Talbog ni Mystica si Rachel Lobangco!

HAHAHAHAHAHA! How so very amusing.

Imagine, she’s supposed to be younger than Mystica but Rachel Lobangco seems not to be half as lucky and young-looking as the rock diva who’s now into the intriguing world of faith-healing. Hahahahahahaha!

How so very funny!

Hakhakhakhakhak!

Hayan kasi at rica-rica na si Tikay at mabentang-mabenta sa mga foreigner (Hahahahahaha!) samantalang ang orig na sshboom girl ay parang lukring na fire dancer na kuning-kuning sa Boracay. Hahahahahahaha!

Ewan!

You could just image how awful she looks with super dusky complexion that is becoming darker with each passing day, doing her horrible fire dance on the shore of Boracay veritably looking like a dolt.

Ewan ko ba! Hahahahahaha!

Ang ending, nangangalirang at natutuyot na ang kanyang kabalatan samantalang si Tikay ay panay ang pa-spa para maalagaan ang maagang pangungulob ng kanyang skin tone. Hahahahahaha!

How idiotic can you get!

Baka gustong matulad ni Rachel sa international femme fatale na si Brigette Bardot na mukhang aswang na (Hahahahahahahaha! ayokoooooooh!) sa ngayon dahil sa kanyang penchant for sunbathing.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Sa true, wala ng magnanasa pa sa dating kagandahan ng French actress na globally famous lalo na’t in her early 70’s na yata siya tapos sunbathe galore pa rin ever. Hahahahaha!

Anyway, a word of advice for Ms. Lobangco, put a stop to your idiotic fire dancing chuva before you become a horrible crone. Hahahahahaha!

More than the problem  that we acquire from day to day, mas matindi ang pagpapakulubot ng balat ng exposures sa sun para tumanda tayo prematurely.

Ang mga gatla at pangungulubot na dala ng araw ay masasabing fatal and utterly destructive to our skin.

Look at Mystica, she looks so young and youthful, no one would have the idea that she’s already a grandma.

Hahahahahaha!

Kita n’yo naman ang mga paparu niya lately sa kanyang Facebook, they are delectably young and oozing with succulent freshness.

Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Kaya tigilan na ‘yang exposure sa sun nang walang patumangga dahil once na magkagatla na ang mukha, ‘di na magagawan nang paraan ‘yan.

o0o

Tigbakers na ang ‘Real Confession’ ni Ferminata at one hour na lang ang ‘Paparazzi’ at Saturday na!

HAHAHAHAHA! He who laughs last, laughs the loudest.

Nasaan na ang huge following daw ni Ferminata tsakasta? Why are the shows she’s hosting getting axed one by one?

Akala ko ba’y magaling siya at bonggacious ang hosting skills kaya ipinalit siya sa amin ni Mr. Perci Intalan?

Hahahahahahaha!

How doltish can you get!

Now, Mr. Perci Intalan, you must have realized what a grossly wrong decision it was to relieve us from our hosting jobs after all of the efforts that we’ve done to make the show rate.

Imagine, 1 million ang talent ng matandang ‘yan as compared to the pittance that you were paying us and yet there were tremendous ROI (return of investment.. Hahahahaha!).

Magsinungaling kayo at kikidlatin ang panget n’yong pagmumukha. Hahahahaha!

Kunsabagay, I can’t blame you for believing in Lola Fermi. (Lola Fermi raw, o! Hahahahaha!) Kung kami nga namang veritable starlets were able to entice sponsors and ad men to the show, why not a supposedly famous gurang like her? Hahahahaha!

Ang di n’yo alam, iba ang talents namin, along with our appeal to the televiewers.

Wala na siyang kaappeal-appeal sa mga televiewer at walang weather sa kanya ang male viewers na nagpa-rating sa Juicy noon.

Hahahahahaha! mag-ilusyon ba kasi?

Puhllllleeeezzzzeee! Hahahahahaha!

Wala kayong arrive ni Shalaletch, lola. You don’t even know how to make people laugh or how to keep them entertained.

Hahahahahaha! Ang laos ay laos ay laos!

Period. Ayoko ng chakaaaaaaaah!

Anyway, ngayong tigbak na ang Starless Confession, Saturday naman daw at one hour na lang ang Parazzi na pinagrereynahan din ni Chakistic Lola. Hahahahahahaha!

Sino ba naman kasi ang manonood sa fezlak niyang nakaririmarim at kapag nagsasalita’y parang nagnganganga?

Siguro naman, na-realize na ni Mr. Perci Intalan what a doltish decision it was letting go of real talents like Morly Alinio, Rey Pumaloy and myself to give in to the entry of this delusory woman whose hosting skills veritably belong to the past.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Like I said, he who laughs last, laughs the loudest. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Manahimik ka na. Tutal may milyones ka na, guranggang ilu at gimikera. Hahahahaha!

o0o

Panahon na ni Bea Binene!

DATI-RATI, parang second fiddle lang siya sa ilang young artists ng GMA.

But after a while, she’s been able to come out on her own and even the Kapuso network was able to realize her worth as an actress.

Today, she’s been topped by the management to delineate the challenging role of Alice Bungisngis that premiered yesterday at the afternoon slot prior to 24 Oras.

In a way, may magical powers siya rito na nanggaling sa kanyang mga ninuno.

