Nakalimutan na ang ex dahil sa bagong daks na karelasyon!

HAhahahahahaha! How so very amusing!

Dati-rati, endless love kuno ang drama nila at no time for other men ang episode ng lovestruck na sexy actress na ‘to na every waking moment supposedly of her existence was devoted to her verile and good-looking papa. Surprisingly, parang she has had a sudden change of heart.

Why is that so?

Dati kasi, kahit na ano pa ang gawin ng kanyang mga suitors ay steadfast talaga sa kanyang belief ang sexy ac tress na ang kanyang aging but still verile lover ang nag-iisang lalake kuno sa kanyang buhay.

Surprisingly, it supposedly took just one night of carefree drinking session and a good sex afterwards (a good sex afterwards raw, o! Hakhakhak!) on location of the movie she did abroad with this popular actor that she has had a sudden change of heart.Ketbalites? Why is that so?

Na-realize kaya niyang not a most giving lover ang kanyang dating paparu at may pagka-selfish ito at gusto’y siya lang ang iniintindi at ang chick na karelasyon niya’y wait na lang until dark sa pad nila habang nagga-gantsilyo?
Habang naggagantsilyo raw, o! Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Kaaning!

At any rate, after their first intimate night together, the once exceedingly loyal sexy actress appears to have had a change of heart.
Again, why is that so? Hakhakhakhakhak!

Simple lang, na-realize siguro niyang dahil kadalasa’y patang-pata na ang kanyang paparu sa kangkangan episodes nito with other women, kadalasan ay latak na lang (latak na lang daw talaga, o! Hahahahahahaha!) ang napupunta sa kanya at hindi na enthusiastic mag-perform ito. Hahahahahahahahaha!

On top of that, she must have come to realize the salient fact that the man of her dreams and fantasy is not man enough when it comes to the size of his genitals. Hahahahahahahaha!

Hindi naman daw dyutelya pero his size pales in comparison with the new man in her life’s endowments. Hahahahahahahahaaha! Some people should take it from there. Hakhakhakhakhak!

Que sabroso kasi ang bagong papa at higit na may staying power, (the erection must be veritably hard and enduring unlike the original papa..Hahahahahaha!) ‘Yun na!

***
Chris Campanioni, once more with feeling!

By insistent public demand, we are bringing back hunky Chris Campanioni on our centerfold.

The guy is really ripened to perfection and is an ideal company in a cold weather such as this with his firm and youthful body and huge erection. Hahahahahahaha!As always, bawal magtikol, pare! Hahahahahahaha!

***

Hindi nga dapat kinukumpara si Ate Vi kay Nora!

Vavalina Pangitelyang Mukhang Anda must be reaching the abysmal age of delusions and old age wherein one is bound to experience Alzheimer’s disease, among other mental ailments associated with brain damage (Hahahaha!),he is harping about illogical things that he believes are the truth.

Sabi ng dulduling tipaklongic aborigine, (tipaklongic aborigine raw, o! Hahahahaha!) I should not supposedly be committing the biggest blunder of comparing Ms. Vilma Santos with his idol Superstar Nora Aunor because no matter what Ate Vi does, she will always be second fiddle to the latter’s prodigious accomplishments.Is that sooooooo? Hahahahahahahahahaha!

Honestly, ayoko na sanang maging catty or grumpy kay Ms. Aunor dahil nakahahabag na ang kanyang sitwasyon sa industriya lately.

But Vavalina, the halitosis lola, is forcing me to spew vitriol in her (Nora) direction. Tama nga siguro si Vavalina Mukhang Anda y Pangitelya Duldulin pa (hahaha!) sa pagsasabing no comparison nga si Ate Vi sa kanyang idolo.Oo nga naman.
Never na nasulat ang Queenstar for all seasons na nangungutang sa kanyang mga tauhan ng ten kiyaw dahil wala na siyang pangsugal sa casino. Hahahahahahahahaha! Never ring nagpaka-cheap si Ate Vi na kulitin ang mga taong minsa’y naging close sa kanya na padalhan siya ng anda dahil in need na naman siya. Hahahahahahahaha!

Di ba naman, kuya Germs?

Hay, naku! duldolic na Vavalina Biglang Chaka (Vavalina Biglang Chaka raw, o! Hahahahahaha! Ayaw ng halimawic na si Ferminata nang ganyan! Hahahahahahaha!), pagamot mo na lang ang mga dudolic manifestations mo all over your body (hitzura ng mga kagid ng mga personalidad sa The Healing ng Star Cinema na palabas na in some 140 cinemas nationwide) para makaginhawa ka naman, gurang na mabonga. Hahahaha!

O, happy ka na? Did I satisfy your mania for being talked about?Manood ka ng

The Healing, Lola Markova at isama mo na rin si Ferminata Lumba-Lumba para dalawa na kayong puma- lakpak sa histrionic skills ni Ate Vi.’Yun lang!

