Maganda sana pero nawala ang freshness factor

IBA ang arrive ng gandara sanang starlet na ‘to na rave ng mga kalalakihan these days.

Inasmuch as she has definitely become a lot sexier and a veritable femme fatale, the freshness that she once exuded has been completely eradicated and in its stead a vampy woman has taken residence.

Not that we find her new personality disagreeable or not pleasing to the eyes.

It’s definitely all right and has given her more sex appeal and oomph.

‘Yun nga lang, the intrinsic sweetness that she once had has completely vanished and a woman of the world has taken its place.

Sa totoo, her nose job is too pronounced and too harsh for her once angelic face.

Kunsabagay, nakita na lang ng mga otaw ang totoong siya. Hahahahahahaha!

With her boobs newly lifted, she has exposed her man-eating persona who used to be hidden by her innate sweetness. Hahahahahahahaha!

In real life raw kasi ay napakarami ng sexual encounter ng chicks na’to at gasgas na kuno ang kanyang ‘monay’.

Hakhakhak!

Kung magpalit raw kasi siya ng paparu ay para lang nagpapalit ng underwear kaya naman kilalang-kilala na ng mga mai-el na ombres ang kanyang cartada.

Kilalang-kilala na raw ang cartada, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

Ka-amuse naman. Hahahahahahahahaha!

At any rate, parang okay naman sa network ang kanyang new ‘man eating’ predator look kaya bow na lang sila.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Hayan nga at pati sa isang widely circulated sexy mag for men ay sooo rami na ang bomoboto sa kanya sa kanilang annual search for the country’s 100 Sexiest chuva tienes.

Hahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Benjamin Godfre uninhibited

HE’S all of 24 but Benjamin Godfre is experienced already in the ‘ways’ of the world.

For one, he doesn’t have any qualms in showing his nudity during his pictorials sessions in the many magazines that he regularly appears in.

The guy who was born in Minnesota USA and of Irish, Italian and English descent wants to unite the unline world of modelling.

Look at his gorgeousness, isn’t he veritably appetizing? Hahahahahaha!

As always, bawal magtikol! Hakhakhak!

***

Sam Pinto umaapaw ang kaseksihan at gandarang tunay sa Boy Pick-Up: The Movie

OGIE Alcasid is definitely at his best essaying his by now famous Boy Pick-Up role that has been given prominence at their weekly gag show Bubble Gang at GMA.

In its movie version, okay naman si Solenn Heussaff bilang kanyang leading-lady. She’s funny and has given her role a distinctive flavor but Sam Pinto is definitely a riot in her role as Neneng B.

Seeing Sam for the first time in a movie, we get to realize what ‘cinematic beauty’ really connotes.

Kumbaga, captured to the max ang kanyang kasariwaan at ibang klase talaga ang kanyang sex appeal.

Oo nga’t marami tayong magagandang babae sa ngayon pero smoldering talaga ang kanyang ganda factor in this movie at malaking asset nito ang kanyang participation sa Boy Pick-Up portion ng joint venture ng Regal films at GMA films.

Anyway, Boy Pick-Up is Ogie Alcasid’s movie from beginning to end.

Bagama’t agaw-eksena ang cinematic handsomeness ni Dennis Trillo ala Sam Pinto (Hahahahahaha!), di naman niya napataob ang kakaibang presence ni Ogie da pogi in this movie na binabasa n’yo ito, mag-o-open na in some 100 theaters nationwide on June 6.

Do watch it, it’s a movie that’s worth your time and the money that you’re going to dish out for it.

***

Sa halip magngangawa, ayusin kasi ang pagho-host ng Juice-less para mag-rate naman, noh?

POOR Ferminata, da ngangaerang lola. Kung anu-ano ang pinakikialaman sa column niyang mga pusa na lang yata ang nagkakainteres magbabasa (Hahahahahahahaha! how gross!) dahil puro si Koyang Willie na lang yata ang alam niyang isulat.

Magkanoooooooooh? Hahahahahahahahaha!

Anyway, ang tindi na nang pagkakalugi ng TV5 sa ikmo at bungang lolang ito.

Ikmo at bungang lola raw, o! Hakhakhak!

Cheeeeaaaaapppp!

But just the same, as long as Mr. Perci Intalan, her benefactor (Hahahahahahaha!) is around,
Lola Nganga will always be around to make the early morning teevee watching episodes of most people a veritable nightmare. Hahahahahaha!

Kung bakit kasi hindi pa tantanan ang paggamit ng mga yosi-kadiring kita at kata ng bungalyang ito gayung alam naman niyang passe’ at antiquated na ‘yun tulad ng kanyang inaamag nang mukha.