Ang pagkakaiba lang, she’s not aware that she has that kind of gift.

Leading man niya rito si Jake Vargas at Derrick Monasterio, with Janno Gibbs as Alice’s long lost father and Ana Roces as her mom.

Bonggacious ang role ni Ms. Jean Garcia as the evil Esmeralda.

Ang Alice Bungisngis ay nilikha ng GMA Drama Group na ably headed by Ms. Lilibeth Resonable, VP for Drama, Ma. Regina Magno, AVP for Drama, Camille Hermoso, Program Manager; Kaye Cadsawan, Executive Producer; RJ Nuevas & Caloy Adlawan, Creative Consultants; at galing sa original concept ni Maribel Ilag, Headwriter.

o0o

Labanan sa pag-arte nina Eula at Tessie Tomas pinakaaabangan

KASUMPA-SUMPA ang papel ni Tessie Tomas sa panghapong programa ng ABS CBN, ang Mundo Man Ay Magunaw na napanonood pagkatapos ng Show Time.

Siya ang promotor o may kagagawan ng lahat ng pagdurusa ng character ni Ms. Eula (Olivia) Valdez kaya lumaking di magkakilala ang dalawa niyang mga anak na sina Sheryl (Empress) at Jennifer (Nikki Gil).

Nevertheless, after more than 20 years, hindi na papayag si Eula na tapak-tapakan siya ng character ni Tessie Tomas kaya lalaban na siya nang ngipin sa ngipin.

Anyway, Mundo Man Ay Magunaw is important to me in the sense that the original story is written by my co-drama talent in Bicol many years ago, Salvador Royales.

Nakatutuwang Badong is still very much around after many years of lording it out at DZDR in Bicol way back during the 70’s. Hahahahahahaha!

At least hataw pa rin ang aming kababayan at wala pang alzheimer’s disease.

Joke! Hahahahahaha!

o0o

International action star nang mawala na sa eksena ang bugaling na amiga

HINDI naman actually related ang kanilang kwento pero marami ang amused na parang co-terminus raw ang kasikatan ng isang global action star at isang Pinay high class madam or procuress. Hahahahahaha!

Imagine, nang mawala sa eksena ang babaeng bugaling (bugaling daw, o! Hahahaha!) dahil nagkaroon ng problema silang mag-asawa sa anda (embezzlement of funds, so they say), nawala na rin ang ningning ng amigo niyang action star.

Hahahahahahaha!

At least doing great pa rin daw ang pimpelyang matrona (pimpelyang matrona raw, o! Hahahahaha!) in the States dahil tuloy-tuloy pa rin ang kanyang business at say mo? bloomingdale as always. Hakhakhak!

Hitsura ng high class madam sa ganda ng kanyang mga ‘talents’ (mga talents raw, o! Hahahahaha!) kaya naman enjoy ang mga mhinchang at kapag enjoy, they keep on coming back naturally and that’s good for business.

Di ba naman? Hahahahaha!

Anyway, ano kaya ang say ng ex nu’ng ombre in the event that she gets to see her former flame who’s now living in fabulous luxury with his mama sang wife?

Hahahahahahaha!

Did he make the right decision?

Obviously, he did. Magaling kasing dumiskarte ang girlalu kaya bonggacious ang lifestyle nila at can afford talagang ma-enjoy ang more than the usual necessities in life.

In return, what can the husband give but his throbbing succulent dick that’s perpetually on the go to make mama happy.

Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

o0o

Vilma Santos unfading Queenstar!

MOVIE actresses are dime a dozen lately.

Everyone seems to be too obsessed with the movies basically because of the hard times we are inordinately faced with.

But stardom doesn’t only entail all the positive things that movie stars are enjoying but on the side, one must be highly disciplined and beauty-conscious so as not to look crumpled and dehydrated in their forties and fifties.

In the States, we have ageless women who are even more beautiful than their daughters could possibly hope to be.

But in the Philippines, there’s only one actress who’s been able to maintain her svelte figure and glamor through the years.

She’s the queenstar Vilma Santos and even the young generation of movie people are awed with her longevity and staying power, not to mention her unfading beauty.

Considering that she was kinda chubby in her youth, Ate Vi has been able to wonderfully maintained her svelte figure through the years.

And she’s able to do it through sheer self-discipline and without resorting to diet pills and other harsh reducing techniques.

Kapag pagod daw siya sa maghapong pagtatrabaho sa Kapitolyo ng Batangas, she never goes to sleep without doing some thirty minutes of dance exercise. The one that’s being done by the youth of today that’s characterized with complicated dance steps.

No wonder, she still has the body of a twenty-year old.

Laban ka? Hahhahahahahaha!

Ikaw na ang maging Queenstar for all seasons. Ang komontra, magiging kamukha ni Fermi. Hahahahahaha! done by the young people of today.

o0o

Dustin Jose senasation sa ‘Taksikab’

KUNG may mga aktor na pinananabikan sa mga sexy mainstream movies, pakakainin sila nang alikabok ng indie actor na si Dustin Jose na naging sensation sa ganitong genre sa indie movie na Taksikab.

Pa’no ba naman tall, dark and handsome and ultimately all male! Hahahahahaha!

Baka magtikol ang mga vaklushi riyan kapag na-sight ang kanyang equipment in all its delectable fully erected glory. Hahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang Kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity. Pete Ampoloquio

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