Wala nang arrive ang maragul na nota!

DISMAYADO raw ang isang hunk actor na minsa’y naghari-harian sa isang sikat na network dahil sa abysmal ending ng kanyang showbiz career.

Kung during his heyday ay sunud-sunod ang kanyang magagandang projects rito, this time he needs to wait and practically cajole and beg before a new project would come along.

Predictably so, he’s no longer the lead actor and has to be contented with the supporting roles that are being thrown in his direction with cool nonchallance.

Hahahahahahahahahaahaha!

Dati-rati, he used to have the best and the most challenging part in a teleserye but now, he has to content himself with what is being offered.

Sabi nga niyan, beggars just can’t afford to be choosy.

Come to think of it, siya naman talaga ang may kasalanan sa mga nangyari sa kanya.

Masyado niyang inabuso ang kanyang mabait na benefactor to the point na sumuko na ito at nag-build-up na lang nang panibago.

Today, his once formidable dick (sooo haba and ooh sooo taba! Hahahahaha!) harbors no attraction any longer to his former lover who’s a lot happier with his new set (new set daw talaga, o! Hakhakhak!) of paramours who are a lot younger and fresher, too, at the tarugs department.. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

Kung llebo kwatro ka na nga naman ay iba na ang smell (iba na raw ang smell, o! Hakhakhak!) at staying power ng iyong tarugs. Hahahahahahaha!

Kung dati-rati’y ready and eager to fight ito (ready and eager to fight daw talaga, o! Hahahahahaha!) at the slightest provocation, now it needs a little more prodding than usual. Hakhakhak!

Indeed, the sweet bird of youth! Hahahahahahaha!

Whatever, oks pa rin naman si papa lalo na’t natuto na itong ayusing muli ang kanyang katawan, unlike before when he was moping and perpetually depressed. Hahahahahaha!

‘Yun na!

***

Pinipilihan pa rin si Ate Vi

SUPER touching di ba naman?

Queenstar Vilma santos has been around for some five decades now and yet her career is still fabulously burgeoning as ever.

Kita n’yo naman ang reception ng publiko sa kanyang pharmacy endorsement, hindi ba’t superfab lang naman?

Dahil dito, may mga nangungulit na naman kay Ate Vi kaya one of these days, she just might endorse a new product at on top of that, may renewal na naman sa rati niyang endorsement.

Laban kayo, Vilmanians? Hahahahahahaha!

When it rains, it indubitably pours kaya naman lalong nagbu-bloom ang beauty ni Ate Vi at 35. Hahahahahaha!

Carry n’yo ‘yan? Hahahahahahahahaha! The other night na lang, while I was busy meeting my neverending deadlines, guest sa cinema ni Kuya Boy Abunda si Ms. Amy Austria at nang tanungin ito kung sino ang kanyang fave actress, buong ningning nitong sinabing si Ate Vi. Hahahahahahahaha!

Ikaw na talaga, Ate Vi!

The long fight between her and another formidable actress is now over and, predictably so, she has emerged as the winner. Hahahahahaha!

Palabas na nga pala on the 25th of July ang The Healing nina Ate Vi at Kim under Star Cinema at ngayon palang, aligagang-aligaga na ang mga dyed-in-the wool Vilmanians on how to give her the kind of support that she deserves.

Dapat lang! After all, the famed Batangas governor has been most supportive and loving of her Vilmanians in the many years that she’s been in the business.

***

Hindi Ka Na Mag-Iisa, wagi sa unang episode!

LAST Monday, umere ang initial episode ng pinakabagong afternoon drama series ng GMA, ang Hindi Ka Na Mag-Iisa. It topbills Jennylyn Mercado and Sid Lucero in the role both of them are very much at home with. Maganda ang naging pagtanggap ng mga manonood sa pagbubukas ng serye sa Afternoon Prime pagkatapos nitong makakuha ng mataas na ratings sa pilot episode mula sa data ng Nielsen TV Audience Measurement.

