In demand na sexy singer/actress, di na pinapansin ng mga kalalakihan!

SO very pathetic naman ang episode lately ng isang dating sexy singer/actress of some ten or fifteen years ago.

Dati, can afford siyang magpaka-detached-detached sa mga ombres dahil sa kinababaliwan talaga siya ng kalalakihan mereseng may putok (Hahahaha!) raw siya sa kili-kili.

Sa abroad, much sought after talaga siya dahil magaling siyang kumanta at a real performer to boot.

‘Yun nga lang, di siya naging masyadong maalaga sa kanyang asset (her highly curvaceous body and flawless skin tone) kaya more than a decade after, she now looks pathetically wasted and very much wanting of freshness.

Du’n nga sa weekly late, late show na kanyang kinabibilangan, the discrepancy in age is palpably highlighted  when she’s performing side by side with its new talents who are oozing with succulence and freshness. Hahahahaha!

Pa’no naman, di na siya sariwa tulad nung dati at di na rin firm and trim and kanyang dati-rati’y curvaceous na pangangatawan.

Kaya kung dati’y can afford siyang mag-flirt sa mga boys na kasama niya roon, this time behave na siya dahil lumalagapak na ate na kung tawagin siya nila at kung minsan nga’y tita pa, which the not-so-young actress finds exceedingly repulsive. Hahahaha!

How so very pathetic if not veritably tragic. Huhuhuhuhu! Hahahahaha!
Pa’no naman, obvious na ang bilblash ni tita at pati arms niya ay flabby na rin. So nakahahabag naman ever! Hahahaha!

Kaya sa ngayon, kahit na may crushes pa rin si ate sa mga bagets na kasamahan niya, tilam-tilam na lang siya nang palihim dahil tita na nga kung siya’y ituring nila.

Kunsabagay, early 90s pa siya nagsimula sa industriya kaya expected lang, lalo na’t di naman talaga siya bani- dosa, na mag-sag ang kanyang katawan at mawala sa fighting form na maituturing.

Kaya the table now has been ignominiously turned against her.

Kung dati’y she was the one being hotly pursued, these days she has become the pathetic pursuer.

And for us that’s veritably unfortunate, if not out and out tragic.

***
Mr. Smith will turn you on!

HE is into underwear modelling but he just would want to be known publicly as Mr. Smith.

So for those interested, you may call him Mr. Smith, the man with the succulent dick. Hahahaha!

You need not ask further questions about his whereabouts because he’s not going to give them anyway.

What’s important is he’s well endowed and just the kind of man to keep you company in cold weather such as today. Hahaha!

As always, bawal magtikol! Hakhakhak!

***

Minsan pang napatunayan ang enormous box-office appeal ni Ate Vi!


NAGDIRIWANG ang mga Vilmanians all over the country.

And why not? Queenstar Vilma Santos’ The Healing is presently earning lots of dough at the box-office.

After it’s formidable take of 12 millions no less on its opening day, the impressive queue of people have remained unabated up to this writing.

A silent testimony to the enormous box-office appeal of the enduring Queenstar for all seasons.Di ba naman? Hahahahahahahaha!

Long live the Queen and her name is Vilma Santos Recto!

Sino pa ba naman kasi sa kanyang mga contemporaries ang masasabing capable pa rin of dishing out a veritable box-office hit like The Healing?

Ang maganda lang siguro sa movie nina Ate Vi at Kim Chiu ay hindi exaggerated ang acting nila, Ate Vi in particular, sa mga highlights nila sa nasabing suspense/horror movie na inspiradong idinirek ng napakahusay (the man is a genius!) na si Direk Chito S. Ronio.

Bagama’t suspense/horror ang tema ng pelikula, obvious na very much in control pa rin ang aktres sa kanyang pag-arte.

Hindi ba tulad ng iba riyan na parang naeebak (Hahaha! I’m sorry but I need to be honest!) na kapag sumisigaw in full regalia sa mga highlights ng pelikula.

Ate Vi is still giving a sensible acting even if she’s starring in a scary movie.
And that makes a big difference.

Panoorin n’yo ang The Healing. It’s definitely worth every single cent that you’ll be shelling out at the box-office.

Ang komontra, magiging dead ringer ni Bubonika! Hahahaha!

***
Angelu de Leon balik sa pag-arte

NAWALA pansamantala ang seasoned actress na si Angelu De Leon ng halos apat na buwan sa harap ng camera pagka-tapos nitong magbuntis at magsilang sa kanyang pangatlong anak.

Ngayon, nagbabalik siya sa telebisyon bilang Jordana Montenegro sa Hindi Ka Na Mag-Iisa, ang pinakabagong afternoon drama series ng GMA Afternoon Prime.

Kontrabida sa serye bilang Jordana, siya ay schemer at sinungaling.

At any rate, ayon kay Angelu, gusto niya ang gumaganap bilang kontrabida pero huwag ko lang daw dalhin sa bahay ang pagiging kontrabida sabi ng asawa ko, pabiro niyang kwento.

Ngayong lingo, muling nagbalik sa mansion si Jordana upang manggulo nang maubos niya ang mana niya sa casino at iba pang bisyo. Kasama nito ang anak niya sa pagkadalaga na si Celine (Saab Magalona). Ipagtatabuyan nina Dona Asuncion (Liza Lorena) at Bernard (Lloyd Samartino) si Jordana pero magmamakaawa itong tanggapin muli sa mansyon.

Muli siyang makababalik sa mansion dahil sa ginawa niyang pagpapanggap na may malubhang sakit. Kahit tutol si Bernand sa kanyang pagbabalik, wala na itong magawa dahil ito ang gusto ng kanilang ina.

