Aning-aning na sexy actress, si Sarah naman ang pinagti-trip-an!

DAHIL hindi umubra ang drama niya sa ate niyang kinatay-katay niyang parang manok pero to no avail dahil kinampihan ng working press, iba na naman ang drama ng aning-aning na sexy actress na ‘to.  Hahahahahaha!

As always, for wanting of better things to do, si Sarah Geronimo na naman ang kanyang pinagti-tripan.

Na kesyo hindi naman daw ang paparu niyang under the saya ang nauna sa young singer/actress kundi isang direktor at isa pang aktor.

Ano ba naman ang paki mo kasi kung maraming nakarelasyon si Sarah G. sa bornok mong pantasya’t ilusyon, ano?

Why don’t you do something about the poor ratings of your soap that is no longer being watched by the multitude primarily because of your super negative image that truly rankles?

Ayusin mo na lang ang weekly ay pagpapaturok mo ng gluthation para mapanatili mo ang pekeng kakinisan ng iyong dating ‘di naman kaputiang balat.

Huwag kang masyadong warfreak, ning, at baka makatagpo ka nang katapat ay masyonggal ang implant mo sa ilong. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Ingatan din ang silicone implant sa ‘yong dibdib at baka mabukesh tuloy na ‘di naman kagandahan talaga ang boobs mo without them.

Hahahahahahahaha!

At least si Sarah, walang in-inject na pangpa-umbok ng butt niya at courtesy of Mommy Divine ‘yun ever. Hahahahahahaha!

Kumbaga, natural kaya walang dapat ikatakot na baka any moment ay magnaknak tulad nang nangyari sa isang naughty singer na talaga namang pinatanggal ang implant or in-inject na collagen dahil nagnaknak chuvanes. Hahahahahahaha!

Mag-behave ka kasi dahil nanganganib ka ng muling magbalik sa iyong ignominious starlet status na puro flopzing ang ginawang pelikula noon. Hahahahahaha!

Huwag ka nga palang nag-a-attempt kumanta dahil ang over-all effect ay para kang nagro-rosaryo.  Hahahahaha!

Yosi-kadiri! Hakhakhak!

Bawas-bawasan mo rin ang kaelyahan mo at kawalan ng breeding na kahit sa karamihan ng tao ay nilalaplap mo ang paparu mong ‘di tuloy nalaman ang gagawin. Hahahahahahaha!

Poor guy. He’s being emasculated right infront of so many people. Hahahahahaha!

Kapag kumalat nang kumalat ang kababuyang pinaggagagawa mo ‘di lang kay Sarah kundi lalo’t higit sa ina mong malapit na yatang ma-stroke dahil sa kamalditahan mo, I’m positive you’re going to rivert your once cheap starlet status. Hahahahahahaha!

Tone down your make-up, too, dahil nagmumukhang horror ang soap ninyo ng natu-trauma ng matinee idol mong leading man. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Remember this, beauty is nothing if you have a horrible attitude and a foul language to boot.

Gayahin mo si Sarah. Hayan at may big concert na naman sa Big Dome on July 7 fittingly titled 24/SG kung saan ipakikita niya ang metamorphosis niya from an awkward teeny bopper to a well-poised young lady who can carry even the most sophisticated gown with elan.

Hahahahahaha!

Indeed, Sarah, the comely fashionista, is going to show off her trend-setting gowns for the public and  her fans as well to ogle at and admire.

For details, call 911-5555 or Viva Concerts at 687-7236.

***

Daniel Matsunaga gay’s fantasy!

THE name doesn’t need any introduction for he’s become famous since the day he has come to the decision of making the Philippines his second home.

Indeed, Daniel Matsunaga has come a long, long way since he was taken as one of the models for the publication our friend Jerome Pelgone (SLN) used to work for.

Today, he’s one of the talents of GMA7 and if not for his handicap in expressing himself in Tagalog, he could have easily become one of the hottest hunks in the country today.

