Sexbomb Aifha Medina nanakit ng estudyante!

SHOCKING Asia naman, Bubonika, ang pagiging bayolente nitong sexbomb dancer na si Aifha Medina.

Imagine, sumugod daw ito sa Calderon High School, Tondo Manila, alas-kwatro ng hapon last Monday, outfitted in a maong shorts topped with a purple shirt, freaked out daw talaga ito nang malamang pinagtulungan daw ang kanyang pamangking babae ng dalawang estudyante roon.

Far from maintaining her cool and patch things up, shakira raw ang mga estudyante roon nang walang pasintabing sinubsob nito ang mukha ng isang estudyante sa sahig at pinagsasampal ito nang walang patumangga.

Aba’y uubra pala sa action movies ang alagang ito ni Ms. Joy Cancio na nang mag-close shop na ang Daisy Siyete sa GMA-7 ay naging war freak nang talaga. Hahahahahahahaha!

Ang tindi mo, ning!

Sana’y inayos mo na lang ang kaguluhang kinasangkutan ng pamangkin mo at di ganyang parang hoodlum kang basta na lang nang-uupak.

Sang-ayon sa ating source, mahina raw kasi ang guidance councilor ng nasabing eskwelahan at nagkataong wala roon ang principal nang sumugod si Aifa with matching police escorts. Hahahahahaha!

Well, we are not that familiar with her during those times when we used to guest at their defunct soap Daisy Siyete.

But so far, wala naman kaming napunang mga war freak sa Sexbomb dahil during that time, disciplined and behaved naman sila in the many times na nag-guest kami ni Peter sa kanilang show.

Pero mukhang astig pala si Aifha at walang kinatatakutan.

Mantakin mong isubsob sa sahig ang batang estudyante at pagsasasampalin nang walang humpay?

Hahahahahahahahaha!

I guess she needs to be a part of an action serye para mapakinabangan niya ang kanyang intrinsic talent in slugging it out with people. Hakhakhak!

Anyway, pinatawag ng school principal sina Aifha at ang magulang ng bata the other day para magkaroon ng linaw ang mga pangyayari pero no appearance ang Sexbomb beauty.

Ni-reset the following day ang meeting pero di alam kung makasisipot ang feisty dancer/actress. Hahahaha!

Ang taray!

***

Jack, the stripper will turn you on!

JUST like in the Philippines when young men would bare their succulent bodies for the libidinous fags and matrons to feast on, Jack, the stripper, is America’s hottest dingdong. Hahahahahahaha!

But he doesn’t want to showcase his mouth-watering machismo for life. He, too, has got some lofty dreams and ambitions to fulfill.

Dream niyang maging isang John Travolta who has risen from the ranks so to speak. Hahahahahahahaha!

O, what are you doing, man? As always, bawal magtikol! Hakhakhakhakhak!

***

Tapos na ang competition & Ate Vi’s the unexpected winner!

THE fans of the other actress (who’s acting competence is still one of the most admired in the business) are  still continuously harping that Queenstar Vilma santos is still supposedly occupying the poor second slot in as far as their rivalry that has spanned more than four decades is concerned.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

Is that sooooo?

Are you sure?

Honey, this is no longer the 70s or the 80s where cheap, fabricated gimmicks are still the order of the day.

For you to excel these days, you need to be the paradigm of professionalism.

One thing that has always been Ms. Vilma Santos’ stock in trade.

Kita n’yo naman, endorsements are still coming his way and she’s still being hotly pursued for important projects.

‘Yung iba, meron pa bang nagkakainteres? Hahahahahaha!

Sadly though, the answer is very much on the negative. Hahahahahahahaha!

And speaking of projects, malapit nang ipalabas sa mga sinehan ang The Healing ng Star Cinema.

Directed by the wizard in this genre Chito S. Rono, it’s reportedly a movie that will keep you on edge all throughout the entire proceedings.

Pakaabangan ito in cinemas near you on the 25th of July, ang grand opening ng The Healing that also stars Kim Chiu, Janice de Belen, Martin del Rosario, Pokwang, Daria Ramirez, among many others.

***

Matuto kang maghugas Vavalina tsaka!

AKALA mo naman sa ngetpalites na si Vavalina de Cashtrue ay napakaganda niyang nilalang gayung hirap na hirap siyang makakuha ng hadang ombre dahil sa kanyang sooo habang vava and ugly physiognomy, along with his body that is seemingly afflicted with anorexia nervosa.

Hakhakhak!

I still vividly remember how downtrodden he was when the bisexuals of Baguio had avoided him like the plague when he attempted to socialize with them with hope of eventually finding a fuc–ng mate.

A fuc–ng mate raw, o! How gross! Hakhakhak!

With a face like that, who, in his sane mind would acquiesce? Hahahahahaha!

Poor Vavalina kuflangga, he deludes himself with the false belief that he’s a beauty when he’s comparable to a louse. Hahahahahahahahaha!

A louse with no name! (A louse with no name raw talaga, o! Hahahahahahaha! How so fitting and apt!)

Kahit nga ‘yung mga ombreng tropa namin riyan sa may bandang Laguna ay diring-diri sa kanya dahil ngetpalites na nga at mukhang taringting (a tropical bird that’s shaped like a half moon..Hahahahahaha!), mind-boggling pa ang halitosis. Hakhakhakhak!

Yuck! So baho!

Ayokooooooh! Hakhakhak!

