Namumula na sa inggit si Ferminata

HAHAHAHA!

PALIBHASA ay nanonood ng Juicy paminsan-minsan ang friendship naming si Peter Ledesma kaya natiyempohan niya ang negang reaksyon ng chapacolang si Lola Ferminata nang ma-feature roon ang dalawang hot stories nila ni Abe Paulite.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Kay Peter ay mum is the word lang daw ang ngangaerang tsakang gurang but when it was time for Abe’s news, she purportedly showed how downright antagonistic she was and how mad as hell as well. Hahahahaha!

Talagang ibinunton niya ang kanyang pagkaimbierna at nagtatalak daw talagang parang nababaliw! Hahahahahahahaha!

How gross!

Hindi raw kasi siya naniniwala sa sinulat ng pamangkin namin na baka may sex video talaga sina Hayden Kho at Rufa Mae Quinto. Hahahahahaha!

Totoo ka, iritada raw talaga ang lola at halos magkandautal habang nanggagalaiteng talaga. Hahahahahaha!

Look who’s talking! May kredibilidad ka ba naman kasi for the televiewers to believe your deplorable point of view? Hakhakhakhakhak!

Sa totoo, wala nang tatalo pa sa pagiging AC/DC mo Lola. Hahahahahaha!

One day, nilalait mo ang isang personalidad but a couple of days hence, you would be singing a totally different tune. Hahahahahaha!

Pa’no getlag na ang pakimkim. Hahahahahaha!

Ayaw ni Pareng Willie nang ganyan. Di ba naman Konsehala Shalani? Hakhakhak!

Honestly, you hate our tabloid so much because it reeks with unadulterated honesty. Di ba tulad sa mga cheap columns mo halatang nabibili ang mga balita’t opinyon. Hahahahahahaha! Cheeeaaaaapppp!

Hitsura ng bagyo. Hakhakhak!

Ngayon patungong west ang ihip ng hangin only to have another route a couple of hours after. Hakhakhak!

Did I hit the nail right on its head, Bubugski? Hakhakhak!

Anyhow, if there’s one thing I’m proud about myself it’s the fact that I’ve never been like you.

You’re admittedly rich and moneyed but what good is money if you’re being mocked behind your back because of your deplorable deeds? Hahahahahahaha!

Hawag na, oy! Segunda mano man ang kotse ko at nakatira man ako sa di kagandahang apartment but I have the luxury of sleeping soundly at night because I know I’ve never been mercenary or money-oriented. Hahahahahaha!

On top of that, I’m proud to say that my credibility is intact because I’ve never been like you who would berate a personality heavily one day, only to praise him/ her a day or two after because you’ve already achieved your kotongistic goal.

Kotongistic goal daw, o! Hahahahahahaha!

I would rather be what I am now than to be overflowing with opulence or richness when I know deep inside that my soul is rotting away in hell.

Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun lang!

Anyhow, Juicy used to be a hot showbiz oriented talk show.

‘Yung replays namin noon ay 6% lang naman at tambak ang commercial.

Di ba naman Papa Omar Sortijas?

Ikaw, kailan ka ba pinasok ng commmercial?

No way! Diring-diri sila sa ‘yo. Hahahahahahaha!

Imagine, kahit na past twelve midnight na ay nagkakagulo pa rin ang mga followers namin noon.

Sa’yo, meron ba?

Wahing as in totally wah! Hahahahahahaha!

And to think na queen of intrigues ka raw.

Oo nga pala. Reyna ng intrega.

Reyna ng intriga raw, o! Harharharhar!

***

INDEFATIGABLE MYSTICA

While Mae Rivera and other naughty singers are no longer visible and have opted for retirement, Mystica, the original rock diva, is still very much around and is into this male and female beauty pageant thing.

“Yes, mama,” so says the seemingly ageless singer. “Meron kaming model search for men and women ranging from age 16 to 30.

“We call it Mr. & Ms. Better Globe 2012 and auditions will be held on March 4 from 2 to 6 pm at Totale Image Asia Personality & Talent development school, 3rd floor Castro Building, 58 Timog Ave., Quezon city.

“For more info, mama, they can contact the project coordinator Ninia Vanessa at #09176404208 or #09267397506.”

Kay Mystica pa rin, marami ang nagtataka kung papano niya name-maintain ang kanyang kasariwaan at magandang pangangatawan.

“I exercise a lot, mama,” she says. “I’m not into drugs or alcoholic beverages and I always eat in due moderation.

“Pangit kasi kung pabago-bago ang weight mo,” she enlightens us. “Diyan nagsisimu- lang mag-sag ang skin mo pagdating ng time na nagkakaedad na tayo.

“In my case,” she asseverates, “I never allow excess avoirdupois to set in.

“Kaya through the years, I’vde always been slim in spite of motherhood and the on slaught of so many problems.”

So there!

***

FEELING DAKS AT GWAPO MUKHANG SATANISTA NAMAN! (HAHAHAHAHAHA!)

Hahahahahaha! Waray ka kulvaa, dong! Walang kaba at ni katiting na insecurity sa katawan ang feeling daks na lalakeng ito na di naman kagandahan ang fezlak.

Di raw kagandahan ang fezlak, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

Honestly, nagbibilang ng chicks ang mukhang busangot ang pagmumukhang dancer/part time actor na ‘to.

Dati ay naging karelasyon niya ang isang maganda at flawless na singer/actress but for some reasons only he is basically aware of, they parted ways and he found a replacement in no time at all.

Predictably so, their union didn’t last long and another actress (A really beautiful and classy one if I may say so…Hahahahaha! ang swerte, di ba?

Mukhang tuko siya and yet he seems never to have run out of luck with women.

Hahahahaha!) came along.

Pero ang tindi nga ng sawa factor ng tukmulish guy na ‘to (tukmulish guy raw, o!

Hahahahahaha!).

In no time at all, he broke off with the alabaster-skinned young actress and is now pursuing another equally young actress with such temerity.

Hahahahaha! Temerity raw, o! Hahahahaha!

Kung ako naman sa mga babaeng ito, mamarkahan ko na ang mukhang bisugong dancer/actor na ‘to na walang namana sa kanyang ama kundi ang fabled
terpsichorean skills nito. Hahahahahahahaha!

Panget na nga, babaero pa. Yosi kadiri ka, tsong!

Di ka marunong magmahal at puro kalibugan lang pinaiiral mo.

Cheap!

Huwag n’yo na kasing pinapatulan ang aborigines na lalakeng ‘yan na sing-itim ng kulay ng kanyang balat ang budhi’t pag-uugali. Hahahahahahaha!

Ayokoooooooh! Hahahahahahaha!

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