Tagong Vaklushi ang boyfriend!

HOW pathetic naman ang young actress na ‘to na may bago na namang karelasyon after na magbabu ang kanyang episode sa isang half-Chinese, half Pinoy na young actor.

Dapat sana’y may papa na siyang matino pero nagbalik ang aktres na ka-on nito kaya aborted bigla ang kanilang blooming dale na sanang love affair.

How sad…

Ang kaso, mas matindi ang eksena n’ya these days.

It’s a good thing that she seems to be inspired and happy with the fact that a new guy is coming along and he is reportedly quite serious in pursuing her.

Ang problema lang, in the event that she takes him seriously, bound to heartbreak city na naman ang ating bida dahil sila-sila (silahis, honey! Hahahahahahaha!) ang very papable na ombre na ‘to na natuklasan ng dati n’yang karelasyon kaya no choice kundi mag-off line na lang sila.

Objectively speaking, papa material talaga ang lalaking ito dahil bukod sa may ganda ng mukha at ganda ng katawan, tipong good-natured sana siya at easy to get along with.

Ang kaso, kapag namamasyal na raw sila ng kanyang ex (na isang foreigner), di mapakali at roaming around daw talaga ang tingin nito sa mga lalakeng kanilang nakasasalubong, particularly kung hunky at well-endowed ito. Hahahahahahahaha!

Honestly speaking, napilitan lang daw itong manligaw dahil sa nabibingi na siya sa mga kantiyaw ng kanyang katropa na manligaw na lalo’t marami namang nagkaka-trip sa kanya dahil gwaping naman talaga (honestly, he’s got one of the handsomest faces in Flickerville today) at may katawan at bulging crotch na feel na feel umamin ng mga vaklushi. Hahahahahahahaha!

Feel na feel umamin daw ng mga vaklung, o! Hahahahahahahaha!

Sayang na kagwapuhan, lalaki rin pala ang makatitighaw (o, Ferminatext, naka-relate ka ba sa aking terminology? I’m sure you do! Hahahahahahaha!) sa kanyang nagwawater-water na kanotahan.

Nagwawater-water na kanotahan daw, o! Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Layton Draper’s hunky appeal

IT’S not clear where Layton Draper learned to work on his car, but if it means the California stud keeps doing it shirtless and while getting sprayed with a big hose, we’re all for it. Maybe he’s cooling off on a long hot summer night. Hahahahahaha!

Anyhow, he is one of today’s hottest hunks at the modeling world in the US of A. One need not ask why. Hahahahahaha!

Just one look at that gorgeous physique and bulging crotch and you know why. Hahahahahaha!

As always, bawal magtikol! HAKHAKHAK!

***

Be Careful with My Heart, espesyal para kina Jodi at Papa Chen

EXCITED na sina Jodi Sta. Maria at Richard ‘Papa Chen’ Yap sa kanilang kauna-unahang pagbibidahan na teleseryeng “Be Careful with My Heart” that’s slated to detonate starting Monday (Hulyo 9) sa Prime-Tanghali ng ABS-CBN, bago ang It’s Showtime.

“Espesyal sa akin ang ‘Be Careful’ dahil ito ang unang seryeng bida ako. First time ko rin na makakasama si Richard,” enthuses Jodi, whose delineating the role of Maya, the provincial lass who’s going to do everything just to realize her dream of becoming a flight stewardess and, in the process, be of help to her poverty stricken family.

Ayon kay Jodi, ang Be Careful With My Heart ang unang proyekto niyang hindi heavy drama. “Light drama lang s’ya na may halong comedy,” aniya. “Natuwa ako sa role ni Maya at sa mismong istorya kaya tinanggap ko kaagad nung in-offer ito sa akin.”

Dagdag pa ni Jodi, tiyak na ikatutuwa ng viewers ang hatid na ‘good vibes’ ng programa. “Masasabi ko na mai-inspire sila sa character ni Maya. Isa siyang tao na napakapositibo ng pananaw sa buhay. Para sa kanya lahat maaaring gawan ng paraan, walang imposible,” pahayag ni Jodi.

