Parang nagpapalit lang ng underwear kung magpalit ng boyfriend

HAHAHAHA! How so very amusing naman this not-so-young actress when it comes to her oh-so-colorful lovelife.

Nu’ng una, ang impression nang nakararami ay head-over-heels in love siya with her Brapanese boyfriend.

Ang ongoing tsika noon ay more than willing daw siyang maging young sugar mommy ng kanyang gwaping na boyfriend.

Ang kaso, bumisita lang sa kanilang homeland ang paparu niya, bigla na lang siyang nawalan nang gana and all of a sudden, off-line na pala sila.

How shocking indeed! Hahahahahahahaha!

Ganon lang ba kadaling magpalit ng paparu ang aktres na ‘to considering the fact that she’s not getting any younger?

Ang shocking Asia, she now supposedly has a new flame and the guy she’s presently having an intimate relation- ship with happens to be a good actor, admittedly, but someone who’s very much wanting of hygiene. Hakhakhak!

Imagine, he would allegedly report on the set of the indie movie he was doing then without having to wash his face and brush his teeth at all?

Hahahahahahahaha!

How so kadirs! Hahahahahahaha!

Imagine, doing a love scene without having to brush your teeth yet and smelling of dried saliva on the side.

Isn’t that simply yucky and obnoxious? Hakhakhak!

Kung gaano raw kabango at kalinis sa katawan ang ex ng aktres, siya namang pagkaburara ng kanyang bagong papa.

Isn’t that inordinately repulsive, dear? Hahahahahahahaha!

Ang say naman ng mga intrigero, at least naman daw, circumcised itong ikalawa kahit na tamaderong maligo. Hahahahaha!

Tamadera raw maligo, o! Hahahahahahaha!

Meaning, the other one was Pocholo Avila? Hahahahaha!

Yuck! How so kadirs naman ever. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Anyhow, if ever it’s true that her ex was uncircumcised, ‘yan ba ang dahilan kung bakit mas feel na lang niyang tamad maligo itong ikalawa after all, his penis doesn’t smell of stale urine at all. Hahahahahaha!

Yuck! Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Besides, he’s reportedly well endowed. Hakhakhak!

Plus factor ba ‘yun sa isang relasyon? Hahahahahahaha!

I suppose so! Hakhakhak!

***

Controversial Arbie Silva

HAHAHAHAHA! I’m sure a friend of ours would react the very moment he gets to see his libidinous pic in today’s column of ours.

Hahahahahaha!

For Arbie Silva is the hunk a lot of gays would want to bring home to mama.

Bring home to mama raw, o! Hahahahahahaha!

With his extremely photogenic facial features and oh-so-bulging crotch (Hahahahahaha! katilam-tilam, isn’t it?) I’m positive he’s the man every gay would want to fellate.

Hahahahaha!

***

A differenet Sarah at 24

SA PRESSCON ng kanyang forthcoming concert sa Big Dome on the 7th of July dubbed as 24/SG, Sarah Geronimo has divulged some of her plans for the year 2012.

First and foremost, she supposedly wants to showcase her kind of maturity of late.

It doesn’t mean though that she’s out to declare her independence and live in a condo all on her own without the ubiquitous presence of Mommy Divine.

Basta gusto lang daw niyang mag-decide ng mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa kanyang buhay and prove to all and sundry that she’s mature enough to take care of herself in such a way that Mommy Divine will not feel as if she’s being left out.

Of course, she will always be her guiding light but there are things that she wants to decide solely on her own without having to appear as if she’s already ignoring her mom’s wishes.

Kung dati-rati raw ay hindi siya nakalalabas nang walang chaperon, this time she’d like to give it a try.

Napatunayan naman daw niya kasi in the past na she’s very much capable of taking good care of herself.

Oo nga naman.

Anyway, 24/SG will showcase her more infinitely glamorous and sexual side in coping up with the ever-changing times.

“The show is something Sarah’s fans have never seen her do before,” asseverates Boss Vic del Rosario but he refuses to elaborate anymore but simply adds that her fans are surely going to have the thrill of their lives as their idol changes from one glamorous gown to another.

