Vice Ganda nasopla sa simpleng katarayan ni Maja Salvador

NO OFFENSE meant kay Sir Deo Endrinal who’s the veritably accommodating and sweet manager of Vice Ganda pero last Sunday, nanibago kami sa diskarte ng kanyang alaga.

Special guests kasi nito sa “Gandang Gabi Vice” ang real and reel sweethearts na sina Maja Salvador and Matteo Guidicelli in connection with the promo of their movie “My Cactus Heart” under Star Cinema and for the very first time, the usually acidic tongued Vice had suddenly become kind of stupefied with her guest’s innuendos.

Unang patutsada ni Majita ay bigyan daw silang dalawa ng tight close-up shots ni Vice para makita kung sino ang mas effect ang beauty sa kanilang dalawa. Hahahahahaha!

Buti na lang at superb ang lighting skills ng lights man ng Gandang Gabi Vice kaya hindi nakita sa on cam ang puntong gustong i-emphasize ng pugnacious girlfriend ni Matteo. Hahahahaha!

Flawless kasi on cam (salamat sa napaka-efficient na pag-iilaw.. Hahahahaha!) pero off-cam slightly flawed ang skin tone ni Vice.

Anyway, maraming witty, if not sardonic repartees si Majita kay Vice but surprisingly, di naka-issue ng one liner ang otherwise ay napaka-bitchy na si Vice.

Ketbalites? Ano’ng magic meron si Maja at for the very first time ay naging subservient ang napaka-cavalier na host?

Kahit kay Matteo ay di gaanong makaporma si Vice at parang wary siya of Maja’s acid-like stares. Hahahahahahahaha!

Babaeng bakla kasi ang dyowa ni Matteo kaya parang na-upstage ang katarayan at kabaklaan ni Vice.

Hitsura ng Cactus sa katarayan talaga ever, napuna naming sa mga participants na lang ibinubunton ni Vice ang kanyang mga kagagahan at pagka-imbudo kay Maja. Hakhakhak!

Anyhow, mukhang not in his elements si Vice that evening and was not meticulously made-up the way he always had been.

Bongga ‘yung outfit niya sa kanyang opening number but the sweater-like outfit afterwards did not suit him at all and was kinda cheap for his stature.

Whatever, showing na ang My Cactus Heart nina Maja, Matteo at Xian Lim under the direction of Enrico Santos. It’s going to get shown on the 25th of January in some 100 cinemas nationwide.

***

Wala nang kulay ang mga mata ni kuya

WHEN he came out of that big house in show business a couple of years ago, he was ostensibly an overnight sensation.

Good roles were coming his way and he suddenly become the fair-haired boy of Tinsel town.

Suddenly, gays of all stripes would want to taste his kind of succulence and infini tely dying to get under his pants. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Que sabroso raw kasi ang itzu ni kuya and his sizable dick seemed to be throbbing with excitement and desire. Hahahahahahaha!

For a while, he became a much sought-after dish at The Fort (the Global city of course! Hahahahahaha!) and bisexuals would go there if only to take a chance of seeing him in the flesh.

Anyhow, things are a lot different these days. His freshness is barely visible and his succulence has been extinguished with his endless tapings and night-outs with friends.

Pero ang hindi niya ma-take ay ang katotohanang wala nang weather sa kanya ang sikat at gwapong aktor na noo’y atat na atat at nagtitilam-tilam to-the-max sa kanyang ratbulites (ratbulites raw, o! Hakhakhak!).

It rankles for him that the flame in his (the bisexual actor) eyes is no longer there and he’s now looking in the direction of succulent and fresher guys.

When he was new in the business and was dripping with freshness, the brown-skinned actor was literally salivating and most of the time would want to eat him with full unadulterated relish. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

But things have inordinately altered and he’s now cold and indifferent.

Sandamakmak nga naman ang mga lalaking pumapapel sa kanya at meron pa ngang out-of-showbiz guys na dinadalaw ito in the States, among many men he goes to bed with on a regular basis. Hahahahahahaha!

Kaya nga ngalngal to-the-max ang girlalung magkamaling ma-in-love sa kanya dahil wala naman siyang feel talaga sa kanila at gusto lang niyang gamitin sila for ego-boosting purposes. Hahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Sayang na tarugs. Soo laki pa naman and sooo very haba. Hakhakhak!

***

Maswerte si Gladys sa macho na’y mabait pang si Christopher Roxas

SHE is not the hottest actress this side of Hollywood but Gladys Reyes is definitely lucky to have Christopher Roxas for a husband.

Sa totoo, a man of few words itong si Chris but if you get to talk to him sensibly, he’s capable of opening up in a mature and sensible manner.

