Bungalyang Ferminata ang tindi ng insecurity kay Rufa Mae Quinto!

HAHAHAHA! Bungalyang Lola Ferminata is doing a reprise of the horribly diabolical things that she did to Mickey Ferriols waybck during the late 90s when the winsome lady was the apple of the eye of Major Jude Estrada. Hahahahahaha!

Palibahasa’y ngetpalites at sooooo laki ang tiyanetch (sooo laki raw ang tiyanetch, o! Hahahahahaha!) grabe noon kung banatan at sira-siraan ng halimawic na matanda (halimawic na guranggetch daw, o! Hahahahahaha!) ang noo’y flawless at deliciously svelte na teevee host/actress. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Sa totoo, wala nang ginawang matino noon si Mickey at tinilad-tilad (Lola Fermi’s very cheap words…Hahahahaha!) siyang parang Piling Bikol ng insecure na tanderaketch.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Puhleeeezzzzeee! Ayoko ng panget na madalas matanso ng mga bakla! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Ang pocket-belt chuvaness at ang brass bed…bow! Hakhakhak!

Anyhow, nag-succeed nga si Ferminata sooo ogra (Ferminata sooo ogra raw, o! Hakhakhak!) and Major Jude got married to an old friend and is now living in perfect harmony while the aging Lola Fermi is now harboring some ill-feelings and tremendous grudge (or is insecurity more fitting and apt? Hahahaha!) with Rufa Mae Quinto, the newest object of her diabolical wrath. Hahahahaha!

Kaya sa ngayon, wala nang ginawa ang deluvic na gurang kundi hanapan nang butas ‘yung tao at banat-banatan sa kanyang cheaply (how gross! yuck! Hahahahahahahaha!) written columns out of intense and tremendous insecurity because she (Rufa Mae) happens to be Papa Willie’s reigning favorite. Hahahahahahaha!

Mag-ilusyon ba? Sa kammuks mong ‘yan na parang irinola (yung dyinggelan ng mga matatanda ever during the old days when the world was young and old women favored this king of urinal…Hahahahahahahahaha! cheap!), feeling mo’y magugustuhan ka ni Papa Wil?

Hahahahahahahahahaha! How gross!

Lumaban ka nang parehas matandang nagnanaknak ang inggit sa obese na katawan (obese na katawan daw, o! Hahahahaha!). Ano ba naman ang magagawa ni Rufa Mae sa demonic mong pagkatao, aber?

Kunwa-kunwari ay nanay-nanay kuno ang bulok mong packaging pero ang sama-sama ng pag-uugali mo at nagnaknak ang iyong inggit sa kapwa. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Tama talaga ang sinabi ng nanay ko na never magtiwala sa mga panget na nagbabait-baitan dahil binabanatan ka noon nang patalikod. Hahahahahahaha!

Did I hit the nail right on its head, Lola Fermi? Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Mamatay ka sa inggit dahil no match ka naman sa beauty at sexiness ni Rufa Mae kahit na araw-araw mo man si- yang banatan sa columns mong horribly written in Tagalog na nga, mali-mali pa! Hakhakhakhak!

Nakahihiyaaaaaaaah! Hahahahahahaha! (O, hayan, ha? Salitang ugat ang inuulit, tangek! Hahahaha!)

Mag-seminar ka nga sa akin para matuto kang matanda ka. You’re as ancient as the stars and the moon but you don’t know a thing or two about grammar in Pilipino. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Magmarunong ba, idiota naman! Hahahahahahahaha!

How yucky can you get!!!

***

Sean M. (M is for mystery)

HE’S one of the few American models who would want to keep his real identity in private.

You might have the chance of devouring the most intimate detail of his manhood and machismo but you’d never have the chance to get to know Sean M more intimately.

According to some people in the know of his real identity, M is for mystery.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

***

Elmo Magalona ang tindi ng sex appeal

GRABE ang sex appeal nitong si Elmo Magalona na lead actor, together with Julie Ann san Jose, sa latest master piece ng pool of writers ng GMA na Together Forever that’s slated to detonate on your teevee screen starting today, June 17, 2012 right after Party Pilipinas.

Sa presscon ng nasabing soap sa isang classy venue along Tomas Morato, riveted talaga sa kanyang bulging crotch (Hahahahaha! what am I saying? this is supposed to be a cutesie-patootsie soap! Hakhakhak! that’s under the cool direction of Roderick Lindayag whose sex appeal would definitely cater to the yung and not-so-young fags and women alike. Hahahahahahahahaha! I’m sorry direk!) ang mga entertainment press present and I just can’t blame them for the young actor’s crotch is indeed pretty discomfitting. Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Anyway, it’s a feel good soap about growing up and its accompanying complications.

Maagang naulila sina Janine Gutierrez, Elmo Magalona at ang youngest brod nilang si Renz Valerio sa kanilang mga magulang kaya, perforce, they have no choice but to learn how to survive amidst the complications around them, coupled with the pains that accompany one’s growing up.

***

Bagong GMA Asianovelang ‘Lie To Me’ exciting talaga

STARTING June 18, inihahandog ng GMA-7 ang pinakabagong Asianovela that’s guaranteed to keep you entertained from Monday thru Friday sa kanilang Telebabad block, ang LIE TO ME right after One True Love.

Starring in this romantic-comedy series are two of Asia’s finest actors Yoon Eun-Hae as Angela and Kang Ji Hwan delineating the role of Kenneth. Huling napanood si Yoon Eun-Hae sa top-rating GMA koreanovela na Coffee Prince.

