Bangaw daw ang tingin sa amin! (Talaga lang ha? Hahahaha)

SA SANDAMAKMAK na text brigade ng halimaw at supot (supot daw, o! gurnangis na at kukubot na ang balat ng halimaw na mal-edukadang ito and yet he has remained ignominiously uncircumcised…. Hakakhak! cheaaappp!) na si Joey ‘Vavalina’ de Cashtro (he adores cash but is too lazy to work..kapaaallll!), nagpatutsada ang mukhang galapong (mukhang galapong daw, o! Hahahahahahaha!) na mabahongang (would you know what that connotes? he’s hopelessly afflicted with halitosis… Hahahahahaha!) matanda na ang tingin daw sa amin ng gurang na maledukadang harbatera ay bangaw.

Really? And what about her (the harbaterang gurang..Hahahahahaha!)? Does she amount to anything in the many years that she’s been engaging into the diabolical harbatic activities that she’s been into?

Honestly, I would never exchange my position with what she has at the moment. Hahahahahahaha!

Money is important but it should not be the be-all and end-all of one’s existence.

Itong si Joanna de Cashtro, wala namang sense ang baklang tamodera (tamodera raw, o! Hahahahahaha!) ito kaya konti lang ang lait sa dupangerang gurang na ‘to who thrives in sponging on his friends who end uo severely traumatized with his evil doings. Hahahahahahaha!

Ang panget-panget na nga, (kalbo ba naman and tulis-baba, halitosis queen pa! Hahahahaha!) bulok pa ang pag-uugali at baboy sa dilang baboy, he certainly deserves to rot in hell! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Ayoko ng panget, ayoko ng panget, ayoko ng paaaannnngggggeeeetttttt! Hahahahahaha!

Anyway, going back to this matrona who’s obsessed with money, I guess it’s more than about time that she puts a stop to her cheap panghaharang to our showbiz career.

My God! pati ba naman ang guestings namin ay hinaharangan ng kurat-kurat na matandang ito na insecure dahil bobita bumblebee! Hakhakhak!

Pa’no ba naman, ‘yung gwaping na politician na hawak daw kuno niya (in fairness to the guy, he is enormously good-natured and is PR personified) kuno ay nagustuhan yata ‘yung endorsement namin sa filmfest entry niya last December kaya ginawang prominent ito.

Out of envy and cheap jealously, this aging woman got so insecure that she even told her ghostwriter to write some biting reviews about my endorsement.

Kesyo mas bumenta pa raw ‘yung pelikula kung sa movie mismo nag-focus ang promo at ‘di sa akin.

Hakhakhakhakhak! Really?

Ma-insecure ba?

Kunsabagay, with her limited education and poor command of the English language, how could she possibly compete with us? Hahahahahahahaha!

Ang idiota ay idiota, period! Walang comma! Hahahahahahaha!

Mag-diet ka, lola. Sobra-sobra na ang cholesterol sa katawan mo, baka bigla na lang magsikip ang dibdib mo while anchoring your not-so-rating show. Hahahahahahahahaha!

How gross!

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Going back to De Cashtro, the old hag of a fag, (old hag of a fag daw, o! Hakhakhak!) punta ka sa leprosarium dahil  hopeless na ang nagnanaknak mong duldol all over your thin and emaciated body.

Hahahahahaha!

Mamamatay ka sa inggit kaya that sickening sores all over your body will ultimately pester and kill you!

You can’t do anything about my burgeoning showbiz career old hag of a fag!

You’re as good as dead!

Evil dead daw sabi ni Peter L! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Panget na nga, galisin pa, afflicted with the deadly halitosis pa!

Hahahahahahahaha!

Karimarimarin na matandang oslang bakla!, pakamatay ka na lang! At least paglalamayan ka pa.

Eh, sa kaso mong ‘yan, baka balutin ka na lang sa banig at itapon sa imburnal where you rightfully and truthfully belong with your diabolical nature and evil doings.

Period! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Mother Lily feel si Ate Vi

SAY the most popular movie producer in Tinsel town is an inveterate follower of the Queenstar For All Seasons
Ms. Vilma Santos.

Last April 23, the empress dowager queen of Regal met with Governor Vi at the Batangas Provincial Auditorium to be with her scholars.

Imagine, with the hard times, Mother Lily has sponsored 10 college students who were all full scholars.

