Ferminata Bungalya, butata sa pangne-nega kina Coco at Angeline

HAHAHAHAHA! Hindi umepekto ang pangne-nega ni Ferminata Bungalya (Ferminata Bungalya raw, o! Hahahaha!) sa movie (Born to Love You) nina Coco Martin at Angeline Quinto na as of presstime ay patuloy pa ring pinipilahan sa mga sinehan all over the country much to the chagrin of the aging AC/DC woman with the cheap ill-fit- ting dentures. Hahahahahahahahaha!

So tsakaaaaaaa! Hakhakhak!

Sino pa ba naman kasi ang maniniwala sa guranggang lolang ito na araw-araw ay salit-salitang binabanatan ang mga artista ng Dos out of sheer envy for the simple reason that she’s no longer being acknowledged by Piolo Pascual and the rest of the gang for they know that she has nothing but her own selfish interest in mind and not in any way the betterment of the artist involved or the industry as a whole?

Kaya sa ngayon, si Lola Fermi ay banat nang banat na naman kina Coco Martin at Angeline Quinto. Hahahahaha!

As if naman paniniwalaan pa siya gayung basang-basa na ang papel niya sa harbatan. Hahahahahahaha!

Ibenta mo na lang ang mga tsakang obra mo sa Mga Kobra ni Tsaka, baka kumita ka pa.

Hahahahahahahaha!

You can’t argue with success, gurangga. Born to Love You happens to be a veritable box-office hit and there’s nothing that you and your cheap writing skills can do to pull it down.

Panahon ngayon ni Coco Martin, mukhang andang gurang, and no amount of pananaray on your part can change the fact that Star Cinema has been able to dish out another blockbuster. Hahahahahahaha!

Eat your heart out, granny. Hakhakhak!

Osla ka na, huwag ka nang mag-attempt na mangdamay ng iba sa ‘yong cheapanggetch na kinahinatnan because you had it coming a long time ago.

Numero unong plastikada ka, ano? Kunu-kuno ay motherly ang approach pero saan ka? Numero uno kang kotongera. Hahahahaha!  Cheap!cheap! cheaaaaaapppppp! Hahahahahahaha!

Magtanim ka na lang ng kamote sa Parada, Valenzuela city, baka kumita ka pa.

Put a stop to your endless clamoring for food, lola, lola ling. The old obese grandama who’s pining for the kind of popularity that she used to have when the world was young and people were still ignorant and not in the least bit aware of the kind of competent hosting that television nowadays requires. Hahahahahahaha!

Ang laos ay laos ay laos!

Period. Ayoko ng chakaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Matindi ang disiplina ni Richard Gutierrez

NAPAHANGA ang press people na um-attend sa superfab na presscon ng latest master piece (Makapiling Kang Muli) ni Direk Ricky Davao for GMA network na tipong naiiba ang approach dahil may pagka-Western ito replete with rodeos and the likes.

Sa totoo, bagay na bagay ang anak ni Madam Annabelle Rama sa kanyang role bilang si Martin Caballero na love interest ni Carla Abellana for the very first time.

Kontrabida rito si Mark Anthony Fernandez bilang Louie Valencia na in love sa character ni Sarah Lahbati bilang si Graciela Montes na for a while ay na-involve kay Richard.

Intriguing para sa amin ang pagpayag ni Jennylyn Mercado na gumanap bilang young Mara Valencia, the character later essayed by the formidable Rio Locsin.

Of course the one who’s going to hold the reins is the very comical but competent director Ricky Davao whose kind of sex appeal has remained intact in spite of his corpulence.

Hahahahahahaha!

In spite of his corpulence raw, o! Hahahahahaha!

Joke lang, direk. Hahahahahaha!

Anyway, we really are looking forward to this soap that will detonate on the boobtube starting June 4 right after “Luna Blanca” and will have a global premiere on June 6 on GMA Pinoy TV.

***

2012 is still Queen Vi’s era

IT’S an unrefutable fact that the year 2012 is still Queenstar Vilma Santos’s time.

Magwala mana ang mga loyalists ng ibang artista, no one can lay claim to the fact that Queen Vi’s still on top of the heap and still wonderfully holding on to her throne as the country’s hottest actress.

