Ayaw ipa-annul ang kasal para makapambabae nang husto! (Hahahahahaha!)

SA UNANG tingin, parang napaka-ideal makarelasyon ng ‘di na kabataang aktor na ‘to.

He’s a most eloquent speaker, you, certainly, are going to swallow hook, line and sinker everything that he’s going to tell you with regard to his personal and career life.

Honestly, he’s a cool operator.

Gusto niyang maging loyal sa kanya ang isang babae pero hanep naman kung kaliwain niya ito dahil maniacal (maniacal daw talaga, o! Hahahahahaha!) nga ang kanyang sex urges.

Mantakin n’yong super loyal talaga sa kanya ang dating kanyang nakarelasyon pero siya naman ay playing the field so to speak.

Maniacal daw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!

Honestly, he is an egotist!

A self-centered individual, he cares only, and is focused about, his needs and is palpably unmindful of the feelings of other people.

Kahit pala ang kanyang long suffering wife ay matagal nang gustong ma-annul ang kanilang marriage para makapag-move on na rin ito at makapagsimulang muli but the cunning and sly as a snake actor would just like to keep her hanging on so he could use her as an instrument or a ploy to ward off some marriage demands from the women he’d get involved with. Hahahahahahaha!

Wais talaga si kuya. Syongkang to-the-max nga naman siya pero ayaw nang commitment. Hahahahahahaha!

Heto ang tsismis, nang makawala raw sa kanyang magic spell (magic spell raw, o! Hahahahaha!) ang aktres na matagal niyang naka-live-in, it was only then that realization had dawned into her much she’d been missing out of life.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Nabarurot lang daw ng pabling na aktor na mahilig tomoma on the side, (mahilig raw tomoma on the side, o! Hahaha!) nakalimutan na ang karelasyong aktor na nu’ng una’y endless love raw kuno niya ever.

Hahahahahahaha!

The reason? Comparison is odious but the long suffering sexy actress has come to realize how the aging actor she was having a chaotic live-in set-up with was (is) very much wanting at the size department. Hahahahaha!

‘Di naman daw dyuts pero average lang at the most.

Average lang daw at the most o! Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Kaya sa ngayon, wah na sa pagka-cry ang girlalu.

Masupalpalan lang daw ng tarugs ni papa, (that is purportedly a lot fresher and more succulent and bigger,  too! Hakhakhak!) super solved na si mama. hahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Size is indeed might anyway you look at it specially so if you’re already an experienced woman and no longer as ‘tight’ as you used to be. Hahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Ms. Claire’s enduring humanity

I’VE known Ms. Claire dela Fuente for quite sometime already but it’s only for the past few years (five years if I’m not mistaken) that I have been given the chance to get to know her skin deep.

Medyo mataray ang kanyang image sa industriya but to know the woman behind the image is to love her unconditionally.

Pusong mamon si Ms. Claire at sentimental by nature.

Kita n’yo naman ang relasyon niya kay Direk Anthony Taylor. Up to the very end, siya lang yata ang dumamay rito at umalalay pa rin sa kanyang lamay at libing.

Habang ang mga tao sa industriya na user friendly by nature ay nagkakandaugaga sa pagbibigay ng tulong sa rati nang mayamang si Mang Dolphy, (hindi ba naman Ferminata Lukresya na bawat abuloy o dole out ng kanyang alaga ay ibinu-broadcast talaga sa kanyang cheap columns na wala namang nagbabasa kundi mga aso’t pusa.. Hahahahaha! Cheaaappp!) bukod-tanging si Ms. Claire lang ang nakaalala sa rating pamosong direktor sa Regal Films ni Madam Lily Monteverde.

Ungrateful talaga ang show business, di ba naman?

Kung si Direk Maryo O’Hara nga ay wala man lang yatang nakaalalang dumalaw sa kanyang wake dahil ang buong industriya ay nakatutok sa dakilang komedyante, si Ian Valdez lang yata ang nakaalalang makiramay sa namayapang direktor.

How abysmal and sad!

Anyway, ‘di talaga showbiz na tao si Ms. Claire. Ang mga taong kaibigan niya some three decades ago ay kaibigan pa rin niya up to now.

Indeed, she’s the lady with the heart of gold.

Walang kaplastikan ni katiting at kaibigan mo up to the very end.

Maswerte, in a way, ang mga alaga niyang sina Sam Pinto, na lalong gumaganda lately dahil intact na ang confidence at well-poised ng maituturing, at Bela Padilla, pati na rin ang mga bago niyang alaga na unti-unti na ring nakikilala sa industriya.

Si Meg Imprial nga, the one who’s with TV5 and a part of the soap ay bibigyan na raw ng launching movie ni Papa Jessie Ejercito by way of the remake of the movie “Menor de Edad” dahil naniniwala ang legendary star-builder sa kakayahan ng baguhang ito.

Suffice to say, good karma talaga si Ms. Claire dahil she’s got a heart of gold.

Kay Ms. Claire pa rin, go pa rin talaga ang press sa special get together for Sam Pinto last Saturday eve.

