Kapraningan ni Nora ‘di ko ma-take!

TUWANG-TUWA si Vavalina, the repugnant malodorous vakla whose nauseating halitosis made me want to puke when he was still staying with us (yosi-kadiri! Hakhakhak!) when I apologized to Nora Aunor’s avid followers for the blunt expose’ that I’ve done about their idol.

Baliw daw ba ako? say ng baklang isang bulate na lang ang ‘di pumipirma at matitigok na, (Hakhakhak! cheeaaapp!) na lalaitin si Nora tapos mag-a-apologize?

Dolt! don’t you understand cheap mal-educated fag, I’m not apologizing to your Superstar.

I’m asking forgiveness to her fans for I just know how they feel. Do you get me, old hag of a fag?
Hahahaha!

Also, don’t dare question my being a big fan of the Queenstar for all Seasons Gov. Vilma Santos because I’ve always been a silent admirer of her since the mid 80s when I met her face to face in one of the presscons of the movie she did at Regal (Dolzura Cortez yata ‘yun if my memory serves me right).

Honestly, I was totally floored with her sincerity and good intentions when she explained to me her side of the story.

Kung napaiba-iba ‘yun, what the heck! Why should she explain when she is the Star for all Seasons while

I’m just nothing but a struggling writer trying to carve a niche at the celluloid firmament, ‘di ba naman?

Pero iba nga si Ate Vi. With all her lofty stature, her kind of success did not muddle her brain and has remained levelheaded and within the reach of everyone.

One thing that can never be said of Ms. Aunor who seems to be living in a world of delusions and fantasy.

I should know!

I’ve been there and I know how she operates. Hahahahahahahaha!

Kwentuhan ba ako? Hakhakhakhakhak!

Kung husay sa pag-arte ang pag-uusapan, there is no doubt that she is one of the best.

Her cinematic crying scenes are riveting and really breathtakingly fabulous!

Kahit naman ngayon, I would say that she’s still one of my favorite actresses side by side with my greatest love Ms.Vilma Santos.

Ang kaso, the woman behind the image is simply obnoxious!

Hindi ko siya Ma-take! Hahahahahahaha!

Her eyes are perpetually cold and snobbish specially so if you’re not the one she’s expecting to see.

Ang trip niyang nakikita ay ‘yung mga huklubang nakakasama niya way back during the late 60s and the early 70s na ‘di kaaya-aya ang hitsura at amoy. Hahahahahahahaha!

Dun siya bilib na bilib. Hahahahahahahaha!

Tandang-tanda ko pa ang emote niya nu’ng mid-80s nang magpunta ako sa kanyang P. Guevarra mansion sa binyag ni Matet de Leon who’s now a mother herself. Hahahahaha! How soon time flies indeeed!

Dahil sa rabid Noranian nga ako, tuwang-tuwang itinuro ni Ate Luds (God bless her soul!) ako sa may chapel where Nora was then stationed with the officiating priest.

Nang makita ko si Guy, I was naturally beside myself with excitement.

Ang kaso, nang tumingin siya sa akin habang may pinipirmahang mga papeles, nagulat talaga ako for I was not prepared to see her looking like The Omen with all the dry, scaly skin and all! (Scaly dry skin and all daw, o! Hahahahahahahaha!)

But would you believe? when we had a souvenir shot together, biglang nagbago ang kanyang witchy aura (witchy aura raw talaga, o! Hahahahahaha!) at pinalambot niya ang kanyang harsh facial features and her eyes (those harsh calculating eyes of hers…Hahahahaha!) had become dreamy and sweet.

Ang ending, mas bongga ang arrive niya sa litrato namin when I swear, I was looking my best that afternoon.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Nevetheless, pinangatawanan ko pa rin ang pagiging Noranian ko for the next 25 years or so.

Nito na nga lang makita ko siyang muli sa presscon na tendered by Gov. ER Ejercito sa Club Filipino ko na-realize na hopeless na talaga ang paghanga ko sa kanya.