***

A politician like no other

Naaliw kami kay Bokal Michael Fermin ng Malolos City nang magkaroon kami ng casual interview the other day sa kanyang well-appointed office sa Kapitolyo ng Malolos.

The guy’s appealing good looks is indeed ideal for the position that he’s presently handling.

Darling of the press rin si Bokal dahil sandamakmak ang local press na napalibot sa kanya and he appears to be handling them pretty well.

Anyway, kung ang ibang politiko ay kuntento na sa kanilang kaalaman or educational attainment, Bokal Michael has just completed his Bachelor of Law course at Bulacan State University in between his job as a public ser- vant.

Kung lahat ng politician ay tulad ni Bokal Michael, parang nakaaaliw na kapanayamin sila occasionally. Hahaha! During his early years as a politician, credit it to his fine good looks and skin tone that glows with health, kinuha siya bilang endorser ng isang glutathione product.

Smooth at fair-skinned kasi si Bokal kaya ideal na maging endorser ng mga ganitong klase ng produkto.

Sa ngayon, he’s taking his sweet honest time before plunging into something different and challenging, that of being a practicing lawyer.Laban ka? Hahahahahahaha!’Yun na!

***
Kaaliw talaga si Bubonic!

Hahahahahaha! Minsang hindi raw siya dalawin ng antok, pinagtiyagaang panoorin ng isa naming kaibigan ang showbiz oriented talk show ni Lola Fermi, da Bubonic beauty (Bubonic beauty raw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!), kung saan guest ng madaling araw (madaling araw raw talaga, o! Hahahahaha! hitzura ng Walang Tulugan ni Kuya Germs!) na’yun ang isang aktor who’s now venturing into the chaotic world of politics.

Umaapaw raw talaga ang papuri ng gwapo pa rin naman pero obvious nang nagkakaedad ng aktor sa bungalyang teevee personality. Hakhak! Nakaaaning ever! Harhar!

Solid daw kasi ang paniniwala nito sa kredibilidad ng taling-harap na ngangaera na numero unong mukhang anda. Hahahahahahahaha!

Poor guy. He doesn’t know that the old obese woman he’s talking to happens to be devoid of any credibility and very much wanting of dignity. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Pasalamat siya at gibzona ng anda ang friend niya sa mukhang aswangits (aswangits raw talaga, o! Hahahaha!) na lola kaya in an almost deferential tone kung banggitin nito ang kanyang namezung. Hahahaha! Cheapanggetch!

Subukan mo kayang wala kang padulas sa bruhitic nganga na ‘to kung pansinin ka. Hahahahahahaha!

Honestly, lahat ng dinidikitan ng mukhang tokwang gurang na ‘to ay redolent of opulence and big money.

Big-time ang lomodic na ‘to and she never makes patol sa mga barya-barya lang. Did I hit the nail right on its head, Mr. Perci Intalan? Hahahahahahahahaha!

Your alaga is teeming with cheapness and past glories, a hunky-looking news and current affairs personality was horrified when she started talking about the movies in her hackneyed and cheap Tagalog. Hahahahaha!

Hindi ang Tagalog ang cheap, huh? Siya at ang nakaririmarim niyang praising rito. Hahahahahahahaha!

Ubachang na kasi kaya parang panahon pa nina Atang dela Rama ang talkies.Hahahahahahahaha!

***

JM De Guzman may lihim nga ba?

Hahahahahaha! Iniintriga ng ilang press kung bakit bumukod daw agad ang lead actor ng Angelito, Ang Bagong Yugto, sa kanyang pamilya gayung hindi pa naman talaga financially stable ito kung tutuusin, Bubonic. Hahahaha! Could it be that he’s hiding some intimate secrets in his closet?

“Wala naman po,” he discloses coolly at the presscon of their afternoon soap at ABS CBN wherein he’s reunited with the lovely Charee Pineda.
“Gusto ko lang huwag makaistorbo dahil masyadong erratic ang working sched ng isang artista.”

Sa isyung meron daw siyang sugar daddy, natawa na lang ang morenong aktor dahil ni sa hinagap ay hindi raw niya naisip ito since it has been inculcated in his mind by his dad that a man must work hard to earn the respect of his fellow human beings.

“Hirap pa rin po akong mag-budget ng aking earnings pero kapag kinukulang, nandiyan naman po ang parents ko para tulungan ako.”

Lead actor rin nga pala si JM sa indie movie na Intoy Syokoy na produced bale ni Kuya Boy Abunda kung saan ang lead actress na katambal niya ay ang GMA talent na si LJ Reyes na in-abandon raw ni Paulo Avelino. Hahahahaha! Nang-intriga pa raw talaga, o! Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.  Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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