Lengua feel ay silahista! (Hahahahaha!)

HAHAHAHAHAHA! How riotously funny naman. Imagine, ang dami-raming nagkakagusto sa singer/actress na ‘to but she seems not to have shown a modicum of interest.

Disappointed nga raw ang isang feeling hunk (feeling lang dahil unanic siya…Hahahahahaha!) na singer/actor dahil panay ang paduday niya pero deadma totally ang flawless na singer.

Ang sabi, di raw kasi feel nito (the flawless singer) ang mga ombres at mas feelanggetch nito ang dela-dela (Hahahahahaha! cunnilingus is the magic word! Hahahahahaha!) style.

Ayaw ni Charice! Hahahahahahahaha!

Anyway, tulad nang nasabi namin sa bandang unahan ng column na ‘to, kahit na ano’ng gawing paeklay ng receding na ang hairline na feeling gwaping na alternative musician kuno, wala talagang weather sa kanya ang ating bida dahil ang siyete, kapwa ko, mahal ko nga raw ang emote nito. Hahahahahahahaha!

Pero ano itong latest chikang nasagap namin to the effect na ang feel raw maging leading man (yes, you got it right, leading man not leading lady… Hakhakhak!) ng tiburciang lady singer ay ang sikat na young actor na feel na feel ng mga girlalung bagets sa ngayon dahil katilam-tilam nga ang itzu. Hahahahahahaha!

Pero ang nakaiintrigang bukeke naman ng isang tsismosang movie scribe, kaya raw trip ng lesbong singer ang nasabing ombre ay dahil sa very feminine raw ito at kahit sa pagkilos ay girl na girl. Hahahahahahahaha!

Could it be true?

How intriguing can you get! Hahahahahahahaha!

Is that really the reason behind this lengua’s attraction or fascination to the supposedly effeminate young actor?

Hahahahahahaha!

Mas lalo yatang nagulo ang kwento. Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Rafael Rossel enduring male sex symbol

THE veritably macho physiognomy doesn’t need any further introduction for he’s regularly featured in many soap operas of ABS-CBN, the most recent of which happens to be his devil-may-care character at the top-rating soap Dahil sa Pag-Ibig.

Of the many actors who are into this baring business, his body is definitely one of the most appealingly proportioned.

Savor him to the full by way of his succulent photo somewhere in this spread.

Hahahahahahaha! Bawal magtikol!

***

Mga fans ni Ate Vi lalong na-excite nang araw-araw na mabasa sa dyaryo ang kanilang idolo

HOW nice naman and so inspiring ang mga text messages na natatanggap namin lately coming from the legions of followers of the Queenstar for all Seasons Ms. Vilma Santos.

According to them, lalo raw silang na-inspire lately nang araw-araw ay nababasa na nila ang kanilang idolo sa ating tabloid that’s circulated almost as far as Hong Kong and other neighboring Asian countries.

At least daw, they now have found a tabloid they can trust in as far as their idol’s activities are concerned.

Parang diary raw kasi ang dyaryo natin ni Ate Vi kaya naaaliw silang basahin ito kahit na sa internet lang.

O, di ba naman?

Edukado ang mga fans ng Batangas Governor dahil karamihan sa kanila’y computer literate. Hahahahahaha!

Sosyal, di ba naman?

Anyway, most of them are happy that Ate Vi’s doing a movie with Star Cinema’s princess Kim Chiu no less.

And the fact that there’s a possibility that she just might do a festival movie also with the comedy queen Ai-Ai delas Alas titillates them no end.

Unbeknown to the multi-awarded actress, her throng of followers in the States are also reading our updates on her at the internet.

Indeed, the Vilmanians are fast growing in numbers and they are inordinately happy that they have a tabloid where they can read the latest updates about their idol.

At this juncture, I’d like to greet some of Ate Vi’s loyalists like Rey Manalo, Ronnie Gan, Rene Novisteros, Irineo Cantos, Mike Herrera, Rob Strong, Melvin Gatdula, Ronald Dubai, Jeannie Wong, Eddie Lozano, Rusty Magtoto, Hermie Legaspi, Freddy Lazaro, Alex Pueda, Ces Santiago, Elma Llamado and the very sweet Master Joey and Willie Fernandez of Gensan.