Samantala, tulad ng kanyang leading lady, memorable para kay Richard ang kanilang soap ni Jodi dahil ito ang first time niyang maging leading man sa isang teleserye.

Richard essays the character of Mr. Lim. “Widower ako rito na nahirapang palakihin ang mga anak dahil busy rin sa negosyo kaya kakailanganin ko ng tulong,” sabi ni Richard. “It’s more of an unexpected love story. Maraming kilig moments na dapat abangan and I’m sure maraming makaka-relate dito.”

Dahil sa laki ng proyekto at matapang nitong timeslot, kapwa nagpapasalamat sina Jodi at Richard sa tiwala ng network sa show nila at sa kanilang tambalan.

“Sa palagay ko ang ABS-CBN ay walang takot na sumubok ng mga bagong bagay. Simula sa casting, sa istorya, hanggang sa timeslot, bago rito,” ani ni Jodi.

“Excited kami at the same time gusto naming magpasalamat sa ABS-CBN sa pagtitiwala nila sa amin ni Jodi na ilagay kami sa Prime-Tanghali,” Richard chimes in.

Bukod kina Jodi at Richard, tampok rin sa noontime soap sina Jerome Perez, Janella Salvador, at Mutya Orquia. Ito ay sa ilalim ng direksyon nina Jeffrey Jeturian at Mervyn Brondial.

Huwag palampasin ang engrandeng pagsisimula ngayong Lunes (Hulyo 9) ng pinakabagong afternoon viewing habit na tiyak mamahalin ng mga Pinoy, ang Be Careful With My Heart, araw-araw, bago mag It’s Showtime, sa Prime-Tanghali ng ABS-CBN.

Para sa karagdagang impormasyon, mag-log on sa www.abs-cbn.com o sundan ang @abscbndotcom sa Twitter.

***

Prima Donna!

HAHAHAHA! Nakatatawa naman daw ang mga eksena ng botox queen na aging actress na ‘to na maganda pa naman in fairness, bagama’t unti-unti nang lumulusog.

‘Yan kasi ang hirap kapag diet pills dependent ka lang. The very moment you discontinue taking them, and then you slowly go back to your old obese frame. Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway, real pain in the ass raw talaga on the set ang prima donnang aktres na ‘to.

As always, stock in trade na niya ang sandamukal niyang mga burloloys kapag nagri-report na sa set. Hahahaha!

Hitsurang dinala na niyang lahat ang kanyang mga kagamitan sa bahay pati microwave oven, among many others.

KSP siyang tunay kaya she has this need to flaunt her opulence for other people to gawk at or admire. Hahaha!

Anyway, naaning-aning daw ang isang employee ng network na kanyang pinagtatrabahuhan nang pumasyal ito sa set para sunduin ang young actor roon in connection with a prior commitment that he (the young actor) had committed himself into.

Bigla raw nagdramang masama kuno ang pakiramdam ng aktres at gusto raw nitong madaliin ang kanyang trabaho dahil any moment ay baka himatayin siya sa sakit na nararamdaman. Hahahahahahahaha!

Umarko raw talaga ang kilay ng gay employee dahil alam naman niyang ma-lingering lang ang ilang aging actress dahil hate na hate raw nitong pinaghihintay sa set ever. Hahahahahahahahaha!

To make a long story short, di nakapunta sa kanilang commitment ang young actor dahil nag-inarte nga ang primadonnang aging actress. Hahahahahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Mounting up ang excitement sa ‘The Healing’ nina ate Vi at Kim Chiu!

THIS early, grabe na ang excitement na dyini-generate ng Star Cinema suspense-horror movie nina Queenstar Vilma Santos at Kim Chiu.

People from all walks of life are simply raving over its impressive trailer, especially the one wherein Ate Vi appears to be gasping for breath while being strangled by a diabolically possessed Kim.

As a whole, avant garde ang approach ng multi-awarded director nitong si Chito S. Rono and it palpably shows in the finished product how committed he is as a director.

