Mukhang chabokan kapag walang emyas!

PALIHIM kaming natawa nang makita namin in person ang tagapagmana ng isang filthy rich skin care expert.

Hahahahahahaha! Honestly and panglalait aside, hindi pa rin pala nagiging svelte ang katawan ng babaeng ito mereseng ang slimming salon ng kanyang ina ang supposedly ay da best in the country today and is even being visited by rich Pinoys who are residing in the States at the moment and some Americans who are equally intrigued with her expertise in the field she now palpably reigns supreme in.

Ang ina nga naman niya ay may edad na pero maayos pa rin ang pangangatawan nito kaya nakakukuha pa rin ng mga lalaking more than half her age. Hahahahahaha!

To be honest, dahil sa kanyang pagkapabolosa, ang daming male applicants na gustong maging kept man niya dahil alam nilang kapag nagustuhan ka ng babaeng ito ay daig mo pa ang tumama sa sweepstakes or lotto for that matter.

Kidding aside, ‘yung lalaking matagal niyang kinabaliwan ay milyones talaga kung regaluhan niya ng mga alahas at relos na pawang signature na maituturing.

‘Yung signature watch nga lang daw na niregalo niya’y almost five million raw ang halaga. Hahahahaha!

Carry n’yo ‘yan? Ganyan ka-loaded ang matronang ito kaya naman nagkakandarapa ang mga ombres na mapansin niya at matipuhan in the end.

Anyway, going back to her former leech of a paramour, nagdesisyon daw ang rica-ricang babaeng makipaghiwalay na lang sa ilu niyang papa dahil alam niyang hopeless na ang kanilang samahan.

It was a good thing that the marriage they had planned for so long did not materialize. Na-realize siguro ng gandara pa rin namang matrona na hopeless at unsalvageable na ang kanilang relasyon, nagbabu na siya bago pa maubos ang kanyang daan-daang milyones dahil sa nakaririmarim (Hayan, Bubonic, ha? salitang ugat ang inuulit, idiotang gurangga! Hahahahahahaha!) na harbatic ability ng gimikerong dati’y dyuts na ombre.
Hahahahahahahaha!

Babaero pa rin kasi ang lalaking nagkaroon lang ng bulk ang nota dahil sa collagen injection na ginawa ng matronang skin care expert, lalong na-boolster ang kanyang ego at self-esteem, hayan at kaliwa’t kanan na naman daw ang pambababae. Hahahahahahaha!

Anyhow, going back to her daughter, like I said awhile ago, nakita namin ito sa isang sosyal na okasyon at kung ‘di sinabi ng ilang press people na nakakikilala sa kanya na siya ‘yung bunsong anak ng babaeng milyones kung maghatag ng anda sa mga ombres ay ‘di namin talaga siya makikilala.

Panglalait aside, she looks very plain and her body still bulky and kind of matronly, you would never have the slightest idea that she is the famed daughter of the controversial skin care diva. Skin care diva raw, o! Hakhakhak!

Come to think of it, even her older brod is devoid of any classy appeal and is also kind of bloated and obese.

Nakatatawang pagpapaganda ang negosyong ikinabubuhay nila pero sila mismo ay hopelessly obese.

Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Layton Draper is a perfect 10!

HE IS considered a perfect ten by most of the working press who have been able to see his gorgeous physique in all its succulence and juice.

Hahahahahahaha!

Indeed, Layton Draper is Southern California’s newest hottest dude wih his perfect abs and body and a face that’s worth looking at the whole day.

Only 22 years of age, he’s got staying power, if you know what I’m hinting at. Hahahahahahahaha!

As always, bawal magtikol! Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Pagpasok ni Eula valdez sa ‘Walang Hanggan’ kaabang-abang

SENSATIONAL actress Eula Valdez will soon become a part of the top-rating soap Walang Hanggan by way of her arrestingly intriguing character Back Lily.

“Kung akala ng lahat na tapos na ang kanilang mga problema, nagkakamali sila. Dahil sa pagdating ni Black Lily, sinisiguro kong magbabago ang takbo ng buhay ng mga Montenegro at Guidoti,” Eula enigmatically states.

With Black Lily’s fiercely dramatic entrance at the soap that everybody’s palpably addicted to, she is destined to change the lives of its regular casts like Daniel, Emily (Dawn Zulueta), Marco (Richard Gomez), Nathan (Paulo Avelino), Katerina (Julia Montes), Lola Henya (Susan Roces) and Donya Margaret (Helen Gamboa).

Who is Black Lily — is she a friend or a fierce nemesis of the beleaguered Guidotis?

Samantala, the veritable phenomenon that is Walang Hanggan is being talked about practically everywhere. Di lang kasi sa nationwide TV ratings namamayagpag ito kundi pati na rin sa mga social networking sites gaya ng Twitter at Facebook. Matapos makamit ang platinum record status ng volume 1, a volume 2 is soon to be enjoyed by the multitude.

Certified hit rin sa fans ang licensed Walang Hanggan Infinity Ring that’s being sold at the different outlets of Karat World. Hindi rin makaliligtaan ang sunud-sunod na parangal na natatanggap ng mahuhusay nitong cast kabilang na si Coco na kinilala kamakailan ng Box Office Entertainment Awards bilang Prince of television, at Paulo na tinanghal na Best Actor ng 2012 Gawad Urian.