Ang Lie to Me ay tungkol sa isang babaeng nagngangalang Angela who’s in her mid 20’s at napilitang magsinungaling na may asawa na siya nang makita niyang ang kanyang dating best friend ay kasal na sa kanyang first love.

Inakala ng mga kaibigan ni Angela na asawa niya ang mayamang businessman na si Kenneth dahil nakita nila itong buhat-buhat siya sa isang hotel lobby. Mabilis na kumalat ang balita at nakaabot agad ito kay Kenneth.

Hinahanap niya kung saan at paano nagsimula ang balita at nalaman nga niya na nanggaling ito sa babaeng tinulungan niya sa hotel lobby. Magkakaroon sina Angela at Kenneth ng pagtatalo at muntikan ng magdemandahan pero sa bandang huli magkakasundo rin sila at magpapanggap na lang na kasal para sa kanilang personal na agenda.

Mauuwi kaya sa totoong relasyon ang naumpisahang fake marriage nina Angela at Kenneth?

Mahuhulog din kaya ang loob ni Kenneth kay Angela? Saan patutungo ang love-hate relationship ng dalawang bida?

Alamin sa LIE TO ME simula Hunyo 18, Lunes hanggang Biyernes pagkatapos ng One True Love sa GMA Telebabad.

***

Flawless na matinee idol ladladera ng tunay!

HOW so very amusing naman ang drama ng mag-utol na ‘to sa industriya.

The older brod is now busy peddling his ‘wares’ to dick-hungry fags since his acting career has long lost its sparkle many years ago primarily because of his ham acting. (Hahahahahaha!) The younger brod who’s definitely a promising teenage actor from a five-star network is seemingly destined to lose his sparkle as an actor because of his coquettish ways off-cam.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Considering how good-looking he is and how gorgeous to boot, he seems to have this devil may care attitude off cam specially when he’s with his barkada and he’s feeling so comfortably at ease, ladladera na siyang tunay.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Okay naman siyempre ‘yun sa kanyang tropa dahil willing naman silang lahat na ipa-um-um (ipa-um-um daw talaga, o! Hahahahahahaha! rapsa-rapsa talaga!) ang kanilang mararagul na nota para masiyahan ang kanilang ‘diwata’.

Diwata raw talaga, o! Ano’ng binatbat ni Anne Curtis na on a self-imposed hiatus lately because of an intereting commitment.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Anyhow, smile na lang daw ang kanyang fave leading-lady dahil alam naman niya ang totoo right from the very start when their tandem skyrocketed to fame. Hahahahahahahaha!

Come to think of it, sayang naman daw ang young actress, I mean, actor (Hahahahahahahaha!) na ‘to dahil marami pa namang chicks ang naiintriga sa kanya. Hahahahahahahaha!

But then, a lot of people are amazed with his awesome ability in handling his finances.

May sariling building na kasi siya at a time when money’s hard to come by and indubitably scarce. Hahahahaha!

Saan kaya nanggaling ang pinangbili niya noon ever? Hakhakhak!

Would you guys know? Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Artista aspirants storm the Protege auditions in Visayas & Mindanao!

MORE and more Filipino artista aspirants are auditioning for the newest reality-based search on Philippine TV, Protégé: The Battle for the Big Artista Break! Hopefuls from the different provinces in Visayas and Mindanao flocked the audition venues to showcase their singing, dancing and acting prowess in front of the celebrity mentors.

Contenders from Cagayan de Oro and Davao lined up for hours aiming to be the first on queue to display their talents last June 1 and June 2. Some hopefuls stood out in the screening because of their interesting personality and captivating life story as they performed in front of Protégé Mentor Drama and Action Film Legend, Phi lip Salvador.

A female cosplayer caught everyone’s attention because of her lush pink hair and harajuku outfit. But during her one-on-one interview with Mentor Phillip, she got very emotional when the actor uncovered her secret longing for her father’s love and approval.

What’s more, a 13-year-old male Davaoeño was also a crowd favorite when he sang a rendition of a Gary V. hit with keyboard accompaniment. After his performance, he inspired the spectators when he openly talked about his desire to win Protégé in order to provide the medical needs of his autistic brothers.

Who will make it to the 4 Protégé slots of the strict Mindanao Mentor? What kind of challenges awaits the con- testants who’ll make it to the next stage of the competition?

Meanwhile, the Visayas leg for the auditions of Protégé kicked off with an astounding attendance from artista aspirants from the islands of Cebu, Bohol, Panay, Iloilo and Negros last June 7.

Some Protégé applicants from Mindanao sailed and flew to the Queen City of the South to try out the auditions. They came all the way from Dipolog, Cagayan De Oro and Davao despite the scheduled auditions in their region.

Hundreds of talents stepped on stage to get the nod of approval from the Visayas celebrity mentor, Kapuso actress Jolina Magdangal. Many of the hopefuls proved that one must try anything just to get a step closer to that elusive artista dream even if it entails giving shock or unpleasant amusement to the mentor. One of the most notable performances that took place during this talent hunt was the jaw-dropping cirque dance-off of two Cebuanos — a chubby boy and a flamboyant girl.

The search is not yet over as two more areas will open their doors for the Protégé Call-out: SM Pampanga (June 16) and SM Mall of Asia (June 18 and 19).  Auditions will be from 10am- 6pm.

PROTÉGÉ: The Battle for the Big ARTISTA Break will be hosted by multi-awarded Kapuso star Dingdong Dantes as the Gala Presenter and versatile actress Carla Abellana as the Journey Host. Jennylyn Mercado returns as the host of Inside Protégé while Maxene Magalona is the Web Jock for the daily updates in Protégé Webisodes.

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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