Based from the overnight household data of National Urban Philippines last July 9, it’s been able to garner a perfectly impressive 35.3 share points compared to its rival soaps from other networks.

Sa Urban Luzon, Hindi Ka Na Mag-Iisa has purportedly been able to register a whopping 39.2 points, while within the Mega Manila, it’s been able to get a perfectly impressive 40.3 points.

Sa unang linggo ng Hindi Ka Na Mag-Iisa, nakatakda ng ikasal si Maita (Gyldel Mercado) at si Bernard (Lloyd Samartino) ngunit nung inamin na ni Maita na anak niya si Elisa (Jennylyn Mercado), hindi na rin siya umaasang pakakasalan pa siya nito. Bagama’t hindi matanggap ni Bernard si Elisa, handa pa rin naman itong pakasalan si Maita upang panagutan ang kanilang magiging anak. Ipapayo ni Bernard na ilihim nila ang lahat kay Dona Asuncion (Liza Lorena) at mas maiging ipaampon na rin nila si Elisa. Hindi naman papayag si Maita kaya tuluyan na itong makikipaghiwalay kay Bernard.

But things would have some drastic change when Elisa had an accident. Out of necessity, tatawagan ni Maita si Bernard upang humingi ng tulong para sa kanyang anak. Bernard was more than willing to help but he was asking Maita to forget her daughter in exchange of some financial help that he would be dishing out.

Abangan kung ano ang mangyayari sa mag-inang Maita at Elisa ngayong linggo sa Hindi Ka Na Mag-Iisa, pagkatapos ng Eat Bulaga sa GMA Afternoon Prime.

***

Nawalan ng appeal dahil regular?

SO VERY amusing naman ang chika tungkol sa tarugs ng isang male singer/actor na almost balding na in so young an age. Hahahahahahaha!

Ang chika ng mga vaklung, baka raw nalugas ang buhok ng alternative artist na ‘to ay dahil sa kasasabunot ng mga vaklung at babaeng nakaeksena niya sa kama. Hahahahahahahaha!

How amusing!

Anyway, sad daw ito dahil wah pansin na siya ng isang super supsuperang gay personality lately.

Whereas before they used to be chummy and exceedingly sweet, these days the promiscuous gay’s vision is focused on a lot of men of his liking. Hahahahahahaha!

Oo nga’t magaling daw sa kama (tumitirik raw talaga before ang mga mata ng vaklung dahil sa fabled sexual expertise nu’ng ombre..Hahahahaha!) pero sa rami raw ng mga willing and able to make the promiscuous gay titillated in bed, nawalan na raw ng arrive ang regular (regular lang daw, o! Hakhakhak!) na nota ni kuya.

How so very sad! Hakhakhakhakhakhak!

Kunsabagay, mawawalan nga ng arrive ang novelty ng tarugs mo kung ganyang lahat na lang yata ng mga lalaki ay very much willing na magpa-fellatio sa rica-rica mong mudra. Hahahahahahaha!

Naku naman, di kaya biglang malunok niya tuloy ang kanyang dentures? Hahahahahahahaha!

Ayaw ni Bungalya, da AC/DC churva. Hahahahahahaha!

Anyway you look at it, size is might and that’s veritably true! Hahahahahahaha!

***

Introducing Big Jack!

HE’S a hunk or a sexy actor that will take your breath away with their good looks and bigger than life image. Big Jack is just an ordinary dude but he’s fast becoming a much sought-after underwear model in America today.

Take a look at his endowments. Hahahahahahahaha!

Now you know where his name has come from. Hahahahahahahaha!

As always, bawal magtikol! Hahahahahahahahaha!

***

Barbie Forteza & Bea Binene step into the world of Luna Blanca

AFTER taking viewers to the magical yet colorful world of the mystical twin sisters Luna and Blanca during their childhood years, the Kapuso series now enters its second book with the introduction of the teen characters in GMA’s first multigenerational drama on primetime TV.