Siyempre naman, I’d like to great also Ate Vi’s loyalist from Los Angeles Mr. Franco and the president of the VSSI Mr. Jojo Lim.

Going back to the Queenstar, other popular actresses pale in comparison with her unmatched PR and good-naturedness.

‘Yan siguro ang pinagkaiba niya sa mga aktres na katulad niya. Interested and interesting si Ate Vi.

Kahit mga entertainment writers na ngayon lang niya nakasasalamuha ay kilala niya on a first-name basis.

Kaya n’yo ‘yan? Hahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Paparazzi ni Ferminata, tigbak na!

FINALLY, I’m vindicated and I’m positively overwhelmingly suffused with veritable happiness.

Honestly, the day I lost my co-hosting job at Juicy almost some three years ago when I knew I did a good job, was one of the saddest and most traumatic moments in my life.

It was admittedly hurting to lose a job that you’ve given your very all and it did work for quite sometime but because of some demonic people’s shrewd maneuvering, you lost it and your efforts gone to naught.

It was no joke to be able to entice ad men to invest on the show (we had twelve ad placements then and all of this were legit products) when we were not that big-named personalities to begin with.

I won’t go into the minutest details anymore but if not for these people’s two-timing ways, I would still be a part of Juicy.

Nevertheless, I feel enormously vindicated because one of the persons responsible for what I had painfully experienced is now purportedly out of their Saturday show Paparazzi.

Ferminata, who else? Hahahahahahaha!

Come to think of it, unang nawala (if that is not plain and simple karma, we don’t know what is…. Hahahahaha!) sa ere ang Confession Chuvanes, and then a few months after, Paparazzi followed suit and will supposedly be replaced by another showbiz oriented talk-show that will be hosted allegedly by Mariel Rodriguez, Ruffa Gutierrez and Lucy Torres.

Well, does it mean that beauty is back on teevee with a vengeance? Hahahahahahahaha!

Juice-less na lang ang natitira kay Lola Fermi kaya abangan na lang natin ang susunod na kabanata.

Hahahaha!

***

Kylie na-insecure kay Kyla

HAHAHAHAHA! Napaka-honest ni Kylie Padilla, lead actress ng The Good Daughter sa Afternoon Prime ng GMA7 nang tanungin namin kung bakit medyo nawalan siya ng poise habang kinakanta ang theme ng kanilang soap. Buong ningning niyang inaming Kyla was admittedly a tough act to follow.

Pagkatapos nga naman ng tour de force performance nito while singing the theme song of Hiram Na Puso, aminado si Kylie na kinabahan siya kaya medyo na-off ang kanyang performance.

Malaking factor rin daw ang sobrang higpit ng kanyang damit courtesy of her stepmom Mariel Rodriguez kaya she was not in her elements.

Nevertheless, she gave a performance that was good enough considering the fact that she was not a seasoned singer.

Going back to Ms. Kyla, she looks a lot different now that she’s already a married woman.

Kung noon ay medyo too full ang kanyang figure, these days she has become gorgeously svelte and a fashion plate to boot.

On top of that, her voice has indubitably become more rivetingly powerful, she takes your breath away.

Sa totoo, side by side with other divas, she can palpably hold on her own resources.

Marriage with a good-natured basketeer who truly loves and adores her has given her the added confidence and sophistication that she was not in possession before.

Going back to Kylie, she’s beaming with pride and happiness that their soap happens to have become a veritable top-rater.

Dapat lang!

***

Vavalinang supot mala-demonyo ang diskarte!

HAHAHAHAHA! Akala naman siguro nitong barbaric and askal na si Joey ‘Vavalina’ de Castro ay mai-intimidate kami ng sandamakmak na sim cards na ginagamit niya para i-harass kami non-stop. Hahahahahahaha!

This ugly and shit-faced gurangga is hellbent in tormenting us the whole day and the whole night. Hahahaha!

Well, maleducated pig, you can go to hell for all I care.

Nababaliw ka na siguro dahil wala ka nang makain, ang yosi-kadiri mong cell na 3310 pa ang unit (Hahahahahaha! how cheeaapppp!) ang pinagkakaabalahan mo.

Come to the house and get Kristoph’s cell para naman di ka mukhang miserable. Hahahahahahaha!

Naglulupang matanda, magpa-circumcize ka na. Hahahahahaha! You smell so bad! Hahahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

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