Chaka pala kung walang ’emyas’!

LET’S talk about international celebrities for a change para hindi nakauumay. (O, Bubonic, nakauumay, ha? not nakakaumay! Hahahahahaha! baka magtanga-tangahan ka na naman ever! Hakhakhak!)

Natawa kasi ako nang mabasa ko sa isang magazine na global ang circulation na ang dahilan daw kung bakit nag-back-out ang isang que sabrosong Mexican actor (who’s slowly but surely making it big at the Hollywood scene) sa wedding nila ng isang Hispanic singer/actress ay dahil nang ma-sight raw niya ang girlalu without her attendant sparkling jewels, superfab outfits, and very high high-heeled shoes, she was not the glamour queen that she’d desperately want to project. Hahahahahahaha!

Siyempre, once you’re married na, the woman you got hooked with would no longer be perpetually encased in the most glamorous outfits and would be casually attired at times specially so when in bed. Hahahahahaha!

Du’n yata natauhan ang Adonis-looking guy na ‘to kaya biglang nag-back-out.

Biglang nag-back-out daw, o! Hahahahahahaha!

Siya nga naman ay very tall, fair-skinned and super handsome, whereas the woman he would be marrying was perfectly suited to be a maid in Manhattan. Hahahahahahahaha!

At one point, he could not supposedly get it up because he was dismayed with the very plebeian looks of the supposedly glamorous woman he was set to marry. Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yan ang hirap kapag mas maganda ang ombre sa girlalu. Hakhakhak!

Siyempre when you’re in bed na, makikita na ang kaokrayan mo dahil wala na roong mga burloloy na makapag-e-enhance ng iyong sex appeal at ganda and you need to depend on your natural endowments. Hahahahahahaha!

Poor woman, typical maid in Manhattan daw ang itzu without the flashy showbiz paraphernalia that she gets to wear in public, the 8-inch dick of her would be husband would not budge and was perennially deflated. Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

The woman we are talking about happens to be a dead ringer of the late Didith Reyes during her prime.

‘Yun na!

In a way, mas better-looking pa nga raw si Ms. Didith dahil umiilaw ang skin tone nito at may natural oomph.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Japanese flamenco dancer to endorse Rizal’s book of poems

MICHICO Hasegawa, a star Flamenco dancer, will endorse Rizal’s book of poems, “Where Slaves There Are None.” sometime in June. But since she is now in Manila, the new manager of Casino Español, Señor José Luis San José has invited her to be a leading dancer in its FERIA de SEVILLA Flamenco Dance Congress this May 26.

Michico Hasegawa, who can speak Spanish, remembers José Rizal’s Japanese girlfriend O sei san and this is why she agreed to do the endorsement upon request of Guillermo R. Gómez the editor of the Rizal poemary for Estela R. Veloso’s Old Gold Publication. Rizal’s book of poetry will be available in one of the booths of the Feria de Sevilla.

At the FERIA de SEVILLA’s Gala night with dinner, Michico Hasegawa will dance together with her Filipina coun- terpart in Flamenco, Chloe Ramos, some Flamenco dances like Fandango de las Flores, Salinas and Chabrier’s España Valse. Casino Español’s “Salon de Rizal” is the appropriate venue for this Gala night Flamenco Show where other local Flamenco dancers will perform.

***

Wala namang binesa ang American Idol winner na si Phillip sa terrific vocal range ni Jessica

MAY scam daw sa American Idol dahil obvious na hindi raw pinaboto ang sandamakmak na mga Pinoy outside America.

Kung i-legalize kasi ang votes nila, I’m positive that this Phillip Phillips is going to be inundated with Jessica Sanchez’s overpowering votes all over the world.

Hahahahahaha!

Kunsabagay, understandable namang panigan nila ang mukhang Playgirl Centerfold na ‘to. Hahahahahahahaha!

Okay naman sana siyang kumanta but not in the lofty league of Ms. Jessica who’s not only a belter with a power ful vocal range but a singer as well with a heart.

Mapuso siya kung kumakanta unlike rito sa mukhang macho dancer na si Phillip na parang nagpapa-cute most of the time.
Hahahahahahahaha!

Kumbaga, what he lacks in vocal range, he compensates by way of his appealing facial features and sexy body gyrations that send erotic waves to the besotted vaklush worldwide. Hakhakhak!