As the characters of Jillian Ward and Mona Louise Rey in the first generation come to an end, Luna Blanca welcomes the teen personalities who will play the covered roles of Luna and Blanca in the second generation, two of the most popular Tween stars of the Kapuso Network, Barbie Forteza and Bea Binene.

Beginning July 16, Bea as the dark-skinned Luna and Barbie as the fair-skinned Blanca continue the journey of the twin sisters as they enter their adolescent years. In this generation, Luna and Blanca will not only hurdle the distance between their separate lives but also become more deeply involved in dealing with love and their relationship with family and friends.

Spicing up Bea and Barbie’s lives are the characters of Derrick Monasterio and Kristoffer Martin.

Derrick plays the role of Kiko, the boy from the slum community in Payatas who will become close friends with Blanca. They will grow up together and Kiko will develop special feelings for Blanca.

Though he is jealous of Blanca and Joaquin’s closeness, he will do everything to win her heart.

Kristoffer is Joaquin/Aki, a popular singer who becomes Luna’s defender and confidant. He is Divine’s brother but unlike her who despises Luna, Aki would always protect and look after her. Luna secretly loves him but his heart belongs to Blanca. Joaquin’s relationship with Luna and Blanca threatens to cause a rift between the twin sisters.

Joining the second generation are the new characters associated with Luna and Blanca including seasoned actress and TV director Gina Alajar as Nida, Donya Consuelo’s helper who will adopt Luna and raise her as her own daughter; Allan Paule as Crispin, Nida’s husband and Donya Consuelo’s driver; Yassi Pressman as Kate, Joaquin’s singing partner; Ryza Cenon as Ashley, Divine and Joaquin’s sister.
Playing equally vital roles are Raymart Santiago as Luis, Camille Pratts as Rowena, Chynna Ortaleza as Divine, Marissa Delgado as Doña Consuelo; and Buboy Villar as Samboy, the son of Nida and Crispin.

How will the separate lives of Luna and Blanca affect their relationship? When the time comes and their paths cross again, will the sisters be able to reconnect with each other? What will be Rowena’s reaction when she finds out that Luis already married Divine? Will Joaquin’s admiration for Blanca destroy the relationship of the twin sisters?

Under the direction of Dominic Zapata, witness how Barbie Forteza and Bea Binene begin their journey towards discovering their identities, family ties as well as their first loves and first heartbreaks in Luna Blanca beginning July 16 on GMA Telebabad.

***

Sarah G. should slim down!

KUNG talent ang pag-uusapan, there is no doubt that Ms. Sarah Geronimo has it.

Inasmuch as her voice has ceased to be that formidable and the finest in the field of entertainment, it still has charisma and a quality so unique, people from all walks of life are still riveted to it.

Ang magiging problema talaga ni Sarah kung hindi niya agad-agad maa-arrest, ay ang paglobo niya lately na hindi na cinematic ang dating.

Nito na nga lang ipakita ang ilang footage sa kanyang Araneta Coliseum concert ay kitang-kita ang kanyang pananaba na not that good to look at on cam.

Kung ang madir niyang si Mommy Divine ay napananatili ang kanyang svelte figure in spite of her age, why not naman Sarah who’s only 24?

Naku, ning, put a stop to your ignominious food-tripping episode before you become bloated as an elephant.

Hahahahahahahahaha!

From the way you’re looking now at your well-followed Sarah G Live at ABS CBN, obesity is fast catching up with you, it’s imperative that you should do something drastic about it so that your svelte figure would once again return.

Hindi kami nanglalait, huh? Concern lang kami sa ‘yo dahil labs ka namin.

Period!

***

Send in those sizzling stories that you know about our fave showbiz personalities at pete_ampoloquio@yahoo.com and #09994269588, #09276557791 and #09223870129 and read them here.

And with that, ito po ang kuya Pete ninyo na nagsasabing, Christopher, my son, I love you very, very much, my love for you goes beyond eternity.

Adios. Mabalos. I always need you, Nong!

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