Anyway, nagmamaganda ang mukhang aborigines na ‘to dahil sa internet wizard daw siya. Hahahahahahahaha!

Is that soooooo? How come you’re still poor as a rat and rat-faced as well? Hahahahahahahaha!

Bakit ba atat na ata ka sa pagiging Atenista ko, baklang pinandidirihan ng mga lalaki, gayung kasa-kasama pa kita tuwing magkakaroon kami ng instant reunion ng mga ka-brod ko sa frat namin sa Ateneo?

Inggiterang bakulitang panget na bakla! Hahahahahahahahaha!

Keber mo ba kung hindi ako Atenean. Mababawasan ka ba ng isang tenga?

Ikaw, nag-aral ka ba? Saan naman kaya if ever?

Baka sa CR kaya mali-mali ang grammar mo at nangangatal ang tumbong mo noon tuwing mag-a-attempt kang magpaka-esekola sa mga presscons? Hahahahahahahaha!

But what I find most infinitely tragic is the fact that you’re a penniless gay who’s old enough to be eveybody’s great grandma.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

At least si Ferminata, loaded ng anda kaya gets galore ng mga ombres. Hahahahahaha!

Ikaw ba naman ang gibzungan ng second hand car na almost 200 grand, di pa ba bababa ang zipper mo?

Hahahahaha!

Ikaw, what can you offer to the material boys that abound like mushroom at the metropolis?

Ang panty mong nagtututong na dahil madalang pa sa patak ng ulan kung maligo ka? Hahahahahaha!

Ang nakasusulasok pa, over confident ang halimaw na ‘to kaya never gumamit ng deodorant. Hakhakhak!

Buhay ka pa nga, masahol pa sa cadaver ang smell mo. Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na lang muna, baboyski, huh? Hahahahahahaha!

Till tomorrow. (Till tomorrow raw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!)

Ang panget-panget moh, vaklah! Hahahahahaha!

***

Bakit ba iniintriga ang FHM title ni Sam?

BAKIT daw gumamit ng ‘strategy’ si Sam Pinto para lang nanalong FHM’s Sexiest Woman 2012? ‘Yan ang sourgraping eklaboom ng mga natalong taartits sa nasabing popularity churva. Hahahahahaha!

Bakit ba? Ano’ng masama kung gumamit ng strategy para manalo ‘yung tao e, legal naman lahat ng moves niya?

Kung bakit kasi masyado kayong complacent that your money’s more than enough to make you win the title?

Hayan, natalo kaya ng strategy at overflowing comeliness ng alaga ni Ms. Claire.

Ito namang starlet na ibon ang namezung, why do you keep on harping about Sam’s winning as if it’s a gross sin gayung never naman siyang nandaya?

Kahit saan, kailangan ang diskarte para Winnie Castillo ang beauty mo.

Kung namigay siya ng give-aways sa mga fans niya, why didn’t you do the same thing?

Hahahahahahahaha!

Kahit magtutuwad pa kayo o magngangangawa nang buong maghapon, it’s not going to change the fact that Sam’s this year’s winner.

Beter luck next time, girls! Hahahahahahahaha!

Huwag kasing masyadong confident. Didn’t you know that confidence killed the cat?

Humalhal man kayong parang asong ulol, you cannot change the fact that Sam’s FHM’s Sexiest Woman for the year 2012.

Ganyan talaga, may natatalo at may nananalo.

Period!

Magsumikap kasi para di nabubutata! Hakhakhak!

***

Sina Bea at Barbie naman sa Luna Blanca!

MARAMI ang naaaliw sa epic soap ng GMA7 na Luna Blanca.

Of epic proportion talaga ito dahil sa unang episode, featured ang child actresses na sina Jillian Ward (Luna) and Mona Louise Rey (Blanca).

Ngayong tapos na ang first generation of the said soap, papasok naman sina Bea Binene as Luna and Barbie Forteza as Blanca.

Nakasasabik itong panoorin dahil for the very first time ay iba na ang katandem ng dalawa.

Lovely Bea is going to be teamed up with Kristoffer Martin (how refreshing!) and Barbie will have the very debonair Derick Monasterio as leading man.

In a way, bagong tambalan naman ito and quite novel in a manner of speaking.

But would they be able to upstage the impressive following of the former leading men of the two leading ladies?

Well, that remains to be seen. After all, as they say, variety is always the spice of life.

***

Gusto na raw magbalik sa rating studio…  welcome pa ba naman kasi?

KAWAWA naman itong young actor na ‘to na disappointed daw sa naging outcome ng kanyang showbiz career sa isang network na kanyang nilipatan.

Pa’no naman, lumipat siya sa network na kinaaniban sa ngayon with great hope that he would become a big star overnight.

In a way, he had become a mild success but his downfall came when he becomes too robust and fleshy for comfort to the point of not becoming cinematically appealing any longer.

Ang tragedy pa, a plethora of new actors have enundated the network he’s presently under contract with, thereby making his star dimmer and less promising as compared to what he was when he had just transferred to it and was slimmer and more fit.

Kung dati kasi matinee idol ang kanyang dating, budding comedian na ang kanyang arrive lately kaya sa iba na itinatambal ang kanyang fave lead actress.

How so very sad!

Kaya sa ngayon, wish daw ng young actor na muling magbalik sa pinanggalingang network but at the rate things are dramatically unfolding, di na siya uubrang bumalik doon dahil mas matindi ang competition na kanyang haharapin.

Que pobrecito!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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