Nagmumurang crotch ng katilam-tilam na bagets na aktor, halos nasasagi na ng katambal na young actress

HAHAHAHA! Kalibang naman ang eksena sa presscon ng isang soon to open soap sa isang sikat na network.

Nakatutok kasi ang mga mata ng mga vaklushing reporters sa nagmumurang crotch ng lead actor na isang katilam-tilam na bagets.

Hahahahahahahaha!

Honestly, parang magnet ang crotch ng aktor kung saan riveted talaga ang mga mata ng mga uhaw sa ratbulites na mga entertainment writers.

Hahahahahahahaha!

The actor in question is not classically handsome but he has sex appeal and the freshness and succulence of youth, the entertainment writers present appear to be perennially looking at his crotch on the sly. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Ang nakatatawa pa, muntik-muntikan ng masagi ng kamay ng lead young actress ang ‘manoy’ ni kuya kaya lihim na napapa-oooh at napapa-aaah ang mga claving na manunulat.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Bigla tuloy nag-flashback sa aming isipan ang eksena ng erpats ng young actor who was freshness personified wayback during the late 80s.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Dahil he was young and wayward in his ways, palaging syongagers (bangag mga teh! Hakhakhak!) ang paparu niya kaya in one of his gigs somewhere in Batangas, tutuk na tutok sa kanya ang mga mata ng elyadorang entertainment press.

Kaya nang mag-go sa CR ang very papable noong rapper/actor, parang mga duron (is it cricketts in English? Hahahahaha!) na nangagsipagsunuran ang mga vaklung na entertainment press at nag-pretend na dyi-jingle kuning-kuning sila. Hahahahahahaha!

In a way, they were not disappointed because the tipsy (or was it drugged) actor had suddenly collapsed and his formidable dingodng was exposed in all its tumescent (tumescent daw talaga, o! Hahahahahahaha!) glory.

Anyway, face-wise, there is no doubt that the father looked a lot better.

His son has obviously taken after their mom and so are the rest of the kids.

Intensity-wise as a singer, the kids are promising and they are good but dad definitely belonged to a different level.

But endowments-wise, (endowments-wise raw talaga, o! Hahahahahahaha!), it’s a tie. Hahahahahahahaha!

The son though possesses a different kind of appeal because he happens to be taller and a man of his era but definitely.

Dad was fiery though and had an intensity that his kids, promising as they are, would never be able to duplicate, much more surpass.

***

Brandon McCormick daring as can be!

IF OTHER men have some qualms or second thoughts in being photographed in the nude, Brandon McCormick of Leba- non, Missouri doesn’t have any.

“What you see is what you get!” he says with insouciance. “A real man will never worry about such kind of pettiness.”

Fabulous! Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yan ang lalaki.

Anyway, Brandon has been an underwear model for quite sometime now and to say that he’s enjoying the job would be an understatement. “This is where I get my dough and I just love it!”

***

Sam Pinto belongs to a class all her own!

MARAMI ang humanga sa naiibang freshness ni Sam Pinto sa Boy Pick-Up: The Movie ng Regal at GMA Films.

Inasmuch as Solenn Heussaff is beautiful, too, but Sam’s comeliness is definitely different and more enticing.

Kumbaga, Solenn is fiery, whereas Sam is sugar and spice and everything nice.

Para siyang icing sa isang cake na lalong nagdaragdag sa appeal at sarap nito. Hahahahahahahahaha!

No wonder, balak daw ng GMA at Regal films na gumawa ng sequel nito kung saan tatlo na silang magiging bida sa pelikula.

Dapat lang!

It’s more than about time that Ms. Claire dela Fuente’s protegee gets the big break that she’s been hankering for for quite sometime now.

Kailangan lang niya ng konting push at nakasisiguro kaming susuporta ang kanyang loyal male followers all the way.

Come to think of it, maraming magaganda pero bibihira sa kanila ang tulad ni Sam na capture na capture ng camera ang kagandahan at lalo pa ngang naha-highlight so to speak.

