Mas banidoso pa si papa!

HAHAHAHAHA! Ka-amuse naman ang drama ng di kagandahang komedyanang ito na, in fairness, ay may arrive naman on national television.

Kung tutuusin, mas mag-i-improve nang husto ang kanyang personalidad kung ipaaayos niya ang kanyang ilong at palalagyan ng brace ang ngipin niyang sandamakmak ang gap ever. Hahahahaha!

But the idea seems to be anathema to the young comedic actress.

In a matter of speaking, syolbogers pa siya sa paparu niyang nagpa-noselift talaga nang buong ningning mereseng hindi naman glamour boy ang kanyang image. Hahahahahahaha!

Kaaning ever! Hakhkahak!

‘Yung babae na siyang dapat na maging conscious sa kanyang beauty ay tipong wah keber samantalang si papa ay pinaayos talaga ang ilong nang buong ningning. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Ang nota niya kaya, pina-inject-kan din kaya niya ng collagen chuvanes like Hayden Kho na off-line nang talaga at si Vicki Belo dahil nahalata siguro ng namumutaktak sa andang doktora na ang kanyang andalu ang main preoccupation nito? Hahahahahahahaha!

How so very amusing ever! Hahahahahahahaha!

Anyhow, going back to Melai’s former flame, mukhang na-outgrow na raw nito ang kanyang fascination sa kanyang dating ka-loveteam at kachurvahan in real life. Hahahahahahaha!

Sandamakmak nga naman ang magagandang mujeres sa show business, maa-attract kang tunay sa kanila.

Ang kaso, may career ba siya without Melai backing him up?

Sad to say, the answer is very much on the negative.

Going back to the idea of availing of collagen injections that’s the vogue these days even among Americans, (Hahahahahahaha! carry mo ‘yon? American na nagpapa-enhance pa, why not we Filipinos?) dapat siguro’y pa-enhance rin ng kanyang notes payable si Jason eklaboom para mas effect ang dating niya sa kanyang prospective ‘customers’. Prospective customers raw, o! Hakhakhakhakhak!

Also, he should do some much-needed workout to remove the flabbiness around his stomach area and give him the hunky look that he’s badly in need of.

Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Chris Campanioni once more with feeling!

BORN in the year 1985, in Manhattan, New York, Chris Campanioni has been modeling since 2007 and has gained some impressive modeling credits in just two years.

With a slim yet very toned athletic body and a head of blond hair, he is 6′ 1? and weights around 180 lbs. Campanioni has done all kinds of modeling work but his forte has been underwear and fitness shoots.

His impressive modeling credits including working for Cosmopolitan magazine and gracing the cover of Tetu Magazine, DNA, Beautiful Mag, as well as campaigns for PLAY underwear, Men Only magazine and C-in2 Underwear.

Like many models, Campanioni enjoys the sun and the outdoors and often has a lightly tanned skin.

Look at his enticing bulge, does he turn you on? Hahahahahahaha!

As always, bawal magtikol! Hakhakhakhak!

***

Back to the same old grind si Gov. Vi!

AFTER the initial euphoria that’s generated by her participation at the suspense-horror movie The Healing of Star Cinema, Governor Vilma Santos Recto is back to the reality of her job as a politician, the governor of Batangas in particular.

In a way, she had a jampacked week of activities wherein she graced the ribbon cutting and blessing of Lipahan NHS Bldg. in San Juan, a VSR Type building in Padre Garcia, among many others.

She also attended the Kalusugan Pangkalahatan summit in Hotel Ponti Fino in Batangas City.

Anyway, yesterday, she had her equivalent of PNoy’s SONA wherein she discussed in full details the improvements her administration was able to do for Batangas.

Considering that public governance is something that she had no idea about and was completely at a loss when she started out in politics more than a decade ago, it’s awe-inspiring how she’s been able to cope with the enormous challenge that the job offers.

Ganyan naman talaga si Ate Vi, she puts her heart and devotion in any undertakings that she embarks into.

No wonder, she’s well-loved in Batangas and has consistently remained the sentimental fave of the Batanguenos.

Going back to The Healing, July 25 na ang grand opening nito sa mga sinehan all over the country and her fans are veritably waiting for it with bated breath.

***

Vavalinang supot ayaw matulog ng gabi!

HAHAHAHA! As always, ayaw matulog ang gabi na naman for Joey ‘Vavalina’ de Cashtrue, the repugnant creature from outer space who deludes himself into the false belief that he’s a beauty when he’s ugly beyond belief. Hahahahahahaha! Yuck!

Sooo baho! Hahahahahaha!

Imagine, kung hindi namin inilagay sa silent mode ang aming cellphones, hindi na naman kami patutulugin ng hinayupak na matandang gusgusing ito na obsessed sa mga tarugs, K-less naman. Hahahahahahahaha!

