Nikki Gil iniintriga ni Ferminatang peklatera raw, di kaya sarili niya ang kanyang tinutukoy? (Hahahahaha!)

NAPAKA-BITCHY ni Lola Ferminata sa kanyang cheaply-written columns. Hahahahaha!

Akala mo ba, basing from the way she haughtily writes, she’s already Mrs. Perfect. (Mrs. Perfect daw, o! Hahahahahahaha!)

Sometime last year, si Nikki Gil ang paborito niyang bira-birahin sa Tagalistic columns niya that reeks with so much kabaduyan (Hahahahahaha! the usage of the deplorable kita and kata ever…Hahahahaha! Sickening indeed! Hakhakhak!)

Anyway, there was a time when she would write with flagrant antipathy about celebrities whose excrements were supposedly smelling so malodorous, it made her want to puke.

Really? Hahahahahahaha! As if naman I’m not aware who the real ebak queen is.

Isn’t she the one? Hahahahahahahaha!

Classic nga ‘yung ginawa niyang pag-ebak sa kagubatan somewhere in the faraway Cavite while the moon and the stars stared at her with amused distaste. Hakhakhak!

Hitsura ng Kangaroo sa ginawa niyang pagtumpok-tumpok ng kanyang ebbs dahil nasira ang tiyan niya sa pagkain ng morcon sa isang affair kung saan sa kawalan ng anda (kawalan ng anda raw, o! Hahahahahahaha! How gross!) ay tinanggap niya.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Now, you guys know why she seems to write with such passion about personalities’ excrements. Hakhakhakhak! In so doing kasi, she’s trying to exorcise the ebak demons (ebak demons raw, o! Hahahahahahaha!) that is hidden at the back of her mind.  Hahahahahaha!

Sabong baretang panlaba ba naman ang ihugas mo sa’yong wetpaks at keps na rin (keps na rin daw, o! Hakhakhak!), would you not have the most sordid nightmare in your life ever? hahahahahahaha!

Now, here’s another secret of Ferminata that she’s trying to dissipate from her subconscious. Balbon siya sa peklat kaya in some of her columns late last year, it was the brown-skinned beauty and star of the top-rating soap Mundo Man Ay Magunaw, Nikki Gil (that you get to watch daily right after Showtime) that was the subject of her cheap blind items. Hahahahahaha!

Say ng lolang tadtad sa peklat, (tadtad sa peklat daw, o! Hakhakhak!) bago raw lumabas ng dressing room ang dyowa ni Billy Crawford ay sandamakmak daw na concealer ang nilalagay nito sa kanyang legs para lang matakpan ang kanyang mga bakokang.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Itulad ba sa kanya na pinatattoo-an ng tweety bird ang bandang tuhod niya para matakpan ang kanyang mga peklatayties ever? Hahahahahahaha!

No wonder, write siya assiduously tungkol sa mga peklat na ‘yan dahil siya ang undisputed queen of scars. Hahahahahahaha!

That’s the reason why you’ll never catch her wearing dresses and is perpetually encased in pants. Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, going back to Ms. Nikki, agaw-eksena ang tour-de-force brand of acting niya sa Mundo Man Ay Magunaw ng Dos na galing sa fertile imagination ng kababayan naming si Salvador Royales at mas lalong pinabongga ng magagaling na battery of writers ng ABS-CBN.

Sa totoo, breath-taking ang mga eksena niya sa soap na ‘to at kaabang-abang talaga ang eksenahan nila ni Empress.

It goes on the air from Monday thru Friday at ABS-CBN’s Kapamilya Gold at exactly 2:30 in the afternoon.

o0o

Miles Ocampo at her prime

MAGALING na artista itong si Miles Ocampo.

In the many years that she’s been in the business, I got to see some of her memorable performances on national television.

She’s beyond reasonable doubt a fine actress and the Kapamilya network must have noticed this gift, they have never stopped honing her homegrown acting talent.

Sa ngayon, dalaginding na siya kaya part na siya ng LUV U na mapanonood every Sunday afternoon bago mag-The Buzz, the home of a great talent named Kuya Boy Abunda.

Kasama niya sa soap na ‘to sina Angeli Gonzales, Kiray Celis, CJ Navato at Igi Boy Flores at introducing bale ang gwaping na si Marco Gumabao.

May special roles sa Luv U sina Joy Viado, Smokey Manaloto, at ang breath-taking ang kaseksihang si Bangs Garcia fresh rom her moving peformance in a Kapamilya soap headlining Zanjoe Marudo, the title o which has eluded me as of this writing.

Sa true, malaking factor ang pagkakasali niya sa comedic soap na ‘to para may kakiligan pa rin ang mga young boys sa soap.

Magsisimula na nga pala ang Luv U on Feb. 19 right after ASAP 2012.

o0o

Lahat na lang ay gustong makisakay sa kasikatan ni Ate Vi

SURPRISINGLY, Queenstar Vilma Santos is currently the star of the hour.

