Hunk actor mountain dew daw ang nota?

HAHAHAHAHA! Shakira naman ang mga tsismosa sa nagsi-circulate na kwento tungkol sa isang aktor na malakas ang arrive sa mga otaw, particularly sa mga vaklungs na nagpapantasya sa kanyang notrisyus.

Akala raw kasi ng mga ito ay well-endowed ang di na kabataang hunk actor lalo na’t nagbibilang talaga ng girlalu ang ating bida at tipong not the marrying kind anymore. Hahahahahaha!

Ang kaso, nang may makapag-service raw ritong masseuse ay nadismaya kuning-kuning ang beauty nito dahil kung ano raw ang nilaki-laki ng katawan nito ay siya namang pagkadyuts ng kanyang alaga. Hahahahahaha!

True kaya ito? Well, come to think of it, many years ago, naging issue ito nang magkasama sila ng isang molang-molang aktor na nang magsuot silang pareho ng swimming trunks ay nabukesh talaga ang mediocre size ng nota ni papa.

Hahahahahahaha!

Kapag tumatakbo kasi sila sa beach lalo na’t slow motion ang kuha, sway galore talaga ang notes payable nu’ng hunk actor number one samantalang ‘yung bida natin ay wala lang.

Wala lang daw, o! Hakhakhak!

Kaya ‘yang balitang Reggie Regalado lang siya, na nagmumukha talagang dyuts dahil sa sobrang bulk ng kanyang katawan ay ‘di nabago at may katagalan na.

Di nga lang masyadong obvious noon dahil trim and slim pa ang kanyang katawan whereas now, it has become too bulky, thus accentuating what used to be not so prominent before. Hahahahahahahahaha!

At any rate, di naman diet ang mga chicks sa kanya dahil mahaba ang kanyang dila.

Mahaba raw ang kanyang dila, o! Hakhakhak!

Kaaliw!

Ang layu-layo niya sa pards niyang morenong aktor na talaga namang ga-troso ang tarugs. Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun nga lang, nagkakaroon lang daw ito ng erection sa kapwa niya lalaki. Hahahahahaha!

Better na lang daw si kuya at least pangbabae ang tarugs niya. Hahahahahahaha!

Pero how true na lately raw ay nababaling na rin ang atensyon ni kuya sa kapwa niya ombre?

True kaya ito? Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yan ba ang dahilan kung bakit di na nanliligaw si kuya ng mga chicks lately? Hahahahahaha!

Puwede! Puwede raw, o! Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Levi Poulter out-going and fun to be with

HE WAS born in the Rocky Mountains in Utah and sports happen to be his cup of tea.

Indeed, Levi Poulter would want to come see the Philippines because he’s been hearing fabulous things about our country.

In the meantime, his modelling career has brought him to Spain where he’s presently stationed at.

Well, Levi, baby, the Filipinos would certainly want to see you in the flesh and see that provocative thing that dangles suggestively in between your super sturdy legs.

Oooooooh! ang galing-galing mo, pare!

Looking forward to seeing you in my dreams. Hahahahahahaha!

For once, di bawal magtikol. I understand pare. Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Sitti participates in Tokyo Jazz Festival on May 18

THE Philippines’ one and only Bossa Nova Queen Sitti will represent the country to the Tokyo Jazz Festival on May 18.

Sitti is excited to participate in this prestigious international event. “I just feel very lucky and excited that they invited me to be a part of it. It’s my first international jazz fest participation. I’m really loo- king forward to learning from the other performers and I can only hope and pray that I represent the country well. I’ll do my best.”

Undoubtedly, Sitti will make the country proud. She has brimming passion for her music that makes her at par with other international artists.

She has successfully reintroduced bossa nova as a new kind of music to a new era of listeners. Since her debut in the music scene, Sitti has released a string of best-selling albums such as Café Bossa, Sitti Live!, Sitti In The Mix, My Bossa Nova, Contagious, and Sitti Sessions.

Bossa nova reminds Sitti of palm trees, the sea breeze, and stars in the sky. She said the style of singing is most commonly associated with Astrud Gilberto’s, which is breathy, relaxed, and never forced. “There is something about bossa nova that soothes and subdues me, like it quiets my inner thoughts. At the same time it also allows me to play around, gives me freedom on how to approach every song.”

Sitti is a Backroom artist. For inquiries, call Backroom at 4351108 and 4351120 or email atbackroominc@hot- mail.com

***

Hangapera sa andang TV host pati barbecue ay pinupulutan (hahaha! cheap!)