Kumbaga, perfect na Chippendale hunk siya with his angelic facial features and bulging crotch. Hahahahahaha!

Pero si Ms. Jessica, darling, she’s a singer that’s capable of doing an act with the highly gifted but ukay-looking (ukay-looking daw, o! Hahahahahahahaha!) Jennifer Holliday. Hahahahahahaha!

Imagine, at 16, she already is very much capable of holding her on her own side by side with this vocally endowed Ms. Holliday.

Sa totoo, kabogerang tunay ang aging singer na ‘to pero di niya nagulat ang kababayan natin na divang-diva talaga ang dating habang binibigyan niya subtly ng ilang pointers si Ms. Holliday on how not to take the limelight away from the person you’re singing with.

Hahahahahahahaha!

This Jessica is really going to become one of the biggest singers in the world.

To say that she’s good would not suffice to describe her innate gift as a singer.

She’s definitely one of the best!

Ang komontra, magiging kamukha ni Ferminata, da chakang gurangga. Hahahahahahahahaha!

***

Lalong nagbu-bloom ang beauty ni Governor Vi!

NAPANOOD namin sa News TV 11 ng GMA ang tribute sa Queenstar for all Seasons na si Ms. Vilma Santos at maliban sa mga relevant topics na na-discuss roon, very prominent para sa amin ang freshness ng Batangas lady governor that has never waned as time goes by.

Sa totoo, in some ways, she is even better-looking now than ever before. Maybe it’s because she’s not harrassed anymore and is very much at peace with the world.

Politics has definitely given her peace of mind and she has ceased to become fiercely competitive and is more confident and humane.

Bakas na bakas rin sa mukha ni Ate Vi ngayon ang kaligayahan both in her domestic existence and political and showbiz careers.

Tulad nga nang madalas niyang sabihin, ‘yung Vilma Santos na artista ay hiding-hindi na maaaring ihawalay sa kanyang pagkatao dahil doon niya utang ang lahat ng kanyang narating at mararating pa.

Totoong-totoo!

Bow!

***

Vice-Gov Daniel Fernando walang panahon sa mga intriga!

COOL na cool lang si Vice-Governor Daniel Fernando sa mga taong nang-iintriga sa kanya these days.

Sang-ayon sa loyal niyang publicist na si JC Reyes, wala namang dapat na ipaliwanag daw si vice dahil he’s not guilty of anything.

So far, ginagawa nga naman nito, to the best of his ability, that is, para mapakisamahan ang lahat pero kung meron pa ring di nasisiyahan, wala na raw itong magagawa.

Oo nga naman.

In the many years that we’ve known vice-gov Daniel, he’s been able to impress us to be a man of unquestioned integrity and dedication to his craft.

Low profile lang siya and not once did he brag about his job or accomplishments in the world of politics.

Kaya ‘yung mga intriga sa kanya lately ay nakaa-amuse para sa amin dahil di ganon ang pagkakakilala namin sa kanya.

Maganda ang PR ni vice-gov at never niyang ipinagmalaki ang narating niya sa larangan ng showbiz o pulitika man.

That must be the reason why he’s most loved by his constituents and by long-time friends who would drop by occasionally at his office in Bulacan.

***

Daks na tarugs ng BI na aktor, pang mayaman lang!

HAHAHAHAHA! Kaaning-aning naman ang drama ng gandarang daks na aktor na ‘to na tipong flavor of the season sa isang five-star network.

Wala raw itong weather sa mga vaklung na nagpapalipad-hangin sa kanya dahil ang trip lang daw nitong patusin ay mga moneyed and influencial gays.

“Matagal kasi siyang naghirap sa barya-baryang talent fee kaya ngayong star na siya, dapat lang namang bumawi siya. Hahahahahaha!” so says our source.

Well, his dick might be huge and long (huge and long daw talaga, o! Hahahahaha!) but it’s supposedly not as rock-hard as most veritable hunk’s equipment. Hahahahahaha!

Pa’no, claving din ang lola n’yo and his dick would only respond in rock-hard fashion when he’s doing it with real men.

Real men daw, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

Nota sa nota raw talaga ang labanan! Hahahahahahaha!

I’m sure! Hakhakhak!

Ang true niyan, great love raw nito ang regular na young actor na ilusyunado na at maangas pumorma gayung dati-rati’y starlet lang naman siyang di kakinisan sa network na kanyang pinagtatrabahuhan. Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na! Hahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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