Dancer ng noontime show ang bagong chick ng pabling na TV host

WHEN you have money, the whole world is at your fingertips.

‘Yan ang episode sa ngayon ng ‘di naman kagandahang lalaking TV host na matagal ng nagbibilang ng chicks sa buhay niya.

According to someone knowledgeable of his most intimate affairs, matagal na raw papalit-palit ng chicks ang ombreng ‘di naman kagwapuhan pero soo rami ngayon ang anda. Hahahahahahaha!

Sa ngayon, cry me a river ang kanyang asawa, along with their daughters (the eldest of which has just graduated pa naman from college) dahil in-abandon nga sila ng pabling na teevee personality dahil na-disenchant daw ito sa ginawa ng kanyang misis na naging dahilan para bumagsak ang kanilang finances.

Pero ang totoo raw, typical of him, may bago na namang kinalolokohan ang ombreng nasa dugo yata ang magpapalit-palit ng chiching sa buhay niya.

Imagine, sa special report ng isang credible na showbiz-oriented program, naiulat doong twice na diumanong nagpakasal ang lalaking ito.

Shocking, di ba naman? Is that allowed in the Philippines? Hahahahahaha!

Iba talaga when you have money. Even if you’re not that good-looking, women from all walks of life would be more than willing to be your paramour.

Anyway, may bago na namang chicks raw ang mukhang kargador na teevee personality.

Bago? Hahahahahahaha!

Pa’no namang di raw nito iiwan ang wife niya e sariwa, batang-bata at punung-puno ng kagandahan ang bago niyang mamang dancer sa kanilang noontime program?

Indeed, money is the root of all evil. Kung wala sigurong andalu ang ombre na ‘to ay sama-sama pa sila ng kan-yang pamilya.

Tama?

Corrected by!

Kita n’yo naman, sa hilatsa (no offense meant to him huh? I’m just being honest) ng kanyang pagmumukha, sariwa at esekolang girlalu ang ka-live-in na naman daw niya sa ngayon.

Well, mukhang material girls ang mga dancer sa show na ‘yun.

‘Yung isang girlalu nga raw roon ay betcha by golly wow ng isa nilang rica-ricang papa. Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Patindi nang patindi ang mga kaganapan sa Mundo Man Ay Magunaw

MASYADO kaming nakare-relate sa mga kaganapan sa Mundo Man ay Magunaw (master piece ng kababayan namin from Bicol na si Salvador Royales). Talaga sigurong ang mga bad elements ng ating lipunan ay nagtatagumpay sa loob ng matagal na panahon at sa bandang huli lang dumarating ang retribution or comeuppance.

Dito nga naman sa buhay ng character ni Eula Valdez, ilang dekada na ang lumilipas pero wala pa ring katigil-tigil ang mga pagsubok.

Kung kailan nagiging close na sa kanya ang character ni Empress, saka naman nagkukontrabida ang character ni
Sylvia Sanchez.

Kahit doon sa panganay niyang si Nikki Gil ay naroroon din ang demonic character ni Tessie Tomas kaya araw-araw ay totally stressed siya.

Sa totoo, nakare-relate tayo sa mga kagananapan sa buhay ng character ni Eula Valdez dahil sa totoong buhay, it’s practically happening.

Sa akin na lang, madalas mangyari ang mamayani ang mga ulupong na tulad ni Ferminata, ang guranggang ngangaera at really tsaka. Hahahahahahahaha!

Pero tulad sa buhay ng character ni Eula, never din kaming sumuko and we always try to the best of our ability to give a good fight.

That’s why everytime I get to watch Mundo Man Ay Magunaw, I get involved so very, very much for the simple reason that I get to emphatize with Eula’s character so much.

Mapanonood nga pala ito, Monday thru Friday, right after It’s Showtime at exactly 2:30 pm.

***

Gayang-gaya sa kanilag idolo ang mga fansitas ng aning-aning na si Marianita

HAHAHAHAHA! Kung may complex (topak sa ulo) ang kanilang idolong si Marianita na feeling sikat, resounding flops naman ang mga pelikula, (di nga ba’t na-trauma si Mother Lily Monteverde dahil kulelat sa Metro Manila Film Festival ang Wonder Bibe chuvanes nito two festivals ago?) kumustahin mo naman ang topak ng kanyang mga fansitas na mga abno rin at walang breeding ni katiting at hindi na yata natutulog dahil text nang text nang kung anu-anong mga kababuyan at ka-cheap-an the whole day up to late at night sa aming cell almost on a daily basis. Hahahahahahaha!

These doltish nincompoops are having the grand delusions that they are powerful just like their idol who happens to have the belief that she is the hottest star of the new millennium. Hahahahahahaha!

Look, according to these delusory faggots, Marianita is so loaded and rich, ( she supposedly owns a 30-door apartments in Cavite, along with a fat savings account in the bank) she doesn’t have time for starlets like Bela Padilla and a supposedly unschooled entertainment columnist like us. Hahahahahahaha!

As if naman that’s enough assurance that Marianita L. is going to be liquid for life. Hahahahahaha!

Kung si Rosanna Roces nga ay hundreds of millions raw ang nakatago sa bangko, apart from her dollar savings account and other solid investments, ay halos maglupa na sa ngayon, how sure is Marianita that her supposed millions would always suffice to keep her future solid?

Kung ganyan kasama ang pag-uugali niya, nakasisiguro ba siyang bad karma or retribution is not going to haunt her in the end? Hahahahahahaha!

Umayos ka at magtinu-tino ka lalo na’t malapit ka ng mag-llebo kwatro. Hahahahahahahaha!

Ilang taon na lang, magsa-sag na ang mga panga mo, at magiging flabby na ang iyong arms and legs.

Hahahahahahaha!