KARUMAL-DUMAL naman talaga ang kahangapan sa andalu (kahangapan daw sa andalu, o! Hakhakhak!) ng tabatsinang teevee host na ‘to ever! Hahahahahaha!

Imagine, sa batian portion ng kanilang show, dahil sa obsessed sa anda, pati raw barbecue ay pinapatulan nito ever. Hakhakhak!

Super cheap talaga I tell you! Hakhakhak!

Sa rami ng nahaharbat niyang anda, wala siyang kasawa-sawa at pati nga ang barbecue ay tinatalo. Hahahahaha!

Have you guys heard of a teevee personality who’s more than willing to include cheap barbecues in her batian portion out of sheer megalomaniac greed. Hakhakhak!

Baka bukas-makalawa, pati mga pako sa hardware ay batiin na rin ng tanders na ‘to na sobra ang kahangapan sa anda. Hahahahahahaha!

Ewan ko ba sa tabachingching na mukhang andang babaeng ito at wala na yatang katapusan ang pagnanasa niya sa pera. Hahahaha!

Before, understandable that she was obsessed with earning dough because she was very much deprived of it then.

Pero sa ngayong namumunini na siya sa anda at di na sa squatter’s area nakatira, parang nakatatawa na ‘yung endless cravings niya for money.

I guess she needs to consult a good psychiatrist. Baka sira na ang ulo niya. Hahahahahaha!

***

Mahusay na young actor na-turned off sa kawalan ng hygiene ng ‘di kagandahang singer-actress?

HAHAHAHAHA! How so amusing naman ang eksena ng girlalu na ‘to na nag-iilusyong pare-pare (lengua mga repaps.. Hahahahahaha!) raw kuno siya kaya sa halip na mag-mouthwash sa eksenang halikan nila ng isang mahusay at much sought-after na young actor ay lalo pa raw lumafang nang kung anu-ano. Hakhakhak!

Kabaliwed, di ba naman? Hahahahahaha!

Samantalang ‘yung sikat na aktor ay talaga namang nag-prepare meticulously sa kanilang intimate kissing scene, the not-so-pretty and not-so-tall singer/actress was complacent in the belief that she was exuding a different kind of freshness, gurgling mouthwash, (which her leading man assiduously did…Hahahahaha!) was no longer needed.

Hahahahahahaha!

Anyhow, being a real professional, the young actor in question went through the scene stoically.

Kung na-disappoint siya sa singer/actress na balak pa yatang gayahin si Ngangaerang Ferminata, (Hahahahahaha!) he chose not to comment about it and breezed through the scene like the pro that he’s always been. Hahahahahahahaha!

Knowsline n’yo ang unanic (unanic daw talaga, o! Hahahahahaha!) na girlalung ito?

Well, it’s so easy to guess her identity. Feeling Regine Velasquez siya, albeit she pales in comparison with the songbird’s articulate tongue. Hahahahahahaha!

***

Followers ni Ate Vi, iritada sa mga intrigera

MARAMING nagre-react sa mga patutsada ng mga Noranians to the effect that the Queenstar for all seasons Ms. Vilma Santos is purportedly not worthy of the National Artist award.

Kung accomplishments nga naman ang pag-uusapan, Ate Vi has been acting at a young age, she has practically devoted her whole life to her kind of art – acting.

Kung feeling ng mga Noranians ay ang idolo nila ang worthy of the said award, go straight ahead.

This is a democratic country we’re living in, everybody has the right to voice out his/her own belief or opinion.

Pero ang sabihing Governor Vi is not worthy of the said award is most unfair to her.

Nasa Bicol palang si Ms. Aunor at nagtitinda ng tubig sa riles ng tren, nasa harap na ng camera si Ate Vi at umaarte na.

Manahimik na lang kasi kayo at suportahan ang projects ng inyong idolo para naman ‘di siya napahihiya sa tuwing nangingitlog sa box-office ang kanyang, in fairness, ay well-acted namang mga pelikula.

‘Yun lang!

Sa ganang akin pa rin, one’s unselfish dedication to his/her craft should also be meticulously considered.

Si Ate Vi, malinis ang record at never na napabalitang nagbabangag or nakikipagrelasyon sa kapwa niya babae.

Hahahahahahahaha!

I hate to be caustic but angles like these should also be pondered on in the name of fairness.

Period. Walang comma!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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