Kaya relaks ka lang, Sam baby. Pasasaan ba’t darating din ang break na para sa ‘yo.

***

Katangahan ni Ferminata, buking na buking sa pagsusulat niya ng column (inse kay Rufa mae)

HABANG tinitipa-tipa namin ang columna na ‘to, nakahambalang sa aming harapan ang isang tabloid na sinusulatan ni Lola Ferminata, da ngangaerang bungalya. Hahahahahahahaha!

Dios mio perdon, kung pakatututukan pala ang panulat ng bungalyang ito ay mababaliw ka sa kanyang pagka-idiota. Hahahahahahaha!

Tumanda na lang sa pagsusulat, at in Tagalog pa, huh? Mali-mali pa rin ang grammar.

Hahahahahahahahahahaha!

Ma’nong i-review mo nga ang panulat mo, lola, nang di ka pinagtatawanan ng mga taong edukado’t may pinag-aralan.

‘Yung ginamit mong nila dun, run ang dapat doon, lola, lola ling! Hahahahahaha!

Ganon din ‘yung makinis din. It should be makinis rin.

Kuha mo, lola?

Tanda-tanda mo na, idiota ka pa! Hahahahahahahahaha1

Kung iisa-isahin ko ang mga kapalpakan mo sa Bandera, baka magpakamatay ka na sa laki ng kahihiyan.

Kala ko ba’y magaling ka sa grammar in Pilipino? ‘Yun pala’y mali-mali.

Di kaya sa row 4 ka ilagay katabi ng mga makyokyohong basurahan?

Harharhar!

Nakahihiya! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Baka sabihin mo na naman, nakakahiya. Hakhakhak!

Go back to your elementary years, lola Fermi.

You don’t deserve to write for legit tabloids because you’re dumb as a goat.  Hahahahahahahahahaha!

How embarrassing! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Kay Lola Fermi pa rin, halatang-halatang inse or insecure na naman ang gurang na naglalaylayan na ang mga panga (naglalaylayan na raw ang mga panga, o! Hahahahahaha!) sa katabaan (Hahahahahahaha!) at kagurangan kay Rufa Mae Quinto. Hakhakhak!

Reyna kasi ng peklat kaya ang tindi ng insecurity sa super flawless na si Chupa Mae.  Hahahahahahahahaha!

Hayan at kung anu-anong derogatory things na naman ang sinusulat sa rating GMA artist.

Kesyo laylay na raw ang boobs nito, bulgaran kung manamit, among other things. Hahahahahahaha!

Ikaw, matanda ka, hopeless ka na. You’re old as a goat and no man in his right sense of mind would be attracted to you unless you make use of your dough. Hahahahahahaha!

Tigil-tigilan mo na si Rufa Mae dahil hindi ka naman niya pinakikialaman sa walang habas mong panghaharbat kay Papa Willie. Hahahahahahaha!

Inse ka na naman, noh?

Gurangis ka na, magnganga ka na lang sa Parada, Valenzuela City. Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Nasa YouTube pala ang paglalaro namin ni Ate Vi ng Pinoy Henyo

TOUCHING talaga ang mga Vilmanians. Hayan at in-upload pala nila sa YouTube ang paglalaro namin ng kanilang idol, ang renowned Batangas Governor na si Ms. Vilma Santos, ng Pinoy Henyo last December sa kanilang Christmas party somewhere in a cozy resto in Quezon City.

One thing na nagustuhan ko sa mga fans ni Ate Vi ay may breeding sila at poised tulad ng kanilang idolo.

Hindi ba sila ‘yung mga palengkera at mahadera at never na nang-backbite sa karibal ng kanilang idolo.

Lagi na, ang orientation sa kanila ng kanilang idolo is for them to simply mind their own business and should never stoop that low even if they’re being maligned or brutally attacked by their opponents.

Kita n’yo naman si Ate Vi, she is always composed and calm even if she’s under pressure.

She will never say any uncouth word to anyone simply because it has been ingrained in her system to do so.

Dapat lang!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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