Said scholarship happens to be her last year’s gift to Ate Vi.

As a sign of appreciation, Gov. Vi gave Mother Lily a huge plague of appreciation during the flag ceremony.

Nasa homestretch na nga pala ang “The Healing” movie niya under Star Cinema with Kim Chiu.

Three a.m. na nakauwi si Ate Vi dahil non-stop ang shoot nila sa Cogeo at Sumulong Highway in Antipolo.

After this, balak daw magbakasyon ng pamilya Recto most probably sa US of A naman para madalaw rin at the same time ang mga relatives roon ni Gov. Vi na medyo matagal-tagal na rin niyang di nabibisita.

***

Papa Dhann very touching ang kabaitan

MARAMI ring ama ng mga showbiz personalities ang aming na-meet but Papa Dhann, the devoted dad of upcoming singer Paula Bianca, is most remarkable in the sense that his PR is beyond compare and he’s got this unique way of pleasing people.

Kung tutuusin, his designation in one of the posh hotels in the country today is indeed lofty and of reverential status.

But he has never changed and is devoid of any braggadocio.

Napakabait niyang kausap at walang angas ni katiting considering na bongga ang kanyang posisyon sa lugar na ‘yun where the rich and the famous go to keep themselves entertained and to while away the time in a most leisurely manner.

Anyway, her daughter Paula Bianca is happy with the positive response that her debut album under Vicor has been getting lately.

Effect na effect sa mga listeners namin sa DWIZ (882 KHZ in your radio dial, 2 to 3 p.m.) ang signature song niyang Napakasakit Naman, a composition of the great man Vehnee Saturno.

***

Piolo & Angelica ang tindi ng chemistry!

WATCHING the trailer of the Star Cinema first comedy-romance movie will transform anyone into a hopeless romantic.

Napakalinis ng cinematography at bongga ang shots kina Piolo Pascual at Angelica Panganiban who’s delineating the role of Majoy, a virginal romantic who’s been waiting for her true love to finally sieze her and make all of her dreams come true.

Piolo is Leo, a career-driven playboy who never makes love his priority in life.

When the two meet accidentally on Valentine’s Day and find themselves growing closer with each passing day, will the outrageous and hilarious circumstances ever allow them to get their happily ever after?

“Every Breath You Take” is Star Cinema’s handpicked movie to be its kick-off project for its 19th Anniversary primarily because of its fresh element of comedy-romance.

Directed by Mae Cruz, it boasts of an impressive support cast like Carlos Agassi, Frenchie Dy, Janus del Prado, Ketchup Eusebio, Joross Gamboa, among many others.

The movie will hold its grand red carpet premiere on May 15 (Tuesday), 6pm at the SM Megamall Cinema 9.

***

Fern Lozano, ang lalaking mahiwaga

LAMAN siya ng mga male pageants at talent search.

May K naman kasi at arrive kaya kadalasa’y win galore naman si Fern Lozano.

‘Yun nga lang, with every talent search that he becomes a part of, pabagu-bago siya ng pangalan kaya nahihilong tunay ang kanyang mga fans. Hahahahahahaha!

Whatever his real identity is, he’s delectable and flawless and well-endowed.

And for his gay following, that is the most important thing!

***

Mapipingasan ba ako ng isang tenga kung hindi ako naimbita sa presscon ng soon-to-flop serye ni Marianita?

HAHAHAHAHA! Akala naman ng baliw na si Marianita L., na flopzing to-the-max ang My Gilagid (My Gilagid raw talaga, o! Hahahahahahahaha!) ay affected kami for the simple reason that most of her detractors had been invited to the presscon of her new dramedy (I’m positive it’s going to become another abysmal flop! Hahahahaha!) at the Kapuso Network, save for us. Hahahahahahahaha!

Who, the hell, cares?

Alam ko namang ang villainess ng GMA ang nagmaniobra para ‘di kami maimbita ever.

Bago? Hahahahahahaha!

Isaksak niya sa bago niyang marumi at nakaririmarim ang alaga niyang another halimaw in the making ang pag-uugali for all I care!

Hangga’t naririyan ang lomodic na halimaw na ‘yan, ‘di talaga kami maiimbita sa mga projects ni Marianing at keber ba namin! Hahahahahahaha!

Gurang ka na, ning! Wala ka ng arrive kahit na i-cover ka man sa Cosmopolitan o saan pang glossy English mag!

Period!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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