Masayang-masaya sina Jordana at Celine sa pagbabalik sa mansion at kung paano nila naloko si Dona Asuncion. Makaaamoy rin si Jordana sa relasyon nina Maita (Glydel Mercado) at Elisa (Jennylyn Mercado). Magtataka ito kung bakit parang pinagtatanggol lagi ni Maita si Elisa samantalang yaya lang naman ito.

Ano kaya ang pinaplano ni Jordana ngayong nagbabalik na siya? Malalaman na kaya niya ang lihim nina Maita at Elisa?

Alamin ngayong lingo sa Hindi Ka Na Mag-Iisa pagkatapos ng Eat Bulaga sa GMA Afternoon Prime.

***
Sana raw ay pahalagahan naman ng gwaping ng hunk actor ang pagmamahal ng mama niyang young actress

HOPELESSLY in love raw sa hunk actor na papa niya ang isang young actress.

Ang kaso, parang it’s a one way street and not a two-way avenue.

Maliban sa chicks sa Cebu na laman ngayon ng mga tabloids, marami pa raw itong chicks na kasama sa kanyang impressive collections. Hahaha!Pabling talaga si papa.

Anyway, sana raw ay matuto naman ang young actor na pahalagahan at seryosohin ang pagmamahal ni young actress  dahil hindi naman ito comparable sa isang karinderya na laging bukas sa lahat ng gustong kumain. Hahahahahahaha!

Ang nakatatawa, (Hayan, Bubonika, salitang ugat ang inuulit, idiota! Hahaha!) sa mga chicks lang ni papa ay nagri-react na ang kanyang mga fans. Ano pa kaya kung malaman nila ang mga bayota sa closet nito ever? Hahahahahahaha!

Believe it or not, moneyed gays are his main preoccupation that’s why he’s really loaded and has been able to  amass considerable wealth in so short a time.

Mantakin mong merong siyang impressive collection of imported makes of cars gayung ‘yung dating chick niya na di hamak na mas malaking humataw ng datung ay ni hindi nga makabili ng mga magagarbong sasakyan tulad niya? Hahahaha!

That is the power of his palatable (palatable raw, o! Hahahahahaha!) six-inch dick that has been honed to perfection when he was still a nameless dude in the province.

During that time, he was not yet the mercenary guy that he has become today and was allowing the local gays to fellate him out of the sheer pleasure that he derived from it.

But things are a lot different now.

Ang maganda lang kay papa, he doesn’t look like a male hustler.Looks can indeed be pretty deceiving. Napaka-wholesome kasi ng kanyang dating, you won’t have the slightest inkling that his sumptuous dick is for sale to the highest bidder. Hahahaha!

Ka-amuse!

Anyway, sana’y magtagal naman ang kanilang relasyon. But at the rate things are absymally unfolding, it just might have a tragic ending.’Yun na!

Poor girl! She doesn’t hanker for anything material but her heart appears to be a lonely hunter. Hahahahahahahahaha!

***

Darling of the press!

MARA MI-rami na rin naman kaming na-meet na mga politicians but we single out Board Member Michael Fermin for his exceptional PR and good camaraderie with the working press.

Kapag napadalaw ka sa kanyang opisina sa kapitolyo ng Bulacan, mapupuna mong marami talaga ang local press na nakapalibot sa kanya at kanyang kachika.

Likas na mabait kasi ang dating modelo ng Glutamax kaya di nag-aalangang lapitan siya at tumambay ang local press sa kanyang opisina lalo na’t wala naman silang masyadong ginagawa.

Kung ang ibang politiko ay kuntento na sa kanilang educational attainment, si Bokal Michael ay nagpatuloy pa ng kanyang pag-aaral and was able to finish law just recently at the Bulacan State University.
Bossom buddy siya ni Vice-governor Daniel Fernando at kung tapos na sila sa kanilang mga trabaho, they would hang-out together occasionally.

***

Vavingving na supot, nababaliw na!

TEXT brigade na naman the other night ang supotelyang si Vavingving Kalbo at mukhang wala talaga siyang balak matulog. Hahahahahahaha!

Honestly, paulit-ulit na lang ang talkies ng mabahongang (halitosis queen vagah! Hahahahaha!) matandang baklang ito para makapang-peste lang! Hahahaha!

Do I get affected with this aborigine’s nonsense concoctions?

Definitely not!

Why should I be when this neanderthal creature is posting nothing but cheap concoctions? Hahahahahahahahaha!

Besides, I don’t get to read his hideous fabrications because I’ve never been a computer addict.

Come to think of it, bakit ba atat na atat ipagduldulan ng halimaw na ‘to ang kanyang pantasyang di raw ako sa Ateneo de Naga nag-aral?

Burat ka palang baboy ka! You know pretty well that I studied there and you were even able to meet my classmates during the time when you were still living with Nong and I as a veritable freeloader and yet you hold pathetically to your delusion that I never studied there. Hahahahahaha!

Ikaw, dulduling matanda, where did you study?

I’m sure na high school graduate ka lang dahil horrible ang grammar mo kaya hindi ka makapasa sa mga broadsheets.

Did I hit the nail right on its head my BFF Peter Ledesma? Hahahahahahaha!

Why don’t you post nga pala your ugly beyond belief photo instead at the net, gurang na half moon ang pagmumukha, so people would have an idea on how diabolical you look? Hahahahahahaha!

Mamamatay ka na lang, hindi ka pa nagbabago sa karumal-dumal mong gawain. Hahahahahaha!

Period. Ayoko ng tsakaaaaaah! Hahahahahaha!

I’m sure namatay ka na naman sa inggit dahil na-feature na naman ako sa Tunay na Buhay ng GMA last Saturday. Hahahahahahahaha!

Ikaw, mamamatay ka na lang, wala man lang interesadong i-guest ka sa telebisyon.Ang panget-panget mo kasi, lola. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

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