Inaamag na raw na pagmumukha, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

Why don’t you just leave the show and give it back to us so we could entice the same avid viewers that we used to have to watch it?

Hahahahahahaha!

Aminin na kasing osla ka na, lola Bungalya, at hindi na uso ang mga tsika mong galing pa sa baul ni Lola Basyang.

Baul daw ni Lola Basyang, o! Hahahahahahaha!

Put a stop to your bitterness with Piolo Pascual as well because there is no way that you’re going to entice him to become your protege again just like before.

Bawiin mo rin ‘yung mga sinusulat mong flopzing ang Born to Love You ng Star Cinema because it’s doing fabulously well at the moment kaya butata na naman ang kredibilidad mo, aning na lola. Hahahahahahaha!

Honestly and objectively speaking, no one believes in you anymore.

You’re a thing of the past. A relic of a once glorious existence that has lost its significance of late already. Hahahahahahaha!

Paayos mo na lang kasi ang dentures mo dahil bungalyang-bungalya ang arrive mo on teevee. Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun lang!

***

More Hosanna to Ate Vi!

HABANG tinitipa namin ang column na ‘to, nag-text ang isang avid fan ng Queenstar for all Seasons na si Ms. Vilma Santos.

“Gud am po, Sir Pete,” he says in earnest. “A blessed Monday and a million thanks 2 u for your unfailing support to our Queenstar.

“Mabuhay po kayo!” he further elucidates. “Ur right in saying that 2012 is still Ate Vi’s year, despite the fact that she’s now already celebrating her 50th anniversary in show business.

“Honestly, kuya Pete,” he goes on methodically,”she’s still very much on top at wala nang habol ang supposed rival niya kuno. (Exactly my dear! – Ed)

“Tama rin po kayo in saying that her credibility has remained intact kaya naman mas lalo siyang nirerespeto at pinagkakatiwalaan ng publiko.

“At ‘yun ang lalo kong hinahangaan sa kanya. Tunay siyang modelo at idolo kasi napanatili niyang malinis ang kanyang reputasyon both in show business, in politics and in her private life as well.

“Nakabibilib ang pagha-handle niya sa kanyang sarili,” he asseverates. “Sa totoo, kaya niyang i-handle nang maayos ang lahat ng kanyang responsibilidad.

“Imagine, she’s been able to maintain her status in show business as an A-1 actress and a real star for all seasons sa tunay na kahulugan nito unlike her fiercest rival na hindi na hindi na bagay ang title na kanyang hawak.

“Ate Vi’s a good wife and a perfect mother to Luis and Ryan and has remained humble all these years.

“Truly a star worth emulating!”

Corrected by! Hahahahahahahaha!

There is only one Queenstar and she’s exemplary and a joy to be with.

Period. Ayoko ng chaka! Hahahahahahahahaha!

(Si Frminata ito, huh? at wala nang iba pa! Hahahahahahaha!)

***

Mas maayos pa ang ama kaysa anak!

SHAKIRA naman ang itzu ng di pa naman guranggis na aktor na ‘to (he’s only in his early 30s palang naman) kapag napanonood namin sa telebisyon lately.

Dios mio perdon! his dad’s body is even better looking and well-maintained. Hahahahaha!

Kung ‘yung aktor na kaedad niya ay glamor personified pa rin at humahataw ang sex appeal in both sexes, the guy I’m talking about seems to have lost interest in maintaining a good healthy body and appears to be content with the roles that are coming his way these days.

Sa totoo, poles apart na ang itzu nila ng contemporary niyang aktor who’s still visible on national television while hosting some relevant showbiz-oriented talkhows.

Well, he used to be leading man material way back during the 90s but he has lost some direction in pursuing his career.

He lacks guidance, most probably, but who would give it when his mom’s admittedly busy with so many things and motherhood is definitely not one of them. Hahahahahahahaha!

What a pity!

***

Hataw si Nikki Gil sa Mundo Man Ay Magunaw!

MAHUSAY rin si Empress pero admittedly, the feisty Nikki Gil is getting more notice with her role as the eldest daughter of Eula Valdez’ character at the top-rating soap Mundo Man Ay Magunaw that gets aired from Monday thru Friday right after It’s Showtime at ABS-CBN.

Nikki’s palpably versatile and she’s capable of giving the right shade of emotion in any role she gets to delineate.

No wonder, she’s one of the brightest stars at ABS-CBN and her versatility knows no bound.

Anyway, bonggacious ang reviews sa kanyang acting sa master piece na to ng kaibigan naming si Salvador Royales na isa sa mga humahataw na soap operas ng ABS-CBN.

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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