The show will be directed by Paul Basinillo and with the musical direction of Louie Ocampo.

For details, call 911-5555 or Viva Concerts at 687-7236.

***

DJ Mo dinemanda ni Charice Pempengco

KONTROBERSYAL talaga si Mo Twister.

Imagine, after that long drawn-out word war with the love of his life Rhian Ramos, he’s now much-talked-about primarily because of the new multi-million libel suit Charice Pempengco has slapped him with.

Kinakalat daw kasi ni Mo na mahilig sa mga lengua o lesbo ang magaling na singer kaya in a rare moment of being piqued, dinemanda siya nito. Hahahahahahahaha!

How amusing naman ever! Hakhakhak!

Ang ma-provoke mo ang dati-rati’y deadma sa mga intrigang si Charice is an achievement you ought to be proud of. Hahahahahahahaha!

Abangan ang susunod na kabanata!

***

Ate Vi artistang-artista talaga!

SHOCKING Asia ang review sa teevee guesting ng isang legendary actress sa isang weekly shpw on national teevee. Hahahahahaha!

Obvious na pinapurol na ng droga at alak ang dati-rati’y may galing naman niyang isipan.

Kung si Governor Vilma Santos ay napaka-retentive ng memory and is very much capable of giving her points of view in any subject matter under the sun, the actress in question was ostensibly groping for words until such time that she could not give any comment at all.

Hahahahahahaha!

That’s what clean living has done to Queenstar Vi.

Apart from maintaining her glowing beauty, her memory is still sharp and most retentive.

Wala pa ba siyang memory gap tulad nang nangyari sa aktres na ‘to na mukhang napabayaan na ang kanyang hitsura at tipong ang projection ay napabayaan na siya sa kusina.

Hahahahahahaha!

How pathetic!

Tigilan na kasi ang pagbibisyo para muling magbalik ang kasariwaan at kapreskohan ng iyong pag-iisip, mama.

Look at Queen Vi, she’s still the same Ate Vi that her fans have come to fall in love with.

And speaking of her fans, teary-eyed ang dalawang fans niya from Dubai na sina Mel Rivera at Rey Osorio dahil inistema sila nang maayos ni Governor Vi nang dumalaw sila sa Kapitolyo ng Batangas kamakailan.

Mel works as a receptionist for Fairmont hotel while Rey happens to be a senior ground supervisor of Emirates  Airlines.

Pabolosa, di ba naman? Hahahahahahaha!

***

Super el pero walang backbone

YOSI-KADIRI naman ang young actor na ‘to na well-endowed (well-endowed daw talaga, o! Hahahahaha!) pa naman daw sanang naturingan pero walang balls ni katiting.

Walang balls ni katiting daw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!

How gross!

Anyway, libogero as in super hot (Hahahahahahaha! he looks appetizing but is infinitely a disappointment when you speak of machismo and guts) ang young actor pero the sad thing is, palagi siyang nakahawak sa punda ng kanyang kunsitidorang mudra na ham actress of the first order.

Ham actress of the first order raw, o! Hahahahaha!

No wonder, her son tends to blow his lines and is having a hard time projecting the kind of emotion that his character needs to show.

How tanga! Hahahahahahaha!

At any rate, in most of his interviews, he brags with bravura that he’s supposedly a martial art expert.

But in one of his encounters lately, he wasn’t able to prove how good he was at the man-to-man combat depart- ment. Hahahahaha!

All froth and no substance, is that it old boy? Hahahahahaha!

Sayang na kadakuan, duwagers naman pala at magaling lang sa bukeke ever. Hahahahahahaha!

Pahads mo na lang, kuya, ang sooo taba and ooh soo habang tarugs mo, bobongga pa ang career mo kaysa makipag-away ka sa babaeng nabuntis mo na’t lahat, ngawngaw-to-the-max pa kayo ng ham actress mong ina.

Intiende? Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Naiibang Richard Gutierrez sa Pinoy Adventures

NAKATUTUWA itong si Ms. Annabelle Rama sa kanyang mga reactions sa mga sinasabi ng kanyang gwaping na anak na si Richard Gutierrez in connection with his new adventure show that will detonate starting this Sunday May 13 at GMA network.

