Radio program ni Ferminata, pinandidirihan dahil alog-bati to-the-max

HAHAHAHAHAHA!

GRABE naman itong si Lola Fermi, da ograng tsakelya.Feeling ng gurang na bungalya ay reyna pa siyang pinakaaabangan (o, hayan wranggulites, huh? salitang ugat ang inuulit tonta! Hahahahaha!) ng balana kaya wala na itong ginawa sa super boooorrring niyang radio program na ni mga pusa ay ayaw talagang pakinggan, kundi bumati ng mga taong kanyang pinagkakakitaan from beginning to end. Hakhakhak!

Carry n’yo ‘yan? Kahit ang askal na pusa naming si Trixie ay iritang-iritang to the point na nangangagat talaga (a mute kind of protest that we should make lipat na our radio to other worthwhile radio programs..Hahaha!) siya para tigbakin na namin ang radyo kapag ang hamahalipoypoy (what a most fitting adjective to describe Ferminata’s cowtowing voice…Hahahaha!) na kabosesan na ni mudra ang rumirepeke sa himpapawid. Hakhakhakhak!

How gross!

Akala naman siguro ng guranggetch na itech ay super enjoy ang mga listeners sa pagbati niya sa mga hinaharbatan niya ng peanut butter, among other products, na local ever at super ok talaga ang lasa. Hahahaha!

Sa true, para siyang old maid na teacher na nagru-roll call ng kanyang mga estudiyanteng syonga from beginning up to the very end. Hahahaha!

So yucky ever! Hahahahaha! Tsakelya talaga I tell yah! Hakhakhak!

Imagine, in the span of one hour and a half of mind-blowingly senseless batian, last two minutes lang siya maku-konsensiya at magbabalita kuning-kuning ng repulsively cheap blind items na rehassed sa kanyang tulaistic column sa isang tabloid.

Yosi-kadiri! Hakhakhak!

Sa true, self-serving ang radio program ni Lola Nganga. She is not in any way concerned with the management’s welfare or hapless predicament.

Mereseng walang maglagay ng ads, keber! As long as getlagers niya ang mga super cheap na mga produkto, okay lang sa mercenary na guranggetch na ito. Harharharharhar!

The height of irresponsible radio hosting, if I may say so!

Kahit ba may namezung ka pa, (meron pa bah? Hahahaha! I suppose the answer is a big fat no! Hahahaha!) kung ginagawa mo namang tanga ang mga listeners sa kababati kung kani-kanino, you’re not doing your job as a radio jock diligently.

Jesus H. Christ! If I were the station manager, I will never allow nor tolerate this old woman’s penchant for cheap batians and self-serving bukeke!

Ang cheap-cheap niya. Promise! Promise raw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!

Sibakin na kasi ‘yan para magtanda at matauhan. Sa true, di na siya nakatutuwa.

Like a said for the nth time, masyadong self-serving ang kanyang bukeke kaya kapag siya na ang nakaupo, parang sementeryo ang atmosphere sa radio. Hahahahahaha!

Bukod sa parang pusang naglalampong ang kabosesan, maririndi ka talaga sa mga kantang pinatutugtog niya na hindi pa yata pinanganganak si Carmen Rosales ay nauuso na. Hakhakhak!

Carry n’yo ‘yan?

Ayyyyyoooooookkkkkkooooooohhhhh! Hahahaha!

Ngetpalites na nga, nonsense pang magradyo. Walisin agad ‘yan para roon sa Valenzuela city magsisigaw na parang asong nababaliw.

Parang asong nababaliw daw, o! Hahahahahaha!

Di kaya aning-aning na siyang talaga? Hahahahaha!

Babutsh, lola. Next time around na bumati na naman for almost one hour and 28 minutes (one hour and twenty eight minutes raw talaga, o! Bwahahahaha!) ang idiotic tsaka na ‘to, padadalhan ko siya ng siling labuyo na nakalagay sa paborito niyang lafetch para mamusarga ang mamad (mamad daw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!) niyang mga labi at di na makapagsalita pa.

Babutsh! Hahahahaha!

***

The most celebrated suspense horror movie

MARAMI rin namang mga horror flicks na naipalabas na at ipalalabas palang. But honestly, iba ang arrive ng The Healing ni Queenstar Vilma Santos.

This early, people from all walks of life are already inordinately intrigued with its trailer. Bitin raw kasi sila dahil napakaikli nito.

Sang-ayon naman sa isang insider from Star Cinema, sinadya raw talaga ‘yon dahil ibang genre naman ito at matindi ang bitin factor, unlike sa mga drama movies when you could almost tell the story basing from the trailer alone.

“Mas nakae-excite nga pagka ganon,” so says Ate Aida Fandialan, Ate Vi’s official secretary/confidante for many decades now. “Lalong panonoorin dahil ang daming scenes na talagang shocking.”

Apart from that, Ate Vi’s in good company in this suspense horror movie. Wala ka raw talagang itulak-kabigin sa galing nina Kim Chiu, Janice de Belen, Pokwang, Martin del Rosario, Robert Arevalo, Daria Ramirez, Ynez Veneracion, Allan Paule, Cris Villanueva, Ces Quesada, Jinggoy Alonzo, Joel Torre, among many others.Suffice to say, the actors in it are real thespians and the finest in the field ever.Bawal dito ang mga hamonado at tangang umarte dahil malalamon ka sa galing ng mga kaeksena mo.

