Mas feel ang maumbok na crotch compared sa maskuladong pangangatawan (hahahaha!)

WEIRD nga ba ang taste ng ating sikat na brown-skinned actor sa mga lalaking gusto niyang nakae-eksena?

Dati, he goes for real men. But the passing of years has made him change his mind.

Mas attracted na siya ngayon sa mga sila-sila o kloseta compared sa mga berdaderong ombre.

Hahahahaha!

Napatunayan kasi niyang mas bongga ang churvahan (bongga raw ang churvahan, o! Hahahahahaha!) kung ka-‘tribu’ mo ang iyong maka-eeksena o makakarelasyon.

Oo nga naman.

Real men are okay and they can be good mates, too but only to a point.

Siyempre naman, mag-aasawa sila and would leave you alone with nothing but your great big tears to keep you company, along with your nostalgic memories.

Nostalgic memories raw, o! Hahahahahahaha! Ayaw ni amigang Peter Ledesma nang ganyan! Hakhakhak!

Kaya sa ngayon, mas trip ng ating morenong bida (he’s not that brown-skinned anymore and has become light-skinned courtesy of gluta chuvanes… Hahahahaha!) ang mga klosetang tulad niya at dito siya nagkakaroon ng attraction at erection (bongga, di ba naman? may rhyme and rhythm..Hahahahaha!).

At sa ngayon, type niya ang isang macho gay na singer/actor na rumored na well-endowed. Hahahahahaha!

Just like him, sooo taba but not so haba raw ang tarugs ni kuya and it veritably shows at the bulging crotch that he possesses.

Bulging crotch daw talaga, o! Hahahahahahaha!

Wala siyang weather sa isa pang klosetang singer/actor who’s a lot taller and better-looking, na medyo nagpapalipad-hangin rin sa kanya dahil ang tsika, kulang daw sa bulk ang meat ng machismo nito as compared to the meaty and juicy hotdog nitong isa. Hakhakhakhakhak!

How amusing!

Kaya naman pala. (Kaya naman daw pala, o! Hakhakhak!)

Anyway, marami ang nang-iintriga sa acting ng ating bida sa teevee soap na pinagsasamahan nila for the first time ng isang veteran actor nang maituturing. Bagama’t medyo over-acting daw ito, masyadong malamya naman daw ang projection ni Kuya. Hahahahahaha!

Nakapagtataka ba? At least he’s having the decency to maintain his kind of machismo unlike BB. Gandanghari who’s all woman now, albeit in a highly ridiculous fashion. Hahahaha!

Ridiculous fashion daw, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Organized at budgetted ang oras ni Governor Vi

HER enervating working sched as the governor of Batangas is hectic enough, idagdag mo pa ang twice a week shoot niya for The Healing movie under Star Cinema, not to mention her other pressing commitments like attending awards and other obligations in conjunction with her job and you’d simply wonder if Queenstar Vilma Santos still has time for her wifey ‘obligations’ to Senator Ralph Recto.

Hahahahahahaha!

Well, ang sabi nga niyan, if there’s a will, there’s a way! Hakhakhak!

“Nagbakasyon kami, di ba?” she enigmatically answers when pressed about this aspect of her life.

Ang lahat nga naman ay nadaraan sa proper scheduling. Hahahaha!

And Ate Vi has become competence personified when it comes to this.

Kapag organized ka nga naman, everything will come smooth and easy.

Ikaw na ang maging Vilma Santos Recto. Hahahahahaha!

Nevertheless, parang super woman nga si Ate Vi when it comes to meeting her obligations with her profession, her craft as an actress, not to mention her duties as a wife, a mother and as a daughter to the afflicted with slight dementia Mama Milagros Santos.

Bibihira nga siguro ang katulad ni Gov. Vi na nagagawang balansehin ang lahat ng kanyang mga commitments with her characteristic elan.

‘Yun na!

***

Gurangis na personalidad na addicted sa anda, hinaharang daw ang pakikibagti ni Marianita

HAHAHAHA As I’ve predicted, ang lomodic personality na ‘to na obsessesed sa andalucia ang lagi na’y humaharang sa supposedly ay pakikipagbati nina Marianita L. at manager nitong si Popoy Caritativo sa amin.

“Matagal ka ng gustong ipatawag ni Marian Rivera para makipagbati at makipag-ayos sa’yo,” reports an avid reader who appears to be quite close to Papa Dingdong’s mate.

“Kasabay dapat kay Cristy Fermin (da gurangic na lola, you mean, amigo? Hahahahahahaha!).

“Kaso, hinarang ni ______________ (the equally oldies lola who’s veritably dupangistic sa anda…Hahahaha!) ang plano nina Marian at Popoy.

“Kilala ka raw pala ni Marian, Pete,” he adds in earnest. “Dumadalaw ka raw sa set ng drama series niya sa hapon noon sa Tape office (There must be a little confusion here amigo… it was my bossom buddy Peter Ledesma who was in constant communication with Marianita then. – Ed).

“Ang kaso, ang sabi raw ng babaeng reyna ng anda, huwag ka na raw isama sa mga babatiin ni Marian dahil baka mamihasa ka at mag-feeling Alfie Lorenzo, hindi ka naman daw pang-mainstream d2 sa show business at mananatiling starlet at trying hard na teevee host (Really? I don’t give a hoot anyway! Hahahaha! -Ed).

“The very reason kung bakit bitter na bitter ka raw nang mawala ka sa Juicy.

“‘Yung dalawa nga raw (Morly and Rey), hindi bitter.

“Ikaw, sobrang bitter ka raw kay Cristy.

