Masyobang boldiena kapit sa patalim!

MIYEMBRO siya ng isang grupo ng mga chicks na nagkapangalan maraming taon na ang nakararaan.

Kung ang mga katropa niya ay osla na at wala nang career, siya’y humahataw pa sa mga DOMs.

‘Yun nga lang, more in the provinces ang kanyang bookings dahil iba na ang trip ng mga politicians within the Metro-Manila area. Hahahahahaha!

Inasfar as these people are concerned, she’s already old (tiguang na ever..Hahahaha!) and very much wanting of freshness and the idea that she’s been around for more than a decade already is anathema to them. Hahahaha!

Anyhow, kapag nagpapa-booking sa probinsiya, nakadadale pa rin nang malaki-laking budget ang tabaing boldiena na ‘to na lumalabas pa rin sa isang malaking network delineating character roles no less.

But within the Metro-Manila area, she’s definitely passe’ and with her too fleshy figure, she’s ostensively a
thing of the past.

Pero magaling ngang dumiskarte ang dating hubaderang ito na flawless sana pero ube-colored ang kili-kili. Buti na lang nauso ang pina-plantsa ang discolored na underarm sa mga dermatologists kaya nabawasan ang kanyang problema. Hahahahahahaha!

Pero Lumen nga ang chick na ‘to kaya in her desperate search for anda, (desperate search for anda raw, o! Hahahahaha!) biglang naisipang akitin at patulan (akitin at patulan daw, o! Hahahahaha!) ang produ na may halitosis. Hahahahahahaha!

Ang mga chicks talaga, oo. When they need connections and money, they are capable of taking in the most despicable thing. Hahahahahaha!

Mereseng mabahonga, (mabahonga raw, o! Hakhakhak!) willing talagang makipaglaplapan ang voluptuous na mujer.

Hahaha!

Indeed, the things that people can do for the love of dough. Hahahahahahaha!

Kunsabagay, mukhang dyuts naman ang produ kaya carry lang.

Carry lang daw talaga, o! Hahahahahahahaha1

‘Yun na!

***

Naiiba ang staying power ni Ate Vi

IT WAS 1963 when she was introduced by way of the blockbuster movie Trudis Liit but it’s already 2012 and she still has another movie (The Healing) under Star Cinema that’s slated to get shown sometime in July wherein she’s pitted opposite the fair-haired young actress of ABS CBN, Kim Chiu.

Hindi ba naman at talagang kakaiba ang staying power ni Ms. Vilma Santos?

Indeed, her kind of celebrity has never waned or dimmed in spite of the perennially erratic trends in the business and the emergence of new icons that the public momentarily cottoned to.

But in the end, Queenstar Vilma Santos’ has remained enduring and classically beautiful.

Saan ka nakakitang pati mga young actors of this generation would still hanker to have her as their leading-lady in a story that would highlight their acting virtuosity side by side with the queen?

Hahahahahaha!

Indeed, she’s the longest reigning box-office sensation and movie queen that defies convention, along with the passing of time.

Ang komontra, magiging kamukha ni Bubonika! Hahahahahahahahaha!

***

Punggok na nota, sikreto ng tagumapy ni Papa!

HAHAHAHA! Fabulous ang political career ng papable pa ring actor-turned politician na ‘to.

Imagine, from the slums, he’s been able to become a popular teen-age actor and much later on a much sought after sexy hunk who eventually ventured into the equally intriguing world of politics.

Hahahahahaha!

Up to now, classic ang churvahan nila ng isang klosetang male singer na tisoy ring tulad niya. Hahahaha!

When times were hard, he had acquiesced to his sexual advancement to the point that there was a time when they had a scalding romance. Hakhakhak!

Tondo boy siyempre si papa kaya sanay siya sa mga eksena ng mga baklitas.

And being a seasoned pahada, (seasoned pahada raw talaga, o! Hahahahahaha!) he had no qualms ni being fellated by gays in exchange of some ‘favors’. Hahahahahaha! But he’s not thick-skinned naman and in a way, has always had a soft spot for gays.