Kita n’yo naman, kinukuha pa rin siyang official endorser ng isang malaking drug company by virtue of her longevity and credibility.

Sino ba naman kasi sa kanyang mga kakuntemporaryo ang nagkakaroon pa ng bonggang offer na tulad nito, aber?

Even her arch rival of so many years supposed endorsements did not materialize.

Pa’no kasi, very much intact ang credibility ni Ate Vi through the years and her reputation has never been besmirched with cheap intrigues and nonsense hullabaloos. Hahahahahaha!

Hayan nga at magpi-presscon na ang latest endorsement niya sa isang sosyaladang five-star hotel in Makati no less, na dapat lang naman since they’re dealing with the unfading Queenstar for all seasons.

Definitely, the very best that Philippine cinema has ever produced.

On the side, nakatakda na rin siyang mag-shoot ng kanyang kauna-unahang indie movie, barring some hitches, and might possibly, if her super tight working sched permits, do another movie apart from The Healing that she’s done for Star Cinema which co-stars her with the princess Kim Chiu.

Sino ngayon ang nakagagawa ng kanyang achievements? Let’s talk about bare facts and not mere delusions.

Hahahahahahahahahahaa!

***

Panat na nota gusto pa ring umeeksena

NAKATATAWA naman ang chikang gusto pa rin daw umeksena ng aging Mexican telenovela hunk na ‘to from the land of Thalia de Marimar. Hahahahahaha!

Way back during the 90s, he was definitely appetizing and palpably delicious.

But time has passed him by and it’s now William Levy’s time who’s the current rave and he’s not even that young himself (Hahahaha!), where would that put him then? Hahahahaha!

Ang siyete, gusto raw nitong i-rekindle ang aborted old romance nila ng isa nating not-so-young actress but would they still have some following considering the status of the lady herself, who may be visible, but not as lead actress any longer.

Kung hindi kami nagkakamali, the Mexican actor must be in his 50s already and is still in good shape but his face more than mirrors the ruinous passing of years. Hahahahahaha!

Okay pa naman siguro ang nota ni Papa, (at 50 the bulk is still there and he’s very much capable of getting it up but naturally… Hahaha!) but the face needs an appointment with an expert facialist that will do some good job in removing or toning down the harshness of the years and give him a semblance of youth once again. Hahahahahaha!

Kung katulad ni William Levy talaga ang makae-eksena niya, I’m sure na ilalampaso siya nang husto. hahahaha!

Super bonggacious naman kasi ang notrisyus nito and as hard as steel and ramrod hot! Hahahahahaha!

No wonder Jennifer Lopez went gaga and had almost supposedly contemplated on committing suicide when they had. an unexpected parting of ways. Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Maswerte itong si Jackie Rice

PRACTICALLY, lahat ng contemporaries niya’y inactive na kundi man nangagsipagtabaan just like her former flame who’s now in the doldrums and not even visible in the business.

Luckily for Jackie Rice, she’s still very much visible and is presently delineating the lead role at the afternoon soap Kasalanan Bang Ibigin Ka? with Geoff Eigenmann no less as her leading man and with able support from Jennica Garcia, Angelica dela Cruz, Bobby Andrews, Bubbles Paraiso, Diego Castro, Pancho Magno (daks and papable..Hahahahahaha!) and the comebacking Sharmaine Arnaiz who needs to slim down a little.

In a way, novel ang tandem nila ni Geoff Eigenmann dahil may kakaiba silang electricity on the boob tube.

Sang-ayon nga sa direktror nilang si Mr. Mark Reyes, Kasalan Bang Ibigin Ka? is sinfully addicting and deliciously daring. Hahahahahaha!

Bongga nga naman ang crotch ni Geoff at hindi pa masyadong gamit kaya madaling tablan sa mga daring na eksena.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Kaaliw.

Anyhow, they are still in the process of testing the water and will see how far they can go from the sexual point of view. Hahahahahahaha!

I’m sure na scalding ang love scenes nina Jackie at Geoff at ganon din ang mga eskena nina Geoff at Bubbles Paraiso.

Do watch it sa unbeatable afternoon block ng GMA starting June 4, (that falls on a Monday) right after Hiram Na Puso.

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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