After being around for so long, her fabled charisma has never waned one iota and she’s still much sought after and the queenstar every aspiring newcomer would want to emulate.

Sa totoo, lahat ng newcomer ay gustong maging tulad niya at kahit mga young men in the business ay gusto ring makasama siya sa isang movie as their leading-lady.

Take note! leading-lady at hindi ina, huh? Hahahahahahaha!

Ayaw ni Luis Manzano nang ganyan ever! Hakhakhak!

This is not to say that I’m putting Superstar Nora Aunor down.

Hindi naman. Nagkataon lang sigurong iba naman ang kanyang appeal at charisma at hindi siya ‘yung tipong senswal ang dating.

Senswal daw ang dating, o! Hahahahaha!

Kidding aside, Nora has the image of a woman who’s caring and motherly.

Going back to Ate Vi, I’m really surprised that even young men I get to meet on the street are quite taken with her mesmerizing kind of beauty.

Maalaga naman kasi sa kanyang katawan ang ermats ni Luis Manzano kaya girlie-girlie pa rin ang kanyang dating kahit na limang dekada na siya sa show business. Hahahahaha!

‘Yan kasi ang advantage kung maalaga ka sa ‘yong katawan at very particular with the kind of food that you eat and is regularly doing body exercises that tone your body muscles and prevent premature aging.

Sa totoo, staying young and beautiful the Ate Vi way requires discipline and truckloads of sacrifices.

Dapat lang!

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Na-trauma na kaya career muna ang priority

HAHAHAHAHAHA! True kaya ang mga chikang nagkaroon daw ng deep-seated trauma sa pag-ibig ang eskalera ang gandang si Kylie Padilla kaya focus muna ito sa kanyang career lately? Hahahahahahaha!

Magkaroon ka ba naman ng karelasyong walang balls, matu-trauma ka naturalmente.

Nevertheless, in exchange of heartache ay ang pag-bloom naman ng kanyang showbiz career.

Matagal-tagal na rin naman ‘yung isa niyang soap (Blusang Itim) kaya magandang follow up ito (The Good Daughter) and she’s veritably in good company.

Her father in the soap Raymond Bagatsing happens to be a good actor and is more or less of the same age bracket as her biological dad.

Mahusay rin ang step-mom niyang si Alicia Mayer and thing can be said with her leading man Rocco Nacino and the other supporting cast like Dion Ignacio, Ervic Vijandre and Ms. Luz Valdez.

Direk Mike Tuvierra is at the helm and it gets shown after Kokak at GMA’s Afternoon Prime.

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Sched ni Dingdong, ‘di maisingit ni Jessa

HAHAHAHAHA! How uproariously funny!

Imagine, the last time we bumped into musicville’s enduring singer Dingdong Avanzado at the party of our friend Natasha Villaroman, he really had a most fascinating story to tell.

Eight years old na raw kasi ang daughter nila ni Jessa Zaragoza at gusto na niyang sundan ito but at the rate his wife is working, that ‘project’ would have to take the backseat. Hahahahahaha!

During their intimate moments, binibiro raw niya si Jessa kung puede na siyang magpa-sched ng ‘booking’ pero ngaragan daw talaga ang taping scheds nito for Kokak, it’s not possible at the moment.

Imagine, minsan daw ay tatlong araw na straight ang tapings nito kaya nakokonsensya naman siyang ‘abalahin’ ito. Hahahahahaha!

Anyway, Dingdong is celebrating his 25th year in the business by way of an album.

On top of that, he’s looking forward in doing a series o shows with Jessa in Australia.

“Australia’s such a big place,” he gushingly states. “Daming times na naming nagpupunta roon, 4th or 5th na yata, pero ang dami pa ring lugar na di namin napupuntahan.”

The last time I saw him, he was quite on the heavy side, he seems to have assiduously dieted, he looks a lot slimmer now.

“It’s different when you’re in the Philippines,” he avers. “Dito, you have time for yourself and can afford ka to have your personal trainor.

“Living in the States has some advantages and disadvantages.”

Going back to his album under Viva, most of the compositions are his own and he’s made it as much as possible relevant to the times.

***

Rico Barrera katilam-tilam pa rin at kapanta-pantasya!

SA TUWING manonood kami ng Pinoy Big Brother sa telebisyon, naalala namin pala-palagi ang dating housemate hot number na si Rico Barrera na marami pa rin ang followers na matiyagang nagti-text sa amin para mai-feature ang kanilang idolo na hunk na hunk pa rin daw at balbonic ang dating.

Yummy ba? Hahahahahahaha!

Kunsabagay, I can’t blame them. The guy’s indeed one succulent dish. Sayang nga lamang at di nagtuluy-tuloy ang career niya sa Kapamilya network.

Clap! Clap! Clap!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

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