‘Yan ang hirap kung kemikal ang ginagamit sa pagpapapayat!

HAHAHAHAHA! Butt of ribald and nasty jokes lately ang isang young actress na kinuha pa namang endorser ng isang intoxicating beverages dahil sa kanyang trim and svelte figure. Hahahahaha!

Ang kaso, peketes lang pala ang kanyang slim na katawan dahil a month or two right after her revealing pictorial, she has ignominiously ballooned into an almost obese matronly woman. Hakhakhak!

Sa totoo lang, hindi namin siya halos nakilala sa kanyang matronly figure nang gabing kumanta siya sa birthday celebration ni Mother Lito de Guzman.

Hahahahahahaha!

What’s the matter with her? Bakit parang in a wink of an eye ay naging matronix ang kanyang dati-rati’y super slim na katawan?

Hakhakhak!

‘Yan kasi, mahilig kayong humingi ng tulong sa mga doktor para kayo pumayat.

Hayan, that’s what you get!

Kapag lipas na ang epekto ng mga drug-infested diet pills na ‘yan, look at what’s happening to your figure.

Hindi ba’t kung gaano kayo kadaling pumayat, siya ring biglaang paglobo ng inyong mga katawan?

Nothing beats slimming the natural way, darling.

Iba pa rin ang dating ng tamang diet, specially so kung inaayudahan pa ng tamang exercise.

Ang babaeng ito ay parang lomodic na ang itzu sa ngayon at para bang hindi ka na maniniwalang she’s that young when her body is pulsating with excess avoirdupois. Hahahahahahaha!

Mag-workout ka, ning, para naman at least ay maging slim kang muli at tigilan mo na ang walang kawawaang food-tripping episodes mo dahil matronang-matrona ka ng tunay.

Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Maganda ang disiplina ni Richard Gutierrez sa kanyang sarili

BATA palang pero matindi na ang sense of discipline ni Richard Gutierrez sa kanyang sarili and it showed in the way he gorgeously looked when he and his stunning mom Ms. Annabelle Rama faced the working press at the presscon solely intended for his exciting Sunday program Pinoy Adventures at GMA’s News and Public Affairs’ newest weekend presentation barely a week ago.

Dati talaga, he somewhat ballooned into quite an unattractive weight but he was able to shed off those unflattering avoirdupois just in time for his new adventure series.

Anyway, the show is quite different in the sense that Richard and his team of young people would be scoring the countryside in search for something new and novel for their weekly show.

Ang maganda pa rito, he is the one doing the stunts with the help of some experts to guide him through his ordeal.

“But I make it a point naman to assure my safety,” he coos. “Hindi naman ako papayag na I’m not really safe and I have some experts to guide ne through the ordeal I have to face.”

Tama!

The adventure show has premiered last Sunday (May 13) after I-Bilib on GMA Network’s Sunday Grande.

***

Guwaping sana at katilam-tilam ang size ng tarugs pero Pocholo Avila! (Hahahaha!)

KAPAG nakikita ng mga vaklushi ang katilam-tilam na pangangatawan ng personalidad na ‘to na minsa’y naging boy toy ng isang libidinous matrona. Palihim na lang silang nagtatawanan dahil knowsline nila ang itinatagong lihim nito ever. Hahahahahaha!

Bago ba naman kasi sila nagkahiwalay ng nasabing mama niyang matrona, she was able to divulge one of his dark secrets.

Inasmuch as the guy is really boyishly gorgeous and purportedly well-endowed, (really huge and long according to the dick-fellating matron..Hahahahaha!) he is allegedly uncircumcised. Hahahahahahaha!

Minus pogi points niya ‘yun specially in a country like ours when uncircumcised men are afflicted with unquestioned stigma.

Hahahahahaha!

Sayang na sayang daw lalo na’t super sexy talaga ito at kapag nakahubad ay superfab ang abs at mamula-mula ang kutis. Hahahahahahaha!

I’m sure, kahit si ‘Junior’ ay pinkish rin ever. Hahahahahahaha!

No wonder, tipong addicted sa kanya ang kanyang mama na glutathione beauty. Hahahahahaha!

Glutathione beauty raw, o! Hakhakhak!

‘Yun na!

***

Napatili nang walang sound ang Wonder Gays sa mala-anacondang alaga ng young male singer!

BONGGACIOUS na pala ang mga alagang Wonder Gays ni Lito de Guzman dahil pati sa abroad ay rumarampa na rin sila.

Touched ka? Hahahahahaha!

Sosyal na ang beauty ng grupo dahil hindi na lang sila sa Pinas nagkakaroon ng bookings kundi kahit sa US of A man.

Fabulous, di ba naman?

Pero may unique working experience raw ang grupo sa isang baguhan pero may promise na male singer na liberated daw talaga ang pananaw when it comes to showcasing his gorgeous body for all the Wonder Gays to ogle at and fantasize about. Hahahahaha!

