Ms. Peachy Guioguio may amnesia o alzheimer’s disease?

COLLEAGUE Ernie Enrile is fuming with unadulterated rage at the supposed shabby treatment that the PR head of TV5 Ms. Peachy Guioguio has given him in a recent encounter. Heto ang kanyang biting narrative, uncensored.

“Kalokah ang potah!” Ernie hisses like a wounded snake, “Buong ningning at kaplastikan kaming sinalubong nina Jobert Sucaldito at Romel Galapon sa Dusit Hotel na kung saan ginanap ang gala night kuno ng Ms. World 1947, este 2012, ah whatever! Maya-maya, sinabihan ako ng ‘condolence’. Nagulat ako dahil wala namang namamatay lately sa angkan namin. Tinanong ko siya, ‘Bakit condolence?’ ang sagot ng ulyaning PR ng TV5, ‘Di ba namatay ang boyfriend mo for 40 years?’ Ha? Kaloka siya! Never na may tumagal sa aking jowa ng 40 yrs, excuse me! Matagal na ang 3 weeks. Hahahaha! Ang luka-lukang Peachy, napagkamalan akong si Ernie Pecho. ” Yan na nga ba ang sinasabi ko sa mga ganitong punyeterang PR na hindi marunong mangumbida sa kanilang event, nakalilimutan ang mga names ng reporters. To think na 3 weeks ago lang nagkita kami ng bangag na yatang Guioguiong ito nang samahan namin si Arnell Ignacio sa Presscon ng Sharon Cuneta. Hayyy! Manny Pangilinan, ‘di ba mayaman ka? Ba’t wala kayong budget sa mga prescons n’yo? Hmpp! Yaman-yamanan lang ba?”

There it goes, unedited ang tart sentiments ni Ernie. Any time ay pwede naman nating ilabas ang side of the story ni Ms. Peachy in the name of unbiased reportage.

***

Arthur Sales’ elongated machismo! (Hahahahaha)

BRAZILIANS are presently the rave at the modelling world not only in Europe but in our country as well.

Thus, we are inundated of late with succulent looking hunks, the likes of which have captured the heart (heart daw, o! Hahahahahaha!) of most Pinoys.

Our centerfold for the day (for Remate paper), Arthur Sales, happens to be one of them.

Look at his ‘elongated’ machismo perusingly. Isn’t he appetizing and juicy? Hahahahahahaha!

As always, bawal magtikol! Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Vavalinang reyna ng halitosis at Pocholo Avila, kung ano-anong kababuyan ang ginagawa sa internet!

WALANG magawa sa kanyang sarili ang Pocholo Avila at halitosis-infested ang ube-colored lips na si Joey ‘Vava- lina’ de Cash True (soo baho! baboy talaga ang panot at uncircumcised na bakulaw na ‘to kaya kung ano-anong kademonyohan ang nilalagay sa internet…Hahahahaha!).

Imagine, this old hag of a fag who’s so ugly and diabolical in his ways, even his parents had refused to acknowledge him as their son and his siblings have adamantly refused to have anything to do with him, has been posting the most evil concoctions about me at the net for quite sometime now.

He must be doltish or some kind of an imbecile, isn’t he? Hahahahahahahahaha!

Duldulin na kasi (yuck!) and delusory in addition, he is dying to have me upstaged when he is not half as learned as I am. Hahahahahahahaha!

Dahil sa inggit na inggit ang baboy na ‘to, religiously may post to the max ng mga pantasya sa net to the effect that I supposedly did not study at the Ateneo de Naga at ilusyon ko lang daw ang lahat when in reality, sa isang cheap public school lang daw ako nag-aral. Hahahahahahaha!

Along that ignominious line, pinost din niya a few months back na pimp daw kami ni Peter Ledesma and young boys are the ones we are ignominiously peddling to our pedophiles customers.

Anyhow, why naman should I get affected with the hideous and baseless concoctions of this fag whose English pales in comparison with that of a high school student? Hahahahahahahahaha

Ang tanga-tanga ng vavalinang ito at walang alam kundi mga tayutay in Pilipino na mali-mali naman just like Ferminata, it’s best that they should go back to their elementary years for them to know the most basic things about Pilipino.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Hayan, Vava, sinulat ko na, hindi ba’t kahiya-hiya ako kung di totoong sa Ateneo de Naga ako nag-aral?

Besides, halata namang edukado ako as compared sa ‘yo Vava na mali-mali ang grammar considering na Tagalog na ang medium.

Hahahahahahaha!

Ang hirap sa demonyong matandang supsuperang ito, nagnanaknak sa inggit dahil Peter and I are still working for DWIZ (882 khz in your radio dial, Monday thru Friday, 2 to 3pm) with Abe in tow, while he’s already out of it and is leading a pauper-like existence somewhere in San Mateo, Rizal. Hahahahahahaha!

Puna nang puna sa amin sa internet samantalang ang hitsura niya’y di niya nakikita. Hahahahahahahaha!

How gross!

You better drink a most potent poison so that dying won’t be that traumatic for you, lola.

Kung gusto mong malaman kung nag-aral ako sa Ateneo de Naga, why don’t you go to Bicol and inquire?

It’s that easy, di ba?

Besides, I’m not a fool to write about it when in so doing, I would only be putting myself to shame.