This coming Monday, (Hulyo 9), maaari nang mapanood ng mga masusugid na tagasubaybay ang ekslusibong updates at behind-the-scene footages ng kanilang paboritong teleserye sa Walang Hanggan TV, mag-log in lamang sa http:-//walanghanggan.abs-cbn.com. Abangan din naman sa Hulyo 15 (Linggo) ang grand launch ng Walang Hanggan offi- cial soundtrack volume 2 sa ASAP 2012, na susundan ng isang espesyal na mall show sa Trinoma.

Fail not to miss Black Lily’s hauntingly dramatic entrance to the country’s hottest phenomenal TV drama Walang Hanggan Mondays thru Fridays, right after Princess and I sa Primetime Bida ng ABS-CBN. For added infos, mag-log on sa www.walanghanggan.abs-cbn.com, i-like ang http://facebook.com/abs. walanghanggan, o sundan ang @walanghanggan_ sa Twitter.

***

Sa Shangri-la cinema ang premiere night ng ‘The Healing’

SOSYAL ang The Healing nina Governor Vilma Santos Recto at Kim Chiu.

Imagine, gaganapin lang naman sa very posh na Shangri-la cinema ang premiere night nito and as always, strictly invitational ang nasabing affair kaya bawal ang mga GAKAS! Hahahahahahaha!

Nag-pictorial na nga pala the other day ang buong cast nito sa studio ng award-winning photographer na si Jhun de Leon sa Global City.

On top of that, magkakaroon din ng international screening ito courtesy of the Global Vilmanians.

Suffice to say, the avid Vilmanians and Kim Chiu’s Kimsters are stark raving about its impressive trailer that more than showcased Ate Vi’s award-winning expertise, along with Kim’s riveting feistiness as an actress.

Sa U Tube naman ay umabot na sa 36 thousand plus ang mga viewers as of this writing.

So far, magkakaroon din ng block screening ng movie as sponsored by the Vis and Kimsters.

Nagbigay rin ng contribution ang Global Vis para mag-materialize ang nasabing project.

Indeed, the Vilmanians and the Kimsters are leaving no stone unturned to make this suspense/horror movie of the great megman Chito S. Rono a huge monumental success.

Dapat lang!

Still on Direk Chito, may intriga nga kung bakit pinangalanan daw nitong Elsa ang faith healer na si Daria Ramirez. Is he simply trying to be flippant or is there some kind of innuendo into it? Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na! Hahahahahahaha!

***

Parang pinagwelgahan ang Paparazzi nina Lola Fermi!

RIGHT after Ms. Ruffa Gutierrez has solidified her decision of bidding Parazzi adieu, Robin Padilla has instructed his wife Mariel Rodriguez not to report to TV5’s controversial showbiz oriented program anymore since he wouldn’t want his wife to get involved supposedly with the dizzying imbroglio.

At this time nga naman when everything’s going on smoothly with their lives, why risk its placidity by being a part of an insidious war between Ruffa and the Parazzi gang?

Hindi nga naman orig member rito si Mariel, it’s best to leave while the goings are still tolerably good.

Hayaan na lang nila ang chabokang si Ferminata, da oslang gurangga, na kahit tumulay pa yata sa alambre ay hate na hate panoorin ng mga otaw, the men in particular, who palpably detests her for taking the show away from it’s hot triumvirate Morly, Rey and your columnist.

Hahahahahahaha!

Up to now, people from all walks of life would text me just to tell me how they are purportedly missing the original format of the show wherein we used to have these good-looking and succulent towel boys who would wipe our perspiration, Morly’s in particular, (Hahahaha!) from time to time.

Dahil sa ilusyunada nga at feeling formidable, pinaalis lahat ni Lola Nganga ang mga exciting segmets ng show (Hahahahahahaha! Mag-feeling sikat ba? Hahahahahaha! mukha kang kudkuran, noh? Hahahahahaha!) kaya nagmukha itong sementeryo lalo na’t mukhang bangkay naman siyang talaga. Hahahahahahahaha!

Yosi-kadiriiiii!

Nga pala, gurangski, why don’t you invite the uncircumcised, smelly old goat Vavalina de Cashtrue para kumpletos rekados na ang horror edition ng inyong show? Hahahahahahahaha!

Tutal, madaling araw na kayo umiere, why don’t you avail of the services of this cadaver-looking fag so you’d get the desired effect that the think tank of the show would desperately want to achieve? Hahahahahaha!

Tanggalin mo na rin ang dentures mo, lolaski. (Hakhakhak!) Tutal, bungalic naman ang registration mo on cam, might as well go all the way!

Kuha mo? Harharharharhar!

Hay, naku, Mr. Perci Intalan, hanggang kailan ka ba magiging bulag sa katotohanang poor credit risk ‘yang si Bungalya? Hakhakhak!

She is now a goner.

A thing of the past.

A relic of lost glories!

Passe’!

Tama na, sukat na ang demokrasya. Tigbakin na ‘yan at kunin kami ni Peter Ledesma para magkaroon naman kayo ng ROI (return of investment vagah! Hahahahahaha! cheeeaaaapppp!).

Ang laos ay laos ay laos!

Period. Ayoko ng chaaakkkkaaaah! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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