Kung si Ate Vi ay napakadaling makatanda ng tao at ‘di binibili ang mga ngiti, si Aunor ay ganon pa rin ang eksena. Binabati lang ang mga guranggang kakilala niya at never na ngumiti sa aming direction. Hahahahaha!

Tokneneng naman, oo! Ito ba ang dapat kong hangaan na ni hindi matandaan ang mukha ko at ‘yung mga mukhang engot ang kakilala?

Hahahahahahaha!

Ayaw siguro niya nang gwapo, maayos manamit at nagpapabango at fettish niya ang mga reporters na nanggigitata. Hakhakhak!

Edited pa nga ang estoryang ito.

But in a nutshell, I’ve given you guys a glimpse into why I decided to forego my being a Noranian and pursue my latent Vilmanian blood.

‘Yun lang!

o0o

Paula Bianca naiiba!

SANDAMAKMAK ang mga showbiz wannabes sa flickerville these days but Paula Bianca truly stands out in terms of simplicity.

Unlike most young women her age, she has never favored going to parties and hanging out with her barkadas.

She has some friends but not the type who would hang out up to the we hours in the morning with them.

Sa totoo, bibihira na ang mga family-oriented sa ngayon na tulad ng fave daughter ng napakabait at grasyosong si Papa Dhann.

No wonder, sinuswerte siya dahil napakamasunurin niyang anak at napakabait na kapatid.

Hataw nga pala ang sales ng kanyang debut album under Vicor Music corporation kung saan ang carrier single ay ang kabogerang Napakasakit Naman na composition ng stalwart composer na si Vehnee Saturno.

Marami nga pala ang nakapupunang lalong nag-i-improve ang personality ng ating dalaga.

“It’s not love,” her doting dad Papa Dhann asseverates. “Career niya ang nagbibigay ng inner glow sa anak ko.”

‘Yun na!

o0o

Kinabog ng tell all confession ni Andi ang mga bukeke ng ermats ni Albie Casino

NAGPA-INTERVIEW sa The Buzz ang ermats ni Albie Casino na tisay pala at maganda.

Kaso mo, palpak ang emote niya. Oo nga’t magaling siyang magsalita pero ‘di siya makaiyak gayung anak na niya ang involved. Hahahahahahaha!

In stark contrast, Andi Eigenmann was fluent and eloquent and it was obvious that what she was telling the truth.

Sa kanyang no-holds-barred confession, laglag nang husto ang iresponsableng si Albie na mama’s boy palang tunay.

Anyway, kaya naman pala nasampal siya ni Andi ay dahil sa nagmura raw ang pabling na young actor.

At any rate, sinabi ng young actress na ‘yung naunang confession daw niya sa The Buzz ay,”Half of all the hateful things he did to me.”

Habang siya raw ay nag-iisip at natu-trauma sa nangyari sa kanya, si Albie naman daw was supposedly having fun and meeting lots of people.

Sa akusasyong siya raw ang utak sa pambubugbog sa may kaangasang young actor, ito ang say ng anak ni Jacklyn Jose. “If I wanted to,” she avers. “I could have done that a long time ago!”

“I really have nothing to do with it,” she stresses. “They (the people accused of mauling Albie) have their own lives.

“So, when I saw him, I ran up to him and asked,’Are you okay?’

“I went up to you to ask if you’re okay and that’s what I got!” she avers referring to Albie with condescension.

“Honestly, he was the one who threatened to have me killed!”

Oh, well, in that interview by kuya Boy Abunda at The Buzz, Andi more than divulged a lot of vicious things about Albie, most of the working press are not basically aware of.

Eye-opener talaga ang interview na ‘yun at nakita kung ano ba talaga ang pagkatao ng Albie na ‘to na ang lakas ng loob mangbuntis pero wala namang balls para pangatawanan ito.

