hahahahahahaha!

Cheap! Hitsura ng kutongerang pulis! Hahahahahahahaha! Kaya pala sooo laki na ang tiyanetch. Hahahahahaha!

No wonder, below sea level ang ratings mo. Honestly, no one is interested to watch any show with you anchoring it.

You’re a goner! Magnganga ka na lang sa Parada, Valenzuela City where you rightfully and truthfully belong.

Dinekwat mo ang show namin, magdusa ka!

Imagine, ang gaganda ng segments namin noon, nagmaganda kang inalis ang mga ‘yun para kunwa-kunwari ay orig mo ang lahat ng ideas sa show. Hahahahahaha!

Ang baduy-baduy mo. Magtinda ka na lang ng champoy at magnganga habang naghihintay ng mamimili. Hahahahahahaha!

Retribution or comeuppance has descended unto you, lola. Dapat, nararapat at karapat-dapat lang!

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Di na pinanonood

ARAW-ARAW ay binabantan ni Ferminata sa kanyang cheapanggetch na columns si Sarah Geronimo. Pati ba naman ang regalo nitong t-shirt at pabango kay Gerald Anderson ay pinupuna at iniintriga. Hahahahaha!

Itulad ba sa kanyang awtentikong matrona kaya nagreregalo ng second hand car worth 175 grand way back during the 90s. Hahahahahaha!

Di ba naman, Gerry Oliva? Hahahahahahaha!

Babae po si Sarah Geronimo. A young attractive lady who’s not running after men like you do. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Ang pocket-belt employee na vaklushi na nakatanso ever. Hahahahahahahaha!

Remember the beautiful brass bed, lola? Hakhakhak!

Kaya tigilan mo na si Sarah Geronimo dahil di naman siya ikaw who needs to give men expensive presents for them to fall for your obnoxious charisma. Hahahahahahahaha!

Hindi siya bakla, Manang Ferminata. Berdaderong babae siya at napakaganda, why should she spend for men she fancies when that is the abominable actuations of a matrona? Hahahahaha!

Put a stop to your senseless tirade because you don’t have any right.

Manalamin ka muna at baka mas nakasusulasok ang iyong makita.

Period. Ayoko ng tsakaaaaaa!

Hahahahahahahaha!

Anyway, kaya siguro naloka si lola Ferminata ay dahil nanonood pala ng Juicy noon si Sarah, tapos wish na sa ngayon. Hahahaha!

In the first place, who would have the initiative to watch a show that’s reeking with kabaduyan and gory cheapness? Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Nagkamal ng di biru-birong pera nu’ng panahon niya pero ngayon’y nagta-taxi na lang

WALA namang masama kung nagta-taxi lang ang isang veteran actress o nakikisuyo sa isa niyang kaibigan para ihatid siya sa mga okasyong kailangang may billing naman ang dating niya.

‘Yun nga lang, parang nakapaninibagong malamang ang isang dating sikat na aktres na tulad niyang maituturing ng isang institusyon sa larangang kanyang kinabibilangan ay wala na palang caru at taxi lola na lang kapag type niyang lumabas o mag-malling kaya.

Kapag mga awards night o iba pang showbiz event, pinakikiusapan niya ang kaibigan niyang artista na mas marunong sa buhay kaya mas nakapagpundar at pabolosa ang lifestyle.

No wonder, kayod-marino silang mag-asawa. Wala pala kasi silang naipon kaya making up for lost time silang dalawa.

Buti naman at nauuso ang mga veteran actor lately kaya kahit papano ay may career sila sa ngayon.

‘Kala ko pa naman ay living in fabulous style na sila dahil matagal na rin silang nag-aartista. ‘Yun pala, mas effect pa ang lifestyle ni Mother Alfie. Hahahahahahaha!

Joke!

***

Ate Vi walang kapaguran

IBA talaga ang stamina at staying power ng Queenstar for all season na si Governor Vilma Santos.

Sa induction ng newly elected set of PMPC officers sa R Bistro, she came early and was still there when we left the party.

Kung napaiba-iba ‘yun, baka nagmamadaling aalis after the usual kaplastikan sa mga ganitong okasyon.

