TV5 lugi ng milyon-milyon dahil kay Lola Fermi

Hahahahahaha! What’s the matter with TV5 management, Mr. Perci Intalan?

Nu’ng time namin nina Rey at Morly, tinigbak n’yo agad kami mereseng we brought in lots of dough courtesy of our impressive ad placements that were veritably big accounts. Kaya lang naman nag-suffer ang show dahil pinag -bigyan n’yo ang request ng isa n’yong talent na na-insecure nang todo-todo sa mercurial intensity ng triumvi- rate namin nina Morly at Rey.

Looking back, kaya lang naman nag-suffer ang show ay dahil sa unti-unti ninyong sinabotahe ang aming partici- pation dahil balak pala ninyong kunin ang peklaterang gorilyang tsakang matandang ‘yan na napatunayan n’yong walang binesa as compared to us na cheapie-cheapy lang ang binabayad n’yo pero hanep naman ang ROI  (Return of Investment). Hakhakhak!

Ang panget ay pangeeettttt! Hahahahahahahaha!

Jesus H. Christ! ang ganda-ganda ng tanawin, palitan ba naman ng babaeng gurang na bukod sa ang laki-laki ng tiyanetch (sooo laki raw ang tiyanetch, o! Hakhakahak!) at dapang-dapat ang kailungan, hitsura pa ng makatang tumutula-tula ever! Hahahaha!

Honestly, who, in his right frame of mind, would watch a show like that’s being anchored by an aging matrona  who’s gaudily dressing up like a pig that’s waiting to be butchered and not even in tune with the times?

Hahahahahahaha!

Ang unang diring-diri sa kanya ay ang mga papable male audiences na siyang nagpa-rate noon sa Juicy.

Imagine, one early morning when I was able to watch the show in its entirety, my gosh! I was intensely horri-  fied! Hakhakhak!

Nawala ang aliw factor nito dahil tinigbak ang mga macho and erotically appealing na towel boys basically because Nganga feels that her mere presence alone would guarantee huge viewership. Hahahahaha!

Delusions galore, don’t you think so? Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Modesty aside, my kind of hosting is what the masses crave for. ‘Yun bang makabago at gwapo ang nagho-host. Hindi ba tulad ng iba riyan na mukhang sapatos ang pagmumukha o kakategorya ni Tekla sa Gorio & Tekla nung panahon ng Hapon.

Panahon ng Hapon daw, o! My gosh! Hahahahahaha!

Sa totoo, the men I get to talk to who were addicted to the old Juicy are intensely repulsed and horrified with Lola Fermi’s urung na urong na dentures (Hahahahahahahahahaha!) that tends to wiggle insanely while she talks (Hahahahahahaha!) in a highly antiquated manner.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

How gross!

Ngetpalites na nga at ang lapad-lapad ng mukha (Bwahahahahaha!), Lola Basyang pa kung tumalkies at soooo laki ang tiyanetch. Hakhakhak!

Isa pang bonggang-bonggang segment na inalis ng nagmamagandang tsakang urong ang dentures na matanda, ay ang roleta ng intriga na isa sa mga blockbuster segments before Lola Tsakita came into the pictures.

Lola Tsakita raw, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

At least, I’m proud to say that I look good when I wake up in the morning unlike Lola Taskita whose hair are all so limp and thin and the face grossly reminiscent of Linda Blair’s horrible physiognomy in the horror flick The omen.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Kaya nga afraid to the max ang matandang ito na makaeksena kami sa isang talkshow because she is very much a- ware that she is no match to our charisma and riveting hosting style.

Hahahahahahaha!

Pa-noselift ka, lola, lola, ling, para mahagip naman ng camera ang ilong mong parang tokneneng.

Ilong na parang tokneneng raw, o! Hakhakhak!

At any rate, nagpipilit pa rin ang inurungan na ng reglang oslang matanda, hitsurang diring-diri na sa kanya ang televiewers kaya ni

isang commercial ay ayaw pasukan ang show nila ever!

(Hahahahahaha!) Perennially holding on to lost glory ang hitaderang gurangis, mereseng kulang na lang ay ipagtulakan siya palabas ng TV5. Hahahahahaha!

How so kapalllllllllll!

Look ka na lang kung nasaan na ang walang kakatas-katas ninyong programa, di ba’t nasa graveyard shift na? Hahahahahaha!

During our time, never na parang salong bola kaming tinapun-tapon kung saan-saan. Hahahahahaha!

At all throughout, isang sched lang kami at mas bonggacious ang aming replays na umabot sa 6% ang rating.

Ikaw, aren’t you embarrassed that you don’t even reach the all time low rating which is barely 1%?

Hahahahahahahaha1 Shame on you granny.

Umalis ka na riyan bago ka tigbakin ng Cinco. Hahahahahahahaha!

Kung bakit kasi ang takaw-takaw lumamon kaya ang lapad-lapad na, hindi na halos kayang i-close-up ng camera. Hahahahahaha! If I were you, tutal ang dami mo ng naharbat na talent fees, magre-resign ka na por delicadeza’s sake.

Period. Ayoko ng tsakaaaaaaaaaah! Hahahahahahahahaha1

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