Kita n’yo naman ngayon, esklaera ang kanyang political career at pinag-aagawan talaga ng mga seasoned politicians para maka-tandem sa forthcoming 2013 elections. Hahahahaha!

Iba kasi ang charisma ni Papa. Up to now, a lot of gays are still fantasizing about his dick that may not be so long but fairly delectably huge. Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Say pa ng mga mai-elyang baklitas sa kanilang lugar, so reddish raw ito kung at the peak of his kaelyahan.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Arthur Napiontek, call him Mr. Dick!

HAHAHAHAHA !Arthur Napiontek is definitely one of the hottest male models in US of A these days.

He’s not only a fashion and ramp model but an actor as well.

He’s half Irish and part Scottish.

He has appeared in Abercrombie & Fitch photo shoot and Hanes underwear as well.

He was seen in the film Pineapple Express playing the role of Arthur, an attractive and funny jock.

***

Eula Valdez enduring comeliness

KAPAG nanonood kami ng Mundo Man Ay Magunaw sa ABS-CBN, ‘di talaga namin maiwasang hindi humanga sa enduring beauty ni Ms. Eula Valdez.

‘Yung husay niyang umarte ay given na at hindi na kailangang pagtalunan pa sa Kongreso.

Pero ang stunning beauty niya na carry pang makipagsabayan sa mga babaeng more than half her age ay talaga namang nakatitigalgal na.

Look, Nikki Gil delineates the role of her daughter in this afternoon soap at ABS but Eula looks veritably attractive side by side with the latter’s comeliness.

‘Yan siguro ang dapat matutunan ng mga kabataang artista sa ngayon na kay dadaling malosyang at ma-relegate sa mga supporting roles.

Pa’no naman, kulang sa disiplina at puro kaelyahan ang inaatupag.

Puro kaelyahan daw ang inaatupag, o! Hakhakhak!

Kaya pagdating sa edad ni Ms. Valdez ay lost in the dark na ang kanilang beauty. Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Mapanonood nga pala ang Mundo Man Ay Magunaw araw-araw right after It’s Showtime.

***

Would you believe?
Pati si Ms. Claire tagahanga na ni Jessica Sanchez

HAHAHAHA! Akala ko naman ay kung ano’ng urgent message na ang matatanggap namin mula kay Ms. Claire dela Fuente.

‘Yun pala, padadalhan lang kami ng instructions kung pa’no makaboboto kay Jessica Sanchez while here in the Philippines. Hahahahahahaha!

Of course we do care for Ms. Jessica and we wish her well but we leave voting for her at the American Idol chuvanes to people who have the means to do so. Hahahahaha!

But then, Ms. Claire says it’s toll free and you can vote 50 times or as often as you want to. Hahahahaha!

At least, supportive ang enduring diva sa kababayan natin.

***

Ferminata syongang talaga!

HABANG ginagawa namin ang deadline natin for today, nakita ko ang headline sa column ni Ferminata, da gurang- gang tilapya, (guranggang tilapya raw, o! Hahahahahahahah! ayokooooh!) at ewan ko kung bakit di nai-correct ng kanyang lady editor ang kanyang horrible grammar in Pilipino. Hahahahahaha!

Tagalistic na nga ang writings ni Lola Fermi, wrongtsina pa ever. Hakhakhak!

Lola, how many times will I tell you na salitang ugat ang inuulit?

Kaya ‘yung headline mo should be nakagugulat and not nakakagulat.

How gross! Tagalog na nga ang panulat mo, lagi na’y mali-mali pa. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Why don’t you go back to your elementary years so you would know the correct grammar in Pilipino?

Nakahihiya (ayan ha? nakahihiya not nakakahiya..Hahahahahaha! cheap!) ka, lola. You claim to be an expert in Pilipino but your grammar is obnoxious and deplorable, how much more in English? Hahahahahahahaha!

Kaya kayo riyan, don’t read her column in Pilipino that’s loaded with grammatically incorrect words. Hahahaha! Naturingang nakapag-aral pero mali-mali naman pala-palagi ang pananagalog. Hakhakhak!

Ayokooooooh! Hahahahahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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