May isang eksena kasi sa Pinoy Adventures where Chard had to jump from 120 feet down at for realism’s sake, ginawa raw talaga ito ng young actor nang walang body double.

“Ang ending,” Madam Annabelle asseverates, “nahilo siya, dong, at tumawag sa akin para itanong kung saan ko raw nailagay ang kanyang medecine kit dahil nahilu-hilo siya sa taas ng kanyang tinalon.”

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Oo nga naman!

Anyway, nag-enjoy naman daw si Richard sa mga ginawa niya sa bago nilang show sa News and Public Affairs department ng Kapuso Network.

“More than the daring stunts that I did in it,” he intones, “I love the experience of being with ordinary people who are doing ordinary things na kapag sinubukan mo pala ay magugulat ka!”

Hahahahahahaha!

Chard was referring to that water fetching scene he did at his new adventure show wherein he tried to do what the locals were doing and was shocked when he learned how heavy the load was. Hahahahaha!

“Pero may technique naman pala on how to do it kaya kayang-kaya nu’ng maliit na bata ang mag-igib ng tubig na pabalik-balik talaga siya at mukhang walang kapaguran.”

Anyhow, a good experience awaits anyone who would watch this new adventure show of Richard G.

Peg naman kasi niya ang ganitong mga reality shows kaya expect some really heartwarming adventure courtesy of the Kapuso hunk.

***

Vavalinang supot, kwentistang talaga!

HAHAHAHA! Ayaw talagang matulog ang gabi ng dating bugaw (hello, Mommy Bhabette? are you reading this? Hahahahahaha!) at addict sa ratbulites na si Joey ‘Vavalina’ de Cashtrue.

Imagine, kung anu-ano nang kababuyan at kamalasaduhan ang ginawa patungol sa amin sa internet and yet, he seems not to be sated. Hahahahahaha!

May mga bago na naman daw siyang pasabog (oh, really, old hag of a fag who’s being avoided like the plague by the multitude primarily because of his deadly and almost fatal halitosis…Hahahahahahaha! kasuka-suka!) and one of which happens to be the fact that I was purportedly encarcerated because of Ms. Sharon Cuneta’s efforts.

Baklang suport na halimaw, si Mystica ang dahilan why I was jailed for an hour or so primarily because I was not able to post my bail at the soonest time possible.

Hahahahahaha! Ulyanin ka na panget na huklubang matanda na pinandirihan ng mga bagets sa Baguio City the last time you were there. Hahahahahaha!

I still remember vividly how you texted in the middle of the night visibly depressed because young men would avoid you like the plague. Hahahahahaha!

Panotsa na kasi ang ulo, (panotsa na raw kasi ang nangingintab na ulo, o! Hahahahahaha!) may halitosis pa, duldulin pa’t baboy ang pag-uugali at numero unong tamadera pa ever.

Saan ka na? Hahahahahahahahaha!

Isa pang paulit-ulit na nilalagay sa internet ng balahurang dulduling mabahongang baklang matandang ito (na nag-uulyanin na yata kaya kung anik-anik ang pumapasok sa kanyang mentally deranged na isipan…Hakhakhak!) ay ang pagiging pimp daw namin gayung siya ang naging assistant bugaling ni Madam Bhabette C. during the mid-80s. Hahahahahaha!

Hay, naku! tonta kang talaga balahurang esp writer na bakla na nagsulat ng Queenstar Vilma Santos article sa Orig mag during the early 80s para matuklasan lang ni Madam Terry Cagayat Bagalso na ni-lift lang pala sa isang English mag ang supposed qoutations ni Ate Vi. Hahahahahaha!

Walang-wala kang kredibilidad baklang matandang panget at mukhang tanga. Hahahahahahaha!

Magbigti ka na lang kaya. Tutal wala ka nang makain sa kabibili ng iyong mga cheap sim cards. Hahahahahaha!

Halimaw sa banga, mabahonga! Sino siya? Di si Vavalinaaaaaaah! Hahahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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