Mereseng it was raining cats and dogs, in full force na dumalo sina Lhar Santiago at iba pang field reporters ng ABS CBN at TV5 para lang kapanayamin ang blooming talagang alaga ni Ms. Claire.

Iba talaga kung pomorma itong si Sam. High fashion talaga even if she was only outfitted in a simple maong pants and sleeveeless blouse.

Iba talaga ang likas na maganda, glowing at blooming kahit na simple lang ang porma.

‘Yun na!

***

Tribute kay Ate Vi, fabulous!

SPEECHLESS kami sa tribute ng Showbiz Inside Report sa Queenstar for all Seasons na si Ms. Vilma Santos.

Halata mong pinag-isipan talaga at well-researched ang kanilang materials.

Ate Vi’s loyal Vilmanians were interviewed for the first time and some of them truly gave astounding testimonies on their idol’s unmatched innate good-naturedness.

Napakaganda rin ng pagbabalik-tanaw ni Ate Vi sa kanyang perennial leading man during her youth na si Edgar Mortiz, (Direk Bobot na ngayon sa ABS CBN) who, according to her was really good-looking during his youth.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Ganuned, Ate Vi?

Suffice to say, lahat yata ng aspeto ng pagkatao ng sensational actress ay na-cover nang husto ng SIR with Ms. Janice de Belen doing most of the interview since she’s the one who’s co-starring with the award-winning actress by way of the Chito S. Rono directed suspense/horror movie “The Healing.”

Napakaganda nga pala ng seasoned actress sa interview niyang ‘yun sa SIR at walang mag-aakalang limang dekada na pala siya sa industriya. Hahahahahahaha!

I’m positive na certified top-rater na naman ang episode na ‘yon ng Showbiz Inside Report kaya mahihirapan na namang makahabol ang rival program nito. Hahahahahaha!

Para sa ‘di pa nakaaalam, SIR gets aired every Saturday right after It’s Showtime at ABS CBN.

***

Disillusioned sa lovelife kaya laklak to-the-max?

SO PITIFUL naman pala ang eksena lately ng isang maganda rin namang young actress dahil sa mga kaokrayang nangyayari sa kanyang lovelife.

Dati kasi, may bangga siya sa kanyang leading man na gwapo naman sana at may arrive pero masyadong lomobo ang ulo at nag-ilusyon kaya nawalan ng career.

Another thing, nagpi-feeling daks raw ito gayung regular lang naman at the most.

Regular lang daw at the most, o! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Anyway, lately, buong akala raw ng babaeng ‘di katangkaran pero gandara naman, in fairness, ay natagpuan na niya si Mr. Right sa katauhan ng lalaking lovesick lang pala kaya madalas makaramdam noon ng mga nakaririnding pagsakit ng ulo na stress lang pala dahil off-line nga sila noon ng chick na feel na feel niya.

Anyhow, niligawan nga nito for a while ang chick na chaotic ang lovelife and she almost gave in.

‘Yun nga lang, biglang nagkabalikan pala ang young actor at ang kanyang dating karelasyong aktres kaya bigla na lang itong nagbabu.

Sa tindi ng disappointment, lalo na’t yung male starlet na nakarelasyon nito for quite sometime ay nagbabu na at may bago nang karelasyon, apart from his gay benefactor, (Huhuhuhuhu!) the young actress has purportedly turned into drinking just to drown the blues away and keep heartache at bay.

What a pity!

***

Tigilan mo na raw ang ilusyong isa kang diva lola Fermi! (Hahahahahahahaha!)

MARAMI ang negative violent reactions (violent reactions raw, o! Hahahaha!) sa ambisyong magpaka-diva ng sokpalites ang dentures na si Lola Fermi.

Sokpalites raw talaga ang dentures, o! Hakhakhak!

Sa rating-less radio show raw nito, wala na itong ginawa, sampu ng kanyang mga ayudantes, (ayudantes raw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!) kundi sabayan at sirain (how gross! Hahahahahaha!) ang melody ng mga kantang kanilang pinatutugtog.

Yuck! Yosi-kadiri! Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, kung gusto raw magpaka-diva ni Lola Fermi, the best venue should be Willie Revillame’s show.

At least doon, mas marami ang makapanonood at masusuka (Hahahahahahahaha! akala niya’y makaa-appreciate..Hakhakhak!) habang nag-i-ilusyon kang ikaw ang millennium version ni Mariah Carey.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Nakaririmarim! Hakhakhak! Hayan, Lola, huh? Salitang ugat ang inuulit, tontita! Hahahahahaha!

Tigil-tigilan mo na nga pala ang paggamit ng mga antiquated Tagalog chuvanes, alagad ni lola Basyang.

Harharhar!

Hayan tuloy, marami ang nag-text brigade sa amin a few days ago reporting that a fellow TV5 anchor was allegedly nauseated with your hackneyed Tagalog, it was obvious that he had the palpable urge to leave you alone.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Si Lola Nganga talaga, oo! igarahe mo na kasi ang mga inaamag mo ng Pananagalog and try to be contemporary at times. Hahahahahahahaha!

Intiende, Bungalya?

Hahahahahahaha!

‘Yun lang!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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