The Healing is guaranteed to be a movie not only for the critics but also for the common tao.

Revelation rito ang acting ni Kim Chiu na tour de force na maituturing.
Of course Ms. Vilma Santos is one actress that’s hard to upstage and she’s not the kind to upstage anyone either.

So. if you’re looking for a movie that’s worth every single penny that you’re going to spend, The Healing it’s surely going to be.

Chito S. Ronio yata ‘yan. One of the most perceptively intelligent directors that Tinsel town has ever produced.

Period. Walang comma!

***
Joey Kent at your service!

HE‘s not that famous yet at the moment but a lot of people believe, this writer included, that Joey Kent is going to become one of the much sought after personalities in the modelling world.

Only 18, he already has got what it takes to be a much sought after underwear model.

Look at his ‘asset’, don’t you guys find it impressive? I sure do! Hakhakhakhak! As always, bawal magtikol! Hahahaha!

***

Vavalinang supot isa pang ingratang halimaw!

KUNG isulat daw ako ng hinayupak na si Vavalina de Cashtrue sa internet, para bang ako pa ang may utang na loob sa hinayuopak na kalbong kuflangerang matandang mabahongang ito, and not the other way around. Hahaha!

This salivating ingrate of a pig, has definitely written the most obnoxious things about me at the net with such obsession that I find particularly diabolical.

Imagine, tumira sa bahay namin ang gusgusing halimaw na ‘to for 25 years (off and on) and with his frail physique, you would be amazed with how he could devour food like a famished anaconda. Hahahahahahahahaha!

Baboy sa dilang baboy ang supot na baklang ito na kung di ko pinaretoke sa kaibigan kong cosmetic surgeon ay di magmumukhang tao.

Pati dentures na super baho at umaalog-alog na, ay ni-refer sa isang dentist na friend niya ng aking friend kaya napalitan.

Wala kasing salapi ang ingratang supot na halitosis infested ang bibig na kalbong baklang ito na addicted sa lalake, pati ako ay gustong lafangin one night when Nong was in Bicol and he was sleeping in our apartment.

Di ba’t nakasusuka?

Yuck! Isang baklang matandang panget at duldulin, mag-a-attempt na i-fellate ka in the wee hours of the morning when you’re sleeping ever so soundly? Hakhakhak!

Nakaririmarim, di ba naman, Bubonic? Da titanic kuflangic. Hahahaha!

Anyway, kaya kami nagdecide lumipat sa Novaliches from Makati ay dahil sa nagpapila ba naman sa mga bagets ang waray kulvaa na gurangis na ito one night after his drunken session with them.

Imagine, duldulic ang wetpaks and soooo itim (so itim raw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!) pero wah care na tumuwad at nagpa-oros in full regalia? Hakhakhak!

Kaya Vavalinang walang kaba, (tuwad kung tuwad talaga ang kanyang drama mereseng heavily discolored ang kanyang duldolic wetpaks…Hakhakhak!) I don’t mind if you write the most obnoxious concoctions about me at the net because my character is by far more exemplary that you could ever hope to be.

Ikaw nga, ni hindi makatira sa mga kapatid mo dahil sa sama ng iyong pag-uugali. Hakhakhak!

Imagine, tumira ka rin kay Art Tapalla noon pero pinalayas ka niya dahil di niya matagalan ang pagka-senorita mo gayung wah kaon ka naman matandang mabahongang bakla! Hahahahaha!

‘Yung mga triangular shaped na scars mo all over your body, nag-lighten na ba ang kulay?

Hakhakhak! Imagine, bleached to the max ka before but ironically, hindi talaga tumatalab sa ‘yo dahil skin deep ang itim ng iyong kaluluwa. Hahaha!

That’s all for now, ha? Mabahongang baklang pinandidirihan ng mga lalake kaya super inggit sa aking sex appeal.

Araw-arawin mo man ang mga paninira sa akin sa internet, why should I care when I know my life is a lot more blessed and fulfilling as compared to you who has never experienced what love is all about because of your repugnant attitude in life and equally repulsive physiognomy.

Ayoko ng panget! Hahahaha!

Magmumog ka ng asin, ha? para mawala-wala naman ang amoy imburnal na amoy na nagi-emanate from your yosi-kadiring bibig!  Hahahahahah!

***

Piolo’s new soap is totally worth watching for!

MAY bagong soap in the offing pala ang pinaka-gwaping na Star Magic talent na si Piolo Pascual.

Honestly, nagkaedad nang lahat ang mga talents ng Dos na contemporaries niya more or less, but Papa P has remained youthful and macho and even better looking than ever before.

Anyhow, he’s got a new soap in the offing that will positively create a new kind of awareness in as far as most people are concerned.

It’s titled Apoy Sa Dagat and is being starred in also by his friend Diether Ocampo, Aiko Melendez, and Angelica Panganiban.

Come to think of it, dapat lang talagang maging visible si Papa P dahil apart from his riveting good looks, he also happens to be a pretty good actor.

Do wait for it, it would supposedly harbor truckloads of surprises.

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.  Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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