Nakaiirita talaga ‘yung sinabi ni Andi na inutusan daw ng mabukekeng ombre ang ina nitong paalisin na si Andi sa haybol nila dahil hindi naman siya naniniwala sa mga pinagsasasabi nito.

Ang kapalllllll!

Come to think of it, hindi naman siguro siya nasasampal ni Andi kung hindi na naman niya prinovoke ito.

We only get what we rightfully and truthfully deserve.

Period. Walang comma! Hahahahahahahaha!

o0o

Marvin Miranda: All the right opportunities

HE WAS one of the five finalists for the newly resurrected modelling competition Bodyshots 2008 but Marvin Miranda’s career went far beyond the said competition.

His macho looks, along with his impressive six foot, one inch framet has opened up doors for him and it seems to have never stopped.

After that, he became an integral part of Bench underwear show, Cosmo Bachelor Bash, Folded & Hung among other shows that capitalize on the appealing endowments and good physique of handsome men from all walks of life.

Take a look at his gorgeous body, isn’t he palpably delicious? Hahahahahaha! as always, bawal magtikol! Hakhakhak!

o0o

Sapakang Mon Tulfo at Raymart Santiago, shocking!

MAINIT ang panahon kaya pati ulo ng mga tao ay umiinit na rin pati.

Kaya side by side with the Andi Eigenmann-Albie Casino fiasco, humataw rin ang sapakan daw naman nina Raymart Santiago at Mon Tulfo sa NAIA airport.

Medyo conflicting ang mga kwento kaya hindi na lang kami magko-comment.

Pero hanga kami rito sa asawa ni Claudine na si Raymart dahil lagi na’y pinatutunayan nito ang pagmamahal niya sa kanyang asawa.

Maswerte si Claudine sa pagkakaroon ng asawang mabait at all-mine-to-give tulad ni Pareng Raymart.

Bow kami sa taong ito na at all cost ay ipinaglalaban ang sanctity ng marriage at ang union nilang mag-asawa.

o0o

Kuya Boy Abunda nagugulat sa mga nakaririnding eksena sa show business!

HAHAHAHAHA! Nakakatawa naman ang ‘naivete’ pa rin ni Kuya Boy Abunda sa mga nakaririnding eksena ng mga showbiz people lately.

In between hosting their top-rated show at ABS-CBN, nakatsika namin ang mabait na TV host at siya man ay nagugulat sa mga shocking occurrences sa show business lately. Hahahahahahahaha!

Kita n’yo naman ‘yan, after hosting The Buzz for more than a decade already, the King of TV talk still gets shocked with some of the news that they get to deliver at their show. Hahahahahahahaha!

Palibhasa’y simple man at heart, ikinagugulat pa rin talaga ni Kuya Boy ang mga unexpected showbiz happenings in the biz.

What a man!

Still on Kuya Boy, his simplicity, coupled with his sincerity, truly amazes us.

He might be perpetually encased in signature outfits and smelling of the most expensive perfume available in the market today but he’s still a simple man at heart.

Not even all the accouterments of wealth can change his simple outlook in life.

Mabuhay ka, Kuya Boy. Daghan salamat sa mga tulong mo sa amin ni Peter L.

o0o

Piping-pipi na ang daks na nota!

NAKAKATAWA naman ang reviews ng entertainment press sa tarugs ng isang dati-rati’y hataw sa paghuhubad na indie actor.

Kung dati raw ay prominent ang bulge nito sa kanyang mga pictorials in connection with the daring and baring indie movies that he gets to do, these days he seems to have lost his huge erection and has become limp and very much at rest.

Very much at rest daw, o! Hahahahahaha!

Ketbalites? Hahahahahahaha!

Well, mukhang nasagad na sa booking ang ating hubaderong papa, his bukol is no longer pronounced and pulsatingly throbbing with enthusiasm and desire. Hahahahahahahaha!

Kaaning!

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