Take a long lingering look at his mouth-watering machismo. Isn’t he simply delectable? Hahahahaha!

As always, bawal magtikol! Hakhakhak!

***

Awayang Albie-Andi at Mon-Raymart-Claudine hihimayin sa SIR

NABULABOG kamakailan ang mundo ng showbiz sa nakagugulat na magkasunod na eskandalong kinasasangkutan ng kolumnistang si Mon Tulfo at ng mag-asawang Claudine Baretto at Raymart Santiago; at ng mga pamilya ng dating magkarelasyon na sina Andi Eigennman at Albie Casino.

Ngayong Sabado (Mayo 12), sa episode na may temang, Engkwentro: Tapatan. Salpukan. Awayan. Katotohanan, maghahatid ng malalimang pagkilala at mapusong pagtalakay tungkol sa mga totoong tao sa loob ng dalawang salpukan at tumitinding sagutang tinutukan ng sambayanan.

Samahan sina Carmina Villaroel, Janice de Belen, Joey Marquez, at Ogie Diaz sa masusi nilang pagkilala sa mga pangalang sangkot at alamin ang tunay na laman ng puso ng kanilang mga pamilya at ng ilang taong malapit sa kanila. Huwag palampasin ang trending at top-rating Saturday entertainment talkshow ng ABS-CBN, Showbiz Inside Report, tuwing 2:30 ng hapon, pagkatapos ng It’s Showtime.

Para sa karagdagang updates, mag-log on sa www.abs-cbn.com, sundan ang @SIRTVOfficial sa Twitter, o i-‘like’ ang Facebook fanpage na http://www.facebook.Com/ShowbizInsi- deReport.AbsCbn.

***

Ate Vi’s star continues to shine

SINO ba sa mga contemporaries ni Governor Vilma Santos ang masasabing in pa rin at nirerespeto sa industriya?

‘Yung ilang dekada niyang naging karibal ay butt of jokes na lately dahil sa nakalulukring niyang itzu the last time she was seen on teevee.

Obviously, her mind is not half as sharp as it used to and is no longer half as productive.

Of course, she still can give a rivetingly good performance on cam but without the working script to guide her, she’s hopelessly very much at a loss with regard to the courses of action that she ought to take.

Poor woman.

That’s what endless years of boozing has done to her, along with the occasional drugs that she consumes.

Oh, well, at least our Queenstar Vilma Santos has remained in tip-top shape and in full control of her wits and emotions.

At her age, it’s admirably awesome how she’s been able to create an aura of youth around her, along with the svelte body that she flaunts in the few occasions that she would appear on national television.

‘Yun na!

***

Maganda nga, burara naman!

HAHAHAHAHA! Maganda nga sana ang young actress na ‘to at eskalera talaga ang acting skills (honestly, she’s one of the few actresses who really can deliver no matter how demanding or complicated a scene may be) pero ang problema niya’y burara siya pagdating sa kanyang mga gamit.

Hitsura ng basurahan daw sa kanyang malaking bag dahil halu-halo roon ang mga bago at gamit ng mga damit. Hahahahahahahaha!

Pa’no, puro yata ang daks niyang paparu ang priority ng young actress, she doesn’t have time anymore to sort out her belongings, among other things, in her tumultuous bag. Hahahahaha!

Tumultuous bag daw, o! Hahahahahaha!

Honestly, this young actress is purportedly besotted with the sizable dick of her boyfriend, she finds no time anymore to take care of her things and make her PA a bit comfortable when looking for the things that she asks her to find. Hahahahahahaha!

Pa’no, sex-to-the-max ang dalawa when both are not busy with their commitments. Hahahahahaha!

Wala naman kasing kinatatakutan ang palengkerang girlalung ito dahil kahit ang nanay niya’y ‘takot’ sa kanya.

Hahahahahaha! Carry n’yo ‘yun? Ang madir, afraid sa anakis na libogeric?

Anakis na libogeric daw, o! Hahahahahaha!