Inggit ka lang, matandang huklubang panget dahil di ka tatanggapin sa Ateno dahil below sea level ang intelligence mo. Hahahahaha!

Bawal din doon ang mga matatandang mali-mali ang grammar. Hakhakhak!

Good riddance, bornok na supot na gurang ! Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Mamatay ka sa inggit!

***

Papa Chen is back!

IM SURE na super miss na si Papa Chen or Richard Yap ng kanyang mga tagasubabybay after his haunting performance at the soap My Binondo Girl which featured Kim Chiu at the lead role.

Since the top-rating soap has ended, marami talaga ang nagri-request na sana raw ay mapanood nilang muli ang kanyang unique personality at machismo na talaga namang one of a kind.

Anyway, malapit n’yo na siyang mapanood muli by way of the soap Be Careful With My Heart wherein he’s being teamed-up with Jodi Sta. Maria.

Siguradong blockbuster na naman ito lalo na’t matagal na talagang nami-miss ng kanyang mga tagasubabybay ang very papable na aktor.

So, stay put and relax. Pretty soon, mapanonood n’yo na naman si Papa Chen with a new packaging and a new leading lady to boot.

Promise!

***

Beauty that’s skin deep

SA PINAS, you can very seldom find a woman who’s still attractive in her 50’s.

Of course we have women in their 50’s who are still active in their profession but only a handful are still attractive and have been able to hold on to their youth.

Governor Vilma Santos belongs to this group that we can safely consider rarities.

Not a relic but a rarity.

In the few occasions that we’ve seen her in person, we have always been amazed with her enduring good looks that is not in any way enhanced by cosmetic surgeons.

Maybe in due time, she will. But at the moment, she’s proud to say na wala pang karayom na tumuturok sa kanyang mukha.

‘Yan siguro ang maganda sa taong disiplinado at maingat sa pag-aalaga sa kanyang katawan.

You’re going to reap its benefits at the precise moment when others are already fast disintegrating and getting a lot older than their biological age.

Kaya at the age of 35 (her euphemism for her age at the moment…Hahahahahaha!), she’s still in tip-top shape and very much a woman of beauty, intelligence and elegance.

Period!

***

Ms. Claire dedma sa mga nang-iintriga sa kanyang alagang si Sam

FOR quite sometime now, maraming nang-iintriga sa protegee niyang si Sam Pinto.

Kesyo sa kawalan daw ng projects ay pumayag na lang itong maging bit player sa Boy Pick-Up movie nina Ogie Alcasid at Solenn Heussaff, among other cheap intrigues.

“From the very start, alam naman naming si Solenn talaga ang lead actress sa Boy-Pick-Up: The Movie,” Ms. Claire Avers. “Big deal ba naman ‘yun?

“Gusto ni Ogie na andun si Sam dahil ito raw bilang Neneng B. ang kabatuhan niya sa Bubble Gang segment na ‘yun, why are they making a big fuss about it?

“Wala naman sa amin kung lead actress ba siya roon o in cameo role lang. Ang importante, ginawa ng alaga ko ang kanyang obligasyon and that’s it!”

Oo nga naman.

Anyway, excited si Ms. Claire sa lalong pagbongga ng kanyang resto business.

Mula sa orig na Claire dela Fuente resto sa Macapagal Avenue, naragdagan pa ito ng isa pang branch doon din sa Macapagal Ave., just very near her original restaurant’s location.

With the hard times, Ms. Claire is beaming with happiness that her chain of restos are being patronized assiduously by their avid customers.

“It’s a matter of offering them the best,” she intimates. “Ako, never kong ipakakain sa mga customers namin ang isang menu na ako mismo ay hindi ko aprubado.”

Oo nga naman.

***

Bungalyang Ferminata, feeling first lady ni Papa Willie!

HAHAHAHAHA! Nakatatawa naman ang bungalyang si Lola Fermi.

Imagine, feeling first lady ni Papa Willie Revillame kaya kahit sinumang magustuhan nito’y talagang kinakana at binabanatan sa kanyang horribly written columns. Hahahahahahahaha!

Tagalog na nga ang medium, mali-mali pa, yosi-kadiri, di ba naman? Hahahahahahahahaha!

Cheeeeaaaaapppp!

Dapat lang sigurong ibalik sa kanyang elementary years ang insekuridang matandang ito para may matutunan at di ‘yang nagkakalat ng maling grammar (in Pilipino na nga lang, huh? Hahahahahaha!) sa kanyang cheaply-written columns. Hahahahahahahahaha!

How gross!

Anyway, feeling first lady ang sooo laki ang tiyanetch na gurangis kaya lahat ng chicks na makagagaanan (hayan, gurangga, huh? salitang ugat ang inuulit.. Hahahahahaha!) ng loob ni Papa Wil (are you reading this Rufa Mae Quinto, the latest casualty? Hahahahahaha!) ay ginagapang niya at kinakana nang patalikod.

Anyhow, pasasaan ba’t makatatagpo (o, hayan, once again, salitang ugat ang inuulit gurangis..Hakhakhak!) rin ng katapat ang diabolical oldies na ‘to na nagpi-feeling first lady ni papa Wil, que ogra naman! Hahahaha!

Period. Ayoko ng chakaaaaaaah! Hahahahahahaha!

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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