But not our beloved Queenstar for all season. She knows what her obligations are and is perpetually the paradigm of professionalism.

Honestly, kami ang napagod sa seemingly endless interviews kay Ate Vi. Hahahahaha!

Pagdating na pagdating palang niya, nagkagulo na ang mga working press at ang crews ng iba’t ibang networks.

Kung hindi pa sinabihang awat na muna dahil the PMPC event would already commence, hindi pa pakakawalan si Ate Vi.

But typycal of the reigning Batangas governor, she was perennially smiling all throughout the somewhat chaotic proceedings.

Honestly, I’ve never seen a woman her age look so fresh and comely in spite of the endless pressures for interviews that were coming her way.

Ang tawag dun ay grace under pressure and the Queenstar has been able to master the art of looking cool and unruffled in spite of the repeated demands on her time and attention.

Imagine, maliban sa mga TV crew at mga entertainment writers, naroroon pa si Kuya Germs na ang sipag-sipag mag-interview ng mga artista para sa kanilang Walang Tulugan Show (Master Showman).

But through it all, Ate Vi was the paradigm of self-possession and poise. The questions asked might be repetitive at times but she had never shown any boredom.

Paulit-ulit man ang mga katangungan, she would answer them with the same kind of enthusiasm and interest. Hahahahahahaha!

Kung ako siguro ‘yun baka inatake na ako ng migraine. Hahahahahaha!

Malaking bagay rin kay Ate Vi ang ubiquitous presence ng kanyang personal secretary na si Ate Aida Fandialan.

Napakabait niya and she understands Ate Vi’s profession, along with the sometimes idiotic demands of her job.

Summing it up, the newly elected president Roldan Frias Castro has never chosen a perfect personality for the job.

Sugar and spice and everything nice, that’s Ate Vi in a nutshell in the many decades that she’s been in this kind of business.

Going back to the PMPC, one member commented that during their time, the induction ceremony was not elaborately staged the way it is now with President Roldan.

Ikaw na ang maging artistic at well-connected.

‘Yun na!

***

Mark Anthony Fernandez at home sa GMA-7

KUNG ang ibang GMA-7 talents ay naglilipatan na sa ABS-CBN, si Mark Anthony Fernandez ay smug and complacent sa kanyang kalagayan sa nasabing network.

So far, maganda naman ang feedbacks sa kanilang Munting Heredera na two weeks from now ay magbababu na sa ere.

Ang leading-lady niyang si Camille Prats ay looking forward to another soap dahil ayaw daw niyang nababakante. Naiisip lang daw kasi niya ang mister niyang si Anthony Linsangan na sariwang-sariwa pa ang pagkawala sa kanyang isipan.

Anyway, at home si Mark sa GMA dahil lagi na’y nagbibigay sila ng allowances sa kanyang artistic ‘leanings’. Hahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Ang mabait at legit na si Direk Maryo J. delos Reyes ang kanilang direktor dito kung saan isa sa mga lead characters ay ang legendary movie queen na si Ms. Gloria Romero.

Huwag na huwag bibitiw sa mga huling araw ng Munting Heredera sa mas pinaaga nitong timeslot right after ng 24 Oras sa GMA Telebabad.

***

Ang Masculados Dos ni Direk Maryo J.

NAKATUTUWA namang humahataw na pala sa mga bookings ang Masculados Dos ni Direk Maryo J. delos Reyes.

So far, may infusion ng new talents ang grupo kaya lalo itong naging exciting sa pananaw ng mga vaklushi (vaklushi raw, o! Hahahahaha!) at mga babaeng hot-blooded (hot-blooded daw, o! Hahahahahaha!).

At least meron sila ngayong bagong katilam-tilam na miyembro sa katauhan ni Uzo Ong na kasali rin sa Munting Heredera bilang kaibigan ni Mark Anthony Fernandez.

Tall and brown-skinned and handsome in a purely Pinoy way, marami ang nagsasabing malayo ang kanyang mararating basta’t huwag lang gagawing priority ang mga chicks.

Di ba naman, Direk Maryo? Hahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

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