Dati nga raw, and this was the time when she was still having a scalding sexual intimacy with this not-so-tall but appetizingly well-endowed young actor, mereseng naroroon ang kanyang madir, keber!

Tsuktsakan-to-the-max ang dalawa.

Well, being highly sexed runs in the family.

‘Yung tita nga niyang artista rati, may boyfriend nang dakota, ‘di pa rin satisfied at suma-sideline pa sa iba.

Suma-sideline pa raw sa iba, o! Hakhakhak!

‘Yun na!

***

Cast ng ‘Intoy Syokoy’ nagbuwis ng dugo?

NAWINDANG ang buong staff and crew ng Intoy Syokoy ng Kalye Marino nang sa kalagitnaan ng shoot ay napasigaw sina LJ Reyes, Joross Gamboa, Arnold Reyes at Kenneth Salva habang lumulusong ang mga ito pabalik sa pampang ng Isla Bonita ng Rosario, Cavite.

Natural, to the rescue agad si Direk Lem Lorca na siya rin pala ang kumukuha ng mga underwater scenes. Yun naman pala, sugatan ang mga itetshiwa.

“Basta po, parang may nasagi akong bato, tapos natumba ako, ayun, sunod-sunod na kaming natumba,” ang kwento ng bidang si JM de Guzman bilang Intoy Syokoy. Ang tinutukoy ng young actor ay ang eksenang panahon na sana sila dahil sa kwento’y pinulikat si Intoy at may-I-save-you ang drama naman ng mistisang si LJ Reyes as Doray kasama ang mga barkada.

Sugatan ang mga star pero higit na duguan si LJ Reyes. Napaluhod kasi s’ya sa bato at halos madaganan ng mga hunks.

Enter agad sa first aid ang mga tauhan ni Mayor Nonong Ricafrente ng Rosario, Cavite. Mahigpit ang bilin ng very hospitable na mayor na bantayan ang staff and crew ng kasama sa 8th Cinemalaya Independent Film Festival na produced ni Boy Abunda.

After ng ilang minutong gamutan, tawanan uli ang grupo.

“Napakapropesyonal po nila, hindi ininda ang sugat. Tuloy uli ang eksena. Although inaalok ni Mayor Ricafrente yung lugar na hindi masyadong mabato, mas ginusto nila yung mas makatotohanang lugar na mas faithful sa script,” kwento ni Direk Lem Lorca.

Nagkabiruan tuloy ang grupo na sana’y maging hit ang Intoy Syokoy dahil nagbuwis na sila ng dugo.

***

Nahehelo (nahihilo ) na ang mga otawzing sa pabago-bagong timeslot ng shows ni Ferminata (hahahaha!)

HINDI na raw malaman ng mga otawzing kung ano bang talaga ang timeslot ng showbiz oriented programs that are being anchored by lola Ferminata, ‘da masyobang tsakang ngangaerang matrona.

Masyobang tsakang ngangaerang matrona raw, o! Hahahahahaha!

How gross!

Pa’no naman, nalibot na yata ng shows ni Fermi ang lahat ng timeslot imaginable but to no avail.

Tapos na talaga ang kanyang panahon kaya dapat nga sigurong magnganga na lang siya at umalalay kay Papa Willie.

For a face as horrible as that is truly fitted to be a hand-maiden or Aleli Abadilla. Hahahahahaha!

My God! take a look at her lips sans the meticulously applied lipstick and lip sheener, Jesus H. Christ! you’re going to have the shock of your life basically because of it’s repulsive coloring.

Repulsive coloring raw, o! Hakhakhak!

Whatever, Lola Fermi, the syokoy clone, (syokoy clone raw talaga, o! Hahahahaha!) is better off selling her
mga obrang tsaka than hosting a show. Hakhakhak!

That face is no longer primed for teevee viewing. Dapat sa kanya’y maglagay ng pwesto sa Quiapo at manghula na lang.

Manghula na lang daw talaga, o! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

****

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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