Habang ang grupo raw ay demure na sa comfort room nagbibihis, ang lalakeng ito ay hubo-tabo talaga right in front of them as he changes from one outfit to another. Hahahahahaha!

Kunwari ay hindi raw tumitingin ang grupo pero saan ka? Hahahahahahaha! Super el silang lahat lalo na’t well-endowed talaga ang papa. Hahahahahaha!

Kulang na lang daw ay mag-Bayangbang Nueva Vizcaya sina Gray, White, Blue, Black at Red.

Hahahahahaha!

Ikaw ba naman ang makakita ng ombre na gwaping, sariwa, flawless, too at well-toned ang muscles na walang keber at paking nagbibihis right in front of you, aren’t you going to get affected? Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Anyway, ang laki ng improvement ng grupo pagdating sa pagpi-perform.

Well-applauded talaga ang kanilang biritan numbers sa kanilang recent concert sa Zirkoh, Tomas Morato in connection with their talent manager’s natal day. Lahat sila’y magagaling nang talaga pati ‘yung isang dati-rati’y hindi kagalingan.

‘Di raw kagalingan, o! Hakhakhak!

‘Yun na!

***

Clark Kiseo’s dream

HE NEVER tires in joing male pageants for quite sometime now until he finally gets noticed and realized his dream of becoming an actor in Tinsel Town.

Recently, he’s joined Manila’s Man of the year 2011, was also a part of Mr. Globe Philippines 2010 and has even participated at the annual Hataw Superbodies.

Ride on, man! Bira nang bira hangga’t di mo nakukuha ang goal mo.

You have youth, along with a trim and firm physique to help you out and it’s a matter of time before you get what your heart’s hankering for.

As always, bawal ang magtikol! Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Supot na Joey ‘Vavalina’ De Cashtrue hindi na natutulog sa pang-iintriga kay Ate Vi!

HAHAHAHAHAHA! Ayaw matulog ang gabi ng nag-iisang tagapagtanggol ni Ms. Nora Aunor na si Joey ‘Vavalina’ de Cashtrue.

Imagine, kung anu-anong mga cheap intriga ang pina-fabricate ng ‘di pa binyagan at 62 na gurang na baklang ngetpalites na ‘to.

Hahahahahahaha!

At any rate, there’s only thing I can say in defense of Governor Vilma Santos Recto, she’s a most caring human being and show business with all it’s accouterments of intrigues and diabolical people has never changed her good persona.

Pag nagkakaedad na tayo, mababakas ang lahat ng kasamaang ginawa natin sa ating mukha.

Look at Ate Vi, what do you see, Vavalinang piggish ang pag-uugali? Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Di ba before ay binitbit ka ni Orang dahil sa mga pinagsusulat mong nakapapraning na mga bagay-bagay tungkol sa kanya?

I was around when she accosted you and had a confrontation of sorts right then and there at the party of a male singer whose name I could not remember at the moment.

Hahahahahahaha!

Sa liit n’yang ‘yun, umurong talaga ang balls (do you have that pig? Hahahahaha!) mo at stuttering ang kapangitan mo when she gave you more than a mouthful which, for us, was just fitted and apt, since you’re a gossip-mongering fag who has the delusions that he can write when his grammar is simply atrocious and his thoughts inordinately ridiculous if not out and out absurd. Hahahahahahaha!

Going back to Ate Vi, no matter what you do, you just can’t change the fact that she’s already in a pedestal that no one has reached.

I’m not saying that her character is beyond reproach, but to the best of her ability, she tries to be good and not haughty and cavalier like most of the people in the business.

Period!

With or without this National Artist thing you guys are dying to give to your idol, Ate Vi is already sated with what she has loftily accomplished.

***

Bela Padilla’s currently number 8 sa FHM’s sexiest women of 2012

OH tatahi-tahimik lang si Bela Padilla but she’s currently ranked number 8 sa partial unofficial results ng FHM’s 100 Sexiest Women of 2012.

May K naman kasi ang protegee na ‘to ni Ms. Claire dela Fuente dahil beauty and brain siya and a vestal virgin no less.

A vestal virgin no less raw, o! Hahahahahahaha!

Oo nga’t maraming magaganda riyan pero a rarity na maituturing ang mga babaeng unblemished pa ang pagkababae.

At least si Bela, never siyang nag-overboard kahit na nagkaroon na rin naman siya ng boyfriend.

“It’s not a matter of being conservative or something,” she avers. “I just believe that a woman should be a virgin on her wedding day para malinis siya pagharap sa Diyos.”

Tamaaaaah! Hahahahahahaha!

Maswerte kung ganon ang lalakeng pakakasalan ni Bela dahil nakasisiguro siyang malinis ang pagkababae ng kanyang mapangangasawa on their honeymoon.

Maganda nga pala ang feedbacks sa kanilang Hiram Na Puso ni Kris Bernal sa afternoon drama rama ng GMA.

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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