Men are different than women, lola. Always bear that in mind.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Anyhow, I know that you’re pretty scared to lose your seeming youth that’s why you’re perpetually on a diet.

Hahahahahahaha!

Hayan sa kada-diet mo, parang thinning na ang hair mo. Hahahahahahaha!

Ang ending, resounding flop ang soap ninyo. Hahahahahahaha!

I’m sure it’s going to be another Ang Babaeng Hinugot Sa Aking Tadyang in the making. Hakhakhak!

My condolences!

In stark contrast, Bela’s star continues to shine unabatedly and is repeatedly being talked about globally (yes, lola Marianing… globally! Hahahahahahahahaha!).

From all indications, their soap Hiram na Puso (it started airing last Monday on GMA’s afternoon prime), the one starred in by Kris Bernal, Mark Herras, Polo Ravales, Gardo Versoza, Ayen Laurel, Candy Pangilinan and Ms. Gina Alajar, among many others, is going to become a veritable hit.

Even the Aljur Abrenica and Rhian Ramos starrer “My Kontrabida Girl” wherein Bela delineates the role of Rhian’s antagonist that will be shown in some cinemas near you on March 14, also shows tremendous promise.

Kumusta naman ang my Gilagid ni Marianita? Patuloy pa rin bang pinakaiiwasan ng mga manonood?

Hahahahahahaha!

How pathetic! Hahahahahahaha!

***

The most enduring darling of the press

AS FAR as I could remember, Kuya Boy Abunda has always been most supportive of the working press.

Kung si Ferminata ay reyna ng mga tupperware and would only help you out when you’re useful in her scheme of things (scheme of things raw, o! Hahahahahahaha! how cheap!), the King of TV Talk and host of the longest-reigning showbiz-oriented talk show at ABS-CBN “The Buzz,” is most helpful for the longest time.

Kapag may isang reporter na nagkasakit, si Kuya Boy ang madalas nilalapitan primarily because they know that in him, they have an ally, a shoulder to lean on and a most symphatetic ears to listen to their troubles.

Ang iba kasi, obvious na plastic lang ang relasyon sa press at tumutulong para masulat o magkaroon ng promo sa mga bagay-bagay na kanilang pinagkakaabalahan.

Not our dear Kuya Boy who’s always there when you need him.

Sa kaso na lang namin, there were times when we had written some biting things about him and was quite venomous and openly critical.

But when our beloved Christopher passed away, he made us feel that he understands our predicament and will always be a friend when we are in need of one.

Sa totoo, nang matanggap namin ang meticulously arranged orchids na kanyang pinadala, along with the simple but utterly moving inscription in it, he made us cry.

Iba talaga ang pagkatao ni Kuya Boy. Totoo siya at never nagpaka-plastic.

Sabi nga niya sa isang interview, “I give to forget!”

Ang dami-rami niyang tinutulungang tao pero never niyang inisip na tumutulong siya kaya nararapat lang na tumanaw sila sa kanya ng utang na loob for life.

Honestly, I just love this guy who’s as real as the ground he walks on.

Maraming, maraming salamat, Kuya Boy for everything!

***

Boy toy ng kontrobersyal na personalidad, nalawayan na raw ng may saping hunk?

HAHAHAHAHA! How amusing naman this intriguing bit of gossip that we had the chance of encountering lately.

Ever since na ipakita on national television ang gwaping at katilam-tilam na bagong ombre ng isang rica-ricang personalidad, nagsimula na ring mag-circulate ang mga intriguing things about him, too!

Kung ‘yung isa ay hindi gaanong natipuhan ng working press dahil di na raw kabataan at tsaka ang dentures (tsaka raw ang dentures, o! Hahahahahahaha!), itong bagong ombre na nali-link sa kanya ay talaga namang talk of the town dahil bukod sa freshness (freshness raw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!) ay very promising daw ang crotch nito at may bulk at volume (bulk at volume raw, o! Hakhakhak!) even when at rest. Hahahaha!

But apart from that, may bagong interesting story na namang associated sa macho at hunky newcomer.

Nalawayan na raw pala ito (would you believe? Hakhakhak!) ng isang morenong hunk na killer talaga ng mga dakota at sariwang nota.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Kabaliwed! Hahahahahaha!

Pagdating sa tarugs, wah talaga makasyolbog sa kanya ever! Hakhakhakhak!

‘Yun na!

***

Ate Vi komportable sa kanyag pagkatao

IF MOST women her age are frantically clinging to their youth, Queenstar Vilma Santos is comfortable with her age and stature both in the world of politics and show business as well.

She is meticulous about her looks but not to the point of becoming obesessed with it.

In a way, she had the presence of mind to maintain an ideal weight ever since she was in her early twenties up to now.

She was too intelligent to know that if you allow yourself to become too rounded and plump in your youth, getting rid of it in your old age would be quite an insurmountable task.

Kita n’yo naman ngayon, hindi na halata ang age gap sa pagitan nila ni Senator Ralph Recto. Hahahahahaha! Joke lang senator.

Medyo napagagana kasi ng lafang si Senator Ralph lately, samantalang, as always, typical of Ate Vi, she never fails to eat sparingly and do some earobic exercises before she retires in bed at night.

Honestly, looking fit and fairly youthful in your forties and early fifties would not be too tough and enormously demanding if and when you have prepared for that eventuality in your 20s just like what Queenstar Vi did.

***

Andrew Wolfe all male!

HE DOESN’T need any further introduction for his name rings a familiar bell any time among the dick-oriented (dick-oriented daw, o! Hakhakhak!) fags and libidinous women.

Indeed Andrew Wolfe at 6 foot, 2 inches, along with a muscular body to die for, is the nocturnal fantasy of horny fags and sex-oriented women.

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

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