Anyhow, ang lakas ng loob ng matandang naglulupang ito na ang mukha’y hitsura ng bangkay na gayung buhay pa (Hahahahahahaha! kadiri!) na taray-tarayan kami at tawagin ng kung ano-anong derogatory words gayung fitted sa kanyang lahat ng mga ‘yon.

Jesus H. Chirst! this pig of a goat looks cadaveric in person specially so when he’s wearing nothing but his soo luwag panties. Hahahahahahahaha!

Ang lakas ng loob magpaka-daring gayung duldulin naman (yes, darling, he’s loaded with triangular shaped scars and his body is infested with nagnanaknak na sugat that won’t heal! if that is not bad karma, we don’t know what is! Hahahahahahahaha!) at mukhang gusgusing tikling.

Harharhar!

Nakatatawang ang tindi niyang mamintas gayung siya itong mukhang itik na di makapangitlog. Hakhakhak!

Would you have an idea how a goose that repeatedly fails to lay some eggs look like? Hahahahahahaha!

Hopeless nang talaga ang mukhang ukay na halimawic na baklang ito, promise!

Promise raw talaga, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

Noretoke na’t lahat, parang wala namang nabago. Hahahahahahahaha!

Wala lang! Hahahahahahaha! Mukhang aborigines pa rin. Hahahahahaha!

Anyhow, dahil sa mukhang witch ang itzu, inayos ng kaibigan kong cosmetic surgeon ang ilong at nilagyan ng collagen ang mga pisngi para hindi ba humpak-humpakan ang arrive ever. Hahahahahahahaha!

Kaso, ingrata kaya di na muling in-inject-kan ng collagen ng aming kaibigang doktor.

Ang ending, better-looking pa sa kanya ‘yung mga werewolf sa kagubatan. Hahahahahahahaha!

So, how do you manage to survive neanderthal creature?

Neanderthal creature raw, o! How so very apt a description, I tell yeah! Hahahahahaha!

Well, maybe he’s scrimping the very minimal alms being given him by a relative who’s good-natured enough to forget his indiscretions in the past. Hahahahahahaha!

Knowing how lazy this aging and skeletal fag is, I suppose that the kwarto-kwartito he gravitates in is oozing with repugnant, malodorous smell that’s partly emanating from the malodorous stench of his yosi-kadiri body.

Hahaha!  Bye for now faggish vampire. See you tomorrow. Hahahahahahaha!

***

Sam, deadma sa mga intrigero’t intrigera

NATATAWA na lang si Ms. Claire dela Fuente sa pagsa-sour-graping ng mga kalaban ng kanyang alagang si Sam Pinto sa FHM’S SEXIEST 2012.

Imagine nga naman, it’s official that Sam’s the winner and yet some people are making a big fuss about her supposed duplicitous ways in winning the much-coveted title.

“Bakit di na lang sila maging happy for Sam?” demands Ms. Claire in earnest. “I mean, she worked so hard to win the title, she doesn’t deserve the negative reviews she’s been getting lately coming from her sour-graping opponents.

“Kung dumiskarte ‘yung tao para manalo, why didn’t they do the same thing?” she demands with righteous indig- nation.

Kay Sam pa rin, may intimate get together siya para sa mga fans na nakatulong sa kanyang pananalo on the first week of August sa Macapagal Avenue resto ng kanyang manager.

“Dapat lang naman dahil these people have been most supportive of Sam’s endeavours, they deserve a little treat,” she asseverates.

Korak!

***

Damage control galore?

NAKATATAWA naman ang balitang very much on pa rin daw ang daks (daks raw talaga, o! Hahahahahaha!) na sexy actor na ‘to at ang kanyang hubadera na ngayong mamaru.

Say kasi ng kaibigan naming movie scribe, sa bahay pa rin daw pala ng not-so-beautiful actress umuuwi ang hot
ngayong hubadero.

Ows? Is that really true?

Hindi naman kaya damage control lang ‘yan dahil nagiging nega na lately ang katilam-tilam na sexy actor (sexy actor in the sense that he really can act).

Ang sabi nga, hamig to-the-max raw ito sa mga andalu coming his way dahil peak season nga niya sa showbiz lately.

Oh, well, whatever’s the reason, people in the biz are inordinately intrigued with the seeming distance that this actor seems to place between him and the working press.

Why is that so?

Takot ba siyang mabukalkal ang kanyang most intimate secrets that are hiding in great profusion in his closet?

Hahahahahahahahaha!

May lihim nga ba ang kadakuan ni papa? Hahahahahaha!

That’s for you to know and for me to find out. Hahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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