I’m happy though that after the highly successful “Nasaan ka, Elisa?, meron na naman daw siyang follow-up soap sa Dos.

Nice naman.

It’s high time that a consummate actor like him should be given good roles in today’s soap operas. After all, he’s really a competent actor as evidenced by his convincing portrayal of a macho gay in the soap that features Melissa Ricks in the title role.

Sana lang ay magpa-derma nang konti si Pareng Chris at gumamit ng facial cream para lalong mag-bloom ang kanyang kagwapuhan the way it was a couple of years ago.

***

Touching si Pareng Eddie del Mar, Jr.

MINSAN, little things mean a lot to entertainment writers like us.

Perfect example ang sweetness ng pare naming si Eddie del Mar, Jr. who’s now on the comeback trail.

I’ve known him since the late 80s (when he was still Cristina Crisol’s soul mate… soul mate raw, o! Hahahahahaha!) and since then, we always get to see each other within the vicinity of Talipapa, Novaliches where we both live.

Anyway, Ed is once again active with his showbiz career. He’s just finished doing “Talunang Manok” where he’s one of the lead actors and is definitely encouraged to do more indie flicks where he’ll be able to practice his craft all the more.

Whatever, na-touch naman kami sa kumpare namin dahil bring galore naman siya the other day ng prutas dahil lumabas nga raw siya rito sa ating tabloid the other day.

Well, goodluck Pareng Ed. Hope to see you doing more movies in the near future.

***

Dapat tigbakin ang walang katorya-toryang showbiz-oriented programs ni Ferminata

LAGI-LAGING nagmamaganda pero sa totoo lang, matagal nang natigbak ang hosting career on national television ng lomodic na si Ferminata na kadalasa’y parang sokpalites na ang dentures. Hakhakhak!

How gross!

My God! Millennium na at dynamic hosting na ang in vogue pero si Ferminata’y nagpapakawala pa rin ng mga senseless kita at kata niya na suited lang nu’ng time ni Atang dela Rama. Hakhakhakhak!

No wonder, her shows are being avoided like the plague and is being shunned away from by the multitudes. Hahahahahahahahaha!

How gross!

Anyway, Perci Intalan appears to be a big fan of the deplorable tanderaketch obese woman and is doing everything under his power to save her career from annihilation.

Imagine, almost two years ng nagho-host ng “Juicy” ang gurang na bungalya (gurang na bungalya raw, o! Hahahahahaha!) but no ROI (return of investment) whatsoever. Hahahahaha!

Cheap!

During our time, 6% ang replays namin late in the evening at ten to twelve ad placements ang aming nakukuha.

Kung di lang sinabotahe ang aming appearances nina Rey Pumaloy at Morly Alinio, we would still be integral part of the show.

As a matter of fact, nu’ng time na paalis na kami and we were left to do things on our own, unti-unti nang nangagsisipagbalikan ang mga commercials kaya natakot si Bungalya at in-insist na tigbakin na kami agad-agad dahil papasok na raw kuno siya.

Hahahahahaha! As if naman she could do something for the show. Hahahahaha!

Sad to say, nang ma-realize ng ad men na ang matandang bungalya na ang uupo roon, bigla silang nangagsipag-alisan and never did come back ever. Hahahahahahaha!

How uproariously funny that from then on, it has become the show that ad placements adamantly shun away from. Hakhakhak!

Akala ko ba’y sikat ka Ferminata? Asan ang kasikatan mo at parang diring-diri sa ‘yo ang mga commercials? Hahahahahahaha!

Kung di ka lang sipsipera kay Perci Intalan, baka matagal nang nalibing ang career mo, lola. Hahahahahaha!

You’re a second rate talent who’s hosting skills has long seen better days and is no longer adaptable to the present times.

Magnganga ka na lang sa Parada, Valenzuela, Bulacan dahil doon ka nababagay.

Cheeeaaaaappppp! Hakhakhakhakhak!

Osla ka na at wala nang naniniwala sa ‘yong attack and collect hosting and writing skills. Hakhakhakhak!

***

The queen still reigns supreme

PANAHON na raw ng mga new blood sa industriya but everytime Queenstar Vilma Santos would hug centerstage, they are reduced to being her minions. Hahahahahaha!

She might not be 18 anymore but she’s still very much capable of drawing immense admirations from people from all walks of life with her queenly bearing and unfading beauty.

‘Yan ang advantage kung marunong kang mag-alaga sa ‘yong sarili at maingat sa ‘yong mga kinakain.

At an age when most of your contemporaries are already problematic about their wrinkles and sagging skin tone, you’re still youngish and exuberantly appealing.

Ikaw na ang maging Vilma Santos Recto, gandara pa rin ang itzu kahit na 36 years old na siya. Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

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