No wonder, of the many movie offers that have come her way, Queen star Vi has adroitly chosen the Star Cinema movie to be her comeback vehicle after being momentarily sidelined from the scene by virtue of her dizzying political commitments.

Bago kasi tanggapin niya ang isang offer, priority ni Ate Vi ang working script nito. It’s only after she has read it in its entirety that she’ll decide if and when she’s going to accept it or not.

Tapos na kasi sa bread trip ang misis ni Senator Ralph Recto. She now wants to do a prestige movie that only befits her lofty stature in the business.

“Kahit synopsis basta’t makita ko lang,” avers Governor Vi in one of our casual tete-a-tetes. “Kkung hindi pa ready ang working script, then a synopsis will do.”

Very, very right!

Magkaka-idea ka nga naman basing from the synopsis alone what kind of project is being offered to you.

Come to think of it, it’s more than about time that Ate Vi should become more meticulous in accepting movie offers. Legendary na ang kanyang staying power, dapat lang na di mga cheapie-cheaping projects ang i-offer sa  kanya.

Period. Bubonic na tsaka!

Hahahahahahahaha!

***

Pukpukan pala ang naging labanan nina Angel Locsin at Sam Pinto!

WENT to the wake of Ms. Claire dela Fuente’s mom a couple of days ago and we gathered from her that the recently concluded FHM’s 100 Sexiest Stars was purportedly a toast between Ms. Angel Locsin and her protegee Sam Pinto.

“Neck to neck talaga ang labanan,” she enthuses. “Honestly, up to the last minute ay ayaw talagang magpatalo ni Angel.

“She really gave a good fight and Sam and I waited with bated breath up to the last minute,” she asseverates.

“Contrary to other people’s expectations, hindi si Marian Rivera ang nakalaban ni Sam o kung sino pa man,” she further elaborates.

“Ang tindi rin ng effort ng kampo ni Angel and she gave Sam a hell of a fight.

“Mantakin mong barely one hundred thousand lang yata ang naging lamang ni Sam sa final ballot counting?

“Kung hindi rin nag-all-out ang supporters’ ng aking alaga, Angel Locsin would definitely win!” she opines.

Oh, well, baka naman next year ay makalamang na si Angel.

Anyway, nilinaw ni Ms. Claire ang isyung lumabas sa isang tabloid. “Sam didn’t say na hindi na siya masyadong mag-i-effort para makalusot naman ang iba,” she says with conviction. “Sam is still going to give her very best next year para maka-grandslam siya and from then on, elevated na siya sa hall of fame.”

Oo nga naman.

***

Bulag nga ba ang pag-ibig?

HAHAHAHAHA! Specialist at sa bagong ombre sa kanyang buhay.

Kung dati raw kasi ay babaero at macho gwapito ang bilmoko niyang boyfriend, this time naman, she is supposedly hooked with a gay man. Hahahahaha!

A gay man? Carry n’yo yon? Harharhar

Maybe the guy ? is still capable of getting it up since the aging personality is reportedly falling madly in lust (madly in lust daw, o! Hahahahaha!) with him at the moment.

And basing from the way he looks, he appears to be better endowed the natural way.

The natural way raw, o! Hakhakhak!

‘Yung isa kasi ay medyo may kapayatan ang churva at kinailangang punuin pa ng kanyang mama ng collagen chuvanes ang notrisyus nito para magkaroon ng bulk. Hakhakhak!

‘Yun nga lang, ombreng-ombre naman daw ang naunang karelasyon ng sikat na personalidad as compared rito sa ikalawa niyang involvement na, apart from being outlandishly effeminate, ay pustiso pa kuning!

Hahahahahahaha!

Ayokoooooh! Hakhakhakhak!

But love (or should I say lust? Hahahahahaha!) is blind and lovers cannot see.

Ang importante ay may reliever si mama ng kanyang hot keps (hot keps raw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!) and that’s all that purportedly matters.

Hahahahahahahahahaha!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our favorite showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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