“Sa totoo, kampi-kampi si ___________ (da harbatic matrona…Hahahahaha!) kay Cristy dahil siyempre, nakadidikit siya kay Willie at nakahaharbat.

“U know, matagal nang gustong makipag-ayos sa ‘yo ni Marian. Hinaharang lang at tinututulan ni Lola Anda at nag-second de motion naman si Ferminata.

“‘Yun na, Pete!” he ends with full conviction.

Well, ‘yang mga nanghaharang namang matatandang ‘yan ay di ko na pinag-aaksayahan nang panahon.

Lait-laitin ko lang silang parang mga askal na aso and I’m already sated and satisfied.

Mga idiota kasi, pangitelya at wah mga talent kaya nangangayngay ang mga pubic hair (nangangayngay raw ang mga pubic hair, o! Hahahahaha!) the moment they get to see a real talent coming their way.
Hahahahahahaha!

I’m seething with righteous indignation because Ferminata Pangitelya and her equally obnoxious ilk (equally obnoxious ilk daw, o! Hahahahaha!) are deplorably unfair.

Ginagamit nila ang kanilang influence at clout para mai-down ka.

But are they successful? Hahahahahahaha!

‘Yung isang matandang intrigera ay 4% na lang yata ang rating ng show at itong si Lola Fermi ay below 1% (below 1% daw, o! carry n’yo ‘yan? Hahahahahaha!).

Pasasaan ba’t matitigok din ang mga huklubang ito na di yata nagti-take ng vitamins kaya mga Lola Basyang na ang mga itzu. Hahahahahaha!

***

Gabby Concepcion parang syolbam na raw ang arrive

KAALIW naman ang reviews sa very papable pa rin at katilam-tilam na matinee idol of the 80s na si Gabby Concepcion sa presscon ng Mother’s Day presentation (May 9) ng Regal films na The Mommy Returns kung saan leading-lady niya si Pokwang.

Unlike in the past when Gabby would attend dressed to the nines in occasions like this, cool ang outfit niya at comfortable sa The Mommy Returns presscon, he looked ten or even 20 years younger. Hahahahaha!

Totoo lang, he seems not to have aged at preskong-presko pa ang dating gayung grown-ups na sina KC, Garrie at Chloe at buntis na naman sa kanilang second baby ang kanyang wife at the moment, ang standing joke tuloy ng mga entertainment press ay para raw siyang syolbam na pahads. Hahahahahahaha!

Is that flattering?

Sa point of view namin, it is!

Para maikumpara ka sa mga katilam-tilam na callboys of this generation who are thirty years younger is flattering beyond words considering na mid to late 80s pa ang era ni Gabby. Hahahahaha!

Touching, di ba naman?

Anyway, kasama ni Gabby sina Ruffa Gutierrez, (na agaw-eksena ang crying scene sa pressscon dahil sa mga hurting na bukeke raw ni Nadia Montenegro laban sa kanyang mga anak na dinamay pa sa kaguluhang namamagitan sa kanila ni Madam Annabelle Rama) Gloria Diaz, John Lapuz, Kiray Celis, Jilian Ward, Kerbie Zamora, Ervic Vijandre, Hiro Magalona at marami pang iba.

And speaking of Madam Annabelle, I’d like to thank her for inviting me to the presscon of her daughter’s movie.

Siya kasi ang nag-insist na maimbitahan kami kaya super touched naman kami.

Mali nga pala ‘yung nasulat namin the other day na ka-join din si Tita Annabelle sa movie. It’s Pokwang who’s delineating the role that would have been perfect for her. Hahahahahaha!

***

Carl Louie Floro’s sensation machismo

AT A young age, Carl Louie Floro is already a seasoned veteran in many talent search and bikini open practically all over the Philippines.

This gorgeous Bicolano has got no qualms in showcasing his nudity if it would mean winning a particular title.

He joined Mr. Pogi of Morong Rizal sometime in the year 2008 (grand winner), was chosen as winners for Ginoong Bicolandia, Slimmer’s World Bikini Open, Mr. Heartthrob 2007, among many others.

***

Vavalinang supotelya matindi ang pakinabang kay Ms. Claire pero patuloy na kinakana sina Bela, Sam

GRABE talaga itong supotelyang si Joey ‘Vavaling’ de Cashtro.

Imagine, at the height of his diabetes ailment, Ms. Claire dela Fuente was most supportive of him and yet right now, this frog-like fag has been sending in untakably repulsive messages at our cellphones flagrantly putting Bela Padilla and Sam Pinto down.

Ibang klase talaga ang mabahongang palaboy na baklang ito (palaboy na gurang na bakla raw, o! Hahahaha! ang cheap!). Gratitude happens to be an alien thing for him.

Kami na nga lang na nagpala sa kanya for more than twenty years ay ganon na lang kung babuyin sa internet, si Ms. Claire pa kaya at ang kanyang mga inosente namang alaga ang kanyang palalampasin?

Anyway, Sam Pinto is doing well at GMA7 at hataw pa rin naman ang kanilang soap na Legacy, along with her participation at the gag show Bubble Gang.

Bela, on the other hand has her hands full taping for the top-rating afternoon soap Hiram na Puso, along with her co-hosting chore for Manny Pacquiao’s Manny’s Many Prizes.

Eh, ikaw supotelyang matanda, (yuck! you’re sooo bahooo! Hakhakhak!) where do you stay and what do you do for subsistence? Malapit ka na bang magpunta sa Quiapo para join ka na sa mga katribu mo roon?

Hahahahahaha!

I’m sure. Very, very SURE! Hahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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