Intriga ng mga vaklushi… Mas masarap daw ang nota ng bagong papa ng personalidad dahil totoo at ‘di collagen augmented

HAHAHAHAHA! So nakatatawa naman ang allegations ng mga bakla sa isang presscon na napuntahan namin lately.

Imagine, kaya raw biglang nagkaroon ng change of heart ang isang rica-ricang personality lately ay dahil sa she was able to realize the big difference between a real dick as compared to the synthetic one. Hahahahahaha!

‘Yung orig na paparu raw kasi ay may sabit ang ratbulites (may sabit daw ang ratbulites, o! would you know what that connotes? Hakhakhak!) kapag may churvahan session sila. Hakhakhak!

That’s the negative effect when you have a collagen infused dick. Hakhakhak!

The consistency is not smooth or even. Para kasing may mga bukol-bukol ito na kapag may penetration scenes ay may sabit na di kagandahan ang arrive. Hahahahahahaha!

Kapag fellatio naman daw ang eksena, di rin kagandahan dahil napi-feel ng kanyang mamaru ang mga bolitas-like manifestations sa kanyang penis. Hakhakhak!

Di ba’t amusing?

In stark contrast, the new guy is said to be all natural and oh, so smooth.

During penetration scenes, the filthy rich matron could purportedly feel nothing but smooth flesh enveloping her whole being, giving her immense happiness.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Apart from that, the new guy is a lot easier to manage or handle.

Hindi ba tulad doon sa rati na binigay mo na ang langit ay para bang wala pa ring arrive sa kanya dahil nasanay na siya sa karangyaan.

Kung mag-shopping nga raw ang dalawa ay parang picking apples lang ang ilung ombre at one of those things na lang sa kanya ang mga signature outfits, jewelry galore, even the most expensive make of a car that’s worth millions.

Hahahahahahahaha!

No wonder, nang makahalata ang exploiter na ombre na unti-unti nang nawawala ang hold niya sa kanyang mamaru ay biglang nagbago na naman ito ng diskarte at mea culpa na naman ever. Hahahahahaha!

How cheap!

Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

‘The Road’ goes to Hollywood

IBA talaga ang arrive ng GMA Films, hayan at going international na pala ang kanilang The Road na obra-maestra ng multi-awarded director na si Yam Laranas.

To make things a lot easier for GMA Films, Hollywood-based international film distribution outfit Freestyle Releasing will release The Road in mainstream American and Canadian market starting May 11, 2012.

The movie as directed by Yam Laranas will be shown in over 50 cinemas across North America and Canada. And just like any Hollywood movie, The Road will also hold a glitzy premiere night at the Mann Chinese Theater in Los Angeles, California on May 9.

It’s going to be graced by the film’s producers, cast, Laranas as well as celebrated personalities  in Hollywood.

“I think this is the first time that a locally-produced film will be distributed commercially by an international releasing outfit in the U.S. and Canada, and treated like a Hollywood produced movie. “This is not simply a special off-shore screening of a locally produced film; this is in fact a full-fledged commercial distribution deal, and there’s a big difference between the two,” avers GMA films President Annete Gozon-Abrogar.

The movie stars Rhian Ramos, Carmina Villaroel, Marvin Agustin, TJ Trinidad, Alden Richards, Barbie Forteza, Louise delos Reyes, Derrick Monasterio, Lexi Fernandez, Ynna Asistio and Renz Valerio.

The Road will be simultaneously released in digital home video format, and will be made available  globally via subscription-based and online distribution platforms including Video-on-demand, Amazon Prime, Netflix, and iTunes.

***

Jake Cuenca balik-Kapuso?

SHOCKING Asia naman ang balitang nasagap namin lately.

Imagine, kung ang ibang Kapuso artists ay aligaga sa pag-o-over-da-bakod sa Kapamilya network, ang dating homegrown talent naman nilang si Jake Cuenca na lumipat sa ABS-CBN ay rumored na muling magbabalik-Kapuso raw at gagawa ng bagong soap with no less than Jennylyn Mercado as his leading-lady.

Makakasama rin daw sa nasabing project ang resident hunk ng GMA na si Aljur Abrenica.

O, devah?

What goes around, comes around.

So what’s new? If ever this hot gossip is true, nothing shocks us anymore. Hahahahahaha!

Bagooooooh? Hakhakhak!

***

Aswang na Ferminata, siya talagang gumapang sa co-hosting job namin sa Juicy

I WAS able to talk to a balikbayan friend the other day and he confirmed our hunch for quite sometime already.

“Ano pa, mama!” avers our source,”isa ‘yan sa kondisyones ng babaeng talangka (babaeng talangka raw, o! Hakhakhak!) o demand niya bago tanggapin ang offer ng TV5.

“Walang puso ang babaeng ‘yan.

“Ginawa rin niya before ‘yan kay Tita Swarding sa Paparazzi,” he ventures further. “Obviously, mas pinili ng Paparazzi tabloid si Tita Swarding kaya nasupalpal siya at napahiya.

“Grabe ang power tripping ng lola mo,” he ventures further.

Anyway, akala raw ng babaeng bungalya (babaeng bungalya raw, o! Hahahahahahaha!) ay magagawa niyang eksenahan si Nora Aunor nung time na bago palang ito sa nasabing network.

Ang kaso, siya ang nalagay sa graveyard shift at nabawasan ng thirty minutes ang Parazzi eklabetch (Hahahahahahaha!) at nalagay pa sa timeslot na ginugutay-gutay talaga siya ng Eat Bulaga at Showtime. Hahahahahaha!

If that is not comeuppance, we don’t know what is. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Hindi na kasi uso ang mga lomodic na, ngetpalites pa! Hakhakhak!

Magnganga ka sa madaling araw gurangga dahil diyan ka nababagay. Hahahahahahaha!

Babetsch!

***

KC Concepcion parang nananahimik na

NAGTATAKA raw ang mga intrigera kung bakit parang speechless na si KC Concepcion every time she’s being asked to talk about her still controversial parting of ways with hunk actor Piolo Pascual.

Well, bakit pa nga naman magka-comment pa gayung tahimik naman kahit kailan ang kampo ni Piolo?

It is best nga naman to focus on her shows and other showbiz commitments than to focus on something that’s totally hopeless and unsalvageable.

***

Kinikilig ang mga Vilmanians na may posibilidad na mapasali sa MMFF this year ang idol nila

NASULAT lang naming may posibilidad na magkaroon ng festival entry this year ang Queenstar for All Seasons na si Ms. Vilma Santos with Ai-Ai de las Alas, text-brigade na ang mga fans niya all over the land.

Imagine, kahit pala sa Bikol (her archrival Nora Aunor’s bailiwick) ay marami ring followers si Ate Vi.

Sosyal, di ba naman?

Kunsabagay, marami naman talaga ang mga dyed-in-the-wool fans ng enduring actress all over the archipelago.

Ang nakatutuwa, kahit sa mga new breed of movie fans ay marami pa rin ang humahanga sa kanya.

And why not? She is an actress for all seasons and reasons. Am I right, Ms. Aida Fandialan?

Iba kasi ang charisma ni Ate Vi. She is the kind who is not hard to fall in love with primarily because she has no mean streak in his system.

Am I right, Jimi Escala? Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

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